Saturday, March 10

Taking Care of Self: Detaching With Love From an Abusive Person

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the
 charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust 
     Good evening,
How was your Saturday? Mine was fine. It was busy, relaxing, intoxicating, invigorating, challenging and tiring. Other than that,
an average day.
Let me get my gratitudes listed before it's too late.
1. I'm happy seeing guests of this inn signing the registry. They do so by leaving comments and gratitudes. Thank you!  I appreciate you contributing to the community, communication and openness we have in this inn of gratitude. I love you sharing what makes you glad.
2.  I added a new person to the list of those I mentor. Last year I had seven. I ended several of  those relationships in January, allowing me to time to work with this new person. I appreciate this person's earnestness and desire to grow.
3. I talked before a group of people. The results were positive. I take to public speaking easily. It was fun. One result was that two people asked if I could help them, professionally. I enjoy using my gifts and sharing with others the results of my research.
4. I love life. It has never been better. I have fantastic friends and am incrementally adding to its circle. I have more clarity about who I am and what I am about. I no longer accept unacceptable behavior and relate only with others who are kind, intelligent, funny and hopefully athletic.
5. I thoroughly enjoy the city in which I live. I went out this evening with a female friend. We had German food and went for a walk afterwards.  The Saturday evening hubbub was delightful. The town is small but its vibrancy was apparent on every block on Park St. and its side streets.
6. I love prayer. It restores my soul. I was able to pray several times today.
7. I had a fantastic breakfast with another woman. The time was amazing. Tears flowed from both of us. The openness and authenticity between us was fulfilling.

Detaching With Love
      I was with friends this morning. It was interesting. Someone who was abusive towards me in late December showed up before I arrived. When I entered, our eyes locked on one another. I was kind. I don't tolerate abuse. However, experiencing it doesn't mean I get to dish it out. The courtesy I showed her  doesn't mean I'll relate with her. No way.
    I'm glad that I attended and did not allow this person to steal my serenity.
    Others have spoken to her. I'm glad I don't allow others to rent property in the territory of my mind. I'm thankful that I can detach with love from those are unkind.


Kelly said...

I saw this post and really hoped that it would be more you know, I'm struggling with seperating myself from a bad situation.

Today I am grateful for the rain. Not only does it nourish my aloe vera garden, it gives Myles and I a reason to hunker down and watch movies.

I am grateful for dry clothes, as the rain soaked us on our way to and from church.

I am grateful for spring break! College is going well, but a break is always appreciated ( and I'm lucky that Myles and I have the same spring break!).

Pablo said...


Thanks for your comments. Take a look at my post on Stress and Emotional Bullies, review the one on Defensive Hope and the post: Not Allowing Others to Determine Our Moods or Define Who We Are and the ones about Expressing our Voice.

The Google search feature in my blog should help. Look at the tags library, too, at the bottom of this blog. I've written many posts on this subject in depth. Numerous posts on the subject of dealing with unpleasant circumstances and people are posted to the right, in the sidebars. You'll find help there, too.

But usually I don't write essays.

Thank you for dropping by and sharing three gratitudes. I love it, when you do that.

Enjoy your time with Myles!

Off to ride my bike,
The Innkeeper

Pablo said...


If you click on the 'detaching with love tag" at the conclusion of the post above, it will take you to several other posts that go into detail about this subject.

Have fun,

The Innkeeper

Syd said...

Detaching with love means I keep the focus on me and not on obsessing over another. I can let go of trying to stay around someone who is not good for me. It is about owning my power.

Pablo said...

Thanks Syd for your insight and clarifying this subject; I'm in agreement with you: we look at our options instead of just looking at the options of others (Courage to Change, p. 359). I'll add that detaching includes courtesy and kindness, when I separate myself from another who troubles me, that's the "love" part to it. I can say my "no" as gently as my "yes." Courage to Change, p. 104.

But if I can't manage that, I still need to detach and stand for what's important for me, I'll be less frustrated and may experience progress. (Courage to Change, May 18th reading.)

I happy seeing the dialog we're having on this subject. Communication is always good.

The Innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.