Not Taking the Short Stick of Life. I Deserve Better..... 8/13-14

 Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.                               Denis Waitley

      I give up.  A circumstance worse than being the twentieth person in line at a checkout stand in a supermarket---with each person before me having fifty items---has no appeal.  Reading the National Enquire of disappointment while waiting for life to improve,  no longer interests me.   I do not like feeling so low I could go outside and play handball against the curb.  I have reached the frazzled end of the rope of my patience.

     Recently, I was knocked back, by the bullets of reality. Facing the firing squad of truth terminated several hopes and dreams.  Now, I am moving forward, unencumbered by the anchor of codependency.  Tolerating unneeded frustration is a no no.  Codependency is surrendering our values and opinions because of fear towards

Calmness and Joy In the Midst of An Emotional Storm, Part II, Revisited 10/12/13

  How are you?

Today, I rested.  Was it needed. So many good things happen in my life, am I lucky.  I met with seven new clients this week.  Each session was amazing.  I love that I'm able to serve others, continuing my role as an innkeeper, assisting others, especially those mangled by abuse and self-loathing.

       I'm bumping up the following post,  written last year on the 10th of this month.  Let me hear you responses, I value your insights.  Here it is:

*****************

      The past few months have been inspiring, a time of characterological growth and learning.  More importantly, its been a season where I've seen the value of

A Thankful Perspective: The Antidote to Despair: We Become Better, Not Bitter .........11/9/12

Knowing joy during dark times is like the sun penetrating through a rainstorm

Image: "Revealed" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo, all rights reserved. 

        It's been raining the past two days.  Stress sneaks up and grabs me, if I'm not careful.  The nature of my work will take an emotional and spiritual toll, if I don't

I Choose Life. I Have Control Over How I Respond To Life's Circumstances ...................7/10/12

We must never forget that we may also find meaning
in life even when confronted with a hopeless situat-
ion,when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For
what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely
human potential at its best, which is to transform a
personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's pre-

         dicament into human achievement. 

         When we are no longer able to change the situa-
         tion---just think of an incurable disease such as 
         inoperable cancer--we are challenged to change 
         ourselves.      Viktor Frankl

        If I'm not care-ful, the moth of my unhealthy self is at-tracted to flame of those who want to deplete my energy.

        I'm thankful for discernment.  I'm mindful I am the average of the five people I hang out with. I relate with those who grow charac-terologically and enjoy life.

        As the quote under the picture encourages us, we may not be able to control our circum-stances, but we can control how we choose to respond to them.

        Happiness can be ours.  Even when surrounded by the grey clouds of a despairing situation.  We can bloom like the gorgeous cactus flow-er at the beginning of this post.

       We, too, can flourish.  This can be true in spite of being placed in the desert of trying circumstances.  It doesn't matter if our dry time is a divorce, losing a job or experiencing depression.

      Dr. Frankl knew this reality.  He lived life ful-ly.  This was his story  as a Jew entrapped in a concentration camp, during World War II.  Our difficulties could not be worse than that, are they?

        I didn't think so.

        I use the power of choos-ing healthy responses.  Even in dire times.  Optimists fare better and live longer.  They are happier and healthier than those who perseverate and dwell upon the dreariness of life.

        You can read more about this here. 

********    

         It's good hearing from so many of you. Thank you for signing the registry to this inn with your gratitudes.  It's getting late so I'll share mine and be off to bed.
1. I'll ride with a new cycling buddy on Wednesday. I'll enjoy the adventure and fun we'll have.
2. I spoke with the person who made last week unpleasant.
      He wanted to argue. I wasn't interested, I told him. A person can't play an emotional tug-of-war with me, if I let go of the rope.

       I simply stated my feelings, without using judgment. I let him know I needed dignity and respect in our interactions. I made no statement about his harmful behavior. I demonstrate respect towards him and equally expect him to do the same.  I left it at that.
       I appreciate having my voice and taking a stand for courtesy.
3. I received a gift today. Totally unexpected. I'm touched by this person's extreme generosity.  It's from my middle son, Micael.
4. For some reason, even though my right knee is stiff and sore, I can ride my bike without discomfort.  I thrive when I exercise. It does wonders to discharge tension and frustration.
5. I appreciate the efforts from a friend who is helping me with my business and in my social life. Wow, am I lucky. I'm touched by his support. It means a lot to me.
6. I avoid relating with those who frequently complain.

        If you knew me better, you'd be surprised with the resiliency I've had, despite severe setbacks.  I'd love hearing your response to this post.

Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy? (Revisited) And, Must Haves and Can't Stands 5/3/12

You may feel that the world is too messed up, that too many wrong choices have been made,
that it doesn't matter much what you do, that it's hopeless. But that's not true. Just as every
problem can be traced to a wrong decision, every solution begins with a wise and loving
decision to do the right thing, the loving and unselfish thing.

A little bit of love can make a lot of difference. One act of kindness or unselfishness can start
a whole chain reaction of events that will, in the long run, make life a lot better for a lot of people
So don't despair because there is so much suffering and grief and wrong in the world. Instead,
do what you can to make things right and encourage others to do the same. The world won't
change in a day, but we can make a difference if we try. (Photographer's lovely caption)

All rights reserved for this and all of his other photos, which are frequently featured in this inn.

**************************************************** 

Innkeeper's Note:

        I wrote this last year. I found it

The Antidote to Unmanageability: Time Alone, Time with Nature, Discharging Frustrations and Exercising Patience

Home in the neighborhood

         Good evening,
Today was a good day.  Rest was gotten and I had time alone.  Meditating and study recharged

Taking Care of Self: Detaching With Love From an Abusive Person

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the
 charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust 

     Good evening,
How was your Saturday? Mine was fine. It was busy, relaxing, intoxicating, invigorating, challenging and tiring. Other than that,

Character Discernment, Part IV : Freedom from Narcissists:....... 3/3/12

Money will buy a fine dog, but only love will 
makehim wag his tail Image byTim blessed.
"Countryside:Sunlit Canal Path" Copyrighted 
photo. All rights reserved.  

     My grati-tudes are highlighted in purple.

      I'm thank-ful for my in-tuition. While getting to know some-one, the caution flag of discernment prodded my consciousness.

  In younger years, its voice was ignored. During the past two months, I listened to its advice. I did this while getting to know some-one.   

      I have learned the value of cau-tion and pa-tience.  They spare me from getting involved with emotionally unhealthy people.  I'm quicker at respecting this reptilian part of me, the limbic system.  This is the part of us that senses fear and danger. 

       I did not allow my cognitive self overrule common sense.  My more basic, less rational self has a primal wisdom.  Unfortunately, it is often ignored by our rational self.  In the past, not paying attention to it caused distress. 

    This woman I'll call "Barbara" is a kick.  Looking at difficult circumstances with a sense of humor is my preferred response. It is better than being alarmed or disgusted.  Seeing the lighter side to  challenging moments helps me  detach from my foibles.

         Today, Bar-bara was charming, ingratiating. She praised me in front of mutual friends.  

"Faithful are the wounds [or loving correc-tions] of a friend; but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful."    Prov. 27:6

       Her charm was off-putting.  Authenticity is better.  Her smooth words were an attempt to distract me from something I recently discovered.  She betrayed a confidence I had shared with her, to a friend of mine.  He told me. 

       I am wary of honeyed speech.  Barbara spoke this way at a gathering we both at-tended.  The way she spoke extended my antennae of caution.  My skin crawled.   Ex-pressing herself this way was  like fingernails screeching on a chalkboard. Yeech. 

       

    Yet, I was happy hear-ing the screech.  It revealed I was matur-ing.  I was present, not misled.  Discernment helped me focus on her character, not seduced by her wiles. 

       It's terrific saying how I want to be treated.  It means I know my worth as a person.

        It is empowering, taking responsibili-ty for my thoughts,  words, emotions and actions.  Former but-tons no longer trigger me.  I now stay in my power.  I maintain in-tegrity with my values.

       Sometimes I feel I'm critical.  That I am being too cautious when keeping distance with Barbara-like people.  In reality, I'm getting characterologically strong-er. 

      No longer accepting narcissists or unac-ceptable behavior provides the serenity I need to thrive.  My emotional safety is more secure.  I need mutuality and reciprocity when con-necting with others.  My needs and feelings need to be  considered, too.  

      This is what it is to live with recovery.  We become internally referented. 

     I have much to be grateful for.  It is the re-sult of working on my personal growth.  Long standing unhealthy family and generational legacies are being replaced. 

      I now enjoy healthier relationships, ones that don't exploit me.

An Un-American Concept: We Are Primarily Spiritual 11/16/11

Image: "Snowdonia: Nantgwynant" by Tim Blessed.
 All rights reserved. Use by permission.

        A few thoughts on an emotionally and mentally de-anding day.

        I prefer days like these to be few and far between.  A calmer pace allows my spirit to breathe easily.  Boring is good.  (You might also want to see this post or read here, for more about antidotes for the disease of busyness.)

      Today, tranquility was not meant to be.

An Intense Day
       At five in the  morning, I studied, meditated and prayed.  At 8:00 a.m. an intense conversation  was had while tired and under the influ-ence of a strong prescription.  There were issues to clear with someone.

       I fought a headache while with someone who troubles me.  We addressed pragmatic, philosophical, and clinical issues.  It wasn't easy, but the conversation was successful.

       I'm glad I held my feelings together.   How, I don't know.

       Time like these are opportunities to practice patience, chances to be gentle while we are emotionally spent.  This is especially true when we are physically stressed.  Such conversations are a spiritual callis-henic.

       They prepare us for challenging times.

       There are times when each moment is intense.  Not good a good place to be. Avoiding being emotionally spent is a good idea.

       Recently, I spent the evening with someone at an Indian restaurant, an attractive way to end the day.  At length, she spoke. That was fine. It required less energy.  I was beat, bone weary.

 Our Nature Is Primarily Spiritual

        While with this person I expressed views not often heard in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I mentioned our primary nature is spiritual.  Next, is our the soulish side, comprising of our emotions, will and intellect.  Thirdly, is the physical side to life, our bodies, I shared.

        I expressed our culture has it backward.  We raise a fuss about a person's looks. That is what grabs most people's attention.  Magazines, movies, the media place heavy emphasis on this.

        I mentioned our body is like the frame to a painting---it's primary pur-pose is drawing attention to what's inside: our spirit

       The recent Kim Kardashian marriage fiasco points out that getting caught up with the frame is pointless, if it there isn't something of significance within it.

       The person I shared dinner with has a MBA and a Ph.D.  He mentioned a relative of his is a compulsive shopper, causing financial pressure within that family.  I said that the hole in our souls cannot be healed through tangible means, in this case, through retail therapy, incessant shopping.
Qualities of A Spiritual Awakening

       Our soul is restored when we have a spiritual awakening.  This doesn't happen through achievement or material means.  Being awak-ened---spiritually---allows us to know serenity while experiencing deeply felt joy at the same time. This serenity is possible, even in the midst of stressful times---it transcends our circumstances.

        I mentioned when we experience a spiritual regeneration we ap-preciate life more vividly.  We are no longer consumed by issues that appear urgent but are not truly important.  When we have a spiritual awakening nature is revealed in all of its glory, I said. Worries and bitterness no longer distract us for the beauty the world offers.

       We are less judgmental towards others happens when we have a spiritual awakening.  We find many issues that we once fought for are not worth the effort.  We ask ourselves do we want to be right or do we want to be happy?

      We are also less critical towards ourselves. We discover that our best for today is good enough. That being critical about our imperfec-tions does not enhance our appreciation of life.

       I shared a spiritual awakening helps us enjoy spontaneity.  We also less consumed by fearful control.  We are able to slow down.  We can breathe more deeply, resting our heart, literally.

        He was silent, not knowing what to say.

How About You? 

1.  Has your life been crazily busy? Why do you think we find ourselves in such a predicament? 

2. Do you think we are primarily physical, and spirituality is simply an add-on, an option to living?  Or do you think we are first spiritual---that our spirit wants to spread its wings within our corporal form?

3. When you have a spiritual awakening what does it look like for you? 

Defensive Hope, Not a Good Deal, It Ensures Disappointment 7/8/11

     The following quote is from page 97, Safe People, by the authors, Drs. Cloud and Townsend, published by Zondervan

        Defensive hope is hope that [we think] protects us against grief and sadness.  

       Sometimes simply hoping a person will change keeps us from the pain that we need to face.  Hu-mans are incredible optimists. Especially when it comes to destructive relationships.  For some rea-son we think that a person who is hurtful, irrespon-sible or out of control, abusive, or dishonest is going to change.  All we have to do is love them correctly or more or enough. We think that if we just let them know about their mistakes or cry the blues, or get angry, they will change. 

     In short, we have hope. But it is a hope that disap-points. In this scenar-io we use hope to de-fend our-selves against facing the truth about someone we love. We don't want to go through the sadness of realizing that they probably aren't going to change. We don't want to accept the reality about who they are.  So, we hope, not wanting to face reality. 

        Usually this kind of hope did not start in our cur-rent relationship.  We usually have an old pattern of not facing grief and disappointments in many past relation-ships, dating back to childhood.  (Emphasis, mine.)

        Facing sadness is difficult.  It places the respon-sibility of change on us, instead of hoping that un-safe person is going to change.  We have to learn to not expect that he will change.  We have to make other friends.  We need to adapt to a nonfulfillng marriage.  

        We want the courage to set limits and conse-quences.  We will want to make many more tough choices that may change our relationships.

        Yes, hope is easier in the beginning.  In the end it is more difficult. Not facing reality is to stay stuck and to get more of the same in the future. Defensive hope is one of the biggest reasons that we allow de-struction to continue in life.

        Looking at reality helps us thrive.  When we do, we get emotion-ally healthier.

       Grieving proves to be a critical step for healing.   A big part of ac-ceptance: mourning, connecting at the sensory-motor level with what transpires within us.  We do this to overcome the effects of the trauma.

       Sanity involves letting go of fantasies.  We become realistic in how we see our circumstances.  We start experiencing the reality of our feelings. 

       Sanity requires moving beyond inadequate coping strategies.

       This required step allows us to transcend our circumstances, un-healthy relationships, or disturbing feelings.   Seeing life realisti-cally demonstrates self-compassion.  We become rooted in our inner selves.

        This defines being present, not triggered by the drama surrounding us.  We do not ignore what our intuitive self declares to our conscious self.  (See Footnote 1)

       Acceptance from a recovery perspective becomes the first step towards thinking differently.  We see the landscape of our life.  We determine what we can do to surmount our difficulties.  

       This form of acceptance empowers us.  We see our options.  We are not helpless, hopeless victims. 

      

       We move beyond being stuck.

       This approach is active.  It is the exact opposite of accep-tance with resignation, which is passivity. We move beyond painful emotions and the difficulties challenging us. Acceptance with recovery creates a better today.

"Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves that could restore us to sanity."                            Step Two

         We overcome false beliefs that life improves if we wait.  Not true.  This often happens with fantasies we have about unhealthy people who populate our social circle.  An idealistic perspective pre-vents us from seeing life or difficult others clearly, with discernment.

         We enjoy a realistic view of life when using Step Two in Recovery.

         This step heals.  As we move from victims to individuals making healthier choices, we take back control of our lives.  We are staying in the solution, moving forward. (See footnote. 2)
       

       The quoted passage by Cloud and Town-send is also true with our circumstances.  We may fantasize about them.  We may not want to face the truth.  Again, facing disappointment is important if our lives are to improve.

      After grieving, we let go.  We decide what to do next.  We consider our healthiest, most constructive options.  

        When we make peace with our reality, we'll have a greater Atti-tude of Gratitude to complement the increasing sanity and serenity we enjoy.

My Gratitudes:
1. My work is satisfying.

      I love what I do.  No two days are the same.  I contribute to the positive well-being of the world.  How could I not have an Attitude of Gratitude?

      I'm moved when others get more out of life because of my work.  I celebrate the purpose my life holds.

2. I grateful others appreciate my efforts.

      I get plenty of that.  It's wonderful that clients value the work I do.  Not that I need appreciation to have serenity. 1 (Footnote below)
3. I value each comment visitors write. It builds the community we enjoy here.
4. I'm thankful for each person who drops by.  It's nice having you here. It makes the work I do here as the innkeeper worthwhile.
How About You? 
1.  What losses have you been grieving regarding a relationship?
2.  What are some tough choices that you are making?
3.  In what ways have you been facing reality lately?

Footnotes

1. "If  I can learn to evaluate my own actions and behavior and value my own judgment, then the approval of others will be enjoyable, but no longer no longer essential to my serenity. Just for today, I will appreciate myself.  

    "I will not look to others s for approval; I will provide it for myself. I'll allow myself to recognize that I am doing the best I can. Today my best is good enough."
                Courage to Change, p. 9

2. "Focusing on ourselves doesn't mean we let other people walk all over us and pretend not to notice, or that whatever others do is acceptable.  Nor does it imply that we should stop caring about our loved ones.  Focusing on ourselves simply means that when we acknowledge the situation as it is, we look at our options instead of looking at the options available to other people.  

     "We consider what is within our power to change instead of expecting others to do the changing. As a result, problems have a better chance of getting solved, and we lead more manageable lives."   Courage to Change, p. 359

      Our life becomes somewhat more manageable ("have a better chance") because we do have some control over how we choose to live our lives.  I say "some" because our character defects get in our way, even here, as we attempt to transcend our errant ideals, past history, and pain. This points to the value of having Balcony People.

       For more information about them, you can read here. Have a great and grateful day!

Image: Cumbria: Dervent and Skiddaw  by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission

A Marvelous Weather Day

    Good evening, night owls and early birds,
I just got in. All day, I've been gone. How are you doing? I'm tuckered out.

My gratitudes for Sunday.

 1.  The weather was glorious today. I'm thankful for living in a place where the weather was in the mid seventies, there was a breeze and no humidity. Some of you guys will have to tell me what that word means. We don't experience it, in the Bay Area.
2.   I was able to do research

Happiness is a Choice; Gratitude is a Choice. Better staying in the solution than dwelling on problems........... .................. 5/25/11

     Attitude deter-mines how much happiness we will know.

 "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."  

      Abraham Lincoln echoed this when he said, 

"Happiness requires very little, it's all in our way of thinking."  [And, I would add, in the choices we make.]

        Being grateful reveals itself as a terrific choice.  It fills us with hope. It happens as we look backwards with thankfulness and forward with eager anticipation.  

        We can be thankful because we are not alone.  God's love can be ours at all times.  He accepts us with grace, not judgment.  

        We cannot only bond with God but also create a supportive community that loves us unconditionally. This type of support flourishes when developing our discernment and apply boundaries when relating with others. 

         I'm not pollyannaish. (read here for more.)  There's warfare in the world, and many go hungry, daily; abuse abides throughout this world, yes.  Many nowadays are without work.

        Despite these realities, a loving God still exists.  He answers our prayers.  A Power greater than ourselves can provide the sanity and serenity we seek. 

        A positive vision for our lives can be ours, the choice involves changing perspective. 

        It happens when we slow down through prayer and meditation and increase our conscious contact with the God of our understanding.  We want to pray for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out.  This action mirrors Step 11 in Recovery.

        When we are loved by family and friends we know a reality that enhances our joy.  Life doesn't get richer than that.

  "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."        Helen Keller 

        How about you?  Where do you choose to invest your thoughts?  I'm amazed at what we choose to focus on. Yes, problems can engulf us.  Complaining doesn't solve them.

       I find sweeping our porch a better option; in doing so, the world becomes tidier.  Spewing bile may offer temporary release.  Doing what we can about the issue, provides a constructive alternative; "Let it begin with me."
   
        It surprises me how much we stay in our minds, without subsequent action.  

        Before recovery, I worshipped my mind.  It was the result of a classical and thorough education.  I  used analysis to make sense of the nonsensical.

       It was my attempt at trying to control the uncontrollable.

       That's futility and insanity.  I know it's chic to be critical, sophisticated to be sassy.  I'd rather fill my heart with love and praise for the gifts life offers. 

        Don't you agree?  My guess imagines you saying yes, or you wouldn't be reading these silent words in this home of gratitude and thankfulness.

         Focusing on the problem creates a downer mentality.  The problem remains that we are focusing on the problem.  With that viewpoint, of course, we'll get upset.   I'd rather look at the alternatives as to what I can do, staying in the solution.

           Many don't realize that being critical does not reveal an astute analytical mind.  Anyone can complain; it's easy to be consumed by a dark spirit, defaulting to this mode.
     
         Many are not aware that being judgmental has nothing to do with their assessment skills. Their viewpoints stem from a heart filled with blame, shame, guilt, and judgment, the five forms of Life Alienating Communication.  Frequently, critics are simply continuing the negative legacy of growing up within the toxicity of a negative, depressive, critical home where grace was rarely demonstrated.

          Since childhood, many living in a less-than-ideal home were groomed to be critical.  It was modeled for them daily.  Seeing what was wrong became part of their cognitive and characterological DNA.  Having lived with toxic---and usually perfectionistic---family members, the bleak circumstances of their childhood strongly contribute to adopting a critical perspective.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."   Philippians. 4:8.

This is my choice, dwelling upon the blessings and treasures I have.  In keeping with that theme, here are...

My Gratitudes for Today:
1. My baseball team played today and I watched the game.  It was a respite from daily pressures, taking in a game.  It slowed the pace of my evening.  Baseball remains a game of nuances; it has the speed of yesteryear when life wasn't as frantic.
2. I spoke with one of my older brothers this afternoon.  It's lovely connecting with family and catching up on the latest news.
3. Another brother, who lives in Hawaii, by phone, I almost reached. We share a comfortable relationship; we think alike. Besides that, he has a wonderful personality.  I treasure the life-long bond we share.
4. I had an open conversation with a son.  The openness, thoughtfulness, and honesty we had met my need for connecting on an intimate level.  It's great relating with an adult son.  Hearing his mature but different perspective was gladdening. Mine remains limited.  I appreciate the times we celebrate together.
5. I appreciate patience.  It allows me to slow down, when life engulfs me, with the urgent tries to distract me from the important.  Turning things over to God, and letting Him carry the burdens of my life makes it more bearable, less frightening, and increases my equanimity, always a good deal.

Related Posts:
Getting Beyond Disappointment 
"Happiness is a Choice"  Part II

Gratitude: A Matter of Perspective...... 5/15/11

           Life is good. I've discovered over the years that joy has NOTHING to do with external details. I can have it regardless what job I have, car I drive, the size of my home or how much I have in the bank, who loves me or who doesn't. .  In spite of difficult circumstances, I can still bump into joy, along with serenity and tranquility. What liberty, tranquility and joy I experience when I'm freed from external referenting.  Yes, that's a word. I admit, a big portion of my happiness is due to my relationship with God, more about that, in a minute. 

         But, partaking in an Attitude of Gratitude involves perspective, too.  I partake of it when I  choose to stay in the present, versus dwelling upon the darker moment of my past or fearing----being anxious----about possible future difficulties.  The present is where we are---always!!


        I'm thankful for knowing God’s forgiveness, and grace.  I delight in knowing that I'm in a loved position with God. This close, loving relationship does NOT change----even when my thoughts or behavior is less than the standards God has set for me. Now, that is a mind-blowing concept. 

       One of my favorite posters says, 'Life is a test. It

       is only a test.Had this been a real life you would

       have been instructed where to go and what to do;
       Whenever I think of this humorous bit of  wisdom,
       it reminds me to not take my life so seriously.

      Richard Carlson, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, p85.

***********************************************************************************

My gratitudes for today:

1.  I had a run in today with someone who struggles with rage and raged upon me. I have compassion for this person. I'm also thankful that I didn't cause his rage. He had it way before I ever met him.  I'm glad that I've learned that I am to be responsive to, but not responsible for, the emotions of others.  I can't tell you how liberating it is to not be manipulated by the emotions of others.(For more about dealing with an emotional bully, click here. )

    Other people's emotions are their property and my emotions are mine. To feel responsible for another person's emotions is a serious crossing of boundaries, ours and theirs.(For more about this, please click here.)

2. I'm glad that I don't get as triggered by the negative emotions of others. I was able to take care of myself. A serene day was had.  Really. There's a proverb that says to stay away from an angry person or you'll learn his ways. That's what I did this morning. 

    I actually said to this agitated person, "I never gave you permission to condemn me and I'm asking you to stop judging me." I said this calmly, Next, I extricated myself from this person.

3. It's wonderful knowing I'm powerless over the history that other people bring with them, including the pain that is involved with it. I also know that I will not allow myself to be anyone's emotional punching bag. There's a saying I've shared elsewhere:

"If you feel like  doormat, you need to get up off the floor." 

        For me, that statement brings a smile and a chuckle, but it's still true. I love the fact, that a I learn to stand  by my personal principles, stand in my power and live by my integrity, I enjoy a freedom and joy that I never experienced as a young man. My friendships are richer and more harmonious because, we get what we tolerate and we train people how to treat us.

          Let me know what you think. Look at the following link if you want to know if you're dealing with an emotional bully. Click here. Although this link refers to a woman as the bully, the same holds true if it's a guy. 

                       The guy from the Left Coast,

A Country Walk

 

This is a trip down memory lane: I posted this in another community.  

My gratitudes for today:

1.  I took a trip along a country road, two miles from my home. It was sensory overload of the heavenly kind.  The air was crisp.  I breathed in the scenery and walked for an hour and a half. My view stretched out for 12-14 miles.  Rolling hills, lush greenery, four white goats "baaaaaa, baaaa"ing, as I walked past their stable.  Chestnut-colored horses----with blazes naturally painted down their faces----extended their necks over the barbed wire fences that lined the country road.  As I strolled by, their eyes pleaded for the length of their noses to be scratched. It was an invigorating change from my urban routine, to view cattle grazing----from a distance of 10 feet.  Their month-old calves drank from them as they stood in a field, just beyond my outstretched arm. 

  I'm grateful for time alone with God and His countryside.

2.  I'm thankful for my sweatshirt, vest, wool knit cap, scarf and gloves.  Hey, it was cold out there------maybe 58 degrees!  Brrrrrr!

3.   For the majestic view of the SF Bay Area as I reached the top of a hill luminescently green due to recent rains.  I stood next to a ruggedly handsome barn, its slouched and patched together sides betrayed the age of its character-filled redwood planks.  This red rustic repository for hay, scurrying mice and an occasional owl was a century and two score in years.  The Bay Area it overlooked.  Although I hiked after 6:00 p.m., I arrived at this spot while it was yet daylight, the virtue of getting off Daylight Savings Time.  A creek that ran through a near-by grove of oak trees sang out as I drank in the view of the bay, the San Francisco peninsula and enjoyed nature's tranquility. 

4.  For my continued health.  Not long ago, I was flat on my back and deathly ill-----thank you, Jesus, for making me whole, not only spiritually, but now physically, too!

5.  For good friends with whom I can speak honestly (but courteously and with kindness, too). See below.

6.  For not allowing a friend, who works as a manager, to dominate when we visited yesterday.  "You may be able to control conversations with other people but I'm uncomfortable with you doing so with me----we're equals."  (Our conversation was as equal adults after that comment----an unusual experience for him.)

7.   For the joy of being an adult.  Part of being an adult is that we can disagree with others.  We want to say what we mean, mean what we say, but not say it meanly.

      Okay, guys, those are enough gratitudes from me, I heading out to one of my favorite towns, the island town of Alameda. 

          The Innkeeper of the Attitude Inn,

A Spiritual Awakening, Part I. Appreciating Life's Gifts, Staying in the Moment, Not Distracted by Fear, Sadness or Resentment 4/10/11

"The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness." William
Blake. "Forgiveness is freedom. Tony Dailo.   "To forgive is
 God-like, & one of the greatest uses of free will."  Anonymous
"Forgiveness is man's deepest need and highest achievement."
 Horace Bushnell    "The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is
 the attribute of the strong."  Mahatma Gandhi. "Unforgiveness is
 the burning of the bridge we must cross ourselves." Tim Blessed
   "Forgiveness is the price of Happiness."  M. Pilbeam

   It's easy, letting the briars of life distract us.  It is during these times we want to select the burrs of good-ness embedded in whatever blanket life tosses our way.

     It is easy, losing touch with the joys each day offers.  May the following passage awaken our desire to celebrate life more than we already do.

     It offers nuggets of riches.  This is true in spite of the bleak pro-nouncements of the news.  Here's the excerpt:

  Life has many treasures if I'm willing to accept them, but none can do more for me than learning really to live in the pre-sent.  That means being more aware of myself and of small happy things that often dramatize themselves into importance as I observe them with enjoyment. [For more about what it's like, being in this state, please read here.] 

        No matter how grim the situation may be that troubles my waking thoughts,  there are shining nuggets of pleasantness all around me to distract my mind from its cares. But I must be on the lookout for them  so they will not be lost to me!  

        Aldous Huxley said it this way: 'For every man, the world is as fresh as it was the first day, and as full of untold novelties for him who has the eyes to see them.'  This is a constructive and rewarding way of achieving the detachment necessary from the urgent but unimportant demands of life. 

"God make me receptive and aware; restore to me my ca-pacity for wonder.

       

     The upcoming week pro-vides many opportunities to celebrate life.  Yes, it does.  During whatever season, we do ourselves a favor when making time to delight in life's beauty. 

         In the winter, it may be nature draped with snow or the rare sun-ny moment.  We can behold the austere loveliness of barren winter trees. 

          In spring, there are many wonders: the crack of a baseball mak-ing contact with a bat or playing cricket.  We can take in birdsongs or visually inhale the blooming of flowers.  
       

       It can be the buzz of lawnmowers sprucing up neighbor-hood yards.  A breathtaking mo-ment can be the roar of a rain-swollen river accompanying a hike in nature.  

        Fall offers de-lightful moments: sitting in a warm living room,  curled up with a good book.  It can be the cool, crisp air while out on a country walk.  Kind deeds nurture, any time of the year, whether we perform or receive them. 

         Being aware of these moments is staying present, increasing our joy. 

         Looking for the many mini-vacations the day provides is celebrating life, savoring its richness.  

         Today, appreciate lovely clouds.  Luxuriate in the purr of a cat.  Delight in the zen-like day-dreaminess that pop up during "mindless" moments.  

         These are the small gifts life provides.  They happen while giving detailed attention to the frosting a cake.  Or while pulling weeds, sewing, nailing a board or doing dishes.

         Inhale these moments.  We are inhaling life riches when we do.  The process of living is fulfilling in itself.  Frequently it is more rewarding than any task performed.  

        What does it cost?  Perhaps five minutes.  Sometimes these beautiful moments are briefer than that.  They are tiny vacations available throughout the day.  

        The value of gratitude is that it nurtures our souls, increasing our capacity for wonder.  

         We allow songs of thanks to reverberate within our hearts.  We're seizing gifts God offers each day.  We're are cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude.

 

        Please share how you capture wonder.  I love hearing your gratitudes.  Doing so meets the vision of this inn. 

 Image: "Cumbria: Mountain River"  by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission