An Overview of Thanks, Creating a Better Today...... 2/28/21

 

    In Roman times, February was originally the last month of the year.  For us, February 2020 was the last month of life as we once knew it.  In March 2020, we entered the era of Covid19.  

    This month is upon us once again.  We have greater hope this year.  We see prog-

A Helpful Thermometer of People's Character 9/4/17

Now they are lemon flavored, not lime

   The other day I spoke with some-one.

    Not using discre-tion, and being unwise, I said something that made her feel awk-ward. (I bet you would like to know).  She stopped me.

     "I want to be

Happiness Is An Inside Job, Part II 2/18/14

      Where to begin?  Many stories to tell.  Adventures, physi-cal exertion, personal growth, along with romance thrown in, for good measure.

       I'm beat. Bushed. Wiped out.

       The past two days have been hectic. On top of that, I'm speaking Saturday at the monthly fellowship for the local district of Al-Anon Family Groups.  I'm squirreling away parcels of time, preparing for that occasion, also.

       There are other pressures I'm wrestling with, as well.  And such a life is the case for most of us.

        We are often overwhelmed with all the responsibilities doled out to us.  It helps to take life fifteen minutes at a time.  This is being present.

        We'll know more serenity.  It comes with living by recovery principles.  At times we need to HALT.

 "Fear makes true that which one is      afraid of."   Viktor Frankl. 

        The good thing is, we can still be happy, delighted with life, when pressured.  Joy isn't externally related.  It is not based upon the job we have, being in a relationship, the type of car we drive or how we are doing financially.

        Happiness is an inside job.  It is attitudinal. our pre-sent, persistent pressuring predica-ments can be at a pitch that without recovery, can push us towards perseveration.

        Our happiness is not because our circumstances change.  We change.

      This is the difference between surviving and thriving----enjoying life deeply with joy, knowing how to have a peace that transcends our difficulties.

       We are responsi-ble for our feelings.  We want to checkout how we can nurture ourselves when stressed.

       One outlet is ex-ercise. Going for a walk, cycling, work-ing out with weights, or doing yoga.  When we do, stress is released from our bodies.

       Keeping ourselves active, there will be no need for a windbreaker or vest on cool days.

        Despite the pressures faced, we can still be happy and thrive.  And no, we won't be crazy.

      Helping others overcome trauma is traumatic for me. This is where acceptance with recovery is the balm for healing the difficulties we experience.  It is not passivity, taking what comes our way. 

      Awareness is clear-headedness, seeing our circum-stances, accurately.  Then, we decide our options---what can be done to overcome our challenges.

      Staying in the solution regard-ing our fears, troubles, and anxieties, transforms our daily quota of betes noires. They become approachable, less frightening.  Our character grows, our life becomes manageable, our joy increases. 

      We move from the ghetto of child-like responses to won-drous valleys of emotional maturity. 

 My Gratitudes for Tuesday:

1.  Perseverance, the fruit of physical exer-cise and maintaining spiritual disciplines. It helps us to draw strength from our relationship with God.

       We are happier, we celebrate life, even when the storms of urban living shower us with ongoing pressure.

     Growth requires going beyond our comfort zones. It is realizing our limitations and appropriating a Power Greater Than Ourselves. Doing this, we are seizing life.

     Life is richer when we move beyond our limited understanding.  Inspirational literature helps us mature and become wiser. We gain a wider perspective.
2.  For writing. It provides mental clarity. This is especially true when we do an inventory of our lives.

      We empty what percolates within. Scribing is self-care, it is making time to get acquainted with our inner selves.
3.  Daily working on our recovery makes us grow.  We will be stronger than we were last week, more level-headed. We handle challenges more successfully than we did a few months ago.

      Working on our personal growth daily, life becomes more dynamic.

       Our days become more fulfilling with each passing month, day, hour, each minute. Recovery helps us move from being reactive to having greater executive functioning.  When we work on ourselves, "each character flaw [is] replaced by a new and good quality."  (One Day at a Time, p. 280)

I Choose Life. I Have Control Over How I Respond To Life's Circumstances ...................7/10/12

We must never forget that we may also find meaning
in life even when confronted with a hopeless situat-
ion,when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For
what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely
human potential at its best, which is to transform a
personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's pre-

         dicament into human achievement. 

         When we are no longer able to change the situa-
         tion---just think of an incurable disease such as 
         inoperable cancer--we are challenged to change 
         ourselves.      Viktor Frankl

        If I'm not care-ful, the moth of my unhealthy self is at-tracted to flame of those who want to deplete my energy.

        I'm thankful for discernment.  I'm mindful I am the average of the five people I hang out with. I relate with those who grow charac-terologically and enjoy life.

        As the quote under the picture encourages us, we may not be able to control our circum-stances, but we can control how we choose to respond to them.

        Happiness can be ours.  Even when surrounded by the grey clouds of a despairing situation.  We can bloom like the gorgeous cactus flow-er at the beginning of this post.

       We, too, can flourish.  This can be true in spite of being placed in the desert of trying circumstances.  It doesn't matter if our dry time is a divorce, losing a job or experiencing depression.

      Dr. Frankl knew this reality.  He lived life ful-ly.  This was his story  as a Jew entrapped in a concentration camp, during World War II.  Our difficulties could not be worse than that, are they?

        I didn't think so.

        I use the power of choos-ing healthy responses.  Even in dire times.  Optimists fare better and live longer.  They are happier and healthier than those who perseverate and dwell upon the dreariness of life.

        You can read more about this here. 

********    

         It's good hearing from so many of you. Thank you for signing the registry to this inn with your gratitudes.  It's getting late so I'll share mine and be off to bed.
1. I'll ride with a new cycling buddy on Wednesday. I'll enjoy the adventure and fun we'll have.
2. I spoke with the person who made last week unpleasant.
      He wanted to argue. I wasn't interested, I told him. A person can't play an emotional tug-of-war with me, if I let go of the rope.

       I simply stated my feelings, without using judgment. I let him know I needed dignity and respect in our interactions. I made no statement about his harmful behavior. I demonstrate respect towards him and equally expect him to do the same.  I left it at that.
       I appreciate having my voice and taking a stand for courtesy.
3. I received a gift today. Totally unexpected. I'm touched by this person's extreme generosity.  It's from my middle son, Micael.
4. For some reason, even though my right knee is stiff and sore, I can ride my bike without discomfort.  I thrive when I exercise. It does wonders to discharge tension and frustration.
5. I appreciate the efforts from a friend who is helping me with my business and in my social life. Wow, am I lucky. I'm touched by his support. It means a lot to me.
6. I avoid relating with those who frequently complain.

        If you knew me better, you'd be surprised with the resiliency I've had, despite severe setbacks.  I'd love hearing your response to this post.

Last Days Spent with a Bewhiskered Friend ........................6/7/11 Alexander Part II

I used a glass bowl, like this one, to give Alexander the Gray water

     Good evening,
More about my dear friend, Alexander the Grey(t), in a minute----after getting in my gratitudes.

     I'm excited; today was terrific. Met with clients this afternoon. Afterwards, I met with friends who own businesses. There was energy, balanced with wisdom.  I'm thankful for my notes. There were ideas aplenty mentioned that I'll apply to my work.

My Gratitudes for Today:

1. My car is fixed. I'll pick it up up tomorrow. I appreciate the flexibility and independence of having a set of wheels.
2. It's fulfilling, working on my business plan. I'm seeing results. I'm thankful for increasing awareness about the shape and direction of my work, along with greater effectiveness.
3. I'm working with others, who support me as I take my business to a higher level.
4. I heard someone talk today. It was encouraging hearing about him succeeding in today's economy. .And he has a regular job!
5. It's motivating seeing  my vision becoming increasingly clear. You may want to see my previous post for details.

Buddy Time with a Cat in Decline

     Alexander, my friend's cat, is still kicking. Although, it's no longer with his hind feet. It's his heart that perseveres. I dropped by his house and helped out earlier today. He no longer walks.

     I love his quiet determination. I witnessed him using his two front paws, pulling himself along the carpet, as he tried reaching the litter box. A feline diaper, he now wears. I picked my furry friend up, held him in the box and removed his undies. He took care of business.

     Afterwards, outside, on a big pillow, like the royal pasha he is, I transported him. Laying on his side, unable to move, he viewed the rows of Redwood trees in his backyard. The moment reminded me of a scene from the movie Solyent Green, where Edward G. Robinson went to end his life.

     In the film, Robinson reclines, drinks something that will do him in. Before his eyes, he views films of nature and listens to music, before passing on. Once outdoors, Alexander's ears perked up. His eyes darted.

     Neighboring cats, Sammy the Siamese, Benjamin, the tuxedo cat and Freddy, the puffy, big, half-feral black cat, came by to sniff him and say good bye, real gentle like. After the feline visitors departed, we sat, watching darting flies---cats notice the darnedest things----butterflies and the occasional flitting of a bird. I swear I saw a smile creep upon his bewhiskered face. Alex had been cooped against a wall in the kitchen, all day, until then.

    When I returned him to the house he owns, that he shares with the resident, Arlene, I thought he might be thirsty. Outside, the sun, at length, had caressed his back.  A small glass water bowl was brought to Mr. Grey(t).  As I approached, water splashed in the bowl.  His eyes expanded, reaching out for it, like a cartoon character seeing something that captures its fancy. With the water bowl standing on his pillow, inches from his face, Mr.Gray was unable to drink.

    No longer can he sit or stand. This being the case since Monday.  Tenderly, from behind, I pulled him up with a hand on each of his sides, allowing his scrawny body to stand, in front of the shimmering bowl. He lowered his head and drank and drank and drank.

    I'm thankful for simple pleasures.  I never realized how satisfying it is doing hospice care, tending to a dying cat, taking time to slow down and listen, as Alexander spoke to me with his beautiful green eyes.

    For the first story in this series, please read here. 

Moving Towards Our Vision

"Where there is no vision, the people perish."

     Good to see you guys dropping by. Lately, the days have been crazy. I went out Sunday night and didn't get home until after one a.m. Yesterday, Alex's decline got worse, exponentially, he's still around, but the situation is sad. He can't sit or walk. He's mentally alert, but his body is giving out.  Monday, the internet went out in the afternoon, the service was restored this morning. I'll be busy replying to all who've dropped by over the past few days. Thanks for reading and commenting!
     
      As an aside, I've been working on my vision. (When do we ever here that word? Not often enough.) I'm concentrating on what my vision looks like, physically, spiritually, mentally, materially, professionally and relationally. It's been a good exercise. My actions are being set in terms of my priorities and they are being aligned with the vision for my life. I'm getting more tasks accomplished and I like witnessing the progress as I'm moving towards refocused, sharply defined goals.

       So, here are some questions I have for you:

1. Can you define your vision?  (Same categories as listed above.Try to make them practical.)
2.  If you were to break your vision down into three to five goal categories, what would they be?
3.  What would be some separate actions for each goal?

I'd enjoy hearing your answers. I'm asking that we share our practical goals.

    Have a great and grateful rest of the week,

Creating a Better Today ............ 5/31/11

       Beyond pretense.

      A friend of sever-al decades-----a Bal-cony Person in my life, and I lunched together.  This is what we discussed. The freedom enjoy-ed when facing our vulnerabilities.More importantly, we talked about over-coming our weaknesses by replacing them with healthy alternatives. The following are a few suggestions:

      I. If we're angry:
          A.  We can go for a walk
          B.  We can process it by writing about it in our journal.
          C.  Go to a local sports event and scream like the dickens.

     It is a socially acceptable place to yell.  Fans next to you will think you're amazingly fanatical.  I have a dear friend in her 70's who does this. She goes to the Cal Berkeley basketball games.

         D. We can listen to relaxing music, to decompress.
         E. We can release our frustrations out by beating a pillow or throwing rocks in a body of water.
         F.  Anger reveals we're experiencing an unmet need. We can take action to resolve the unmet need by taking one step that allows us to empty out.

      For example, say that we're with someone who is judgmental.   And we're uncomfortable with their put-downs or how they blame us for their problems without taking responsibility. We can excuse ourselves:

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I have something pressing that I need to do."

       No, not ironing a shirt.  Yes, we do have something to do. It's leaving that environment.  We don't need to be with someone who suffers from the toxicity of a bitter spirit.

Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself.

                        Proverbs 22:24-25

      It's necessary if we want serenity. If we want to reduce the level of drama in our lives.  One source for sanity is being responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others.

      II.  If we're isolating, we can:
           A. Call a friend, see how they are doing. If we want to have friend, we need to be one.
           B. We can go to a movie with someone. We are connecting with others.  Not only the friend but the community of others watching the film with us.  It's a step.
           C. We arrange a time to have lunch with someone special.

      III.. If' feeling blue, we can:
           A. Go for a hike in nature. It lifts the spirit for many.
           B. Listen to music we like.
           C. Workout at the gym.  You probably know hard exercise produces endorphins, which are great                 for our moods.
           D. For some, chocolate does the trick, it has serotonin.

       The above are a few examples of healthy alternatives. You probably can add more. You get the idea.

      We may not have control over our circumstances but we do have control over how we choose to respond to them. We have many op-tions, healthy ones that are life affirming.  Difficult times remind me of the following quote:

      The only time we'll not have conflict is when we're dead; learning to process the challen-ges life offers is preferred to the alternative; I find a coffin a little confining.

       When we make healthy choices and take action towards solving our problems we'll find ourselves happier.  Life will be more sane.  We'll enjoy life more. We'll also have an atti-tude of gratitude because we're making the most out of our lives. We are also creating a better today.

How About You?
1. What are some additional alternatives that you find to anger, isolating, depression?
2.  What is one step you'd like to take today, that will move you towards the solution of your particular challenge?

                 Here's to encouraging one another,

Image: Countryside: Spring Sky by Tim Blessed, © all rights reserved, use by permission.

An Evening to Remember ..5/29

..

      I just got in from being out last night, Saturday. I had a marvelous time with friends. Tonight's post shall be brief.

My gratitudes for Saturday.

1. Fun with friends and family was my delightful experience this evening. My birthday was celebrated at my favorite place, the Fairmont Hotel.

Simple Pleasures & Lessons Learned from Alexander the Grey(t). One of my favorite posts ....................4/23/11

Where the San Francisco Giants Play

       Hey, thanks for dropping by.  I usually write before midnight, until a few minutes ago, it was Friday. It was a busy night. I wedged in

Getting What We Want: Going Beyond Disappointment ......................4/15/11

     I attended a business meeting today that has strong consequences for me.  The unsatisfactory outcome didn't surprise me, there's a lot of room for improvement on this employer's part.  (I work for several.) 

      I stated what I needed. The powers that be, are responding to my request. One thing I've learned over time is that I need to take responsibility for life's disappointments, even if someone else causes them.  Yes, I'm the one responsible for coping with them.

       If I say to a person who upsets me, "until you change from doing x,y and z, I'll be angry, unhappy, (put in your anticipated negative response),"  I'm surrendering my happiness and serenity over to that individual.  I've just stated that my joy is based upon their reaction.  Not a good deal.  

        This person may not have the ability, or consciousness to meet my needs.  In today's meeting, I was assured that I'll get an answer to my request within a few days.  Good, I like that response.

        When facing unsatisfactory circumstances, I consider my options.  Applying positive alternatives is crucial for my mental health.  If I'm discouraged, I can spend time with good friends.  Exercising provides an additional outlet for stress.  

         I can listen to music I love or call a Balcony Person for a supportive ear.  Praying, journaling or walking in the countryside are other ways of nurturing myself when frustrated or my nerves are frayed.

        There are many things I can do to have the serenity needed, in order to personally thrive.  I'm less exasperated when I'm aware that happiness is a choice; it's not based upon what other people say or do. Focusing on troubles and disappointments only makes them loom larger and more disturbing. 

        Staying in the solution allows me to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Taking constructive action towards overcoming a disappointment allows me to create a better today.

"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny."

         Here's to making healthy choices,