Courage and Support Helps Us Face Our Fears 9/29/17

      I  hope your day was fantastic.                                                                                                   If not, you are in the right place.  Having an     Attitude of Gratitude is critical if we want to get the most out of life.  It is the forward driving perspec-tive that enables us to thrive.                                                                   For more about that, please click here.  It's best seeing what can be done.  Better basking in the blessings we have, than live with regret and fear. 

       Below is a quote about the self-sabotaging nature of fear. May these thoughts help us face and overcome it. 

     My growth involves re-versing old ways of thinking. It was my habit avoiding painful feelings and sit-uations. It was better playing it safe. To avoid risk. [This is being controlling.]

     But life in-volves one risk after another.  Pain is unavoid-able.  Life is learning to accept what is.  This is no longer being engaged with reactive living. 

     When we are reactive, we are not moving towards wholeness, healing or progress.  We are living by default modes that do not serve us. 

      Instead of feeling helpless or hopeless, I look at the source of my distress. I sort out my feelings and process the needs beneath them. This is taking an honest look at myself and my situation. 

    As a result, I find that pain passes more quickly, and what I gain is freedom from fear. 

    I can reach out to a supportive friend or God, and pray.  I can meet with others who care about me to find the courage to deal with fear, pain, and risk. 

    When I  avoid taking risks, fear is always with me.  It is over my shoulder, waiting to claw at me.  

     Now, I face this beast.  I wake the tiger of fear. I come out the other side of its den, usually unscathed. I no longer keep a constant watch for danger. Now, I occupy myself with living.

    Wonderful things can happen today. I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life.

****** 

'Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'    Helen Keller

              If we are not failing, we are not trying.  And if we are not trying, we are not truly living.  What is the upshot of trying and failing?  We took our shot and were shot down.  But we are still standing.  

     The words to the left, expressed by William were spoken in 1604.   They are still true more than four hundred years later.  Progress occurs when principles are placed above not only our personality but also above our fears. 

         Sometimes this requires taking life not one day at a time.  

       It can be better stepping out in life for fifteen minutes at a time.  We place one foot in front of the other.  We are taking baby steps.  

       This is seeking God's will. We are relying, moment-by-moment, upon His power.  Not ours. 

       It is easier, facing difficulties in small increments. Next, we B-R-E-A-T-H-E!  Then we repeat the process for the next fifteen minutes.  

       And the next, and the next after that, and so on.  This is being present and practicing being in the presence of God. 

     

    It helps hav-ing a supportive network of great friends.  When we do, serenity is ours. Why? Because we no longer make decisions or take action alone.  

      We are in a community.  We are experiencing an emotional connection at the highest level. 

       We are finding safety in this treacherous, challenging world.  We enjoy inclusion, we are appreciated, valued. We are bonded with others who have our back. 

       While flying the airplane of life, our good friends and our relationship with God rouse us to-wards the exit. Yes, while we are in flight.  Encour-aged, we leap out the door of adventure.  We leave the comfort of routine living.  

       We have broken free from the status quo, remaining the same. We are plunging into discovering  what is.  This is living. 

It may be scary. But being present is necessary for personal growth and a fulfilling life. It is taking risks.  It is no longer playing it safe.  

       We confront uncomfortable outcomes, calmly, with confidence. Living fully is embracing and overcoming negative realities, calmly, with confidence. We banish the stultifying nature of a control-oriented life. 

       No matter how fearful life appears, we can be empowered.  The support of excellent, confident, emotionally healthy friends provides the trapeze net that allows us to fly and spin under the Big Top if life. 

        We are connected to our Higher Power.  Like the first picture in this post, we are not alone.  We free-fall into a world filled with adventure, vibrancy and satisfaction.  
   

     We move away from our death grip of  being controlling.  

     The result is knowing better friends.  Our relationships are deeper, more meaningful. When we are controlling we create distance and distrust.  

      No one likes being manipulated.  Our friends prefer authenticity. It provides respect, intimacy, and a give-and-take nature that everyone wants. 

       Our supportive friends and our relationship with a loving, gentle God are our parachutes. Healthy principles and recovey guide us so as we safely descend upon the landing zone of a richer, more thrilling life.

        May your day be bold and fearless. 

A Special Day and My Inventory: A Partial, Semi-impartial View 5/13/14

I am the only person on earth who can make my well-
being my number one priority. Doing so let's me drink
and appreciate the little things in life. 

       Today is special. It marks the thirty-eighth month when this inn opened.  Much has happened since.

    Thanks, for cooling

Friends vs. Acquaintances 2/4/14

This is Fremont, California, where I lived as a child.

       I'm thankful for friends.  In today's culture, the word "friend" is used frequently.  In most cases those listed as such are acquaintances, really.  I prefer in-the-flesh friends to cyber ones.  A digital smile from an internet friend doesn't compare to the warmth conveyed by a friend sitting next to me. 

             A friend is someone who is available, when we're

"Must Haves" and "Can't Stands" Create Healthy Relationships 9/3/13 356

“Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.”  Lionel Hampton.  Image: 

Cumbria: Great Gable by Tim Blessed.  Copyrighted, all rights reserved.  Used by his kind permission.

        We want friends who readily accept us.  

        We thrive when we have relationships that make us feel better. After spending time with them, we are revived.  We have these type of connections when using boundaries.  We want to keep relationships that are good for us. We avoid those that aren't.  

        Boundaries strengthen us. They filter out the unacceptable when relating. 

"Must Haves" and "Can't Stands"

        One source of boundaries is living by our list of "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands."  They winnow relationships.  Applying this list creates good friends. 

         We do not connect with those who drain us.  

         Whether it be joy, energy or hope.  The following list is a garland of garlic to wear around our neck.  It keeps emotional vampires away.  There is more information here, about Draculas who try invading our lives. 

       What does your list of "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands" look like? If we aim at nothing, that's exactly what we get.  How will you know if someone violates your boundaries if you don't know what they are?

        Some "Must Haves" that make friendships healthy: 

    1. Mutuality and equality. 

    Relationships need to be a two-way street.  If it isn't, that's a deal breaker.  Reciprocity has to be there.  I avoid relationships where I am an audience of one, where the other person only talks about himself.  I have to struggle to get a word in. 
    2. It is good having reciprocity with the vulnerability shared.  If we put ourselves "out there," they do, too.  To bond, it's important knowing their thoughts, needs and feelings, too. 
         
       One sign of intimacy: talking about what troubles us.  If we can't do that, the intimacy in that relationship is nonexistent. Sex without vulnerability in the relationship is not intimacy.  It is mutual exploitation. 

  3. When relating with people, I hang out with those who stay in the solution.  We'll mention the problem once.  After that, we'll talk about what we can do to counteract the troubling issue. 

       I need relationships that energize me, not enervate me. Complaining doesn't provide growth.  It only makes the problem loom larger and more disturbing.  I relate with those who know what they want.  They take healthy steps towards the life they envision. 

  "We get what we tolerate."

      Every time we use healthy principles to tackle challenges, we create a better today.  We look at our options.  We consider what we need to do to achieve and maintain serenity.  It's hard having strong character if we are morose. 

        I relate with those who are optimistic.  I cannot connect with those who have a defeated spirit.  I befriend those who are goal oriented. Those who sur-render to the demon of depression I avoid. 

4. I do not relate with emotional vampires. They are also known as narcissists, grumps or are con-stantly "poor me" victims. 

      Yes, it's fine, feeling negative feelings.  Grieving is important.  But, we must move beyond our consternation.  We want to take healthy steps that propel us toward our vision.  

      This is acceptance with recovery.  We are gracious.  Towards ourselves.  As we move forward, we apply positive alternatives. 

      We develop more choices when we bond with God.  This is also true when we derive support from our community of good friends.  They are our Balcony People. Which leads me to........

 5. I relate with people who value community, not those who isolate.

      Do you want the most out of life?  

      It happens when living in community with vibrant others.  We don't heal in isolation.  When left to ourselves, we usually perseverate.  We become OCD in our thinking. We stay in our head.  Unfortuanately, when we do that we are not living. 

      When I think, I am distancing myself from an experience.  When I feel, I am the experience. 

       We need emotional and psychological distance when confronting a challenge. It helps improve perspective. Discerning friends offer that.

       I have them.  However, growing a community takes time.  Mine is the result of cultiva-ting  relationships for years.  Good friendships require time and grace and discernment and commitment.  Excellent friends are the result of careful tending. 

      One gripe of mine, in cyber communities, Facebook in particular, we cheapen the word "friend."  Mine would die for me.  Would those on our Facebook list do that?

      No, they wouldn't and shouldn't.  What are termed as such,  don't have that depth of love, committment and mutual vulnerability. 

       According to this quote on the left, if we want in-depth friend-ships, we need to be one. We model what we want from our compan-ions. 

How About You? 
What are some "must haves" and "can't stands" that you want to apply in your life?  

Enjoying Support: Making a Happy Innkeeper ......11/23/12

Gratitudes for Friday:
1. I received tremendous support from
several advisers today regarding my work.  I am thankful for the encouragement, practical wisdom and concern they offered.
2.  I was happy being with my youngest son as he purchased a new bike, here in Alameda.  It came in this week.  The cycle shop, Alameda Bicycle, had it ready for him.  For those looking for a good deal, go there. If you buy a new bike, it comes with a lifetime guarantee, free tire repairs, fittings (adjustments), and wheel truings (if your wheel gets bent out of shape).   Wow!
3.   Two of my sons and I

Balcony People and Taking Care of Ourselves......: 9/7/12

Balcony People Prevent Us From Falling

       Receiving amaz-ing, beyond belief, support is hearten-ing.

      Major but scary areas in our lives can confronted when given this assistance.  We can enjoy little, but significant victories.  It is the little foxes that ruin the vineyards of life.

      These foxes can be captured, returned to their natural habitat.  This reduces the terror they can create.

        Loving letters from friends bolster our re-solve.

        Supportive phone calls lift us up.  Empathy lets us know we are not alone during tough times.  When needed, keeping good company helps us make it through the day.  It is a bridge that gets us over difficult moments.

       This loving support makes it possible to move forward.  No man is an island. Confronting challenges is easier when taking them one day at a time.  Sometimes, when situations are especially rough, it is better overcoming them fifteen minutes at a time.

       Taking life's dark moments in small increments help us to stay present.  It is less likely we will be overwhelmed.  We are confounded when we try to take on the entire elephantine nature of a problem.  Approaching it in bite-sized portions is emotionally easier on the psyche.  It is even easier when our Balcony People are at our side, rooting us on.

       Balcony People stick by us. They lift us up, after being sucker punched by the unexpected vicissitudes of life.  This is when we are thankful for the support we get when we have a supportive network.

       We learn from the experience, strength and hope of our good friends.  Their smiles, wisdom and compassion provide the connection needed.  During the stressful seasons of life---when we falter, they, our Balcony People, lift us up.

       They uphold us as we place one unsteady foot in front of the other.  Sharing their experience, strength and hope with us is invaluable. You might want to read here, for more about this critical source of support.

       Wonderful con-versations with a family member or connecting with others committed to our welfare heals emotional bruises.  These sores accu-mulate quickly when we are trying to grow.

       These bruises may pop up when we face an unpleasant task. This may happen when we take gigantic steps in our growth. One source of healing during these stretching times is giving ourselves credit.  When trying to grow, often we are facing our fears.  Or we may be overcom-ing old scars.

       When addressing daunting issues, we are taking care one of the most important persons in our lives.  Ourselves.  During stressful times, we need to take whatever steps are necessary to treat ourselves with care.

       This means Quiet Time.

       When we apply this time, we are taking care of yours truly.  Eating healthy meals.   Exercising.  Sleeping well may be what is needed to take off the edge of demanding days.

Listening to music, being with friends and making time for fun (even if we don't feel like it) are ad-ditional ways of nurturing ourselves.  Such action is critical when facing dis-tasteful, scary, circum-stances.

       Caring for ourselves in this loving way, being gentle towards ourselves, is the antidote to pres-sure.  It is a terrific tonic for tension.

       During stressful times this is when we need to especially focus on our needs. We have to be at our best.  This is possible when we nurture our souls. We become strong-er when we give attention to our physical needs.  We are the only person on earth who can make our welfare our number one priority.

      We accomplish this by connecting with our network of good com-pany.  We will also have greater success during life's crucible moments when we slow down to tend to ourselves.

How About You? 
1. How have you received support this week?
2. Has there been an area in your life where you are experiencing more clarity?

A Spiritual Awakening, Part III: Enjoying The Richness of Life .......7/12/12

We do not remember days, we remember moments. 
The richness of life lies in memories we have forgotten.   

       Good late evening everyone,

This was a different but wonderful day.  Corresponding with friends this week, including today, has knit me closer with them.  I awoke to a wonderful and amazing letter, waiting in my e-mail mailbox.  I enjoy interacting with you, my guests, too.  I am touched by your insights, thoughtfulness, sensitivity to life, your gratitudes and your increasing

Extricating Ourselves from Enmeshing Legacies and Difficult Circumstances 4/7/12

He's in a bog. Care needed when enmeshed
in a bog of circumstances that don't serve us.
This fellow is a codependent. That's why he's
happy. He's accustomed to being stuck in a
mess.  Life offers more: peace of mind. 

      Below, is a letter written to someone enmeshed in an destructive, emotionally abusive, addictive relationship.  I'm sharing it with guests to this inn.

       It deals with externally referenting  (another view of codependency), low self-esteem, the need for character discernment and defensive hope.

     Dear _________,

A big part of our disease is that, without working on healthy alternatives in the areas where we are vulnerable, using the resources of a mentor, or connecting with emotionally mature others, we allow those who disturb us to own big chunks of our mind and heart. We give away our serenity.

      We are easily externally referented. [Yes, that's a word. For more about this concept, please read here.] When in the grips of this malady, our conversation and thoughts are consumed, dwelling on the person we want to please, usually due to us not having intrinsic sense of worth. 

       Often these individuals are emotional bullies.  Upon meeting us, they can smell our codependent qualities----through lead.  They abuse us because of our deep-seated need for their approval. And low self-esteem.

       Externally referented, we focus on the needs of others.  We wonder why we suffer from depression, self-loathing and anxiety when the answer is we are neglecting our needs, behavior, thoughts. Our options are overlooked. (Courage to Change, p 359)  We assume the victim role.  That's what I notice about those who relate with narcissists and emotional bullies. 

"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny." 

          Hope For Today, p. 189.  

      When we view ourselves as victims, we don't see our contributions to the troubled relationship.

Looking back, I can accept that plenty of unacceptable behavior was directed at me, but I was the one who sat and took it and often came back for more. I was a willing participant in a dance that required two partners. I felt like a victim, but in many ways I was a volunteer.

Today, as a result of my [growth] I know that I am not helpless.  I have choices. When I get that old feeling that tells me I am a victim, I can regard it as a red flag, a warning that I may be participating (with my thoughts or my actions) in something that is not in my best interest. I can resist the temptation to blame others and look to my own involvement instead.  That’s where I can make changes.                         Courage to Change, p. 361

      We deserve better than tolerating abuse.  Allowing it speaks volumes about our low self-esteem.

      Often we don't see reality. We live in a fantasy. Defensive Hope.  [For guests to the inn, more about this subject can be found here. You'll be glad you did.] Insanity is not doing the same thing, again and again, seeking a different result. 

      No, it isn't, despite what many in recovery say.

      Such behavior is a symptom of insanity.  What causes us to do so is the insanity: we don't want to face reality. We'd rather believe fiction, a fantasy about the relationship, how the relationship will be if we only try harder, give more and please these unpleasant people who are emotional vampires. 

      This is is the tell-tale, screaming indicator that we in the grips of the disease of external referenting.  We don't get better by isolating----healing ourselves by our efforts alone.  Characterological growth requires a different consciousness than the one that created the problem---our own thinking and feelings---our distorted values. [To read more about this, click here. ]  

       Seeing things through the prism of damaged self-esteem, due to growing up in an unhealthy home---perhaps one harmed by alcoholism, verbal and/or physical, emotional abuse---is a chancy proposition.  Often the ideals learned there, aren't. Other conditions that make a troubled home include perfectionism, raging, mental illness or emotionally unavailable parents.  

       This is where Al-Anon Family Groups extremely helpful.  However, this organization is not for those who need it: it's for those who want it.  I know it has a great source of help for me.  The best I've ever found. [Please see note at the end of this post.]

      I'd encourage you to return to meetings. Of course, that's your choice.  For me, I'd rather stay in the solution and learn alternatives rather than emotionally staying in the funk of depression and battered self-esteem.

"A situation in which the lives and sanity of an entire family are at stake is not so easily solved, but the super optimist resolutely clings to the illusion that Al-Anon Family Groups can fix everything. It "fixes" nothing. That is up to us. Not in the once-a-week meeting alone, but with plenty of in-between reading, constant recall of the principles, and constant use. Al-Anon does have the formula, but it is we who must use it."  One Day at A Time, p. 351.

       Legacies created by generational abuse and neglect will not be overcome by only investing one hour a week in overcoming these areas. (One Day, same page.)  No, transformation requires hard work, learning better principles and getting help from supportive others.  Growth and recovery does not happen without effort.

       I believe happiness and a better future is worth the struggle. Don't you?

Related Post: 

Life Is Not A Correspondence Program

Innkeeper's Note: Al-Anon Family Groups is not Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a separate, entity for those who relate or have lived with an Alcoholic. Even if you didn't, you qualify if you live with or grew up in a home marked by emotional drama, perfectionism, controlling or emotionally unavailable parents.

Readers Having Difficulties Posting: Any Suggestions?

    Good evening, everyone,
How was your day? I wrote a long post and lost it. My computer continues to act up. In the middle of typing it just goes blank.  It's done so, four times, so far, with this post. It's an opportunity
for me to practice patience. Several of you, have sent me e-mails stating that you've tried posting here, multiple times and your posts don't go through. Does anyone have any ideas why this happens?

Enjoying Community With Perfect (But Delightful), Strangers

        Good evening,

A busy, but fantastic day. The weather was in the mid-seventies, with a slight breeze. Spoke with a bleach blonde-haired woman from Nassau County in Long Island today. She emphasized she was from the South Shore. She marveled about the weather we have here, in the Bay Area.

       She commented about the lovely temperature, how our weather cools down at night. She's out this way, visiting her son who now lives here. I told her I've never have known what it's like for it to be hot at night.

An Evening to Remember ..5/29

..

      I just got in from being out last night, Saturday. I had a marvelous time with friends. Tonight's post shall be brief.

My gratitudes for Saturday.

1. Fun with friends and family was my delightful experience this evening. My birthday was celebrated at my favorite place, the Fairmont Hotel.

Armida, Part I. Counting Our Blessings: A Reminder That Tomorrow or Next Month Is Not Guaranteed ................ 5/27/11

      How are you?  I'll discuss today's topic after my gratitudes.

I've been on the go for several days. Thursday, I met with friends.  Afterward, some of us took in a movie: "Thor."  My oldest son is a manager at a twenty-five-screen theater, and I get to see first-run movies for free.  It makes me a popular date. :->  (Free large bag of popcorn and soda too, if desired.)

My Gratitudes Before Saturday Rolls Around:

1. I rested today. Nice. I stayed home this evening; I'm gearing up for Saturday, which will be eventful and carry on until late.
2. I visited with my oldest son Thursday. I'm proud of him: he's working hard: he's completing college, works a job, and now has been elected as president of the local chapter of the American Marketing Association. (He's a business major.)

     The honesty and openness we share are heartening. It was good hearing my son laugh while we visited.  Stress is an ongoing part of his life.  Sharing light-hearted moments was good for both of us.  Connecting and discussing any issue is easy for us; our bond makes my heart smile.
3. I purchased a book to replace one of the seven vital books I lost recently.  I've been eking out my studies for my personal growth.  I now have three; I borrowed two others from a friend.

      The ones lost are irreplaceable. Hundreds of cross-references I hand wrote in each.  300-500 added entries to the indexes I also had in them. Not to mention my marginalia, which was microscopic and copious. I've studied these books daily for years, close to a decade. They each had more than three thousand+ hours of notes in them. They are what contribute the bulk of what you hear from me when you visit me here.

     These books stirred my personal growth, offered wise perspectives, and provided inner healing and clarity.  I suffer not having them.  It's challenging opening up "naked" unmarked books. They're not the same.  Insights captured over the years and embedded in them are gone. It's hard starting all over again.  But...........
4. I'm glad that I'm gradually rebuilding my library's vital, integral core.

Making the Most Out of Our Lives
Tomorrow is Not Guaranteed
       Seeing friends last night was a great way to conclude the week. They're beautiful people. What I like best is that everyone is emotionally healthy.  They've worked through their issues.  I value their warmth, insight, and kindness.

      There was a shocker to this week's gathering.  One person blithely shared she recently visited the doctor. Armida fell and thought she had cracked vertebrae. The hospital did an MRI, finding out that was the least of her worries: she's severely riddled with cancer. This voracious disease is in her bones, lymph nodes, and lungs.  It may travel to her brain. They've given her 3-6 months to live.

       Tears streamed down my face as she calmly shared the news with a bright, sincere smile. Gosh.  In shock, unable to comprehend what she said, I was. "This could not be??" I thought. What she shared was incongruent with her calm and positive demeanor.

        Speaking with her, one-on-one, later, culminated in giving Armida a big hug----a request of hers. Visiting her, bringing mutual friends, I intend on doing.  I'll act soon, while she's mentally clear, and even after when she isn't. Guitar I'll bring. Music comforts the soul, don't you agree?  Her illness strikes an emotional chord; I've been assisting someone who's recovering from cancer surgery on her leg since last July.  Also, my dad died from prostate cancer not long ago.

        We want to let our loved ones know we love them; tomorrow is not guaranteed.
How About You? 
1. Who is someone you feel strongly prompted to visit?  My encouragement is to do it.
2. What has been a big shock you've experienced lately?  If you feel comfortable sharing it with us, that would be great. If not, you may want to get it out of your system by sharing this disturbing news with a caring, empathetic friend.  It works. I know from personal experience
**************************************
Update: 8/4/11 My dear friend Armida died Monday, 8/1/11, at 12:55 p.m., surrounded by family and loved ones.  I was fortunate enough to serenade her twice this month.  Most recently, Sunday, the night before her departure.

        Armida's irrepressible spirit left an indelible imprint on this writer. Her death is my loss and that of those who knew her. You can read the story about the innkeeper serenading her, her dancing eyes, and an unexpected but comforting guest here.

Wealthy Beyond Measure: Stress Free, Too .5/22/11

“Abundance does not consist in how

 much we have, but in how much

 we enjoy.”

 

     Good evening, everyone,
How was your weekend? Yesterday, my sons, a friend, and I were immersed in nature all day. At Sunol Regional Wilderness Park, near Niles Canyon, south of Pleasanton.  My sons, along with a friend I've known for fourteen years, and I hiked. For more than two hours, alternatingly

Emerging from Confusion:The value of walking a spiritural path. Gaining an encouraging perspective during trying times 5/11/11

      Hey, can you tell me what you are thankful for? What are things that make your heart sing with praise?  Hearing your encouraging words uplifts my spirit.  

     Going through a good time, addressing important priorities, getting them resolved, is heartening. Such has been the recent case for me.  There was a period, a week and a half, earlier, where I faced plenty of uncertainties

Staying in the Solution: Much Better Than Assigning Blame 5/13/11

    It's great being in the saddle again. Yesterday, from one p.m. on, I was unable to post in this inn; the Blogger system was down, even after midnight, Left Coast time.

.   How are each of you doing?  Today was a crazy day. I'm pooped. Over five miles I hiked today. I got several errands done.

My gratitudes for Friday:

1. I'm tending to Alexander, a cat that's dying. He's 15 and a half years old. I love the guy. The feeling is mutual. Soon, he'll be gone. It tugs at my heart when this formerly aloof cat climbs out of his death bed, to see me, whenever I drop by. When I'm not around, he doesn't do that; he just lays on top of his cat pillow that's warmed with a vet-approved electric blanket made for house pets.Except for this story.  I enjoy the love and fellowship we share.
2. I got additional funding recently. I'm thankful for the additional resources. More importantly, I'm grateful for habits and principles that allow me to maximize and do a better job as a steward of God's provision. 
3.  I'm happy I'll see a friend tomorrow. It's been a long time since we visited---since February. This friend I've known since 1997. I'm thankful for the stability I enjoy with long-established friends. Tomorrow, we'll take in lunch and views of the San Francisco Bay.
4. Last night I slept for eight hours. That's exceptional for me. It feels terrific to get rest. I needed it----today was a doozy. I was in three different towns and got plenty of exercise. 
5.  This morning, I wrote in a newspaper for a city that's about sixty miles from my home. I took a stand against negativity and criticism against a writer that I like. I stated that it's better to say what we want, than to complain about what we don't have. Here's an excerpt:

"It amazes me how quickly we judge a person if that

individual doesn’t do what we want. We assign blame to 

them; frequently, we consider them as bad, or some other

negative interpretation of their character. In this case, 

many who’ve written above vented their frustrations due 

to [the writer in question not covering a subject they want

covered, in the newspaper].

It’s usually better staying in the solution. Complaining 

about what troubles us only makes the things that bother

us loom larger and more disturbing.

I grew up in San Jose, near Campbell; I’ve been a life-

long Bay Area resident. I think it’s better if we appreciate

the uniqueness offered by each part of the San Francisco

Bay Area, rather than denigrating one region, because we

live in another. I find contentment doesn’t require much. 

I find the following quote gives me perspective that contrib-

utes to more joy in my life.

'All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot
be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads
people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining
leads people to becoming unhappy.'

I don’t ask anyone to agree with me. Take what you like and leave the rest."

by Pablo Fuentes

*********************************************

       After I submitted this response in the Press Democrat, which covers the Santa Rosa area of the the North Bay, the complaints stopped.   There were over 20 complaints before I added my two cents.

       I'm thankful for taking a stand in a world that considers it sophisticated to whine, complain, be sarcastic, or cynical. As David Foster Wallace said:

Irony and negativity can critique but it can’t nourish or redeem.

6. I'm grateful for having a different opinion and the strength to express it. I used non-violent communication (NVC, for more about this, please click here.): I expressed my observations, feelings about them, my needs and my requests regarding them without using the five forms of life-alienating communication: blame, shame, fear, guilt or judgment. 

     Please let me know what you thoughts, even if you read this months from now. Your responses add life to this place and your insights I value: I can always grow by seeing your point of view. Mine is limited.