Hello everyone,
I have forty minutes allotted by the computer that I'm using at the Alameda Free library. I finished seeing clients and wanted to say hi to all the guests to this inn. How are you?
Thank you, Carl, for your post. I appreciate you standing in my place, even though, at the moment, you only have
one good leg. I'm grateful for your yeoman's effort!Not having internet access at home has been enlightening. I enjoy being untethered, cybernetically. I'm getting re-acquainted with several of my trusted friends: books. My recent times with them have been marvelous---soothing, even.
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The Strength Revealed Through Gentleness
Discernment Required, Though
I've been meaning to say something about emotions. In the limited time I have, I'll try. Anyone can be tough, what I call being a "walnut."
My image is the Marlboro Man, he's tough, grizzled, macho. Click here for an idea of what I mean. Yes, we can stay within the coffin of that tough and hard social exterior. But when we are in such a place, we will "laugh not all of our laughter, nor cry all of our tears." (Gibran, The Prophet.)
I counter that it requires strength being gentle. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, where, others could stomp on us, if they chose to. But this is the place where intimacy is born----where we are known for who we really are----our friends become acquainted with our fears, as well as strengths, our dreams as well as the practical realities that make us who we are. The shadowy parts of us that lurk within are revealed in the safe environment of intimate friends who are emotionally mature.
Intimacy comes from two Greek words: in, which means "in," and timao, which means to fear or revere. Intimacy occurs when we can be within each other's fears and yet still know acceptance and support. I'm fortunate, I enjoy intimacy with my dear friends, my Balcony People.
The key here, is character discernment. We don't reveal ourselves to just anyone. Gradually, as we get acquainted with those we encounter, we discern their character. With those who value us, and are safe, we let them know the finer, hidden parts to us. For more about principles that allow us to have greater character discernment, please read here.
Being in touch with my feelings and expressing them gives me confidence and allows me to feel good about myself. As a child my feelings and needs were neglected----what was valued then were the needs of my parents. I love the joy I have because of the congruence I have between my actions and values. It's a great feeling, having integrity. If something bothers me, I speak up.
Learning nonviolent communication has taught me how to adhere to my values while still being kind and courteous towards those who see things differently. Am I glad.
How About You?
What are the qualities you look for in others, before you allow yourself to be vulnerable?
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. Good friends and a loving family. From them I am nurtured.
2. Good books. They help me to grow and learn
3. A great God. He's the source of my strength and hope.
Wishing you the best,
Posts
5 comments:
Dear Innkeeper,
My gratitudes for today, Thursday are;
1. A necessarily painful physical therapy session this morning and graduation to gradual use of a cane; weaning away from walker. Love the cane, though i get more attention and sympathy with the walker!
2. Brunch in bed prepared by my son and his friends, and the first 2 hour stretch of sleep in days.
3. The late British singer, songwriter John Martyn's (with John Wood) lovely 1973 tune, "May You Never." Please give it a listen, if you have never heard it. It belongs on the playlist for this Inn!
4. That our #2 son is getting the guidance he needs to break out of his heartbroken rut of several years.
5. That my emailed (stapled) knee photo did not totally gross-out my Japanese management colleagues at work, and that two even responded!
Pablo,
A very insightful post as well as a very helpful one.Your words got me thinking about the importance of character discernment in relationships and how gentleness can actually be a strength rather than a weakness.Unfortunely some people can see a gentle person as defenseless and exploit that trait,which can be the answer to why so many of us are afraid to trust and be vulnerable to others.
However your solution to this is very rational.If one can discern others characters well,he/she can choose who to trust wisely,which eliminates unnecessary hurt.
Dear Carl,
You are funny! I'm sorry you do not see as many sympathetic faces, now that you amble around without a walker. :->
I hope you continue to sleep better and for longer periods of time.
Your son #2 has my prayers and support.
I'm glad your superiors at work responded to your recent medical adventure.
Wishing you a quick recovery!
Dear Loredana,
Thank you for your pithy comments. I like what you wrote. Feelings are critical, I agree.
I appreciate the positivity you contribute to this cozy place in cyberspace. I enjoy your visits and like visiting your place, too!
Broken,
What a better place this inn is, when you drop by with your perspective!
It IS tragic when abusive others exploit the kindness and gentleness of others----all the more the reason why character discernment is crucial for establishing healthy relationships.
The scarey thing is that abusers can smell vulnerable people through lead. That's frightening. Boundaries and character discernment help us stay on guard.
Thank you, for your honesty, authenticity and wisdom.
You have my prayers for success with your studies and positive, appreciative and supportive friends.
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