A Helpful Thermometer of People's Character 9/4/17

Now they are lemon flavored, not lime

   The other day I spoke with some-one.

    Not using discre-tion, and being unwise, I said something that made her feel awk-ward. (I bet you would like to know).  She stopped me.

     "I want to be

Banana Pancakes: An Opportunity to Transcend Unhealthy Legacies

      Good afternoon, everyone.

A happy new week to each of you.  I'm happy to announce this inn is
improving. We have another person on staff. He has contributed so

Last Days Spent with a Bewhiskered Friend ........................6/7/11 Alexander Part II

I used a glass bowl, like this one, to give Alexander the Gray water

     Good evening,
More about my dear friend, Alexander the Grey(t), in a minute----after getting in my gratitudes.

     I'm excited; today was terrific. Met with clients this afternoon. Afterwards, I met with friends who own businesses. There was energy, balanced with wisdom.  I'm thankful for my notes. There were ideas aplenty mentioned that I'll apply to my work.

My Gratitudes for Today:

1. My car is fixed. I'll pick it up up tomorrow. I appreciate the flexibility and independence of having a set of wheels.
2. It's fulfilling, working on my business plan. I'm seeing results. I'm thankful for increasing awareness about the shape and direction of my work, along with greater effectiveness.
3. I'm working with others, who support me as I take my business to a higher level.
4. I heard someone talk today. It was encouraging hearing about him succeeding in today's economy. .And he has a regular job!
5. It's motivating seeing  my vision becoming increasingly clear. You may want to see my previous post for details.

Buddy Time with a Cat in Decline

     Alexander, my friend's cat, is still kicking. Although, it's no longer with his hind feet. It's his heart that perseveres. I dropped by his house and helped out earlier today. He no longer walks.

     I love his quiet determination. I witnessed him using his two front paws, pulling himself along the carpet, as he tried reaching the litter box. A feline diaper, he now wears. I picked my furry friend up, held him in the box and removed his undies. He took care of business.

     Afterwards, outside, on a big pillow, like the royal pasha he is, I transported him. Laying on his side, unable to move, he viewed the rows of Redwood trees in his backyard. The moment reminded me of a scene from the movie Solyent Green, where Edward G. Robinson went to end his life.

     In the film, Robinson reclines, drinks something that will do him in. Before his eyes, he views films of nature and listens to music, before passing on. Once outdoors, Alexander's ears perked up. His eyes darted.

     Neighboring cats, Sammy the Siamese, Benjamin, the tuxedo cat and Freddy, the puffy, big, half-feral black cat, came by to sniff him and say good bye, real gentle like. After the feline visitors departed, we sat, watching darting flies---cats notice the darnedest things----butterflies and the occasional flitting of a bird. I swear I saw a smile creep upon his bewhiskered face. Alex had been cooped against a wall in the kitchen, all day, until then.

    When I returned him to the house he owns, that he shares with the resident, Arlene, I thought he might be thirsty. Outside, the sun, at length, had caressed his back.  A small glass water bowl was brought to Mr. Grey(t).  As I approached, water splashed in the bowl.  His eyes expanded, reaching out for it, like a cartoon character seeing something that captures its fancy. With the water bowl standing on his pillow, inches from his face, Mr.Gray was unable to drink.

    No longer can he sit or stand. This being the case since Monday.  Tenderly, from behind, I pulled him up with a hand on each of his sides, allowing his scrawny body to stand, in front of the shimmering bowl. He lowered his head and drank and drank and drank.

    I'm thankful for simple pleasures.  I never realized how satisfying it is doing hospice care, tending to a dying cat, taking time to slow down and listen, as Alexander spoke to me with his beautiful green eyes.

    For the first story in this series, please read here. 

Acceptance and Difficult Others 4/17/11

In a previous post about acceptance, Thag said:

"Try doing having acceptance when your almost 8-year-old makes weekly mass an exercise in humiliation!"

     Dear Thag,
I imagine it must, at times, be frustrating, raising two young daugh-ters, especially if one is strong-willed.  I'm not sure your oldest is, but she might be.  Fortunately, none of mine were.  I lucked out.

     There was a time, when I fathered  three teenage sons. That season required grace and wisdom I often lacked.

     Fortunately, they've turned out to be three magnificent sons.  I'm thankful for God's help.  I did my best and left the results to Him.  I find the following quote from Marshall Rosenberg helpful, I hope you do, too:

'Everything is in a constant process of discovery and creating. Life is intent on finding what works, not what's right'       Margaret Wheatley

It may be best to not look for the "bad," "wrong," or devious motivation for our children [or anyone's,] behaviors.  Our children are only and always trying to meet their human needs.  I train myself to look beneath the behavior for the need they are trying to meet, addressing that. In this way I will get to the reason they are doing what they're doing, and I'll also be able to help them choose actions that better serve their needs.

'Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mis-takes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.'  

 Virginia Satir states: Parents are sometimes afraid to empathize with their children out of fear that they will then have to 'give in' and give their child what they ask for.  However, empathy doesn't mean you agree to do anything your child asks. It simply means 'I care about what's going on with you.'

As we know, the message we send is not always the message received.

Sometimes when we make a request, we can pick up on verbal cues or body  language to determine that the message we sent was received the way we intend-ed.  But other times you can tell that whatever you said was "Greek" to the listener. 

To ensure a smooth exchange of information, try getting into the habit of asking the listener to reflect back what they heard you say.  They don't have to give a word-for-word recitation, but simply state what they think you said.  Incorporating this into your conversations, upsets and misunderstandings can be avoided.

It's important expressIng appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for a reflection.  Answering with "That's not what I said" or  "You weren't listening to me" will have the opposite effect.  A simple, "I'm grateful to you for telling me what you heard, I can see I didn't make myself as clear as I'd like. Let me try again." No Greek there!

******************** 

A Helpful Practice

       I ask others if they can tell me what they've heard me say.  Reflecting back what I hear, helps, too. It removes confusion. Again, what is communicated may not be what is heard.

       How many of my readers would like to join me, in exercising reflection this week?  May it be a great and grateful one, as a result!

Related Post:

Responding, Not Reacting

Compassion: Focusing on Our Loved One's Feelings and Needs 4/10/11

"If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We Must both speak and listen from the heart." 

********************************************* 

When we keep the spotlight on the other person's feelings and needs, we support their personal growth. Their motivations will come from a desire to connect rather than to please others, being rewarded or avoid criticism.  

We also support others in evaluating for themselves how well they are meeting their needs, rather than encouraging that they look to others for their evaluation. 

Celebrating successes is an opportunity to connect with another. Instead of offering an evaluation such as "Great Job" or "You're smart," empathize with the feelings and needs that are met for the person you're relating with: "Are you glad because you solved the problem?"        

                     Marshall B. Rosenberg

                              ****************************

      Let me know what you think about this quote.  I agree with Rosenberg's focus on getting away from judgment, even when it's positive, like praise.  
      What ways do you have in encouraging others?  Do you like it when someone says, "Good job," to you? Is it just me being finicky? But when someone says that to me, often I feel as if they've put themselves in a one up position with me, something that I don't like, nor asked them to do. 
      Thank you for dropping by.  May God bless you during what could be a busy week, if we lose our focus.
      The guy from the Left Coast,