Sunday, June 26

Our Ideal Self Isn't: Awareness of This is a Big Step Towards Taking Care of Self 6/26/11

         Hello everyone,
In just a moment, I'll get to Taking Care of Ourselves and "Our Ideal Self Isn't." Welcome to our visitors from Australia, thanks for dropping by. Keep coming back, perhaps share a few of your gratitudes. Our guests from Malaysia, thanks for dropping by regularly. I hope you are doing well.
       Absolutely fantabulous, were the past seven days. (Yep, a made up word.) Where do I start? I'm still glowing, basking in the three days spent with my sons. We had a good time at an ice cream parlor; traveling afterwards along scenic country roads, which wound their way through three canyons.
       Our trip took us to country that offered
views of rolling hills that extended for more than 16 miles.  A two hour hike, we took, burning off the ice cream in our stomachs. Along the way, we fed horses long stalks of uncut grass, passed curious bulls, grazing cattle and goats. Spending time in this pastoral and secluded part of the Bay Area was a respite for the excitement that would engage us, the next day. We capped the day resting our worn-out bodies in a cool theater, watching a late movie---“Super 8,” for free. A good movie.

We flew out kites at this spot--this is a partial view of the amazing
panorama this place offers. That's San Francisco in the background
        Monday started off with a blast. We fired off more than 25 rockets, at Chavez Park, in the Berkeley Marina. After getting tuckered out, retrieving the rockets, we flew our two-stringed stunt kites. Doing so is always hypnotic for me. It's a wonderful exercise of staying in the moment. The majestic panorama of the city of San Francisco, the bay and Alcatraz was our backdrop. Of course we followed this up with dining at Fentons. enjoying its superlative ice cream goodies. There was no better way for this innkeeper to finish the Father’s Day marathon celebration, the best ever.  Each day ended at 12:30 a.m. 

Same spot, viewed a little to the right of the previous photo. Alcatraz is in the upper left corner, San Francisco is behind it, you see the hills, and the 
Golden Gate Bridge is there for all to see
        Friday, I supped with my sons and Stuart, a friend of 35 years, followed by us joining a group of friends that evening. When our gathering ended, my sons and I trekked to Knudsen’s Ice Creamery, digging into ice cream once more. You can't beat that. I’m glad I’ve been working out and getting in 40 minute walks.
      Saturday's conference (yesterday) was mind-blowing, but good. I can honestly say my life will not be the same. I wrote fifteen pages of notes.  (It was funny, three different women tried to pick up on me, after the event ended. One succeeded in getting my number.)

A neighborhood in Mill Valley
       I discovered the charming, hilly, tree-filled Marin County city of Mill Valley. After the conference, a friend awaited me, outside. She lives in the area. Before dining in the town, we strolled through a lovely neighborhood. Crows squawking, birds chirping, the sound of water running over rock-strewn creeks and dappled bits of sunshine greeted us as we took in the sights of the town.
      There were no sidewalks in the neighborhoods of this mega-affluent town, just earth, just in the town center they'll be found.  Redwood trees jutted out, embracing us on all sides. Creeks meandered throughout the neighborhood, the earthy pungent fragrance of leaves engulfed us. The homes were architecturally stunning. They subtly blended in with the Redwood trees that engulfed and dwarfed the homes, my friend and me.
     Leaving the town for a moment, we went to visited Tiburon, walking along the bayshore. The town of Belvedere was in sight, another forested, exclusive town. All I knew of the place was that Vivian Vance lived  and died there after she retired. 

Downtown Mill Valley
  My Gratitudes for This Evening 
Preliminary Ways of Taking Care of Ourselves       
           I've been working out on my gym this week. I've made it high priority. I feel good when I take care of me. I'm loving myself when I stay in the moment, learn from mistakes and delight in the wonders of the day. 
           I'm thankful the path I've taken over the past 7 years eliminates the tendency to perseverate. I'm grateful I don't suffer from obsessive or compulsive thinking. I'm thankful that I don't have a need to control others. 
           I'm enjoy the serenity I have, as a result of letting others be who they are, even if I disagree.  I celebrate that we care for ourselves when we don't base our worth on what we do or what other people think of us.
  Our Ideal Self Isn’t
Knowing This Is One Step Towards Taking Care of Self
           I'm thankful it's possible for us to have self-compassion. I've learned that many of my ideals are errant, not ideal. As a result, my ideal self has transformed from the terrifying specter that once haunted me when I studied at a university and as a boy, in high school. My ideal self no longer condemns me. Imagine that and ya ay!
         For many of us, our image of our ideal selves condemned and crucified our real, frail, vulnerable selves. When we have loving, caring, supportive mentors, friends and family members, our image of our ideal self changes. It will include compassion, gentleness and graciousness. 
        Our ideal self now transformed, cares and supports the weaker portions of ourselves. We can be thankful knowing at the gut level that when the real, frail, weak parts of our self are loved and supported it can emerge from hiding and feel accepted. Only then is it experiences healing and transformation. When condemned, it runs away, wearing a psychological fig-leaf, in its effort at avoiding shame. There's will be no good outcomes, when we find ourselves in that place.
I cannot be perfect.  I cannot make others perfect.  Yet I am worthy of love, respect, and joy.  Let me remind myself each day that I am the child of [God].  That , in itself, commands respect---my respect--- for the miraculous "self" I have been given.  When I hold this at the forefront of my mind, I will not give up my "self" in the course of any endeavor.  
'Today, when faced with choices, I will opt for the path that enhances my self-esteem.
   'I am learning to live a full life, on in which I like and care for the person I am.'
      I'm taking on a new position this Wednesday. I'll do service in my community in an area that I have plenty of experience. Service allows us to stay fresh, it invigorates us and helps us to utilize----to actualize, the personal work we've done in our lives.
      For me, it has been especially true for the past seven years. We do service for ourselves; it benefits us, really. I'm thankful when I can do something that is good for the world and my local community in particular. Helping others is rich and meaningful. It's also fun, something I look forward to.
       As we focus on improving areas in our life and our character, I'm struck with the fact that doing so allows us to start our life all over again. That's a pretty good deal.


Tracy D. said...

Taking care of myself in front of others is a new concept for me. I have always thought self fulfillment came from what I did for others. Finding things I like to do has created a new happiness for me. This happiness overflows to other people and creates a positive nurturing environment. Thank you for all of the references you provided me to help me with my growth.

Pablo said...

Hi there, Tracy,

Hey, you're getting it! Someone pretty wise once said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." We have to love ourselves before we're able to care for others.

I'm glad you enjoy the library of posts we have here and hope you become a regular visitor to this inn.

Wishing you a terrific week,

The Innkeeper

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing your Father's Day celebration and pointing out how the simple things in life are what matters most. As I learn how to take care of myself I will continue to look for those things that will keep in the moment.

Pablo said...


Simple pleasures are full of riches. Taking care of ourselves is the definition of recovery. It also reveals we are being present and are comfortable in our own skin.

I don't know who you are but I am thankful for your honesty and transparency. I appreciate you leaving a comment, too.
Wishing you moments of joy and time where you luxuriate in all the goodness of who you truly are,

The Innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.