Thursday, September 14

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort........ 9/14/17

        Feeling elated, frus-trated, excited and dis-appointed at the same time. Embracing multiple feelings, is a sign of emotional maturity.  When we have it, difficulties do not distract us from life's beauty.

         Living by healthy principles---using recovery---crises no longer shock us.  They don't place us in the greasy chute of despair.  Challenges do not distract us from the good that surrounds us at all times.

        This happens when we are internally referented and grounded with God, healthy others and our values.

         With recovery, we are able to take in the beauty of skyscapes, even when shaken by stress.  We enjoy life.  This joy remains even while we are processing problems.

         Ruminating and perseverating over our fears and anxieties are a thing of the past when we are internally referented.

         Embracing differing emotions means frantic thoughts no longer rent large spaces within our mind.  Life's difficulties do not rob us from delighting in life's treasures while handling challenging circumstances.

        With recovery, we are comfortable with discomfort.

      Or perhaps I should say, we can find comfort even when we are emotionally un-comfortable. Our feelings are like the dial on an old fash-ioned radio. Living by healthy princi-ples, we tune out the static of negative thinking.

        Instead, we dial in on the soothing music of the good that sur-rounds us, even during difficult times.  Like:

1.  The good, nurturing, upbeat, gracious, non-judgmental friends who        support us.
2.  Beautiful patterns in the clouds.
3.  The scent of a freshly cut lawn.
4.  A simple gift we bought for ourselves, that prevents us from having         a spirit of poverty.
5.  The love and smiles received from family.
6.  Great, in-depth conversations, filled with presence and authenticity.
7.  Turning off the computer or TV and curling up with a good book on        a cold day.
8.  Taking in the magnificence of outstanding music.

        The choice is ours.  We can tune into the frequency of our fears or the mental bandwidth that provides us solace and equanimity.

        Recovery returns us to the innocence of a two year old, the time before we became aware of life's thorny nature.

        With emotional resiliency we luxuriate in the beauty and peace we can soak in--right now--despite our circumstances.  Past and present scars no longer distract us from enjoying the best that each day offers.

        When we know personal growth, wildflowers along country roads are appreciated.  We. Slow. Down.  En-joying recovery, walking in the city becomes a soul-satisfying adventure.

       We notice wild-flowers sprouting from sidewalk cracks that before we mindlessly tromped upon. Re-covery frees us from the distraction that despair and fear create.

      Recovery helps us overcome distorted thinking created in child-hood.  When this happens obsession is replaced with greater appreci-ation for nature.  Coping patterns that do not serve us are replaced with new and better alternatives.  This is recovery, too.

      When this takes place we are not distracted by fear, apprehension.

       Recovery slaps away the hands of anxiety.  It makes fear lose its grip on our soul.  Personal growth involves placing healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.

      When that happensdread is banished.  It's replaced with emotional vigor and love for life.  Recovery gives us new eyes and a open, but dis-cerning, heart.

       Simple things once ignored are now noticed.  Colors are added to our lives that we never thought possible.  Life vibrates as never before,when we know recovery.

      This is being present. When we are, we drink in the riches life offers.  We notice the laughter of a baby or the cooing of an infant passing by in a stroller at the park.

      We appreciate the smiles of others because we are no longer robots, going through the motions of life, caught up with pleasing others we do not know, spending time and money in ways that do not nurture us, as is the case for most people.

       Life and joy intoxicate us when we live with recovery.  Mini celebrations are absorbed.  Simple pleasures abound when we are aware, freed from worries and the need to control.  This is spiritual regeneration.

       Simple pleasures are ignored when we let the demands of life push these treasures from our consciousness.  The joy of life also disappears when we remain captive to painful memories.

        Relationships can be rich and textured.  These are the connections that heal emotional scars.  This happens when we are codependency-free.   Liberation from this malady creates satisfying friendships.  Au-thenticity with others is possible because we are present, not trapped by distorted thinking or the need to please others.

         It is fulfilling, weaving in the good of recovery into the fabric of our livesUsing discernment, we remove the frayed threads of unsafe people who want to attach to us. It is through relationships we developed distorted thinking.

        It is through healthy re-lationships we unlearn it.

        When our codependent think-ing is removed, our minds are no longer filled with fear or the need for approval.  We know our best is good enough.  We give ourselves credit, even if we don't receive validation from others.

         Recovery builds our self-esteem and eliminates unnecessary self-judgment.  Accepting unacceptable behavior is no longer tolerated. Freed from baggage, our mind enjoys greater peace.  We are happier.

         Recovery frees us from reacting.   Yielding to obsessive fear is replaced with greater calmness.  We surf the uncertainty in any rela-tionship.

        We grow in becoming comfortable with discomfort.

        We now respond.  There is less reacting when life's drama appears.  Our friendships are deeply rewarding.

         Our healthy friends offer grace and truth.  Our connections with them is a balm that soothes us from life's scratches.

         Compassion and the absence of judgment in our friendships make our supportive network a safe haven.  Discernment keeps us from engaging in black hole friendships that suck our energy.

        Applying boundaries are the key to creating a safe community of friends.  Living by recovery helps us navigate away from the treach-erous waters of unhealthy relationships.

        With recovery, when challenged in a relationship, we remain present.  We don't let "what ifs," fears and assumptions distract us.  Equanimity, peace of mind are enjoyed.

        We do not let mental chatter rob us from getting the most out of life.

       We know the complexities of life requires more than black and white thinking.  We learn to pick out the burs of goodness embed-ded even in the ugliest blankets Life may toss our way. With emo-tional maturity, uncertainty and discomfort are welcomed friends.

         With recovery, we are not triggered by awkward, anxious moments.  We become comfortable, not stressed, when an outcome is unknown. We look forward to riding clouds, exploring stars and climbing mountains as we move beyond insecurity and our controlling ways.

         Most of all, we enjoy being present.

         Recovery is embracing what is.  We discover our role within it.  The world does not revolve around us.

         We surf the waves life tosses our way.  We adapt to life's circum-stances.  We listen carefully to God.  We decipher what he is saying to us through the orchestration of events.

         It's that simple.

         As a result of personal growth, we see that certainty can be sameness and death.  Death of our character.  We do not push ourselves to grow, to change unfulfilling habits.

          A safe person, however, constantly grows.

         With recovery, we learn to be less sure, more ourselves. When we become our authentic selves, we take in and enjoy what life offers, in-cluding it's challenges.

        We are no longer controlling.  We do not feel the need to pro-tect ourselves against the vagaries of life.  When we reach this stage, we are present.

        And life becomes far richer than we ever dreamed.

Monday, September 4

A Helpful Thermometer of People's Character 9/4/17

Now they are lemon flavored, not lime
   The other day I was talking with someone.

    Not using discre-tion, and being unwise, I said something that made her feel awk-ward. (I bet you would like to know).  She stopped me.

     "I want to be

Thursday, August 31

A Wonderful Event 8/31/17

    There's a wonderful story I want to share.  It happened Tuesday.  I was wrong.

     Someone called me on something I said.  I wasn't wise.  Her correction excited me.  I am thrilled how present  I was when this event took place.

    When we justify what we

Tuesday, August 29

Gratitudes of Another Kind 8/29/17

    It is dismaying.

   The destruction and lives lost in Houston, Texas.  I am with you, I am alarmed and sad-dened with this part of the country devas-ted by Hurricane Harvey.  The Federal Emergency Management Agency says it will be

Saturday, August 26

Happiness Is A Choice, Revisited 8/26/17

       "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

      Abraham Lincoln echoed this thought with,  "Happiness requires very little, it's all in our way of thinking."  [And, I

Sunday, August 20

Resiliency Revisited.............. 8/20/17

    Thriving during difficult times.

     This is the stuff that emo-tional resiliency is made of.  It is not cowering to abusers.  It is the inner strength that pre-vents us from surrendering when the feet of our character is put to the hot coals of stress.

      Without recovery, this stress is usually self-induced, the result of our projections, judgments and interpretations of the behavior or others. 

      Resiliency is relating with difficult people and not being moved.  While such engaged, we maintain our confidence.  Our happiness is

Thursday, August 17

The Value of Boundaries ....... 8/17/17

Gratitudes for Today:
1.  For boundaries.  They allow me to keep my sanity. Today, I told some-one I was annoyed by his assumptions about me.
    He told me he knew my motives.  He doesn't.  He has

Wednesday, August 9

Being A Swami Is Not Our Job, Revisited ............ 8/9/17

A great way to avoid etching lines in your
 face is being internally referented. 
      I see the fol-lowing post, "Being a Swami Is Not Our Job"  is climbing the sidebar to your right.  I am leaving a copy here for those not acquainted with it. Here it is:

    We don't ex-perience an inter-pretation.  

 We imagine them.  Speaking my feelings without interpreting is being present. Whenever we state what is alive without judgment or presump-

Monday, July 31

Hope For Our Past 7/31/17

     I am posting again.

     This is the fourth post in two-and-a-half weeks.  I am glad.  Writing meets my need to self-express.

     It also allows us to be together. Thank you, for dropping by.  It fills the rooms of this inn, which makes the innkeeper happy.

Saturday, July 29

Tested, Not Found Wanting................ 7/29/17

Take a guess. Who is the colorful penguin? 
     Good evening.  How are you?  I'm resting today after an intense week.

     I did something different over the past four days, in-between seeing clients.  I negotiated with someone on the East Coast.  It required

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.