Emotional resili-ency. The stuff that allows us to not cower to abusers. It is the inner strength that allows us to thrive during diffi-cult times. It strengthens us so that we do not surrender when the feet of our values are put to the hot coals of stress.
Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs. It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent. It's possible to fortify your psyche. It's possible to develop a sense of mastery.
Resilient people know the value of:
1. Boundaries. Resilient people do not let others or circumstances dictate their moods. They clearly know who they are. Stress might play a part in their story but it does not overtake their permanent identity. We are not what happens to us. Those who weather rough times well are those who use boundaries as their shield against the dragons of manipulators and emotional predators.
2. Seeing the Big Picture: present persistent pressures do not narrow the vision of the emotionally strong. They look for steps that remedy their situation. They stay in the solution. The resilient do not revert to the inadequate coping measures use when they were children. Now they have the psychological or emotional wherewithal to handle pressures.
They no longer respond like little children.
3. Emotionally stable people---those who face the storms of life with equanimity---are clear about their identity. They realize they are not what happens to them. Calmness during trying times is about perspective. Circumstances fluctuate. They don't. They surf, not fight the waves tossed their way.
4. Those who are resilient keep good company. They surround themselves with emotionally mature others. Balcony People give us the space to grieve and work through what troubles us without chiding us and giving advice. We can be transparent with them. In this safe environment we can be ourselves, voicing what troubles us.
The good new about having such a network is that, with practice we learn to express our true needs and wants beyond the safety of this group. We can actually address our tormentors and those who try to control us. A good support network involves braided relationships. These are relationships that go beyond superficiality. We can be real with these people, unveiling our vulnerabilities without experiencing judgment or shame from them. It is these type of relationships that undergird us during times of trouble.
While a chain is as strong as its weakest link, a rope is as strong as its strongest strand. When we emotionally or situationally fall apart, the strands of good company bind us together. All of us were meant for bonding.
5. Emotionally resilient people know what they need to do more of, less of, what to stop doing and what to continue doing. This requires making time to do an inventory, usually the last thing on our mind when in crisis.
6. Key is knowing our vulnerabilities. And admission of our weaknesses is a sign of strength, rather weakness, to paraphrase Goethe. "Pride goes before the fall," the saying goes. Same is true with we operate as a Lone Ranger, in our strength, using our mind alone.
I look forward to your visits. I'll see you later today. May you have a great and grateful day!