Friday, July 31

Checking In. I Hope You are Doing Well

                I've missed you.  But, truth be told, I've had lots of fun, since March, Friday, the 13th, just as the spectre of the Coronavirus raised its head with a mighty roar, disturbing my town, state, country, and this still amaz-ing world, populated with phenomenal people.

      I've been traveling.  I am an essential worker.  My work permits me to go to far-flung places within Northern California: Mendocino, Paci-fic Grove, Santa Cruz, Los Gatos, Monterey, Carmel, Big Sur, and down to Santa Barbara.  Along with the backwoods of the San Francisco Bay Area.

      This current virus crisis pummels the souls, emotions, and bodies of many, almost every minute and every hour of the day.

       In my work I serve many, teaching them how they can be restored to sanity.  Clients learn the steps necessary to develop equanimity, even in the midst of emotional and situational storms. Awareness of present experiences with recovery-and-action-based acceptance is crucial.

      We want to respond and not react. We want our overactive limbic system to work with our cognitive self.  Recovery-based acceptance makes this possible.
  It is not the defini-tion of acceptance found in the diction-ary.  It is not resignation.  It is active and healing, productive.

      During this chao-tic and frightful season, I help many to make the most of life.  Seeing their smiles and the joy they are discovering during this terrifying season in the world is more than gratifying.


      I've taken days off this summer. Best of all, I continue to grow.  I'm facing fears.

       I celebrate emotionally enriching friendships. I know a depth of love and support from many dear people.  I am beyond blessed.
  There is a multitude of reasons for the deep Attitude of Gratitude I enjoy.

       I am wealthy beyond measure. One treasure is moving beyond the deep trauma of my youth and adolescence.  For a sneak peek into the core of who I am and the amazing, loving, support, and growth I know, check out this link.

       I'll meet you there. You'll become acquainted with a part of me you probably do not know. Many clients want to move beyond their past pain.  They know this is my reality.

My Gratitudes for Today
1. For great friends.
2. For the hope I enjoy.
3. For the joy I have and the inner strength and peace I know. It is a result of my faith and the work I've done in recovery.
4. For having a source of great fun. It allows me to enjoy the California countryside.
5. For incredible clients.

     There's more to share.  Right now, I have to get back to work.

      I'd love hearing your gratitudes. 

Monday, May 25

Memorial Day 5/25/20

Appreciating This Day

      On this Memorial Day, when we honor those who died on the battlefield, serv-ing our country, I'm thankful, living in the United States.

Sunday, April 12

Views About Easter................ 4/12/20

     Good evening,

 As with everything I write, please take what you like, leaving the rest.

     Easter was celebrated to-day.  I know the image usually is about bunnies, pastel colors,

Tuesday, March 17

Using Boundaries: Not Accepting Unacceptable Behavior........... 3/17/20

     Recently, I asserted the need for acceptable behavior when relating with a boorish individual, one who constantly criticized, put down others and judged. 
     I relate with pleasant people, those who are compassionate, patient and focus on cleaning their side of the street, not the porch of others or mine.  These are Safe People.

     An important principle in recovery is not accepting unac-ceptable behavior.  Nor do we sacrifice or integrity to anyone.

      I love the sanity we have when using discernment.  This is having a healthy people picker.  When we are codependent, it is broken.

     A broken people picker invites chaos, drama and plenty of grief, mentally and socially.

     We are not codependent when we live with recovery, and are   internally referented.  We are thankful for the clarity and safety boundaries offer.

     I was relating with a judgmental person.  In recovery, we clean our side of the street, not that of others.  He wanted to correct me, tell me how I should be.

     That's a no-no.  Such behavior is unsafe.  Someone having this quality is best avoided.

      I feel better already, ending my relationship with him.  I'm no longer affected by his toxicity.  He was a person who brightened a room by leaving it.
     Being judgmental is actually a form of control.. When yielding to others who are this way, we are forsaking our boundaries.  We are reinforcing this person's imma-turity.

     Recovery teaches us to be with responsive, not reactive people. Responsive individuals remain affirming, even when challenged or disagreeing with another.  Recovery is having control over our emo-tions.

    This is the defin-ing characteristic of an adult.  That is what makes adoles-cents, adolescents.  They can't control their emotions.

    If we do not have a grip on our feel-ings, we are emo-tionally adolescent.

 Gratitudes For Today
1.  Life is simpler, less demanding, because of the restrictive turn life has taken because of The Virus.

     It is an oppor-tunity to slow down.  Our society---everyone---because of the Corona virus, is moving from a crazy 4,000 rpms to 1,000.   We are moving away from operating at a highway speed.

     We are now moseying around the country roads of life at 25 mph.  Good.  It provides time for our minds to decompress and smell the wild flowers, rather than the coffee.
2.  My good friend Stuart and I visited Sunday night.

    It met my need for fun, connection, communication and good food.  We met at Cafe Raj, an Indian restaurant.  A lovely time of enjoying the depth of a close friend I have known for more than 20 years.

3.  A special toy I'm getting Friday morning.  It's my sports car.  It is returning, after a long hiatus. I am excited, thrilled.

    I can't wait.

    It meets my need for fun, celebrating life, adventure, change of routine and connecting with one person at a time.  It only holds two people.
s4. I was inspired Sunday morning.  I am grateful for those in my life who add to it.  I heard someone speak that moved me to reach out to oth-ers, even during this infectious season.

     Reaching out does not mean I'm getting in touch with them physically.
5.  I had fun revising the previous post.  I've put a lot of time into it, since I first posted it last Friday.  Writing is energizing, a form of verbal sculpting.
6.  It is terrific, I am more active, here, submitting five posts over the past four weeks. Thank you, for dropping by!

      How are you?  Is the Coronavirus cooping you up?  It certainly is a different world from last month. 

Friday, March 13

A Big Day...... 3/13/20

   Thank you, for crossing the threshold of this inn, joining me on this special occasion, celebrating a milestone the next few days.

    It is a big day today.  This is the ninth birthday of this inn of praise.  My, what has transpired since this place of gratitude opened it's doors.

    Visitors from around the world have warmed the rooms of this inn.  The tally in the top right corner gives some idea.  The following illustration makes

Tuesday, March 10

Enjoying Life: Responding, Not Reacting to Life or Emotional Vampires......... ...................3/10/20

   Saturday, someone screamed. At me.  He used obscenities.

   That's never happened to me, before, ever. He judged in the harshest ways possible.

   My response: joy.  I was inspired and happy.  No, I'm not crazy.  You know me pretty well by now, to know better than that.

   The tirade was from someone I am detaching from, pronto.  I've planned this separation several weeks ago.  After he stopped screeching, I replied with a smile stretching from cheek-to-cheek, "I love it, when you talk to me this way. I am inspired by your comments."
   I was sincere and serious.  I was hap-py, because his behavior validated my decision to not have anything to do with him.  I was in-spired because my sense of him was validated by his actions.

   I'm confident in my judgment.  This man's actions make clear his character.

   Emotional predators smell our feelings through lead.  If we get mad, they have succeeded in transferring their anger unto us.  That didn't happen to me.

   When I said what I said, this fellow went crazy.  He ran from me.  Fancy that.
    He saw I did not buy into his shenanigans. His personality was not placed above my principles. When angry people get mad at us, it means we are standing up to abuse.

   I'm internally referented.  You might want to take a look at this link.  Yes, referented is a word.

   It means I don't let others define me or determine my moods. It is not revolving my life around others.  My life revolves around what I want and feel.

   No, this is not selfishness. It is moving beyond codependency.


   Writing again at a late hour.  Better late than never.  I'm heartened many have perused my latest posts, more than six thousand---in the past two weeks.
  This week is a big one, for this inn of gratitude.  On Friday the 13th this inn turns nine years old! (This is the second time I use an excla-mation point in this inn, that's how excited I am.)

My Gratitudes for Tonight:
1.  I'm happy for those who've commented lately. It meets my need for connection and community. I will respond to them later today.
2.  I'm getting my sports car fixed tomorrow.  Having it will meet my need for celebrating life,
and discovery, as I tour country roads, enjoy the California coastline and the twisty bucolic vistas provided by gorgeous California country roads.
3.  I am eliminating two sources of dis-ease, areas that do not provide me the serenity I need and require, especially because of the intense nature of my work.

   Please have a terrific Tuesday and let your gratitudes fill this inn.  It makes my day, when you  do. 

Thursday, March 5

Courage Faces Fear and Thereby Masters It............ 3/5/20

      I'm awake at this late hour, working.  I'm busy, completing a project.  I missed meeting with friends tonight in the lovely island town of Alameda, because of work.

      I haven't strayed from this event in years.

Sunday, February 23

Opportunities for Growth When Challeged ............. 2/23/20

     Yes, I've been away far too long.  My apologies.  Life is busier than ever, all for the good.

    I have snuck in here, from time-to-time, editing "Signs of Being Toxic." 

    We want to be in cahoots with Heraclitus.  "No man stands in the same river twice.  Even if it is the same man, it is a new man and a new river, each time."

    The water from that river is different from what flows seconds later.  The man, minutes later, is different than he was a moment ago. Each minute of life, when we are free from mental chatter and enjoy recovery, provides growth and wonder if we but observe without judgment.

    Hourly, opportunities for our growth present themselves.  Times to assertively express ourselves or practice patience.  Chances for exercising better discernment.  The latter a recent arena for growth for me.

    I'm forced to relate with an unsafe person.  We want to avoid them, practicing detachment.

    Our circumstances may not change, but we can. We can become more effec-tive. We can work on our people picker.  An increasing love for life and our cal-ling is possible.

     We can become the luckiest people in the world, not wanting to trade our lives for any other.  Much of what transpires in our lives is for the good. Even though it may not look that way.

     The bad parts of our lives can turn out for good.
    All things work out for good, for those who take the next right step. The alchemy of recovery does this.  It takes the lead of difficulties and challenging people, transforming them into golden opportunities for practicing better judgment, patience, and compassion.

    Recovery helps us see difficult people are in the grips of a characterological disease.  We don't want to punish a person because they are in such a condi-tion.  Instead, we understand their negativity is a state-ment about them, not us. 

    We would never punish our children for having a fever.  Same situa-tion when relating with people we'd rather avoid.  Those making our lives difficult have a temperamental fever.

    It doesn't make their actions acceptable.  But it does help us to not take their behavior or comments personally.

   We enjoy a vitality, we pour Miracle-Gro into our lives when we live with a supportive, loving community.  We internalize the strength and grace we need but don't have on our own when we are attacked, or catastrophizing.  Healthy bonds provide equanimity and guidance when weathering life's storms.

   Having a sweet relationship with our Higher Power is essential, too.  To-gether, community and our spiritual practice form a breastplate.  It al-lows life's difficulties to glance off of it, keeping our serenity and joy intact.

   Life's difficulties can be either stumbling blocks or stepping stones.

   Recovery provides the positive perspective needed to thrive and move beyond problems. Personal growth happens when we place healthy, dynamic principles above our personality---the negative default modes and false beliefs we developed while growing up in less than ideal homes.


      I'd love hearing your gratitudes. In the meantime, may you know God's patient, gracious love for you.  May your friends encourage you.

     May you be a blessing to those who cross your path today.  One way of doing that is by offering a smile to all you encounter this day.

Tuesday, December 24

My Third Favorite Christmas Story, Revised ------------- 12/24/19

WWII photo of the Ardennes Forest
      Good morning, one and all. I know, you have not heard much from me.  I apologize. 

        I am righting this situation. The innkeeper will more actively relate with guests who visit this inn in 2020.  As it is, this is the 1,291st post.  It is a joy sharing each one

Friday, November 8

Emotional Sobriety 11/8/19

Switzerland: Mountain Farm

      Recently, some-one argued with me. I stopped it, cold. I do not tolerate unasked criticism. 

     "Is there a reason that prompts you to argue?"  I asked.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.