The Source for Peace of Mind During Life's Storms............ 1/31/21

     Today, I rested. 

      Was it needed.  So many things hap-pening that I must make time to look out for my inter-ests. That includes peace of mind, ease,

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort........ 9/14/17

        What does it mean to feel elated, frustrated, excited, and disappointed simultaneously?  That we are embracing emo-tional maturity.  With it,   dif-ficulties do not distract us from life's beauty. 

          When living by healthy principles---using recovery---crises do not shock us.  We do not dive into the greasy chute of despair created by our nega-tive thinking, and challenges no longer distract us from the good surrounding us at all times.

         Recovery teaches us the value of connecting with healthy others. When we are internally referented and grounded with God, our nega-tive outlook becomes positive. As we do, our emotional fortitude develops. 

        As we work on our character, we establish our "Must-Haves" and "Can't-Stands."  It provides the oxygen necessary for our relationships to move in a wholesome direction. 

        As we cultivate clarity about our values, our sense of direction and confidence grows. 

         Recovery encourages us to link individual successes with every difficulty we face.  Over time, this practice of resourcing crowds out dread; confidence begins to replace fear. 

         Routinely exercising this practice of resourcing pro-motes strength of character during crises we never dreamed possible.  

         One of the fruits of recovery is stopping negative mental chatter from depriving us of the ongoing beauty life offers.  Being confident in ourselves and knowing freedom from the need to please, we delight in parts of life we once routinely ignored---like the beauty of skyscapes---the formation of clouds.  

         Recovery helps us develop the habit of having a grateful, joyous heart even when the roots of our emotions are shaken by stress or relat-ing to unpleasant people.  We can enjoy life even when rattled and processing problems.

         Ruminating and perseverating over our fears and anx-ieties become a thing of the past when internally referent-ing becomes our default mode.

         Embracing differing emotions means frantic thoughts no longer rent large spaces within the territory of our mind.  Life's difficulties do not rob us of delighting in life's treasures. Recovery principles prevent us from letting others define us or determine our moods.

        With recovery, we become comfortable with discomfort.

      Personal growth allows us to know ease when encounter-ing emotional distress. Our feel-ings function like the dial on an old fash-ioned radio. Living by healthy princi-ples, we tune out the static of negative thinking.

       We use the discipline recovery offers to overcome anxious thoughts and perseverating.

Worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives us something to do but it gets us nowhere.                                  Hope For Today, p. 98

        We dial in on the soothing music of the good surrounding us, even during tough times.  Like:

1.  The good, nurturing, upbeat, gracious, non-judgmental friends who support us.

2.  Beautiful patterns in the clouds.
3.  The scent of a freshly cut lawn.
4.  A simple gift we bought for ourselves that prevents us from having a spirit of poverty.
5.  The love, smiles received from family.
6.  Great, in-depth conversations filled with presence and authenticity.
7.  Turning off the computer or TV and curling up with a good book on        a cold day.
8.  Taking in the magnificence of outstanding music.

         We can choose.  We can tune into the frequency of fear or choose the mental bandwidth that provides solace and equanimity.

        Recovery returns us to the innocence of a two-year-old before becoming aware of life's complex nature.

        With emotional resiliency, we luxuriate in the beauty and peace we can soak in--right now--despite our circumstances.  Past and pre-sent scars no longer distract us from enjoying the best that each day offers.

       With personal growth, flowers along country roads can be taken in because mental chatter no longer distracts us.  Once produced by the ugliness of life, mental dialog becomes replaced with a new and better quality: gratitude.  We. Slow. Down.  

      We enjoy the now, the present, relishing life's beauty.

      Savoring recovery, we become free from the mental stream of worry.  Walking in the city becomes a soul-satisfying exercise.

      Wild-flowers sprouting from sidewalk cracks, once easily over-looked, can be appreciated.  Recovery frees us from the dis-traction that despair and fear create.

    Recovery helps us overcome distorted thinking that origin-ated in childhood.  When this happens, obsession no longer rules us.  Instead, we develop a greater appreciation for na-ture.  We replace unsatisfactory cop-ing patterns with new and better alternatives.

       We taste joy and strength we did not know existed when we do this.

      Living with the strength, confidence, and optimism personal growth offers, we no longer become distracted from life's beauty because of the grip of fear and apprehension.  Our perspective becomes balanced; we take in the excellent and satisfying parts of life along with its thorny issues, including emotional vampires. 

       Recovery slaps away the hands of anxiety.  With it, fear loses its grip on our soul.  Personal growth involves placing healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.

      When that happens, dread disappears. It is replaced with emotional vigor and love for life.  Recovery gives us new eyes and an open but discerning heart.
       Simple things once ignored get no-ticed.  New colors to life surface we never thought possible.  Life vibrates as never before when we have recovery.

       With presence, we drink in the riches life offers the laughter of a baby, the cooing of an infant pas-sing by in a stroller, a wildflower springing from a city sidewalk. 

       Smiles of others are appreciated because we no longer go through life mechanically, without feelings.  No longer do we go through life trying to please others we do not know, spending time and money we do not have in ways that do not nurture us.

       Life and joy intoxicate us when we live with recovery.  Mini spontaneous celebrations become a natural part of our daily routine.  Simple pleasures abound when we enjoy presence, free from worries and the need to control.  Spiritual regeneration takes place.
     

       Simple pleasures be-come ignored when we let the demands of life push these treasures from our consciousness.  The joy of life often disappears when we become captive to painful memories.

        Relationships can devel-op, rich, and textured.  When that happens, authentic con-nections heal emotional scars.  These deeper friendships occur when we become codependency-free.  

        Liberation from this disease creates authentic connections because we are present, not trapped by distorted thinking or the need to please others.

         We become healed when we weave recovery into the fabric of our lives.   Using discernment, we re-move the frayed threads of unsafe people who have attached to us.  Toxic relationships develop our distorted thinking, includ-ing negative self-judgments. 

        Healthy relationships help us unload false beliefs. They rid us of twisted think-ing that our defensiveness and fear load into the truck of our minds when we are inse-cure.

        When codependent thinking is replaced with boundaries, fears diminish when we spend time with others.  Banished is the need for approval, and we have confidence in our best efforts whether others agree or not. 

         We give ourselves credit, even if we don't receive vali-dation from others.

         Recovery builds our self-esteem and eliminates unnecessary self-judgment.  Accepting unacceptable behavior no longer becomes our default mode.  Freed from the baggage of trying to please others, our mind enjoys greater peace.

         We are happier.

         Recovery frees us from reacting.   Obsessive fear becomes replaced with calmness.  We surf the uncertainty entailed in any relation-ship.

        We become more comforta-ble with discomfort.

        We now respond, and there is less reaction when life's drama ap-pears.  Our friendships are enriching.

         Our healthy friends offer grace and truth.  These connections become a soothing balm from life's scratches.

         Compassion and the absence of judgment in our friendships make our supportive network a safe haven.  Discernment keeps us from engaging in black hole friendships that suck our energy.

        Applying boundaries are the key to creating a safe com-munity of friends.  Recovery helps us navigate away from the treacherous waters of unhealthy relationships.

        Living with healthy princi-ples, the result of recovery, we remain present when challenged in a relationship.  We don't let "what ifs," fears, and assump-tions distract us.  Equanimity, peace of mind are enjoyed.

        Because, again, we do not let others define us.

"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and necessary for us to feel satis-fied, then we have given them power over us." 

                                  Courage to Change, p. 9

        We do not let mental chatter rob us from getting the most out of life.

       We know the complexities of life require more than black and white thinking.  We learn to pick out the burs of goodness embed-ded even in the ugliest blankets Life may toss our way. With emo-tional maturity, uncertainty and discomfort are wel-comed friends.  With it, we have enduring peace of mind. 

         With recovery, we are not triggered by awkward, anxious moments.  We become comfortable, not stres-sed when an outcome is unknown. We look forward to riding the clouds of life, exploring our personal stars, and climbing the moun-tains set before us as we move beyond insecurity and our controlling ways.

         Most of all, we enjoy being present.

        Recovery involves em-bracing what we encounter. We discover our role within life's circumstances.  The world does not revolve around us.

         We surf the waves life tosses our way.  We adapt to life's situa-tions.  We listen carefully to God and decipher what he is saying to us through the orchestration of events.

         It's that simple.

         As a result of personal growth, we see that certainty can be sameness and death.  Being stagnant creates an end to our character development, and it happens when we remain the same, not pushing ourselves to evolve for the better.

        We stagnate when we do not replace unfulfilling and ineffective habits with new and better behavior.  A safe person, however, con-stantly grows.
         

       With recovery, we learn to be less sure, more ourselves. When we are our au-thentic selves, we enjoy what life offers, including its chal-lenges.

         We have no need for control; our focus is on the com-mon welfare of everyone when fac-ing a problem.  We do not feel the need to protect ourselves against the vagaries of life.  When we reach this stage, we are present.

        And life becomes richer and more satisfying than we ever dreamed.

Resiliency Revisited.............. 8/20/17

    Thriving during difficult times.

     This is the stuff that emo-tional resiliency is made of.  It is not cowering to abusers.  It is the inner strength that pre-vents us from surrendering when the feet of our character is put to the hot coals of stress.

      Without recovery, this stress is usually self-induced, the result of our projections, judgments and interpretations of the behavior or others. 

      Resiliency is relating with difficult people and not being moved.  While such engaged, we maintain our confidence.  Our happiness is

Staying the Course, Even When Pushed By the Strong Winds of Many Demands ......... ...................9/16/14

     "Morning by morning, new mercies I see, great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."

      I added three new clients to my practice, having sessions with them today. This was on top of the clients I already see.  I also booked four new clients to see within the week.

      First sessions are hardest. Today's clients were

Eliminating Judgment, Focusing on Growing Our Character ........ ...................5/14/14

"It is hard to practice compassion when we're struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthi-ness is off-balance."                       Brene Brown

Life Is Great
     Met with friends tonight.  We experienced a transition.  One person guided the group for the first time and did well.

       I enjoyed the naturalness of the meeting.  It is easy, getting angry.  Equanimity is the fruit enjoyed when we do the hard work of:
1. Placing principles above the vulnerable and diseased parts of our personality: passivity, depression, anxiety, anger. Codependency is when we surrender our opinions and values because we fear the anger or rejection of another.
2. Accepting the good with the bad. This requires restraining ourselves from living by black and white thinking.  It is easy to be quick at inter-preting events and others.
      There's a problem when we do.  We are being controlling and we are judging. We also are not relating, intimacy is not enjoyed.

      For nearly three years I lived with someone who was hyper-controlling. He told me what I was going to say before I opened my mouth.  At least it seemed that way.

      How sad.

    Tonight,  I was with others who were transparent and, authentic. Everyone was open about where they were growing or struggling. That was encouraging.

     This is what relating is all about.  It gives us hope for the future of mankind.

       Life has a way of shaking out.  Truth prevails when we exercise discernment.  Each week, our emotions gets stronger and healthier. Same is true about our character.

         With recovery, we can get healed from harm experienced as a child or young adult.  Adhering to healthy principles allows us not to surrender what we hold dear.  It is critical having our voice and expressing it. 

 Gratitudes: 
1.  Today, time was spent on research, preparing for upcoming sessions.  Day's like today I love,  I am an eternal student.
2.  This weekend I received lovely photos from a loved one.  I enjoy connecting with others.
       The pictures made my week, month and  the first half of this year.
3.  Visitors from around the world, especially from Ireland, the UK, India, Russia, Moldova, Sweden, Spain and Germany.  Thank you, for dropping by.  Welcome!  I'd love hearing from you.
4.  This weekend, I sang for the first time in years. A cappella. (My guitar has a broken string and I didn't have a piano handy.)  Two songs. Wow. I used to be a professional musician. A person who heard me sing didn't get sick, so that's a good thing.  :->
5.  I had my best night of sleep last night. I feel better when rested.
How About You? 
What are three things that make your heart sing with gratitude?

     I'm exhausted; it's been hot the past few days. I'm calling it a night. I'll see you tomorrow.

Perspective On The Most Special Day of This Inn ........................11/22/12

       Dear Guests to the Attitude of Gratitude Inn:

 I resonate with the message in today's illustration.  Nonetheless, I appreciate today's focus: gratitude and thanksgiving.  Each home in the United States becomes

The Biggest Day Arrives Tomorrow. Also, Emotional Vampires & The Healing Power of Forgiveness ...11/21/12

      Thank you for dropping by this inn of encouragement and praise.  What thanks have you?   Of all the days of the year, tomorrow will be

Equanimity While Dealing With An Angry Person 11/19/12

       How are you?

Today was different from most days.  This evening was a time when I enjoyed equanimity, even when an emotional storm raged while I was relating with another

Dealing With an Emotional Bully, Part V. Equanimity Through Expressing Boundaries & Accepting Characterological Warts ....................11/14/12

My Gratitudes:
1.  Today, I studied, wrote, prayed and meditated.  Ya ay!  Investing in

Progress Not Perf3cktion .......3/18/11

      Being gentle with ourselves is critical for our serenity.  Often, the negative voices we hear in our head are the critical comments we heard as a child.  We no longer need adults to say the shaming statements we grew up up with.  I agree, it's important to make amends when we've done wrong.  The surprise is learning that the first person we need to make amends to is ourselves.

     Risking, and allowing ourselves to make mistakes contributes big time, towards self-acceptance. The following passage I find helpful. Having this perspective helps us have an Attitude of Gratitude.

Progress can be hard to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high. If we expect our negative attitudes or unhealthy behavior to change quickly and completely, we're likely to be disappointed, progress is difficult to see when we measure ourselves against idealized standards. Perhaps it would be better to compare our present circumstances to where we had been in the past.

As I overcome inadequate coping strategies, I realize holding grudges hurts me. I now let go of resentments and Idespair when these attitudes persist. Fortunately, I've learned to focus on progress, not perfection. Although sometimesI still hold on to resentments, I know I'm making progress because I don't do it as often as I used to. I'm not resentful for as long a time. 

Today, I don't seek perfection; the only thing that matters is the direction in which I'm moving. As a result of hardwork I've done to work in this area of my life and a willingness to change, I am moving in a positive direction. I celebrate my progress today. I know that the process of personal growth will continue to help me grow toward a better way of living.

"Keep adding little by little and you will soon have a big  hoard."     Latin proverb

        Have a great and grateful weekend, freed from the stress of trying to attain something that is unattainable. Thanks for dropping by.  Please keep posting your gratitudes!