Thursday, June 9

Suffering Loss, Detaching With Love, Winning the Grand Prix of Life ............6/9/11 Alexander Part IV

    Hello everyone,

I'll talk about winning the Grand Prix in just a minute, after these comments and my gratitudes.  First, I want to process my feelings.

     This was not a good night.
Expressing Feelings of Loss
A Rare Occurrence for the Innkeeper

       Regarding words, a stickler I can be. I did not greet you with a "good evening" tonight, my usual intro. It's not; Alexander the Grey(t) died tonight.

       For those who don't know, he was a cat I dearly loved.  I have been tending to this Russian Blue with hospice care for six months. For more info, please read this post, this here, or click the blue link in the previous paragraph.

       A pall envelopes me as I write.  I'm at his house.  In the living room, he lies lifeless. I already miss him.
       I loved his quietly persistent and curmudgeon personality.  The latter was a facade.  Despite his serious-looking mug, he was a junkie for
affection, especially in the morning.

        What a difference a day makes. Yesterday morning, Alexander muscularly pulled himself twenty-five feet to a sliding glass door. Tonight, he left this earth, along with the last glimmerings of daylight, right at twilight.

        Emotionally, I'm spent, weighed down by the seesawing of feelings over the past three days, as I witnessed my friend Alex hanging on to life.  One indication of growth as adults is embracing feelings.  When we go straight from the head to action, we can become emotionally constipated---traumatized. Processing our feelings--not with our head, but our gut is essential.  Feelings don't go away if ignored.

        Alexander lies on the pillow upon which he usually rested.  For the last two months it was his perch.  His enormous bat-like ears are sticking up. Though dead, his open eyes gaze upon me.

        It's eerie, viewing him.  Next to him, stands a lit, large, white candle and a vase of Irises.  His owner is not here.  A respite from the presence of her beloved furry companion of 15-and-a- half years was needed.

         Before leaving, she poured a circle of salt on the carpet, around the pillow on which rests his lifeless body.  The entire contents of the cylindrical cardboard container was emptied, a death ritual unknown to me.

         My eyes are sore. You know why. Earlier today, I cradled him as the last bits of his life ebbed from him.  Early this morning, he yelped twice. He never had done that.  This breed is not vocal. He pleaded to be comforted.

          Gently, I held Alexander the Grey(t); his body was cold.  In pain, he was.  This morning, I knew was his last.  Soon, he would leave for good.

          When I embraced him later this afternoon, his eyes were glassy.  He looked afar, no longer preoccupied with viewing this tangible world.  He was already journeying towards his celestial home.

          No intense stares emanated from him---not typical behavior for Mr.Grey.  However, his ears perked, when I chatted with him.

          I don't want to write this evening, I'm not in the mood; it's healthy taking time to process loss.  For Alexander the Grey(t)'s sake, I'll place principles above my mood; I'll press on and write. For you, Alex.
My Gratitudes For Today:
1. I'm thankful for good memories, including those involving Alexander the Grey.
2. I'm grateful for life. Each moment is a gift, including time shared with others, be it family, friends or pets.
3. I'm humbled by the deep love I enjoy with God, my family and friends, including my furry friend.
The Need to Bond First With Emotionally Healthy Friends
Necessary First Step, Before Detaching From Hurtful Others
       My connection with my loved ones enables me to detach from others who are harmful, disrespectful or violate my boundaries. We need to bond first, with supportive friends, before we are able to detach from harmful others. To do otherwise, is like cutting off the branch we are standing on, while up a tree.

      Today, someone interrupted me, while I was speaking.  Calmly, I asked, "Would it be possible for me to finish my sentences?"  The individual got angry and stormed away.
      That's okay. If a person gets angry when expressing our boundaries, it means they want us to make our decision based on their reaction to our boundaries, rather than upon our principles. They want us to place their personality above our principles.  It's normally best placing principles above any personality, especially those parts of ours that are fraught with vulnerabilities----where we give in, become passive and allow vestiges of low self-esteem to scream lies about our worthiness.

4. I'm thankful for my voice, my opinion on matters that are important to me.  As a child, that wasn't the case. I wasn't allowed to express my opinion, click here for more about that. I was to be seen, but not heard. I'm glad those days are over.  I'm an adult, not a child. I related on an equal basis with everyone.
Winning the Grand Prix: The Best Way to Live
       There's a joy we have when we stand in the power of our convictions, not needing approval from others to feel good about ourselves. We become more grateful.  We get healthier, emotionally and mentally, when we strengthen areas where we're characterologically vulnerable.

        When we do so, we get stronger.  It develops our autonomy. It frees us from the tyranny of relying upon others in order to know what we are to do, say, think or see. We become more centered and there's less chaos in our lives.

       Having freedom from being externally referented helps us recover.  Recovery basically is getting back the dignity, sanity, joy, discernment and spontaneity that many  of us lost in childhood.

      We know we have recovery and sanity when we judge others and ourselves less. There's a reduction of crisis in our lives and greater appreciation for nature, when we are living with recovery. This is true because we don't allow the demands of the day to distract us from the beauty that surrounds us; we free ourselves from the demanding nature of life's cares.

       We exercise integrity regularly when we know recovery.  Routinely, we live congruently with our values, when we work on our vulnerable issues. We don't waver regarding our principles because others may sneer at them, like mentioned in gratitude number four above.

       When we stand in our Power, enjoy Recovery from past harm and live in Integrity, we experience and  eXcellent, life. That's winning the Grand PRIX. Nothing better restores our dignity and the fullness we can enjoy while traveling life's journey.

        Alright, earlier in this post you heard my gratitudes, would it be possible for me to hear yours? As you may know, I ask for you to share at least three. You've heard mine.

         Here's to enjoying your Grand Prix.
Images: "Cumbria: Mountain Walk" by Tim Blessed all rights reserved, used by permission.
(Okay, Alex, I did it.)


Cynthia said...

I am having such a nice time and learning so much reading your articles. I am grateful that God is all-powerful, all-wise, and all-loving. I'm thankful that He has mercy on whom He will have mercy and that I am one that has received His mercy over and over.

Paul NorthernCal said...

Dear Cynthia,

What a pretty name. Thank you for dropping by, reading and commenting! I hope you drop by again. Isn't it nice, resting and basking in God's presence, knowing no condemnation from Him, because of what Christ did on our behalf, making us righteous?

I'm in agreement with you about God. Several great dimensions about knowing God's love are His acceptance, grace and faithfulness towards us ("Great is thy faithfulness...") and His mercy. It's one thing to know about these qualities cognitively. It's another knowing them viscerally, at the heart-felt, emotional level.

Blessings to you, keep coming back! You might want to join this blog as a follower. May you have a great and grateful day, today.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.