Monday, December 30

Joy and Gratitude, Even On A Stressful Day 12/30/13

No, these people did not help me move nor
 is this a picture of the inside of my house.
Besides, we wore jeans.
       Good evening,

How are you?  I've been busy, moving, today.  Something I haven't done in years.  But, I'm glad.  The venue is

Friday, December 27

Codependency 12/27/13

My Gratitudes for Friday: 

1.  I'm thankful for this year.  I've had many wonderful adventures and have met many kind and thoughtful people.  I love my life.   
2. I like having my mind challenged. No two days are the same.
3.  I appreciate that each day, each week, each month and each season, I grow. I am not the same person I was

Wednesday, December 25

A Christmas Musical Treat 12/25/13


 
       Back to Christmas. I leave this with you as a treat for this special holiday.  Please click on the image above and take in the passionate performance of

Tuesday, December 24

Thoughts On Someone Who Tried to Intimidate 12/24/13

      Hello it's me.  My previous post captures my Christmas thoughts.  This post has nothing to do with the holiday.  I'm sharing a recent experience with a client I'll call "Bob."

      It was interesting being with a violently hostile person.  He used several approaches, justifying behavior that is not in his or his family's

My Favorite Christmas Story 12/24/13

Taken from my favorite Christmas book,
The Christ Child, Illustrated by Miska and
 Maud Petersham 
     Wishing you a Merry Christmas.  I hope each guest of this inn has a lovely day.  I know I will.

     What is Christmas?  Nope, it isn't about gifts.  It's about one Gift,

Sunday, December 22

My Second Favorite Christmas Story 12/22/13

     In keeping with our countdown for Christmas, I'm presenting this story.  If you missed the previous season-related tale, my third favorite, you can find it here.  

     I wrote this in 2011, presenting it on Christmas Eve.  I'm making it a tradition, bringing it out last year and this.  Many of you may not be familiar with it, not being guests back then.  The story calls to mind the meaning of this season.  If you have kids, you might be fun sharing it with them.

    Wishing you a peaceful and loving Christmas,  The Innkeeper

                         ***********************************
     Please gather round the fireplace that warms this inn.  You've been frazzled by the siren call of Madison Avenue, QVC, the Home Shopping Network, Radio Shack, Best Buy and commercials about Macy's.  You may be overwhelmed

Saturday, December 21

My Third Favorite Christmas Story 12/21/13

WWII Photo of the Ardennes Forest
     Good morning, one and all. I hope life is treating you well. For many, this is a frantic and materialistic season.       
             
       Needn't be so.  In the inn, we're having a countdown for the biggest day of this month.  For this, and the next two days, stories I've written related to this season, will attempt to

Thursday, December 19

The Telling Quality of A Safe Person. Also, Time With a Son, Revisited.

My son and I ate at IHOP.  The only place open late. I had
lemon chicken  My son ate this along with bacon and sausage.
      Good evening everyone. The gratitudes posted are today's, as well as my comments about Safe People.  The part about character, is something posted before.  I hope you're enjoying this Christmas season.

Gratitudes: 
1. I'm glad God allows me to see beyond my perspective.
2. I'm happy observing God at work in and through my life. It's a privilege, being able to serve others, making my life count.
"I submit to you that if a man has not discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."  Martin Luther King, Jr.
3. I celebrated someone's birthday today, treating him to dinner.  I love the connection, honesty and authenticity we shared together.

        The past month, with clients, I've unveiled material developed over the past three months.  It's about bonding, creating community, Safe and Unsafe People, including information about barriers that preventing connection with others at the soulish level.  I thinking about sharing some of this information with you, my guests to this inn.

        Helping others is deeply satisfying.  The material is creating clarity and they are tentatively bumping up their friendships to a deeper, more fulfilling level---to that of a Safe Person.

        Many that I work with thought their friends were such a person.  I ask if these people know the intense, inner struggles they are wrestling with, the depression they battle or the fears that still plague them. Without exception, the answer has been no.

        When we have a Safe Person in our lives, they are aware of these vulnerable areas. And are there, supporting us, loving us, even when we are at our most psychotic, unattractive and vulnerable.

********

We Reveal Our Character with Every Breath

    The other night, I had dinner with my oldest son.  It's deeply satisfying seeing him develop as a young man. I celebrated with him that he is finishing college this quarter
.
     I loved the heart-felt laughter and the warmth shared between us. He revealed what's going on in his life.  I'm glad he's forgiven me for my ineptitude as a young father. Being the oldest, he was the guinea pig when I practiced my initial attempts at parenting.

    Watching him yesterday, from across the table, as we ate, my mind transposed to the image of the cute little boy with chubby cheeks I used to play with. Now, his hair is receding. He's university educated and the president of an organization.

    He had a midterm today, Monday, and a paper due, also. Yet, he made time for dear old dad, last night. Thanks son, for loving me as much as you do.
"Many think they reveal their character by their words and their overt actions. Not knowing that we reveal our character or lack of it, in every breath we take."          Ralph Waldo Emerson
     Thank you, son, that as you rubbed your bacon into the strawberry sauce that covered your pancakes and smiled at me----as you chewed and swallowed it----you said more to me than words could express. You allowed me, once again, to see the impish little boy I once knew.

     Thanks for making time, so we could talk and enjoy the bond we have. I'm proud of you and cherish you as a son.

 Gratitude number four:  I'm honored that my three sons want me as their friend.

Tuesday, December 17

Creating New Material---Having Fun 12/7/13

Image: "Cumbria: Mountain Gateway" by Tim Blessed.
Copyrighted photo. Used by permission. 
    Good morning.
Monday night, I worked and here I am, later than normal.   How are you?  I'm tired but happy.  Material that my clients want---how to

Sunday, December 15

Latest Adventure

Not my bike, but it gives you the idea.
 I don't have fenders
     Hello everyone.

I just got in from watching the new Hobbit movie. While enjoying the film, someone stole the back wheel to my bike, as it was locked up to a pole on Park Street, in front of the Blue Danube cafe.  Yikes!

     A young policeman took the report and gave the rest of the bike and me a ride home.  It would have been a mini challenge, carting it home by myself, with a laptop and books attached to the rear rack.

     I still think I'll watch the Niners game later, this morning with my family.  Afterwards, I'll see about getting a new wheel and tire. Wow.   How's that for a how-do-you-do?

     What am I grateful for?
1.  For perspective.  If a stolen wheel is the worst for this week, I'm doing well. For not allowing the petty things of life to detract from all the riches and blessings my life has.
2.  For the kind help from the police officer.
3.  For my health and happiness. They can never be robbed. I still have them.

     I'll check in with you later.

       A surprised innkeeper

Saturday, December 14

The Ebb and Flows of This Week

   Good evening, everyone.  I'm sitting inside of Peet's Coffee on Park St., waiting for the new Hobbit movie to start over at the Alameda Theater, at 10:20, tonight. The 9:25 p.m. showing was sold out.  I'm meeting with a friend.  Time to give myself a mental break.

   How are you handling the holiday season?  I'm doing well. Tomorrow, my day will be easier than normal, allowing me to catch a Niners game. Ya ay! I'll watch it in San Leandro, with my family, at the Englander's Sport Bar and Restaurant.

    Here it is, Saturday.  You know the routine.  Time for sharing the high and low point for this concluding week. Here are mine:

High Points: 
1.  Keeping my sanity in the midst of competing demands.
2.  Seeing God at work in those I serve.
3.  Spending time, writing.  I'm developing material to help others find and develop Balcony/Safe People in their lives.  I'll use it this upcoming week. If I hear enough interest, I may post it here. What do you think?
4.  I've found a satisfactory place for me to stay in Alameda, as I look for a more long-term solution.
5.  Today was my day off. Thank God for rest.

Low Point: 
1.  I routinely relate with an unhappy person who is not nice.  His affect and character doesn't disturb me much, but it would be better if he was kind. I'm glad I'm not externally referented.

How About You? 
What are your high and low points for this week?


Tuesday, December 10

A Happy Innkeeper 12/10/13


      Good evening, one and all.  How you be?  The week has been sensa-tional.  Better, my relationships are sustaining me,  even while I'm pressed on all sides.

My Gratitudes for Tonight:
1.  Balance.  After hectic days, I'm making time for

Sunday, December 8

Highs and Lows 12/08/13

   Hello, how are you?

Thanks for dropping by.  I'll share the highs and lows for the past week, something I'm wont to do on weekends.

High Points for This Week:
1.  I've had a rich time with special friends, especially on Wednesday.  The acceptance, appreciation, belonging, caring and closeness we

Thursday, December 5

Not Going It Alone: Getting Support 12/05/13

    Good evening,

I liked what I wrote last night.  I can't top it. That's okay. My best for this evening will be good enough.
Have you taken time to thank God? You'll be glad you did. 
A home in my neighborhood
Not Alone While Weathering a Emotional Storm
         Yesterday, I spoke with my friend Charli while strolling through my neighborhood for an hour. She's in her seventies, whose insights I respect. A notepad and pen were on hand, while I walked and wrung wisdom from this wonderful woman.

          She's the definition of pithiness.  Jotting down her comments

Wednesday, December 4

Calmness In the Eye of the Storm, Part V.................. 12/4/13

       Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from 
     your own actions [and I would add, choices]. Dalai Lama 
        I am relating with an un-friendly man.

       He is unhappy and an emotional vampire.   As a child he suffered abuse.  His face is the mask of pained anger.  It is what you see in portraits of Beethoven.

        Both were chil-dren of an alcoholic.  (See footnote for the source of Beethoven's anger.)  This unhappy person suffers from the malady that afflicted the composer.  He has tinnitus---constant ringing in his ears.

        It is a result of persistent screaming he endured from his mother while young.

        Over the past two years and four months this person has transformed.  He's gone from being mildly civil and occasionally nice to just plain mean.  The other day he issued a written com-mand.

        I was incredu-lous.  I live in the United States.  I am not accustomed to others telling me what I can or cannot do.  I was certain I misunderstood.

         I hadn't.

         I told him I would not com-ply.  He used classic Anglo Saxon words.  My need for respect, tran-quility were violated.  That was disappointing because I was kind towards him during our interaction.

        When he uttered obscenities, I told him, "We'll talk when we can discuss this issue as adults."  I excused myself and left.

          It is not our job to please unpleasant people.  

         We don't need the applause of others to feel good about ourselves.  Emotional constancy---is the fullness of love re-ceived from Balcony People.  It sustains us during tough times.  We can count on it.

       Not caving in to emotion-al abuse allows us to maintain our equanim-ity.  Even when what is spewed out at us is nasty sewage.  Ninety-six percent of our population is codependent.  It is surrender-ing our values because we fear the anger or rejection of another.

         This fellow's biting remarks normally hits its mark.  Ninety-six percent of the time he causes others to react.  Not me.

          But for codependents, tension usually gets their buttons pushed.  The nature of codependents is pleasing angry people.  We do not have to.  In fact, it  only makes matters worst, when we submit to emotional tyrants.  We enable them.

        Instead, it is better using emotional aikido.  When we do, we avoid bullish behavior.

         With recovery, we maintain our serenity when con-fronted with an intimidating face.

          Given the silent treatment can be ig-nored.  It is seen for what it is. Manipula-tion.  It is an attempt at controlling us.

          We can move be-yond codependency.  Recovery makes it possible to not yield to others. We do not ignore our needs.  When we respect others, we equally respect our wants, too.

          Recovery prevents us from living in the margin of our lives.   We are internally referented.  When relating with angry people we stay in our power.  We remain true to our values.

    We can stand for ourselves without standing against oth-ers.  We feel the enormity of our emotions.  But we are not over-whelmed by them.

       Recovery allows us to say our "no" as gently as our yes.  We don't get triggered by others.  We are not re-sponsible for other people's emotions.

       It's nice knowing that the behavior of others is a statement about them, not us.  We can be glad we are not externally refer-ented.

My Gratitudes:

1.  I'm happy that I am thriving while suffering loss----loss of respect, dignity and kindness from another, the emotional Beethoven in my life.
2.  I'm encouraged joy is not related to how others treat me.

Witnessing a Beautiful Scene
      I've been working with one person for nine months. She's quiet in social settings.  I knew she was elo-quent.  The problem was she doesn't believe in herself.

      Tonight, she spoke at a gathering. She did so, impeccably.  I couldn't stop the tears that flowed as I watched her smile and speak of the growth she's enjoying.  I was so proud of her.

Serenity, Community and Joy
Applying Healthy Principles When Relating With Others

       I was touched by an amazing time.  I met with seven friends to-night. It was uplifting, being with positive others.They apply practical, recovery literature in their lives.

      The people gathered respect Al-Anon Family Group principles.  These guidelines have gone from being information to wisdom applied each day.  The knowledge has moved from the head to the heart.

       Each person who attended tonight are overcoming their vulnera-bilities, strengthening their character.
"We admitted that we are powerless over alcohol [in another], that our lives had become unmanageable."                                                  Step One
      Tonight was soothing. I nurtured me.  I was at an Al-Anon Family Group meeting.  We discussed Step One.  It reminds us it is not our job to change others.

      We are powerless over alcohol's grip on loved ones.

      We learn to take care of ourselves.  We handle the havoc alcoholism creates in our lives. Boundaries are used to deal with bombastic or out-of-control personalities.

      We use creative ways to overcome tension.

      We learn how to deal with the rage of others.  We do not take on the shame of the alco-holic or that of anyone who troubles us.  The behavior of another is never a statement about us.

       This step has another perspective, too.  It's not our right to dissect others.  We don't judge those who trouble us.  Nor do we do we gossip about them. We do not violate their anonymity.

      That is not keeping the focus on ourselves.

       In recovery, we learn to not let others rent territory in the property of our minds. Their behavior or values are not our issues.

      We can substitute the word alcohol, in this step, with any other situation.  The book, Hope for Today, p. 164, in Al-Anon Family Group literature says so.  We can admit our powerlessness over our fear, anxiety, depression or anything else.

      Like the rudeness of others.  Or our procrastinating tendencies. Detaching, kindly is often the answer.  Especially in our relationships with difficult others.   The acronym for this word is: Don't Even Think About Changing Him/Her (or the situation).

      If the issue involves ourselves, we do our best to apply healthy al-ternatives.  We turn our struggles over to God.  We rely upon Him for the results.
We entrust the growth or welfare of another to God.  We don't evaluate those who disturb us.  Even when we are certain they are wrong.  It is impor-tant remembering all judgments are never experienced.
  
        They are imagined.
      Our job is seeing what we can do to have the life we seek.  We keep the focus on us.  Compassion is way better.

       Even for the Beethovenish guy mentioned above. Our life can be dif-ficult.  If we don't detach from unpleas-ant behavior.

"Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change.  And when we are right, make us easy to live with."    Peter Marshall
How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today?  I'd love hearing them.  You contribute to the community we have here, when you post what makes you glad and upbeat.

Footnote: The Rest of the Story
    Beethoven's father was a minor musician, often staying out, late at taverns, getting drunk. Frequently, the young composer's father trotted friends from the tavern to the home, at two or three in the morning. Ludwig would be awakened, his parent demanding he perform for the guests.

     Play he would.  And how. If, however, the young boy made a single wrong note, he was tossed down the cellar stairs, locked inside for the night.

     Now you know this, and other abuse he received from a bombastic, narcissistic father---and the chaos he endured as a child----was cause for his serious mug. 

Monday, December 2

Highs and Lows for Last Week. What Are Yours? 12/2/13

      Good evening everyone,

Yes, I've been absent for awhile, longer than normal. I slowed down for the holidays.  On Thanksgiving Day, until 11:45 p.m.,  I didn't have

Thursday, November 28

Perspective On This Most Important Day ..11/28/13


       Dear Guests to the Attitude of Gratitude Inn:

       The message in today's illustration resonates with the innkeeper.  Nonetheless, I appreciate today's focus: gratitude and thanksgiving.  Each home in the United States becomes

Wednesday, November 27

The Biggest Day for This Inn Arrives Tomorrow 11/27/13

“Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine  perception.  Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude.  Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.”      John Henry Jowett        

       How are you?

Thank you for dropping by this inn of encouragement and praise.  What thanks have you?   Of all the days of the year, tomorrow will be

Tuesday, November 26

Boundaries: A Sanity Saver 11/26/13

    Good evening everyone,  I'm bumping this up.  I wrote this in July of 2011.  Let me know what you think. 

She's not opening her
mouth for a dental checkup
         It was a dramatic day, today.  I prefer avoiding them, when possible.  An intriguing conversation with someone I almost did business with, took place this afternoon; thank God for intuition---we need to

Saturday, November 23

An Enriched Life, Full of Love 11/23/13

 
          Hi there.  Today was a good day that was busy early in the morn, demanding by 8:30 a.m., when I spoke, and improved by the hour, as the day moved forward, until I crashed.

          I spoke,

Friday, November 22

A Wonderful Morning. The Innkeeper Is Checking In 11/22/13

        Good evening, everyone.  The best conversation in my life,  was had this morning. Yes, you heard that right.  It was better than expected---and I anticipated a

Being Tested 11/22/13

    Good morning, everyone. How are you?  Thank you, for dropping by.  How was your week?  Mine was difficult, but good. Am I glad for the many who

Wednesday, November 20

Enjoying Life, Even When Busy

The Fremont hills, where I grew up. 
     The pace of my life has picked up.  I'm seeing more clients, spending time with admin-istrative work and now, preparing for my talk on Satur-day, "Thriving While Suffering Loss."  Times like these require taking care of self by

Sunday, November 17

A Big Week

     This week will be great.  I'm thankful for that.  Saturday, I'm speaking at an event in San Leandro.  Can't wait.  I'll need to

Thursday, November 14

Life's Vicissitudes, Not All Are Bad 11/14/13

"Be aware of wonder.  Live a balanced life---learn
some and think some and draw and paint and sing
and dance and play and work ever day some."
Robert Fulgham
Image: "Switzerland: Autumn In the Mountains"
by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo. Use by permission. 
     Good evening,

Twenty minutes ago I woke up from a long nap.  Wow.  Life has been an amazing oppor-tunity for applying balance.  I've encountered insanity by others, no, not with my clients.  It was balanced by

Tuesday, November 12

Celebrating Life and True Friends 11/12/13

A good friend is hard to find, hard
to lose and impossible to forget."
Image: "England: Norhamptonshire-Harvest Path" 
by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo. Used by permission
      Has it been fun.  I'm serious.  (I don't use sarcasm.)  My heart is singing, it has been filled with

Saturday, November 9

The Brightening Power of Joy In a Darkened World, Including The Property of Our Mind ...........11/9/13

Joy is the bright spot within our mind when we're surrounded by the darkened world
 of difficulties. It is attitudinal, not externally based upon circumstances.    See below. 
My Gratitudes for Today:
Gratitude for Negative People

1.  For enjoying peace, even when relating with difficult, moody, gloomy people, and I'm not talking about clients.  Unhappy others---the Eeyores of my life---highlight the benefits of

Thursday, November 7

God Does the Work, All We Have to Do Is Ask, Revised 11/7/13

        I wrote this in July of 2011.  Many of you may not have read it, as most of you were not around, back then.  I updated it, along with the gratitudes.  Please let me know your response.

        Wishing you a great and grateful day, The Innkeeper

****************

        I'm grateful that areas in our lives needing improvement get better when we turn them over to God.  Progress does not occur by working harder, or thinking positively, despite what the self-help books proclaim.  Sorry,

Wednesday, November 6

Freedom From Other People's Judgment, Revisited 11/6/13

   I'm bumping this up, originally written 10/14/11
"I have been young, and now I am old; yet have I not
seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread."
  Psalms 37:25
“When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her
 humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward
    gratitude."     Elie Wiesel
        How are you? I'll get to today's subject in just a minute, after today's gratitudes.  But first...........
A Provision Perspective that Promotes Peace 
     In this weak economy many are anxious about their financial security. I realize that neither my income nor my job are the source of my provision:

Monday, November 4

Where the Innkeeper Has Been and a Review of the Past Month 11/4/13

"Peace comes not from the absence of conflict, but
from our ability to cope with it."  Dorothy Thomas
        Hi there.  Busily, I've been working.  My practice is growing.  The work I do is a pleasure.  More importantly, I love that I'm

Wednesday, October 30

The Greatest Compliment 10/30/13

         Great day.  I look forward to more Wednesday nights like today.  It was a joyful, sweet time with eighteen friends.  It included humor, plenty of smiles, relating with individuals who were not narcissistic, nor presented themselves as victims.  Instead, we bonded over victories enjoyed over the past week.  What a refreshing change from the past three weeks.  I'm celebrating the happiness this day brought by letting you in on

Tuesday, October 29

Great Memories Created and the Source for Boldness and Confidence, When Tried By Unpleasant Others 10/29/13

View while cruising in my son's car along the Silverado
 Trail in the Napa Valley, on our way to Angwin
     Good evening everyone.  How are you?  So many good things have happened since the last time I've written.  Where do I start??  Well, here's one story......

Saturday, October 26

Life Affirming Relationships, How We Get Them 10/26/13

Like the slow unfurling of flowers that feel the warm presence of the sun, so is the growth of a true friendship.
Concrete Conversation 

         I had dinner with a group of men.  I know the routine, what it's like, being with men.  It was interesting hearing men converse for an hour and a half.  Everything discussed was

Friday, October 25

Creating a Better Today, Revisited 10/25/13

         I'm bumping this up.  I wrote this 5/31/11.  I'm taking it easy tonight. I'm preparing for my trip tomorrow, heading out to Napa, cycling.  Keep this place open with your posted gratitudes. I'd love hearing yours.

        A friend I've know for several decades-----a Balcony Person in my life, and I got together for lunch the other day.  We discussed moving beyond pretense, the freedom when facing our vulnerabilities, overcoming them with healthy alternatives. The following are a few suggestions.

Thursday, October 24

Relating With The Emotionally Fevered 10/24/13

Napa Valley, where I'll be cycling tomorrow. 
A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superior-ity; and you must deal with him from that point of view.   Alfred Adler
     Good evening everyone, a special welcome to all new guests to this inn!  This afternoon, when not busy with sessions, I immersed myself in

Wednesday, October 23

Life Is Better Than Good, It's Great! 10/23/13

    Good evening everyone.  How are you?  I'm doing well, better than normal. My workday lasted 13 hours and it seemed like

Saturday, October 19

Taking Risk, Enjoying the Benefits

     Good evening everyone, I found this laying around in the attic of this cozy inn.  I'm bumping it up.   Let me know your thoughts.

Here it is:
      I hope you are enjoying your day.  If not, you are at the right place.  Having an Attitude of Gratitude helps.  It moves us forward.  For more information, read here.  It's best seeing what can be done and bask in the good, than living with regret and fear.  

       Fear is self-sabotaging.  Here are some thoughts about this subject.  May they help us face our fears and master them. 
Part of my growth has involved reversing some old ways of thinking.  It had been my habit of avoiding painful feelings and situations, to play it safe and keep away from risk.  But life involves one risk after another, and pain is unavoidable.  Life is learning to accept what is.
Instead of running away, I'm learning to look at the source of my distress.  As a result, I find that pain passes much more quickly, and what I gain is freedom from fear.  I can learn to take an honest look at myself and my situation.  I can reach out to a supportive friend, God, prayer, and meet with others who care to help me to find the courage to deal with fear, pain, and risk. 
When I was avoiding taking risks, fear was always with me, just over my  shoulder. Now I go through it and come out the other side, often unscathed. I no longer have to keep a constant watch for dangers.   Instead, I can occupy myself with living.
Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life.
'Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'     Helen Keller
"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."    William Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure"Act 1 scene 4
        These last words were spoken more than four hundred years ago.  They ring true today.  I see progress when placing principles above not only my personality, but fear. 

         This sometimes happen by living life in smaller increments, like fifteen minutes at a time, placing one foot in front of the other, doing what's necessary, seeking God's will. His power allows me to carry it out.  Next, I B-R-E-A-T-H-E !  I repeat this routine for the next fifteen minutes,  and the next, and so on.

          It helps having friends and family who provide support.  Serenity is enjoyed because I no longer need to make decisions or take action alone.  I'm in braided relationships with wise, emotionally healthy and discerning others who have my back. 

          On the airplane of life, my dear ones help me move forward. I step out, taking the plunge, doing the next right thing, no matter how scarey it is.  My Balcony People remind me I have positive options. The parachute of principles hold me afloat, as I soar towards my goals.

 How About You? 
What is a challenge you are facing? 

        For me, it's dealing with someone who's trying to undermine me. I tackling this problem while maintaining balance. I don't want others to distract me from the Great Big Life God has for me. 
        May your day be bold and fearless.

Wednesday, October 16

Applying Grace and Principles Above My Personality 10/16/13

Yorkshire countryside. Lovely. Doris, you were fortunate. 
     Good evening.  The day was hot and so were several people who spoke tonight, when I met with friends.

My Gratitudes for Tonight:
1.  Tonight, I heard two women vent.

     They presented themselves as victims, expressing their feelings.  Actually, what was voiced were not feelings but judgments.  See here for more about that.  It was fascinating and saddening at the same time to behold this happening among a group of friends.

      I was glad to hear their complaints.  It allowed me to know their character, and note growth in mine.  Their comments revealed their worldview and values.  I'm not in agreement with them.  Their litany of accusations prompted discretion, patience, grace, causing me to place character above the vulnerable parts of my personality, including anger.

     After the meeting, two different women---a mother and her adult daughter---approached me. They addressed me because they felt I was the safest person to discuss their concerns about what they heard.  That was a wonderful respite from the toxicity that was poured out by the two disgruntled women.
2.  I'm exhausted.  I'm tired because of long hours I'm putting in, working, seeing plenty of people.  It's a good problem, especially in today's rough economy.  I'm thankful for the abundance. However, I'm striving for balance, which means, sleep, rest, time for myself, study, prayer and then more sleep.
3.  I'm glad I don't accept unacceptable behavior.  Nowadays, there's confusion as to what are acceptable values.  I'm glad I'm clear about mine.

      Others don't have to agree with mine, at all.  But I will remain true to standards that I hold dear: consistency, nonviolence, consideration, mutuality, sensitivity, integrity, responding, not reacting, cooperation and affirming the gift of life and those I know.

      I show empathy, even with those I disagree---like at this evening's meeting----because I know that empathy does not mean agreement.  It simply indicates I'm connecting with the feelings and needs of the person with whom I'm relating, be he friend or foe.

Related Post: 
Maintaining Emotional Sobriety. 

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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