Still Learning 8/28/11

Innkeeper's update: This was the number-one post for more than four years. What helps you over-come fear? I'd love to hear your response.

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A New Truth Learned This Month: 

     Earlier this month, I agonized over a business meeting looming. 

     Wrenched by fear, defined my spirit.  Soon, my task demanded to lay out information regarding my finances during a business meeting. 

         I would be on dis-play.  Economically naked before the two I was appointed to see. Their criticism I feared. They would not be sup-portive, I dreaded.  

        Not cognitively, but viscerally, I stirred within.  

        I called others, receiving support. Prayers for courage, I cried to God. Do-ing this while floating upon a sea of despair.  

       I hoped to receive from Him a lifesaver of insight and support tossed my way.  While worrying, I knew I would be fine. I've written outlines as a pro-fessional since my early twenties.

    But still, I fretted and worried. Child-hood memories recalled being brought before others, subjected to correction and derision. 

        When the three of us met, they were impressed with what I presented. While gripped at the gut level with apprehension while working on my presentation, I fig-ured that would happen.

         At issue, I struggled with the hurri-cane of emotions that violently circled within me.  A semi-dormant beast, the creation of having a perfectionistic, critical father raised its head. This creature returned me, emotionally, to a nine-year-old boy.

       I'm grateful for the steps taken during the days leading up to the business meeting. They allowed me to subdue the beast terrifying me.  He won't bother for at least a month when we meet again.  

      I appreciate the respite. 

   

      I've learned new truths about personal growth as I struggled with my feelings this month. Progress, not perfection, is better than no progress at all.  This oc-curs when ridding ourselves of unwelcome dragons of fear who dwell in the closets of our souls. 

       During our time together, my outward self did not reveal the true me.  I appeared calm. It be-lied the terror within.  

       I did what I could during the wrestling match between my present and past selves.  Not one day at a time, but fifteen minutes at a time, I tackled the task while preparing. This demonstrated presence. 

       While working on this project, I nourished my present, healthier self.  This action the result of intense recovery work---being sponsored, attending meet-ings, and connecting with positive, in-the-solution people. 

       

       The product involved my recovery work overcoming the siren calls of a scary, scarred, traumatic past. Past wounds that woo the weaker parts of me were subdued.  

       Typically, scabbed memories awaken fears lurking within me. But this time, staying on the solution captured my focus. It required baby steps.  

       I did what I could to overcome anxieties.  I got support.  I rested.

       I consciously lived within my ribcage by taking deliberate deep breaths. I nurtured myself spiritually through prayer and meditation.  I demonstrated gentleness towards myself.  

      I gave myself credit for the courage I exercised while working on this project. I remembered being loved by many.  I called to mind the lovely, excellent, praiseworthy, noble, and true aspects of my life. 

       Before this month, I thought recovery involved placing principles above weaknesses in my personality--my negative default modes.  Now, I know per-sonal growth requires more.  It consists in placing principles and concrete actions above my fears, too.

       Regarding those who met with me: they were supportive.  They cared. They demonstrated openness and enthusiasm for my presentation. 

       They shared their experience, strength, and hope. Helpful in-sight they offered. Great questions they asked, clarifying what I needed to do. 

       The help from these two is moving me for-ward professionally. Their affirming re-sponse demonstrated my huge, anticipated fears--like all worries--were similar to a rocking chair.  They gave me something to do but got me nowhere.

How About You? 
1. What dragons of fear are you facing?
2. How do you slay the dragons that live within you?
3. Is there anything you do that makes it easier to overcome them? 
4. Who do you have for your support network?