"Bad things happen to bad people. Look at the problems I am going through. There must be something wrong with me." This is a
false conclusion. Abuse is a statement about the victimizer, not us.
Eating nutritious food, bed-ding down earlier are other ways of taking care of ourselves. Treat-ing ourself is also wonderful, like taking a bubble bath, going to a live concert, taking in a movie with a friend or hitting a bucket of balls at the local driving range.
com-pany, having a supportive network that undergirds them when they are chal-lenged within or without.
to depend on them. I encourage most people to try Al-Anon Family Groups. This fellowship is helpful whether you are relating with an alcoholic or not. Seeing a counselor can help, too.
4. Use boundaries, frequently. The word "No" is an excellent one. No doesn't mean we are
If boundaries is a fuzzy subject for you, create a "Must Haves and Can't Stands" list for relationships. Any. When a person violates them, your boundaries have been crossed.
5. Be gentle towards ourselves, mindful that...
This includes two important actions."Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life or helped me to love myself more." Courage to Change, 19.
What does this tell us? Our. Ideal. Self. Isn't. It can be a tyrant never satisfied. A preferred Ideal Self is patient, loving. It is full of compassion.
A preferred Ideal Self is gracious. A better Ideal Self does not react negatively when we make mistakes. It does not condemn our frailties. Instead it supports us. It cheers us on as we takes steps in overcoming areas where we need to grow. There is no judging or blaming.
Secondly, being gentle towards ourself means we put ourselves on the top of the list of those we need to make amends with. Some exam-ples of doing this:
a. Ridding ourselves of behavior that no longer serves our best interests. To continue them not only hurts others, but us, too.
b. Saying no. often, frequently, whenever we can. This protects us. It's about time we take care of our needs, not letting our desire to please others to overrule our desire for sanity and serenity.
c. Admitting when we make a mistake. "An admission of error," Goethe told us, "is a sign of strength rather than weakness." It is realizing that we are not what we do. We are lovable simply for who we are, regardless of the criticism received from abusers and ingrates.
d. To allow others to have their feelings without being triggered by them.
If we take the action listed, we easily descend from the beanstalk that led to the Giant of Depression, that chased us for all these many years.
May you have a great and grateful day. I know I will!