A Big Day...... 3/13/20

   Thank you, for crossing the threshold of this inn, joining me on this special occasion, celebrating a milestone the next few days.

    It is a big day today.  This is the ninth birthday of this inn of praise.  My, what has transpired since this place of gratitude opened it's doors.

    Visitors from around the world have warmed the rooms of this inn.  The tally in the top

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort........ 9/14/17

        What does it mean to feel elated, frustrated, excited, and disappointed simultaneously?  That we are embracing emo-tional maturity.  With it,   dif-ficulties do not distract us from life's beauty. 

          When living by healthy principles---using recovery---crises do not shock us.  We do not dive into the greasy chute of despair created by our nega-tive thinking, and challenges no longer distract us from the good surrounding us at all times.

         Recovery teaches us the value of connecting with healthy others. When we are internally referented and grounded with God, our nega-tive outlook becomes positive. As we do, our emotional fortitude develops. 

        As we work on our character, we establish our "Must-Haves" and "Can't-Stands."  It provides the oxygen necessary for our relationships to move in a wholesome direction. 

        As we cultivate clarity about our values, our sense of direction and confidence grows. 

         Recovery encourages us to link individual successes with every difficulty we face.  Over time, this practice of resourcing crowds out dread; confidence begins to replace fear. 

         Routinely exercising this practice of resourcing pro-motes strength of character during crises we never dreamed possible.  

         One of the fruits of recovery is stopping negative mental chatter from depriving us of the ongoing beauty life offers.  Being confident in ourselves and knowing freedom from the need to please, we delight in parts of life we once routinely ignored---like the beauty of skyscapes---the formation of clouds.  

         Recovery helps us develop the habit of having a grateful, joyous heart even when the roots of our emotions are shaken by stress or relat-ing to unpleasant people.  We can enjoy life even when rattled and processing problems.

         Ruminating and perseverating over our fears and anx-ieties become a thing of the past when internally referent-ing becomes our default mode.

         Embracing differing emotions means frantic thoughts no longer rent large spaces within the territory of our mind.  Life's difficulties do not rob us of delighting in life's treasures. Recovery principles prevent us from letting others define us or determine our moods.

        With recovery, we become comfortable with discomfort.

      Personal growth allows us to know ease when encounter-ing emotional distress. Our feel-ings function like the dial on an old fash-ioned radio. Living by healthy princi-ples, we tune out the static of negative thinking.

       We use the discipline recovery offers to overcome anxious thoughts and perseverating.

Worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives us something to do but it gets us nowhere.                                  Hope For Today, p. 98

        We dial in on the soothing music of the good surrounding us, even during tough times.  Like:

1.  The good, nurturing, upbeat, gracious, non-judgmental friends who support us.

2.  Beautiful patterns in the clouds.
3.  The scent of a freshly cut lawn.
4.  A simple gift we bought for ourselves that prevents us from having a spirit of poverty.
5.  The love, smiles received from family.
6.  Great, in-depth conversations filled with presence and authenticity.
7.  Turning off the computer or TV and curling up with a good book on        a cold day.
8.  Taking in the magnificence of outstanding music.

         We can choose.  We can tune into the frequency of fear or choose the mental bandwidth that provides solace and equanimity.

        Recovery returns us to the innocence of a two-year-old before becoming aware of life's complex nature.

        With emotional resiliency, we luxuriate in the beauty and peace we can soak in--right now--despite our circumstances.  Past and pre-sent scars no longer distract us from enjoying the best that each day offers.

       With personal growth, flowers along country roads can be taken in because mental chatter no longer distracts us.  Once produced by the ugliness of life, mental dialog becomes replaced with a new and better quality: gratitude.  We. Slow. Down.  

      We enjoy the now, the present, relishing life's beauty.

      Savoring recovery, we become free from the mental stream of worry.  Walking in the city becomes a soul-satisfying exercise.

      Wild-flowers sprouting from sidewalk cracks, once easily over-looked, can be appreciated.  Recovery frees us from the dis-traction that despair and fear create.

    Recovery helps us overcome distorted thinking that origin-ated in childhood.  When this happens, obsession no longer rules us.  Instead, we develop a greater appreciation for na-ture.  We replace unsatisfactory cop-ing patterns with new and better alternatives.

       We taste joy and strength we did not know existed when we do this.

      Living with the strength, confidence, and optimism personal growth offers, we no longer become distracted from life's beauty because of the grip of fear and apprehension.  Our perspective becomes balanced; we take in the excellent and satisfying parts of life along with its thorny issues, including emotional vampires. 

       Recovery slaps away the hands of anxiety.  With it, fear loses its grip on our soul.  Personal growth involves placing healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.

      When that happens, dread disappears. It is replaced with emotional vigor and love for life.  Recovery gives us new eyes and an open but discerning heart.
       Simple things once ignored get no-ticed.  New colors to life surface we never thought possible.  Life vibrates as never before when we have recovery.

       With presence, we drink in the riches life offers the laughter of a baby, the cooing of an infant pas-sing by in a stroller, a wildflower springing from a city sidewalk. 

       Smiles of others are appreciated because we no longer go through life mechanically, without feelings.  No longer do we go through life trying to please others we do not know, spending time and money we do not have in ways that do not nurture us.

       Life and joy intoxicate us when we live with recovery.  Mini spontaneous celebrations become a natural part of our daily routine.  Simple pleasures abound when we enjoy presence, free from worries and the need to control.  Spiritual regeneration takes place.
     

       Simple pleasures be-come ignored when we let the demands of life push these treasures from our consciousness.  The joy of life often disappears when we become captive to painful memories.

        Relationships can devel-op, rich, and textured.  When that happens, authentic con-nections heal emotional scars.  These deeper friendships occur when we become codependency-free.  

        Liberation from this disease creates authentic connections because we are present, not trapped by distorted thinking or the need to please others.

         We become healed when we weave recovery into the fabric of our lives.   Using discernment, we re-move the frayed threads of unsafe people who have attached to us.  Toxic relationships develop our distorted thinking, includ-ing negative self-judgments. 

        Healthy relationships help us unload false beliefs. They rid us of twisted think-ing that our defensiveness and fear load into the truck of our minds when we are inse-cure.

        When codependent thinking is replaced with boundaries, fears diminish when we spend time with others.  Banished is the need for approval, and we have confidence in our best efforts whether others agree or not. 

         We give ourselves credit, even if we don't receive vali-dation from others.

         Recovery builds our self-esteem and eliminates unnecessary self-judgment.  Accepting unacceptable behavior no longer becomes our default mode.  Freed from the baggage of trying to please others, our mind enjoys greater peace.

         We are happier.

         Recovery frees us from reacting.   Obsessive fear becomes replaced with calmness.  We surf the uncertainty entailed in any relation-ship.

        We become more comforta-ble with discomfort.

        We now respond, and there is less reaction when life's drama ap-pears.  Our friendships are enriching.

         Our healthy friends offer grace and truth.  These connections become a soothing balm from life's scratches.

         Compassion and the absence of judgment in our friendships make our supportive network a safe haven.  Discernment keeps us from engaging in black hole friendships that suck our energy.

        Applying boundaries are the key to creating a safe com-munity of friends.  Recovery helps us navigate away from the treacherous waters of unhealthy relationships.

        Living with healthy princi-ples, the result of recovery, we remain present when challenged in a relationship.  We don't let "what ifs," fears, and assump-tions distract us.  Equanimity, peace of mind are enjoyed.

        Because, again, we do not let others define us.

"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and necessary for us to feel satis-fied, then we have given them power over us." 

                                  Courage to Change, p. 9

        We do not let mental chatter rob us from getting the most out of life.

       We know the complexities of life require more than black and white thinking.  We learn to pick out the burs of goodness embed-ded even in the ugliest blankets Life may toss our way. With emo-tional maturity, uncertainty and discomfort are wel-comed friends.  With it, we have enduring peace of mind. 

         With recovery, we are not triggered by awkward, anxious moments.  We become comfortable, not stres-sed when an outcome is unknown. We look forward to riding the clouds of life, exploring our personal stars, and climbing the moun-tains set before us as we move beyond insecurity and our controlling ways.

         Most of all, we enjoy being present.

        Recovery involves em-bracing what we encounter. We discover our role within life's circumstances.  The world does not revolve around us.

         We surf the waves life tosses our way.  We adapt to life's situa-tions.  We listen carefully to God and decipher what he is saying to us through the orchestration of events.

         It's that simple.

         As a result of personal growth, we see that certainty can be sameness and death.  Being stagnant creates an end to our character development, and it happens when we remain the same, not pushing ourselves to evolve for the better.

        We stagnate when we do not replace unfulfilling and ineffective habits with new and better behavior.  A safe person, however, con-stantly grows.
         

       With recovery, we learn to be less sure, more ourselves. When we are our au-thentic selves, we enjoy what life offers, including its chal-lenges.

         We have no need for control; our focus is on the com-mon welfare of everyone when fac-ing a problem.  We do not feel the need to protect ourselves against the vagaries of life.  When we reach this stage, we are present.

        And life becomes richer and more satisfying than we ever dreamed.

Freedom From Frenzy: Caution God at Work ...... 9/20/14

I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words in-
fluence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character
determines our destiny.   (See below) 

     Welcome to visitors.  An unusual week, our second largest readership were three hundred and fourteen guests from Germany.   Usually it is the U.K. The U.S. is always first, with 3,342 doing so this week.  Thanks for dropping by!

My Gratitudes: 

1. This evening, I rested. Taking care of ourselves is good. If not careful, we can push harder than what is best for our sanity or serenity.

It's difficult being in touch with our feelings when we are caught up with busyness.  When there are too many distractions competing for attention, our feelings lose, they are neglected.

Loving My Work and How I Go About It. Also, Power Through Prayer

       Good evening everyone,

This week was amazing, thrilling, offering more drama than I'd care having.  Nonetheless, it was also terrific, causing my character to grow.  I've missed hanging out with you guys.

       I'm seeing new clients.  Eight this week, four more in the new week starting in a few minutes.  Today, I received two calls from two new people wanting my help.

A Possibility To Know Me Better
(At least a video tape of me.)

      Changing subjects,  I haven't heard from any other readers, besides Keith, who want to see the fifteen minute video clip of a talk I gave two weeks ago.  If there is enough interest, I'll embed it in this inn.  You'd get a better idea of my personality and you'd hear me (not to mention getting a sense of my humor).

       Yesterday, I worked with my intern.  I learned more about her in the process.  I'm thankful for her help.  Today, I saw five clients and will visit with another tomorrow.

       Tomorrow, I'll sneak in watching my football team----the San Francisco 49ers.  For those not in the know, there's been a bit of a tempest about the quarterback.  It looks like Coach Harbaugh has gone with \the newer QB.  He prefers Colin Kaepernick, who appears to have more abilities than Alex Smith, who has been quarterbacking the team since 2005.

       It will be nice watching the game, engaging in something fun, not intense.

My Gratitudes for Saturday: 

1.  I love my work.  It's my ministry.  Yes, it cab wear me out.  But, I enjoy making my life count.
2.  Work allows me to weave many parts of me.  I use my research, education, past experiences, my ability to hear, communicate and synthesize.  My spirituality is also critical in what I do.

     I find clinicians are often in denial.  Most have not done recovery work---so what they share is from the neck up.  Often they present themselves as not having vulnerabilities.  To show otherwise makes them fear that they will not have authority to help others.  I totally, totally disagree.  Did I say totally?

     That's a subject for another day.  I find most therapists are paid co-dependents, which is sad.  Often they say what the client wants to hear.  They do not challenge those they serve.

     With my clients, they have tasks to do between sessions.  I insist that they are in touch with their feelings.  "I feel that........" statements are of declarations of thought, not feeling.  It's critical for us to be in touch with what is alive within us.
3.  I rode my bike in-between rain storms.  I love releasing tension from my body.
4. I met with a prospective client, during lunch.  Our conversation was fabulous.  He was abused as a child.  We had a wonderful rapport. I appreciated how much work he's done to overcome his past.
5. Two people called me, asking for my services today.
6.  I'm getting increasing clarity about my work.  It feels good.  I've had to rearrange what I normally do on week nights, to fit in the surge of work I've had.

Power Through Prayer
        Last night, I visited with a friend.  We talked, checked out sailboats and prayed.  I learned more about him.  When the evening was over, he gave me a ride home----it was raining, I did not have my bike.  Before I got out of his car, he said he liked the time shared in prayer.

        Prayer is a central part of me.  Without it, I couldn't live.  We are as strong spiritually as we are in our prayer.  I asked my friend if we could pray, before we did.  That's not something a person usually requests from an associate.

7.  I took care of a commitment today.  It's a relief having it off of my mind.  I have two more next week.  Only with God's help, will I succeed.
8. It's  storming outside. A good book, a warm room and time nurturing my inner self is always good during such times.  And so it has been.

How About You? 
What was you low and high points for this past week?  Please share, I love it, when you do!

Looking at Life Thoroughly, Using the Three A's: The Healing Power of Acceptance ...................10/5/12

You can't undo anything you have already done. But you
 can face up to it.   You can tell the truth.  You can seek for-
giveness.  And let God do the rest.         Unknown

      We celebrate the sanity enjoy-ed when we see life realistically.
      Awareness.  It's a good start, but in-complete.  It's eighty-eight percent of the answer when dealing with prob-lems. There's no remedy without first noticing the problem.

      The ancient Greeks said, "If we aim at nothing, that is ex-actly what we get."  Being intentional about the areas where we want to grow is essential, to get the life we deserve and want. 

       Awareness helps us overcome life's challenges and disappoint-ments.  With it, we enjoy progress.  Our learning curve spikes.

       And life improves.

       Negative circum-stances lingering, for months----perhaps years---are overcome quickly, when using awareness, when our problems have our full attention.

       Awareness is taking ownership of our feelings, attitudes, and behavior.   We take responsibility for our pain, life's difficulties or emotional disappointments.  With honesty towards ourselves, we see our part regarding our plight.

      Vigilance, or awareness about the areas where we want to grow is necessary for a productive, fulfilling life.
   

       Recovery teaches us that no one can make us happy, sad, angry or have any other feel-ing without us giving them permission to do so.  Our feelings are our property, we take ownership of them.  This truth is essential for personal growth.

      Ownership of our emotions is taking our life back.  We move beyond moping over our history.  We deal with the experience of our past.

       We consider what steps we can take to remedy our past pain.  Recov-ery allows us to be present.

     Those who negatively affect us may not be able to change.  They may lack the perspective to see their troubling values or behav
-ior----areas hindering our relationship with them.  Nor may they have the tools to improve their lives.

     That's okay.

     Dealing with the experience of our past pain moves us from relying on those who have hurt us. They no longer need to change or apologize for us to be happy.  Our happiness is no longer conditional, dependent upon a turn around in the victimizer's behavior.
 

      We find ways of moving on.  We are no longer anchored by bitterness harbor-ed towards those who have harmed us.  We show gentleness to-wards ourselves.

      Kindness towards our fears is applied.  We meet the needs beneath them.  We go for a walk, talk with a friend, or curl up with a book we love.

     We associate with emotionally healthy individuals, we apply bound-aries towards those who see us. We nurture ourselves with more rest, better meals, by studying material that empowers and imspires.

    This is staying in the solution. Instead of cursing the darkness, we light a candle.

    We move beyond grief, painful scars and anger.  We replace the inadequate response of bitterness with better behavior, thinking, and forgiveness.  We learn that "Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is letting go of the hurt." When we do, our lives move forward unencoumbered by the weight of ancient emotions.

  "Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny."            Hope for Today, p. 189

"Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away."                        Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal, p. 218

           Happiness and personal fulfillment is ours when we take own-ership for our feelings.  We become emotionally mature when we surrender playing the "Poor Me Victim" role.  Our life vastly improves as we replace inadequate behavior and dysfunctional thinking with new and better alternatives.  (One Day At A Time, p. 280)

Rooting Out the Problem
The Vital Need for Acceptance

      It's vital moving beyond awareness.  Awareness is inspecting our issues from a cognitive perspective.  Acceptance is next.  

       It is taking the perspective awareness provides and dealing with our issues from the emotional perspective, from the heart level.  This step is often overlooked.  We usually focus on solving the problem.  This is trimming the shrub of diffi-culties, not rooting them out.

       Using only our head, our challenges are guaranteed to return.

       Acceptance is being in touch with the issue at the visceral level.  It involves five steps.  It is:
1.  Seeing the vexing area.
2.  Feeling our re-sponse to it.
3.  Taking our feelings a step further. We grieve the loss involved.
4.  Letting the negative sentiments go---often through forgiveness.  Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is letting go of the hurt.
5.  Seeing what steps we need to take, looking at options that allow us to move beyond our pain.

       This involves connecting with others, getting their support.  It requires determining the fears beneath troubling issues.  Next, is seeing the needs beneath what agitates us and seeing how we can show kindness towards these needs.

       Acceptance is pausing while in the midst of a situational or emotional hurricane.

       Pausing gives us the space needed to choose better responses.  It calms our emotional self.  When we are aware of what is happening in the moment we have vertical integration, our mind comes into play.

      It comforts our agitated feelings.

      With vertical integration our mind goes online.  No longer frantic, we have greater emotional balance.  We also have a better sense of well-being, along with greater executive functioning.

      Acceptance helps remove ten percent of the problem.  Acceptance is not  resignation, "Oh, this is my lot in life.  I have to tolerate it."  It is taking action, not yielding to what's unacceptable.

      It is staying in the solution.

      Here's another critical point: many go straight from aware-ness to action. "I see the problem, and now, this is what I need to do....."  and we design an action plan.  Bad idea.

      When responding this way we are only involving our mind. The heart level plays a part, too.  Acceptance is rooting out the problem.

      When was the last time we made time, determining why we isolate, or inventoried a perturbing area?  Examining  the source for festering issues is critical for mental, emotional and physical health.

      Connecting at the gut level is crucial. If we want healing from pain.  Negative feelings are remedied when they are tended to, not ignored. 

      It is wise looking for the emotional payoff for our unhealthy behavior and limiting beliefs.

     When was the last time we did an inventory of our thinking, checking for false beliefs? When have we noted lingering childhood feelings that keep us caged with depression and powerlessness?  We want to challenge current behavior formed as a child, young adult.

     It's characterologically healing, to ask ourselves if our habitual feelings or thoughts are really true. It's important noting that as children, we may not have had the emotional and psychological wherewithal to process our pain.  As adults, it is more likely we do.

     For this to happen, we need psychological or emotional distance.  It helps us clearly see areas needing growth.  We get this from emotionally healthy friends who accept us.

    When we fail, they are compassionate.  They don't judge us our weaknesses. Instead, they help us discover behavior and thoughts that serve our need to thrive and celebrate life.

       We thrive when surrounded by friends who loves us. Yes, they challenge us, asking hard questions about our feelings, attitudes, and behavior. But they still love us. This is necessary to replace problemed areas in our lives with new and better behavior.

The Shoe Leather of Personal Growth

        Awareness of what triggers us is helpful.  Handling the emotions that surface---meeting the needs beneath them is even more critical.  Next, is applying the shoe leather of practical action.  An action plan is a bridge that takes us from our need to the steps necessary for us to have the life and peace of mind we want.

       Donning the shoes of practical principles and actions help us when we are out in the street of life. They assist us in handling life's demands.  We want to apply healthy alternatives.  We want to move away from unhelpful default modes.  We want to replace unsuccessful former ap-proaches with new and better behavior.

        Practical principles permit us to tread upon the gravelly aspects of life without being harmed.

       Action is the remaining two percent needed for handling painful areas. There you have it, the Three A's.  Awareness deals with the head, acceptance with the heart and action with the feet (what we do).  Applying healthier alternatives---staying in the solution---helps us move beyond what were once monuments of our past pain.

       We will enjoy better relationships, sanity, serenity, emotional health, and ease.

******  

     Recently, life offers more drama than I care for.

     I not sleeping much. No fun.  Am I complaining? I hope not. Inventorying the past few weeks, that's all. Awareness precedes improvements.

Being Kind Towards Myself

"We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves."                         - Joshua Loth Liebman

     I lost a notebook containing important records.  Telephone numbers listed within are not recorded on my phone.  It included a lot of my writings.  I'm frustrated and annoyed with myself.

     Occasions like these allow the practice of patience.  It reminds me to be gentle towards myself.  This means forgiving me.

     I'm human. My recent behavior is like many, when stressed in different areas.  Life has been unmanageable.

     I'm thankful for several supporting me today.  Their insight and wisdom provide clarity I don't have right now.  I feel scattered.  Their humor lifts my spirit when, without recovery, I would be in the dark tunnel of despair.

     I provide myself with greater clarity by spending time with friends today.

     I don't take life's gifts for granted. This includes friends.  Life is tense without them.  Some of you, guests to this inn, are included in this group.

      I value prayer. Without it, I'd be lost.  I've discovered over the years that I'm as strong spiritually as I am in my prayer.

How About You? 
Which of the three A's are you using to deal with a rocky area in your life?

I'm In An Area of Growth ................................6/7/12

Image: "Field and Country: New Wheat" by Tim Blessed.
 All rights reserved. Copyrighted material. 

       How are you?

This is an unusual time for me to post. A moment is available and I want to check in. The body is feeling a bit better. For those who don't know, my back has been in constant pain for several days.

        An interaction I had with someone recently left me not happy.  Needs for courtesy, respect, safety and celebration weren't met.  As I frequently point out in this inn, I prefer responding, rather than reacting to life. Reacting allows the jackal within me to have its day.  Never a good idea.

        I have zero interest in

A Special Night With Others: Enjoying a Fuller, Richer Life, With Increased Joy ...................4/25/12

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.  Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts,
 and we are never, ever the same.  ~Flavia Weedn, Forever, © Flavia.comImage:
"Countryside: Windswept" by Tim Blessed.   All rights reserved. Used by permission.

A Transcendent Evening

       Tonight, speaking before a group, felt good; it's wonderful to self-express.  The subject: emotions.  The strength and perspective I've developed in this area makes me the happy guy I am.  As a kid, the gremlins of fear, dread, sadness where at my side and kept me company.  As a youth,  these little monsters entered into my emotional neighborhood when I was taught---by school, my family and church---that the needs of others were more important than mine.  Then, I ignored my feelings.  More about this, in a moment.

      The occasion tonight was transcendent.  Afterwards, there was time for others to respond to what I said.  Eleven spoke up.  The dialog was so intense that the group ran out of time.  Taking a vote to see if we wanted to allow extra time, permitting everyone an opportunity to share, was suggested.

      The vote was unanimous: yes---a first.  Witnessing their flexibility, doing something counter to their traditions, was inspiring.  They realized that those attending, not the clock, was the priority.

       The reaction by the eleven who shared was heart-felt.  I wiped away tears when one person spoke.  She mentioned that neither of her parents ever told her that they loved her.  It was sad, not once did they ever muster the vulnerability, letting her know how much they cherished her, the youngest of four kids.

       I am friends with this lovely, gracious woman.  She works in the helping profession, too.  She joked that, in relationships, she once controlled others; it was her way of loving them.  Now, as a part of her personal growth, she lets them be, requiring less effort.

      It's a privilege, connecting with others who share openly, with authenticity.

The Silent Scream of Depression 
Filling Our Love Bank

        I learned later in adulthood the importance of paying attention to my feelings, needs and behavior.  Depression, I said---last night---is a silent scream.  My psyche is shouting that I'm not paying attention to----me.

        This negative emotional state reveals I'm running in the red.  I'm emotionally bankrupt, needing to focus on making deposits into my "love bank".

        I told the audience I am responsible for my feelings, not others.  I disagree with those who say, "you make me feel........." you fill in the blank.  No one can make me angry, sad, happy or another feeling without me giving them permission to do so, I said.

Coming to Terms With My Feelings Affectively, Not Cognitively

        I went on, saying how vital it is, coming to terms with my feelings.  And I need to do so in my gut, not just using my head.  Until I do, my emotional baggage will not be resolved.  Now, I own my feelings, honoring them, giving them deserved attention.  I discharge negative emotions healthily, by cycling, talking with an empathetic friend, or journaling, for example.

         As a result, I'm happier.  Life is serene, richer, more fully bodied.  I attend to what is alive within me.  My friendships are deeper, having greater honesty---I let others know what's troubling me,  if something is stuck in my craw.  Laughter has replaced fear.  Now, transparency without judgment are hallmarks with those I connect.  There's less drama.  Mutuality and reciprocity thrive in my relationships, allowing for greater balance.

     I continue to care about others, like I did as a kid, but now, I equally care about me.

My Gratitudes for Wednesday: 

1. A wonderfully satisfying evening with others. I love experiencing community 

2. I rode my bike for ten miles with a friend. Our time was limited. We had issues to discuss so we didn't scoot around town as much as we usually do. 

3. The weather was warm---there was the luscious humidity that occurs before a storm.  For the first time this year, no windbreaker was needed when I cycled. 

4. Gathered with friends later in the night, at the restaurant Juanita's.

5. I'm thankful knowing that analysis does not change our emotional or mental problems. We need to deal with them at the affective, primal level. 

6. Someone tonight wanted a quick answer to their problem with self-loathing, depression.
         Enjoying life is not the result of an easy fix, I told him, before the group. I told them there are no linear, three-step actions that solve long-term characterological issues. Legacies that have existed for generations will not change by investing one hour a week in addressing them.
         I'm thankful for speaking the truth, rather than offering false hope, even though I was pressured by the requesting person to do so. I'm happy I stand in my integrity---that I did not attempt to do something that was contrary to what I believe, just to please him and the group. They wanted a quick solution.  

7. It is very fulfilling, making my life count. 

So, How About You?
1. In what ways has the Silent Scream of your inner self been trying to get your attention? What are some needs that it wants you to take care of?
2. How do you fill your "Love Bank" when you feel yourself getting emotionally or spiritually bankrupt?
3. What are gratitudes?

The Need for Boundaries: Being Responsive To, But Not Responsible For Other People's Struggles ..7/19/11

    Good evening everyone, 

I'm about to take off for an evening ride on my bike. The day has been good and restful. Just what I needed. 

She's not opening her
mouth for a dental checkup

         It was a dramatic day, today.  I prefer avoiding them, when possible.  An intriguing conversation with someone I almost did business with, took place this afternoon; thank God for intuition---we need to trust it.  Glad, I am, that I did.

         A woman pressed me----expected me----to do a favor for her. Twice she asked me, while leaning into my personal space, to complete a financial transaction with her.  It would "really help me out," she said.  I did not answer immediately. I paused.  That's better than reacting, giving in to her pressure.

         What was shocking was I didn't even know her. The setting off the the red lights on my discernment dashboard, prompted me to say no.  Everyone is responsible for their circumstances. It's not my job rescuing others, especially when are forcing me to do so.  You know what that's called, right?  Yes, manipulation.

        The problem with being treated this way is that we are not allowed  to make choices. We are not allowed to be an adult.  Choices are a basic right for adults.  Having my free will definitely meets my need for autonomy, safety, harmony and peace of mind and soul.

        For more about that, click here for a great review of what is our responsibility, or rather, what isn't.  I'm not interested in pleasing unpleasant people. I don't have "stupid" or "abuse me" tattooed across my forehead.

         We are not "nice", when giving in to pushy individuals.  We are scarring them. Did you know that?  We are empowering them to continue their bullying.

Not Allowing Others to Determine Our Moods or Define Who We Are (Getting Healthier by Being Internally Referented.) ..... ..................6/1/11

         Good late evening, everyone.
Today's topic in just a minute----it follows the gratitudes listed below. Today was good. I met with a friend. Afterwards, I had hours alone to study and write. Ahh!  Having time alone is wonderful; I've been alone but never lonely. We are lonely when we cease to be at peace with ourselves.

       I'm improving in my dealings with

Armida, Part I. Counting Our Blessings: A Reminder That Tomorrow or Next Month Is Not Guaranteed ................ 5/27/11

      How are you?  I'll discuss today's topic after my gratitudes.

I've been on the go for several days. Thursday, I met with friends.  Afterward, some of us took in a movie: "Thor."  My oldest son is a manager at a twenty-five-screen theater, and I get to see first-run movies for free.  It makes me a popular date. :->  (Free large bag of popcorn and soda too, if desired.)

My Gratitudes Before Saturday Rolls Around:

1. I rested today. Nice. I stayed home this evening; I'm gearing up for Saturday, which will be eventful and carry on until late.
2. I visited with my oldest son Thursday. I'm proud of him: he's working hard: he's completing college, works a job, and now has been elected as president of the local chapter of the American Marketing Association. (He's a business major.)

     The honesty and openness we share are heartening. It was good hearing my son laugh while we visited.  Stress is an ongoing part of his life.  Sharing light-hearted moments was good for both of us.  Connecting and discussing any issue is easy for us; our bond makes my heart smile.
3. I purchased a book to replace one of the seven vital books I lost recently.  I've been eking out my studies for my personal growth.  I now have three; I borrowed two others from a friend.

      The ones lost are irreplaceable. Hundreds of cross-references I hand wrote in each.  300-500 added entries to the indexes I also had in them. Not to mention my marginalia, which was microscopic and copious. I've studied these books daily for years, close to a decade. They each had more than three thousand+ hours of notes in them. They are what contribute the bulk of what you hear from me when you visit me here.

     These books stirred my personal growth, offered wise perspectives, and provided inner healing and clarity.  I suffer not having them.  It's challenging opening up "naked" unmarked books. They're not the same.  Insights captured over the years and embedded in them are gone. It's hard starting all over again.  But...........
4. I'm glad that I'm gradually rebuilding my library's vital, integral core.

Making the Most Out of Our Lives
Tomorrow is Not Guaranteed
       Seeing friends last night was a great way to conclude the week. They're beautiful people. What I like best is that everyone is emotionally healthy.  They've worked through their issues.  I value their warmth, insight, and kindness.

      There was a shocker to this week's gathering.  One person blithely shared she recently visited the doctor. Armida fell and thought she had cracked vertebrae. The hospital did an MRI, finding out that was the least of her worries: she's severely riddled with cancer. This voracious disease is in her bones, lymph nodes, and lungs.  It may travel to her brain. They've given her 3-6 months to live.

       Tears streamed down my face as she calmly shared the news with a bright, sincere smile. Gosh.  In shock, unable to comprehend what she said, I was. "This could not be??" I thought. What she shared was incongruent with her calm and positive demeanor.

        Speaking with her, one-on-one, later, culminated in giving Armida a big hug----a request of hers. Visiting her, bringing mutual friends, I intend on doing.  I'll act soon, while she's mentally clear, and even after when she isn't. Guitar I'll bring. Music comforts the soul, don't you agree?  Her illness strikes an emotional chord; I've been assisting someone who's recovering from cancer surgery on her leg since last July.  Also, my dad died from prostate cancer not long ago.

        We want to let our loved ones know we love them; tomorrow is not guaranteed.
How About You? 
1. Who is someone you feel strongly prompted to visit?  My encouragement is to do it.
2. What has been a big shock you've experienced lately?  If you feel comfortable sharing it with us, that would be great. If not, you may want to get it out of your system by sharing this disturbing news with a caring, empathetic friend.  It works. I know from personal experience
**************************************
Update: 8/4/11 My dear friend Armida died Monday, 8/1/11, at 12:55 p.m., surrounded by family and loved ones.  I was fortunate enough to serenade her twice this month.  Most recently, Sunday, the night before her departure.

        Armida's irrepressible spirit left an indelible imprint on this writer. Her death is my loss and that of those who knew her. You can read the story about the innkeeper serenading her, her dancing eyes, and an unexpected but comforting guest here.

Expressing Feelings Part II 5/20/11

        It great when we express our feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills helps if they are to become a regular part of our life.  We want to be mindful that:

      1. Often what we think of as expressing our feelings is really a judgment.  Example: " I feel you are disrespectful."   That's more a statement of what we believe

Getting Work Done, Boundaries, Freedom from Pretense

      What a wonderful Wednesday this was!
The weather was fabulous. Now is the time when I frequently post gratitudes; while it is still this day, minutes away from tomorrow. As you will read below, there are many things for which we can be grateful. It's not really hard to think of some.

      If you're stumped, try using the alphabetical approach: I'm grateful for air, I love the sound of babies laughing, as their parents blow on their bellies and beautiful flowers.  I'm thankful for cars and cats.  You get the idea.

Getting What We Want: Going Beyond Disappointment ......................4/15/11

     I attended a business meeting today that has strong consequences for me.  The unsatisfactory outcome didn't surprise me, there's a lot of room for improvement on this employer's part.  (I work for several.) 

      I stated what I needed. The powers that be, are responding to my request. One thing I've learned over time is that I need to take responsibility for life's disappointments, even if someone else causes them.  Yes, I'm the one responsible for coping with them.

       If I say to a person who upsets me, "until you change from doing x,y and z, I'll be angry, unhappy, (put in your anticipated negative response),"  I'm surrendering my happiness and serenity over to that individual.  I've just stated that my joy is based upon their reaction.  Not a good deal.  

        This person may not have the ability, or consciousness to meet my needs.  In today's meeting, I was assured that I'll get an answer to my request within a few days.  Good, I like that response.

        When facing unsatisfactory circumstances, I consider my options.  Applying positive alternatives is crucial for my mental health.  If I'm discouraged, I can spend time with good friends.  Exercising provides an additional outlet for stress.  

         I can listen to music I love or call a Balcony Person for a supportive ear.  Praying, journaling or walking in the countryside are other ways of nurturing myself when frustrated or my nerves are frayed.

        There are many things I can do to have the serenity needed, in order to personally thrive.  I'm less exasperated when I'm aware that happiness is a choice; it's not based upon what other people say or do. Focusing on troubles and disappointments only makes them loom larger and more disturbing. 

        Staying in the solution allows me to have an Attitude of Gratitude. Taking constructive action towards overcoming a disappointment allows me to create a better today.

"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny."

         Here's to making healthy choices,