I've a minute to jot a few notes in this registry to the Atti-tude of Gratitude Inn. Yesterday I met with a friend who blew her top. I'm not talking about her blouse.
It was interesting watching her reaction and mine. She crossed boundaries doing something disturbing. The results damaged work stored on my computer.
What was frustrating, was that three or four times I asked her to stop using my computer. She didn't. I was not going to physically restrain her.
I'm not into control. It has no appeal for me. Controlling others violates another person's boundaries.
After the harm was done, in the midst of this afternoon tempest, she vehemently expressed her sorrow. "I'm sorry, Pablo. I'm sorry Pablo, I'm sorry, I damaged your computer!!"
This was said as she leaned towards me, loudly exclaiming these words.
It's hard receiving an apology when it is aggressively delivered. I was uncomfortable. I don't like apologies shoved down my throat. Nor do I like guilt used to motivate me.
It doesn't move me.
While leaning towards and yelling at me, she said I should not be upset. Hey, wait a minute. That's another fallacy.
Problems or feelings don't get better, when ignored.
They actually grow larger and more disturbing. I'm thankful for the presence of mind. It allowed me to feel the emotions churning within.
I asked her to stop telling me how my feelings should be. I said so calmly. Using the Clint Eastwood model.
I'm grateful for thinking out my options and exercising them. I'm thankful that I don't allow other people to dictate what I do, how I feel or what I am to think or see. As children, we allowed our family, church and school to run over our boundaries.
The tragedy is we absorbed these promptings---at times, brain washings---unquestioningly. Being an adult is disagreeing, without being disagreeable. We say our no as gently as our yes.
We do so with kindness and courtesy.
"The highest form of wisdom is courtesy." The TalmudLet me know what you think.
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