Tuesday, July 19

The Need for Boundaries: Being Responsive To, But Not Responsible For Other People's Struggles ..7/19/11

    Good evening everyone, 

I'm about to take off for an evening ride on my bike. The day has been good and restful. Just what I needed. 
She's not opening her
mouth for a dental checkup
         It was a dramatic day, today.  I prefer avoiding them, when possible.  An intriguing conversation with someone I almost did business with, took place this afternoon; thank God for intuition---we need to trust it.  Glad, I am, that I did.

         A woman pressed me----expected me----to do a favor for her. Twice she asked me, while leaning into my personal space, to complete a financial transaction with her.  It would "really help me out," she said.  I did not answer immediately. I paused.  That's better than reacting, giving in to her pressure.

         What was shocking was I didn't even know her. The setting off the the red lights on my discernment dashboard, prompted me to say no.  Everyone is responsible for their circumstances. It's not my job rescuing others, especially when are forcing me to do so.  You know what that's called, right?  Yes, manipulation.

        The problem with being treated this way is that we are not allowed  to make choices. We are not allowed to be an adult.  Choices are a basic right for adults.  Having my free will definitely meets my need for autonomy, safety, harmony and peace of mind and soul.

        For more about that, click here for a great review of what is our responsibility, or rather, what isn't.  I'm not interested in pleasing unpleasant people. I don't have "stupid" or "abuse me" tattooed across my forehead.

         We are not "nice", when giving in to pushy individuals.  We are scarring them. Did you know that?  We are empowering them to continue their bullying.
         Afterwards, I met with someone I mentor.  It was a welcomed antidote to the unpleasant meeting I had with the demanding woman.

My Gratitudes: 
1. Knowing it is not my responsibility to take on other people's problems. We want to be responsive to, but not responsible for other people's struggles.
2. For discernment.  I have it when pausing instead of reacting to pressure.
3. I'm grateful for not giving away big chunks of myself, to please people I don't even know.
      Because I am bonded to supportive others, detaching from manipulators is easier to do.  Connecting is necessary, before detaching is possible.
4. I placed principles and boundaries above a demanding woman.  I'm glad I adhere to my values and don't surrender them, when rattled. Some people may become upset when my values do not accommodate theirs. It is their responsibility, not mine, to process their disappointment.
5. Today, I stood in my power, personal growth and integrity.

    I'll leave a related link. Click here.  The second half of this post helpful when not knowing how to respond to a taxing situation.

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.