Tuesday, September 30

Grateful for Many Things, Trusting God for One in Particular........ 9/30/14

     I just got in from working tonight in Alameda until 10:00 p.m.  Afterwards, I did errands and shopped for food. Tonight will be to the point.

My Gratitudes: 
1.  I faced fear and overcame it, sorta.  Still, it wasn't easy.  I am less resilient because I am tired, a lot, due to number 3 below. I am getting stronger because of number 13 below.
2.  I have a plan that is providing me hope, the result of help received yesterday.  I will test

Monday, September 29

What Is Communicated Is Not Necessarily What Is Heard..... 9/29/14

      Thank you, for keeping me com-pany, dropping by. Today was demanding, but there isn't a more satisfying job than the one I have.   I am also happy providing this cozy place in cyberspace.

        But, I am worn out; almost not

Saturday, September 27

Being a Zombie............ 9/27/14

      How are you?   Me?  I was a zombie Friday.  Could not see straight by the end of my work week.  Muddled thinking, incapable of studying---a rarity for me, an epistomophiliac.

       Even though I am happy, I was good for nothing by five o'clock yesterday.  Ended my week seeing five clients Friday, three via Skype.

      Today, I slept for

Friday, September 26

Expressing Our Voice Part III...... 9/26/14

Having Our Voice, Exercising Boundaries
      A favorite quote is the one listed below.  What is appealing about it?  Freedom. It is important maintaining integrity with our Values, even if it upsets others.

    A point of clarity.  I do not suggest using our freedom to excuse rudeness.

    Expressing concerns, kindly, when something troubles us, is

Wednesday, September 24

Relating With Difficult Others.... 9/24/14

      A guest to this inn once said:
"Try doing having acceptance when your almost 8-year-old makes weekly mass an exercise in humiliation!"
      I imagine it must, at times, be frustrating,

Monday, September 22

A Grateful Innkeeper........ 9/22/14

My Gratitudes for Monday: 
1.  I enjoyed hours spent with someone special yesterday.  The companionship, compassion and emotional safety shared recharged me for the demanding nature of this week.  It was great being with  I was with someone whose grasp of life is beyond my abilities.  I am stunned when I am

Sunday, September 21

Beyond Button Pushing---Abiding With Triggered Feelings, Getting Healed .............. ...................9/21/14

Image: "Cumbria: Hindscarth from High Spy"  By Tim
Blessed.  Copyrighted photo.  Used by permission. 
     I felt like a little boy in an ice cream parlor this morning. 

    The source of the delightful occasion: time spent with someone as filling as a Cobb salad at Fenton's Ice Cream-ery---a huge meal. We enjoyed an up-lifting

Saturday, September 20

Freedom From Frenzy: Caution God at Work ...... 9/20/14

I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words in-
fluence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character
determines our destiny.   (See below) 
     Welcome to visitors.  An unusual week, our second largest readership were three hundred and fourteen guests from Germany.   Usually it is the U.K. The U.S. is always first, with 3,342 doing so this week.  Thanks for dropping by!
My Gratitudes: 
1. This evening, I rested. Taking care of ourselves is good. If not careful, we can push harder than what is best for our sanity or serenity.
It's difficult being in touch with our feelings when we are caught up with busyness.  When there are too many distractions competing for attention, our feelings lose, they are neglected.

Tuesday, September 16

Staying the Course, Even When Pushed By the Strong Winds of Many Demands ......... ...................9/16/14

     "Morning by morning, new mercies I see, great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."
      I added three new clients to my practice, having sessions with them today. This was on top of the clients I already see.  I also booked four new clients to see within the week.

      First sessions are hardest. Today's clients were

Monday, September 15

Eighth Characteristic that Prevents Having A Healthy Relationship..... .................. 9/15/14

At this age it is okay, wearing a cape.  Any
 older, it isn't advised to be the constant rescuer
     We have looked at factors that make us choose unhealthy relationships. Next is number eight:

Rescuing:

     When our issue is rescuing, our need to help others becomes our fix. We binge on assisting others as an alcohol-ic binges on drink-ing. The problem with this type of relationship is a 

Saturday, September 13

The Seventh Characteristic That Prevents Having a Safe Relationship 9/13/14


      For the past week-and-a-half one theme here has been characteristics that prevent healthy relationships.  You can find the first three here.  The other three are in this post. The theme resumes tonight.

 Romanticizing
      The seventh characteristic inhibits having a safe relationship is

Friday, September 12

Taking Care of Myself............... 9/12/14


     Hello, I am grateful for those who post comments here. It means a lot to me.  I am burned out, after experiencing the most intense two weeks in years.  Heading I am, for

Thursday, September 11

Boundaries. Critical for Mental Health.... 9/11/14

       Boundaries.  They are a sanity saver and joy producer. I do not have boundaries for others to adhere to.  I have them so that I adhere to them.

        Without boundaries, life is

Enjoying a Moment of Spontaneity.... 9/11/14

Patience is priceless. Patience can only grow through experiences that test
 it. So we should treasure the times when our patience is tried, and not im-
patiently seek to be rescued prematurely. Makethe most of it. Realize that 
God has a purpose and a plan that will work out for our best. If we choose
 the path of patience and trust, we will not regret it
 (Photographer's caption.)
        Nowadays, I pretty much go with the flow, letting the day take me where it will.  I've my priorities.  But when monkey wrenches are thrown into the mix of the day, I accept them and adapt.  Part of having a Spiritual Awakening is

Tuesday, September 9

Six Characteristics to Avoid In Relationships, If You Want A Healthy One ...................9/9/14

One definition of discernment
      In this post, written last Thursday, I shared reasons why it is hard find Safe People, those who help us thrive and become better people. They were:
1.  Lacking Discernment.
2.  Not Knowing How to Connect.
3.  Fear of Abandonment. This is settling for less than is desirable.

     You can read the previous post in the link above, for more details on these three.  I will continue from there. The fourth reason is:

Sunday, September 7

Three Things Necessary to Release the Inner You.................. 9/7/14

As I am more comfortable with my wants,
dreams and desires, I am increasingly able
to risk the disapproval of others. We become
                internally, not externally referented. 
      I got home from San Francisco at 9:30 p.m.  Barely able to keep my eyes open.  I am emotionally and mentally spent. Not one penny of energy remains within the innkeeper.

      I cried once while doing a session.  That will do me in, physically.  But they were good, empathetic tears.  I also got choked up again, while

Friday, September 5

An Exhausted Innkeeper. Codependency, A Perceptional and Emotionally Depleting Disease............ ....................9/5/14

Being Codependent:

1.  We are externally referented. We do not trust our judgment. This places us in a childlike role when relating with others.  We need approval from others in order to know if something is right or not.
2.  We allow others to determine our moods. Growth takes place when we realize that nobody can make us feel happy, sad, angry or any other feeling without us giving them permission to

Thursday, September 4

Three Things Needed to Find Safe People.... 9/4/14

Scotland: "Loch Linhe and Loch Eil from Ben Nevis"
By Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo, used by permission. 
Where Do We Find the Safe Peo-ple We Need To Connect With to Thrive?

       Chance has noth-ing to do with it.

     When having difficulties in a relationship, look for the com-mon denomina-tor.

      Us. Ouch.

      Not taking responsibility for our unkind, unhealthy behavior is a typ-ical defensive response when in a conflict. We blame others for our problems with them. Or we surrender to an emotional bully, fearing standing up to them.

       We don't want to be bothered; we hate tension.

       Good relationships require boundaries. They provide an essential warp and woof when connecting with others. They help us weave critical values into the relationship.  

       Like idiot lights, boundaries, when crossed, signal when relating with irresponsible, emotionally unhealthy, or controlling people. When our standards become violated, like a blaring alarm, borders bring unacceptable behavior that spits in our character's face.

      What prevents us from facing problems with others? Denial.   Frequently we avoid our character issues, those areas needing growth.

       Childhood men-toring can prepare us for life. Childhood provides ripe mo-ments for developing discernment. Many of us in our youth did not learn this skill.

      Growing up in homes that are less than ideal is a common occurrence. Mentoring didn't happen. It gives us hope, knowing that doing what is right---like establishing our bound-aries--can happen now. No expiration dates exist for them. 
"It is never too late to                   start doing what is right." 
      Boundaries perform the role of measuring sticksIndivid-uals whose behavior lines up with our borders provide great friend-ships. We embrace those respecting our values.

      Boundaries reveal who we want to relate to. They also teach us who to avoid. For example, one limitation is connecting with people who develop their character. 

      An unhealthy person does not grow. They do not want to. They see no need for it.  

      Awareness of this boundary---insisting on relating with others who ongoingly grow--- develops mature, healthy relationships and emotional safety.  

      Three ingredients create good relationshipsThey guard our hearts and contribute towards greater sanity. Let's take a look:
  Guard your heart with all diligence for from it flows the issues of life.         Proverbs 4:23
1. Discernment

      Discernment builds healthier connections with others. 

     We draw people into our social circle for the right reasons. External reasons for relating with someone will not be the focus. A person's worldly suc-cess--material attainments, looks, or the nature of their work does not reveal the measure of a man or woman.

      Character defines the individual. 

      A friendship that includes character and emotional matur-ity creates a great relationship.  Does kindness reveal itself during our differences?  Are they patient when wronged?  

      Does the person have compassion?  These are the characteristics we want when connecting with others.

      Do they listen when we talk?  Or do they talk over us?  Do we see a "we" left standing after each conflict?

     These tendencies reveal a person's character.  A person demonstrating consideration is a safe person we can draw closer to.

     When something goes wrong, does the person care more about the issue than us?  When they talk, do we become an audience of one, overlooked in the conversation?  Such people are unsafe. 

     We will enjoy more peace of mind when we steer clear of such individuals. 

2  Knowing How to Connect

     Discernment isn't everything  Community is critical, too  We need to be loved.  

     Isolating hurts us emotionally and mentally  Connecting with emo-tionally healthy others protects us  Our need for intimacy will be met.

     Contrary to what the media says, intimacy is not sex  Often, that is the farthest thing from it  As presented in the world, tenderness is often trifled.  

     Reciprocity is what we want  Mutuality and emotional safety are essential for good friendships.

     Being intimate is revealing our fears  With a safe person, we can  Those we relate with---who are safe---do not judge when we bare our weaknesses  Instead of ridicule, we receive compassion. 

     We experience grace.

      In good friendships, shame is absent.  Blame is replaced with grace  We share our vulnerabilities boldly.  

      Safe People provide a healthy environment. What is divulged is not used against us.

     "Bob" is a fellow I know  He worked in the health care field as a nurse  A tragedy took place; someone died under his care.  

      He revealed this tragic event to an unsafe friend, "Joe." 

      When Joe did something wrong, Bob tried addressing it  His friend would dredge up that Bob "killed" a patient.  

       Bob killed someone  That was worse than any misdeed Joe did  Joe would tell Bob he could never say anything negative about him.

      Joe manipulates Bob, the mark of an unsafe person. 

  Overcoming Fear of Abandonment

       From time to time, we find ourselves in unhealthy relationships.  It does happen.  Applying boundaries and detaching is our best option.

       Why/  Fear of being alone causes us to cave in  Sad.  

       Good friends give us emotional object constancy.  This reveals the value of a supportive community  It pro-vides strength.  

       We know we are loved and valued.  

      Support empowers us to confront  Good friends strengthen us. With their help, we can take complex steps  We become empowered to take action that otherwise drains us emotionally.  

      Support empowers us to move away from unhealthy relationships.
 
       On occasion, we may be guilty of not keeping good company  Often, we prefer to stay in an unhealthy relation-ship  We believe it is better than no relationship at all. 

     This reflects low self-esteem  It is self-sabotaging  We can do better.

      We get what we tolerate.

       We train people how to treat us, be it for good or ill  We gain con-fidence when we live within a community of good friends  They are the fruit of exercising better discernment and boundaries.

      Applying them provides greater peace of mind  It is something we need to thrive in today's hectic society.

       We help ourselves when we let go of manipulative, controlling relationships  By exercising discernment, our relationships improve  Taking a stand is applying the courage derived from our supportive network  When we are confident in our values, we remove the decaying fruit of unhealthy acquaintances.

       As we get better, so will our relationships with others.

How About You? 
Please share the qualities of intimacy you enjoy with a dear friend.
      May you have a great and grateful day.                       I know I will!
               Pablo

Tuesday, September 2

A Special Four Year Anniversary, My Best For Today Is Good Enough, Growing A Safe Person..... 9/2/14

     Part of my recovery is a thought often expressed here. My best for today is good enough.  So, nope, what you are reading is not in its finished form.  I will add more tomorrow, perhaps quotes, graphics.  I also cut stuff that looked good in the darkness of the approaching midnight hour, my usual dead-line.

     August 27th marked four years I have

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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