Tuesday, June 30

Six Steps For Standing Strong During Stressful Storms ................... 6/30/15

    Standing strong in times of trouble.

     Emotional resili-ency. The stuff that allows us to not cower to abusers.  It is the inner strength that allows us to thrive during diffi-cult times. It strengthens us so that we do  not surrender when the feet of our values are put to the hot coals of stress.

     Hara Estroff Marano, Editor-at-large for Psychology Today, wrote in "The Art of Resilience" 
Resilient people do not let adversity define them.  They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.  It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent.  It's possible to fortify your psyche.  It's possible to develop a sense of mastery.
    Yes, there is hope.  The following are strategies for over-coming stressful seasons in our lives. Do you want to know how to overcome with unpleasant others?  You want to know how to thrive when others try to strangle the joy, dignity and freedom you deserve? Then read on.

    Resilient people know the value of:

1. Boundaries. Resilient people do not let others or circumstances dictate their moods. They clearly know who they are.  Stress might play a part in their story but it does not overtake their permanent identity.  We are not what happens to us. Those who weather rough times well are those who use boundaries as their shield against the dragons of manipulators and emotional predators.
2.  Seeing the Big Picture: present persistent pressures do not narrow the vision of the emotionally strong. They look for steps that remedy their situation. They stay in the solution. The resilient do not revert to the inadequate coping measures use when they were children.  Now they have the psychological or emotional wherewithal to handle pressures.

      They no longer respond like little children.
3. Emotionally stable people---those who face the storms of life with equanimity---are clear about their identity. They realize they are not what happens to them.  Calmness during trying times is about perspective.  Circumstances fluctuate. They don't. They surf, not fight the waves tossed their way.
4.  Those who are resilient keep good company.  They surround themselves with emotionally mature others.  Balcony People give us the space to grieve and work through what troubles us without chiding us and giving advice.  We can be transparent with them. In this safe environment we can be ourselves, voicing what troubles us.

     The good new about having such a network is that, with practice we learn to express our true needs and wants beyond the safety of this group.  We can actually address our tormentors and those who try to control us.  A good support network involves braided relationships. These are relationships that go beyond superficiality.  We can be real with these people, unveiling our vulnerabilities without experiencing judgment or shame from them.  It is these type of relationships that undergird us during times of trouble.

      While a chain is as strong as its weakest link, a rope is as strong as its strongest strand.  When we emotionally or situationally fall apart, the strands of good company bind us together.  All of us were meant for bonding.

5.  Emotionally resilient people know what they need to do more of, less of, what to stop doing and what to continue doing. This requires making time to do an inventory, usually the last thing on our mind when in crisis.

6.   Key is knowing our vulnerabilities. And admission of our weaknesses is a sign of strength, rather weakness, to paraphrase Goethe. "Pride goes before the fall," the saying goes. Same is true with we operate as a Lone Ranger, in our strength, using our mind alone.

      I look forward to your visits. I'll see you later today.  May you have a great and grateful day!

Saturday, June 27

One Way of Slowing Down Our Hectic Life (An Example Inside.).... 6/27/15

     I am squeezing this in, before the day changes it's name, before the new week starts in a few minutes, before I fall asleep from exhaustion, a good tiredness.

     Busy working, I am.  But it is stuff I

Thursday, June 25

Three Steps To a Peaceful of Mind.. 6/25/15

     Not long ago, someone screeched at me through a letter.

      Threatening all kinds of evil.  Yes, at me, the Attitude of Gratitude guy.  She was my dragon lady.  Writing the word "was," in the previous sentence was a comfort.  It relaxes my heart, not seeing her.

       What did I do, when reading a letter of hers, dripping with venom?  I

Tuesday, June 23

Four Steps Necessary For Freedom From Fear................. 06/23/15

Image: "Woodland: The Edge of the Forest" by Tim Blessed
Copyrighted photo used by permission. 
        I'm thankful God controls my life. I can't.

        Days fraught with tension or fear, are not to be taken one day at a time, as recovery suggests. The following steps help:
1.  Staying present, going through rough days

Sunday, June 21

Celebrating Life, Faith and This Special Day ...... 6/21/15

        Loved the day.
        I was loved in the process.  Still amazed, the oppor-tunities for personal growth that continue every day.  Church was fabulous.  Deep-ly encouraged by what I heard about

Thursday, June 18

Freedom From Unhealthy Relationships ..... 6/18/15

He's in a bog. Care needed when enmeshed in a bog of 
circumstances that don't serve us.This fellow is a co-
dependent. That's why he'shappy. He's accustomed to
 being stuck in a mess.  Life offers more: peace of mind. 
Innkeeper's Note:  You may not have read this, written more than three years ago. I am sub-mitting it again. The update is this woman remains with this person because she loves misery.  And he is still in jail, manipulating her.
      Below, is a letter I wrote to someone enmeshed in an des-tructive, emotionally abusive, addictive relationship. He is in prison.   Depression and oppression are her normalcy, her companions.  It is what she

Tuesday, June 16

Never My Responsibility, Revisited............ 6/16/15

"Amidst the constant turmoil and drama that surrounds us, as we live life, many stop noticing 
what is going on with themselves. Something more important and life threatening always
 seems to intervene. When we  acknowledge a situation as it is, we want look at our options
 instead of looking at the options available to other people."  Courage to Change, p.359

        Fortunately, I've matured. 

        What follows reflects personal growth I have gained over the past eleven years. The result of hard work done on my personal

Thursday, June 11

Celebrating Life, Enjoying Priorities............ 6/11/15

     Tonight I made the better choice.

      I am following the local Warriors basketball team play in the finals for the NBA (National Bas-ketball Association) Championship.  This week, in the eve-nings, I've camped at the

Monday, June 8

Gratitudes....... 6/8/15

        Much going on.  Only so much I can handle.  Boundaries help.  I am not interested, busying myself with activities not consistent with my vision for the

Sunday, June 7

Two Antidotes for Ruminating, A Defeating Addictive Mental Habit........ 6/7/15

      Writing has me busy.

        Just not here.  I am preparing for future workshops, stretching my mind in the process.  My recent work will surface

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.