Friday, September 26

Expressing Our Voice Part III...... 9/26/14

Having Our Voice, Exercising Boundaries
      A favorite quote is the one listed below.  What is appealing about it?  Freedom. It is important maintaining integrity with our Values, even if it upsets others.

    A point of clarity.  I do not suggest using our freedom to excuse rudeness.

    Expressing concerns, kindly, when something troubles us, is
essential for maintaining serenity.
Communicating our needs in a way that motivates the listener to consider hearing us, is desirable. I say what concerns me, once----unless I'm asked to clarify.  I leave it at that.  Making a request, not a demand, when something troubles me, is the way I go about it.  If that doesn't work, looking at what can we do, so that the other person and myself can have both of our needs met, is my approach.

       One part of  adulthood is disagreeing. Not expressing our boundaries, adhering to our values, creates inner frustration, not to mention chaos.  Not mentioning what troubles us, courts danger.  Issues don't get better, when ignored.  Feelings can quickly pile up. We train others how to treat us, by standing for what's important.

      We also give them a message when we don't adhere to our values, when we waffle from them.  I agree with the statement on the right.  No longer am I a willing participant when encountering emotional bullies.

      Communicating with respect, is best. Twisting a verbal knife into a person----using profanities, insults or derision, to make our point, is not appealing.  I know.  I've experienced such treatment.  I thank God for Balcony People, they provide the supportive network I need.  Convincing people is not my job.

    I'm not interested in relating with scorpions.  Please click here, for more about this.

My Gratitudes for Today:

1. I'm grateful for character discernment.
        It allows me to relate with safe people  For more about how to distinguish those who are good and those who are unhealthy for us, read here.  I avoid those who aren't.  Not long ago, my people picker was broken.  Not so, now.  Now, I'm happier and have better friends.
2. I don't accept unacceptable behavior.
3. I'm thankful I don't allow others determine my moods or define who I am. I don't surrender chunks of who I am, or my values, to keep a relationship.  When we do so, we put ourselves in a one-down relationship.
     Part of adulthood is moving from a one-down position (which was the case when we were a child) to becoming equal with other adults.  I treat others with respect, I equally need others to reciprocate.
4. I have values that motivate my reactions to others.  I am not externally referented--- basing my worth on how others treat me or their values. Their behavior towards me says nothing about my worth.  I have value simply because I'm God's child. By the way, the same is true with you.
5. I cherish emotionally mature friends. They are positive, optimistic and considerate.
6. I'm glad that because I am bonded with good friends. My connection with them allows me to detach from those who are unable to show respect.
7. I'm thankful for forgiveness. If we don't forgive those who harm us, we become handcuffed to them. (See the latter part of this link.)  Bitterness is a corrosive toxicity that eats at our soul for lunch.  Forgiveness is the bolt cutter that frees us from these handcuffs.  Letting go removes us from the emotional and psychological attachment to those who have harmed us.
Forgiveness is not forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt.
How About You?
1. How are you, when it comes to disagreements?
2. What enables you to forgive those who are unkind?  What do you tell yourself?
Related Post:
Image: "Railway Bridge" by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love the quote...'I block my well-being each time I base my self-worth on what I do or what others think of me.'c.c.p.118.
I have actually memorized it,so that in times of stress or when I feel like a 'door mat'it gives me the strength to get-up-off-the-floor!Which is always a good thing,for me!
I am very grateful to the person who introduced me to this wonderful quote!!!

Jane G. Yorkshire

Pablo said...

Dear Jane,

By the way, each comment you have posted has a response from yours truly. :->

You must feel happier about yourself. Thank you, for visiting and sharing the celebration of your personal growth. You must be happy that you are speaking your truth and not letting others define you or determine your worth.

DINA TOYODA said...

It takes re-learning of the communication habits that we learned from our childhood to change our demands into requests and derision into good natured humor. Fortunately, there is a loving God, Who is interested and invested into helping us grow and raise our families.

Pablo said...

Dina,

I help people learn how to adhere to their values while at the same time being courteous and considerate towards the other person. I teach them Nonviolent Communication, I sometimes call it Emotional Aikido
Making huge paradigm changes in how we communicate is hard to do alone. Additionally, by ourselves, it is easy to rationalize unacceptable behavior or conversation. Key is learning not to use blame, shame, guilt, fear or judgment when addressing others.

Relating with Safe People(Balcony People) expedites our growth in this area. Life is not a correspondence program where we can correct our habits by ourselves, or by using God's help alone.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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