The seventh characteristic inhibits having a safe relationship is
romanticizing. It is being pollyannaish. We only see the good, avoiding reality. I can be guilty of this. I am an optimistic fellow and want to believe in the best about others.
I am imbued with principles that allow me to surmount this default mode of my personality. I don't care to romanticize another person's faults. I place my values above any attachment. This provides me with discernment.
"He only wants to have sex, spends most of his time with friends and doesn't do things with me."
"Why are you still with him?" I asked
"Because I love him," she said.
"Well," I said, "I know a guy you might want to get to know."
"Tell me about him," she said.
"He will only want to have sex with you, he won't spend much time with you and he will prefer to be with his guy friends."
"I am not interested," she replied.
"Because how he is is contrary to my values," she replied.
And she didn't even notice what I did. Our values have to always precede attachment. To do otherwise is romanticizing. Charm doesn't cut it. Charmers are usually narcissists. Do not walk away from such a person----run!
|Or refuse to diverge from their deeply held |
values because of pressure by demanding others.
Real relationships get past romantic feelings to true love and true intimacy. We need to see reality. We need to wake up and smell the onions. We don't want to overlook the sadness we have experienced because we ignored the idiot lights on our relational dashboard.
Here's wishing you healthy relationships. Mine are, although I am challenged by one of them.
How About You?
Can you share one blockage, not mentioned so far, that prevents people from having healthy relationships?