I Choose Life. I Have Control Over How I Respond To Life's Circumstances ...................7/10/12

We must never forget that we may also find meaning
in life even when confronted with a hopeless situat-
ion,when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For
what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely
human potential at its best, which is to transform a
personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's pre-

         dicament into human achievement. 

         When we are no longer able to change the situa-
         tion---just think of an incurable disease such as 
         inoperable cancer--we are challenged to change 
         ourselves.      Viktor Frankl

        If I'm not care-ful, the moth of my unhealthy self is at-tracted to flame of those who want to deplete my energy.

        I'm thankful for discernment.  I'm mindful I am the average of the five people I hang out with. I relate with those who grow charac-terologically and enjoy life.

        As the quote under the picture encourages us, we may not be able to control our circum-stances, but we can control how we choose to respond to them.

        Happiness can be ours.  Even when surrounded by the grey clouds of a despairing situation.  We can bloom like the gorgeous cactus flow-er at the beginning of this post.

       We, too, can flourish.  This can be true in spite of being placed in the desert of trying circumstances.  It doesn't matter if our dry time is a divorce, losing a job or experiencing depression.

      Dr. Frankl knew this reality.  He lived life ful-ly.  This was his story  as a Jew entrapped in a concentration camp, during World War II.  Our difficulties could not be worse than that, are they?

        I didn't think so.

        I use the power of choos-ing healthy responses.  Even in dire times.  Optimists fare better and live longer.  They are happier and healthier than those who perseverate and dwell upon the dreariness of life.

        You can read more about this here. 

********    

         It's good hearing from so many of you. Thank you for signing the registry to this inn with your gratitudes.  It's getting late so I'll share mine and be off to bed.
1. I'll ride with a new cycling buddy on Wednesday. I'll enjoy the adventure and fun we'll have.
2. I spoke with the person who made last week unpleasant.
      He wanted to argue. I wasn't interested, I told him. A person can't play an emotional tug-of-war with me, if I let go of the rope.

       I simply stated my feelings, without using judgment. I let him know I needed dignity and respect in our interactions. I made no statement about his harmful behavior. I demonstrate respect towards him and equally expect him to do the same.  I left it at that.
       I appreciate having my voice and taking a stand for courtesy.
3. I received a gift today. Totally unexpected. I'm touched by this person's extreme generosity.  It's from my middle son, Micael.
4. For some reason, even though my right knee is stiff and sore, I can ride my bike without discomfort.  I thrive when I exercise. It does wonders to discharge tension and frustration.
5. I appreciate the efforts from a friend who is helping me with my business and in my social life. Wow, am I lucky. I'm touched by his support. It means a lot to me.
6. I avoid relating with those who frequently complain.

        If you knew me better, you'd be surprised with the resiliency I've had, despite severe setbacks.  I'd love hearing your response to this post.

The Antidote to Unmanageability: Time Alone, Time with Nature, Discharging Frustrations and Exercising Patience

Home in the neighborhood

         Good evening,
Today was a good day.  Rest was gotten and I had time alone.  Meditating and study recharged

A Busy, But Auspicious, Meeting-My-Needs Day .......8/2/11

    Hello everyone,

I met with a client this afternoon, our time was productive.  Earlier in the week, I asked if we could meet at a new place, she said okay, with reservations. It ended up she likes the new place better than where we once  met. I thanked her, for her flexibility.

        Taking care of self is still an area where I'm growing. (For more on this subject click here, and here, also.) It lets me know that I must be a Safe Person. 1 (See footnote below.) As a child, I was culturally conditioned to always think of the needs others and ignore mine. It feels great seeing important areas in my life being fulfilled. More about that in a moment.

Lessons Learned From a Dying, Semi-Paralyzed But Tenacious Cat ....6/8/11 Alexander Part III

    For my regular readers,  this post will not be about gratitudes. You are forewarned.
 
     One night, when Alexander the Grey was two years old, a car hit his backside. His owner, Arlene, didn't know this fact right away. Worried, she was, when, for an interminable day, his mischievous presence was absent. The following evening, while cooking dinner, Arlene heard a loud thump.

      Somehow, he managed to

Moving Towards Our Vision

"Where there is no vision, the people perish."

     Good to see you guys dropping by. Lately, the days have been crazy. I went out Sunday night and didn't get home until after one a.m. Yesterday, Alex's decline got worse, exponentially, he's still around, but the situation is sad. He can't sit or walk. He's mentally alert, but his body is giving out.  Monday, the internet went out in the afternoon, the service was restored this morning. I'll be busy replying to all who've dropped by over the past few days. Thanks for reading and commenting!
     
      As an aside, I've been working on my vision. (When do we ever here that word? Not often enough.) I'm concentrating on what my vision looks like, physically, spiritually, mentally, materially, professionally and relationally. It's been a good exercise. My actions are being set in terms of my priorities and they are being aligned with the vision for my life. I'm getting more tasks accomplished and I like witnessing the progress as I'm moving towards refocused, sharply defined goals.

       So, here are some questions I have for you:

1. Can you define your vision?  (Same categories as listed above.Try to make them practical.)
2.  If you were to break your vision down into three to five goal categories, what would they be?
3.  What would be some separate actions for each goal?

I'd enjoy hearing your answers. I'm asking that we share our practical goals.

    Have a great and grateful rest of the week,

Life is Our Spirtual Practice Part 2 ( However, breathing deeply might cause problems---see below.) ...................................................5/17/11

No, this is not a picture of me

    
     Good evening everyone,

How are things going for you?  Monday, was an opportunity to practice patience in my relationship  with others and myself. I felt like I was in a game show that tests your perseverance. I was in one of the least desired places in the world to be stuck in a box----no, not a mortuary, but the box of a building that houses the DMV I visited.  I've been resolving an issue since Friday.

       I spent six hours Friday, and one hour yesterday. I'm hoping everything will be solved, soon. My time at the DMV is my spiritual practice for now. (See this post, for more info.)  It was a Catch 22 situation, with a bit of torture, managerial rudeness, time pressure, frustration, impersonal technology and compassion, all rolled into one experience.

       I was deflated----emotionally----after my trips to this agency. What happens to people who don't speak English as their first language, cannot enunciate clearly, don't have access to the internet, don't have a cell phone and don't have time to spend eight hours to solve a problem regarding registration? 

      Even with all the resources needed to handle this problem, I  was unable to get anything solved. I was the last person in the building yesterday. The security guard stood next to me, seeing to it that I leave;  while a supervisor assisted me as I followed phone prompts about processing my problem on my cell phone.

      I left the building ("Now serving G453, now serving G453, at window number eight. Now serving....") with my problem in the same condition as last Friday.  All these problems were a result because I wasn't allowed to pay a fourteen dollar fee in person at this agency.  I had all the paperwork taken care of.However, I was instructed. I needed to do something that could only be done online or on the phone. At this point my situation deteriorated.

      The phone tree was worse than awful, worse than having a root canal done, worse than being in a psychiatric hospital, worse than being mugged at knife point by three teenage boys, all experiences of mine. (I worked in a sub-acute psychiatric hospital for nine years, as a psychiatric rehab therapist..)  While tackling the perplexing phone promptings, "please state the last five digits of your Vehicle Identifications number or say "I don't have it..."What was that you said? I didn't quite get that?" I took a deep breath. A mistake.

      My breathing strongly caused the call to return  to the beginning of the prompting menu. "If you want to hear your instructions in English, please press one, if in Spanish, please press 2...." At this point, I wanted my car to roll over the phone, and end my misery; but, I remembered it was my cell phone.  As I mentioned yesterday in gratitude number five, my faith was being exercised and I was provided an opportunity to practice patience.

      The pouring rain in the Bay Area, the past few days reflected the chill and bleakness I've encountered with the DMV. Monday, after my visit there, I melted, not in rage but in frustration. That's not a common occurrence. Yes, I was kind to the clerks and supervisors.  I knew it wasn't their fault. But I was spent, emotionally, just the same. 

      So, how was your day?

       Let me know your thoughts.

Simple Pleasures & Lessons Learned from Alexander the Grey(t). One of my favorite posts ....................4/23/11

Where the San Francisco Giants Play

       Hey, thanks for dropping by.  I usually write before midnight, until a few minutes ago, it was Friday. It was a busy night. I wedged in

Perseverance: Essential for Success .............. 4/3/11

"In the confrontation between the stream and the 
rock, the stream always wins–not through strength
 but by perseverance.”      – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I thought I'd share the following edited quote with you. 

"If someone asked me for one character quality that is the corner-stone for success, I would say perseverance. 

"Being great athletes, parents, leaders or achieving anything else---weight loss, reducing clutter, getting our finances in order, is really about willingness to persist in the face of challenges. We use these opportunities as a means to exercise our commitment towards whatever goal we seek

"Expecting the road to success to be a  cake walk leads to disappointment. No one is immune to the obstacles that life presents. However, I hold the power to choose what I do with whatever challenge I face.

"So, how about you? Do you persist when times are tough?  Do you pause while assessing the obstacle? Do you view your situation positively, that what you face is an opportunity that can lead to growth and fulfillment? 

"This is where a positive attitude is critical. [Click here, for more about this.]

"We live in a society of instant gratification. Many of us treat our goals in the same manner. We may expect instant mastery, flawless performances. We may want overnight success.  The truth is, our character and potential are determined by how we deal with the obstacles we face.  It is in these moments that we can take it one step at a time, towards the fruition of our dreams."   Beth Allen

     And this:

When nothing seems to help, I look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.  Yet at the hundred and first blow it may split in two. I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.        Jacob Riis

*************************************************** 

How About You? 

1. What helps you to persevere, when you want to give up on a challenge, project, relationship, job or dream?  

2. What do you find as a source of strength, during difficult times? 

3. What quotes or principles spur you on, when you want to give up? 

I'd love hearing your thoughts and your response to this post. 

Perfectionism, Procrastination, Paralysis: It's Antidote ......... 3/30/11

     Perfectionism is a disease. Have you heard of the three Ps?  They are perfectionism, procrastin-ation, and paralysis; they are related to each other, a typical negative pattern of behavior. 

          It's a regression.  Perfectionism leads to procrastinating because the task before us appears overwhelming, and we become emotionally unmotivated.  If we stall, the problem develops a life of its own, and we find ourselves paralyzed.  

         These additional problems evolve when our principles are overrun by the vulner-able parts of our personality.  In such times, fear, anxiety, resentment, and other negative feelings creep in.  When we find ourselves flummoxed and in a vulnerable place, the quotations below help:

I have yet to meet an absolute per-fectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for per-fection and the desire for inner tran-quility conflict with each oth-er. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way,  better than it al-ready is, we are, by definition, engaged in a losing battle.

Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it.  When we are zeroed in on what's wrong it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent. with life.

                            Richard Carlson,  Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

*****

 

     This blog is a miracle.  It is a baby. Seventeen days old. 

      It is an experience writing publicly. That's okay.  I am doing the regular practice that produces progress. 

      Posting my thoughts here reminds me of when I drove my first car.  It had a clutch, making it more challenging to handle.  The second time out was a doozy and a bad idea. 

       I was sixteen. I only had my permit and should have driven with an adult. I put it out on a busy street, Winchester Ave. in San Jose, with no one else joining me. 

      I did not know how to drive.  There I was, scooting along with other cars.  I had no idea what I was doing. 

       It was a dangerous time for the drivers surrounding me.  I could have bumped into them.  If only these motorists knew the danger next to them because of my inept driving.

       Those feelings returned two weeks ago when opening the doors to this inn of gratitude.  I have no clue what I'm doing here.  

      I simply put one foot in front of the other.  In this age of cynicism, I encourage guests to this inn to share their gratitude.  It isn't that happy people are grateful. 

      It's that those who are grateful enjoy life more and are happy. 

         

      Thanks for dropping by.  Here, we share our Attitude of Gratitude.   We rejuvenate our hearts with praise. We invest in ourselves when we post here.  

      Our spirit becomes alive when we focus on whatever is lovely or worthy of praise. May we feel the blessing of lifting our hearts with thankfulness.  

          Tuesday, I spoke before an audience about not being overwhelmed by those who frustrate us or push our buttons.  Tonight. I shared how we can get back our voice and not be manipulated by the anger of emotional bullies. 

          It makes my day seeing the audience interested in developing discernment in their relationships.  It's heartening witnessing others experiencing joy in their lives.

        When it comes to public speak-ing, I do the best, leaving the results to God. There is no need for perfection-ism. My best for today is good enough.

         I look forward to hearing what's going on in your lives.  Communicating, fellowship, and celebrating life are good for everyone's soul.  Have a terrific Thursday.  Keep looking up,

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Progress, Not Perf3ktion