Equanimity While Dealing With An Angry Person 11/19/12

       How are you?

Today was different from most days.  This evening was a time when I enjoyed equanimity, even when an emotional storm raged while I was relating with another
person.  On the phone, we spoke, just before writing this post.
        I'll get to that in a moment.  But first....  

 Gratitudes for Monday:
1.  I sorted through challenges I'm facing as my practice is growing.  It's a good problem having, I prefer it to the alternative.
2. I appreciate support from my friend Stuart and someone else.

     Stuart has been on a roll; I'm fortunate he's in my life.  He provided business savvy I lacked.  I'll apply what he and the other person shared.

     Tomorrow, I use their suggestions when making business calls.  I'm thankful for the increasing insight I get when others share their experience, strength and hope about running a business.
3. I cooked for three hours tonight.

        I batched several meals that will get me through next several days.  Tomorrow, I'll  prepare for Thanksgiving.   Cooking slows me  down.

        My soul felt better as I detached from pressures I'm feeling by taking time, cooking home-made soup and meals.

Calmness in the Eye of the Emotional Storm

        This evening, I had an interesting time with an upset person.  He told me it was "stupid" saying what I tried expressing.  His comment was intriguing.  I was unable to communicate my thoughts.  How, then, would he know the wisdom, or the lack of it, in what I was unable to say?

        Three times,  I tried expressing my point.  Each time resulted in belittling statements from him. Since our conversation wasn't constructive, I informed him we would talk another time.  He mentioned "that's typical!" got angry and hung up.  Other than that, the conversation was fine. (I'm kidding.)

       Well, that's a fine how do you do.  Did I take his comments and behavior personally?   No.

       His actions were a statement about him.  I'm thankful I don't allow others to determine my moods or define me.  (For more about this subject, you can also read here.)  It's a relief,  no longer being triggered by the negative emotions of others.

       As I often write here, when someone is agitated,  it reveals that person is emotionally fevered.  It doesn't make their behavior right.  But it does allow me to not take it any more personally than when someone is physically sick.  Their reactions has nothing to do with me.

       Oh yeah, one thing worth pointing out. When a person gets angry when adhering to our values (boundaries, in this case a need for dignity, respect and reciprocity---I allowed him to speak, and equally wanted to share my point of view), often, they are using manipulation.

       Tonight's upset person on the phone didn't want me to make decisions based upon my values.  He wanted me to make our choices based upon his reaction to them.  That would be placing his personality above my standards.  That's an unsafe idea.  It is being externally referented.  That's no longer a reaction of mine.

      The angry person tonight tried removing my ability to express myself,  a basic right of an adult.  I wish this agitated person well, but I will never surrender my integrity to no one, not even an angry, intimidating person.

       I know he'll cool down. Then, we can have our conversation. When we do, it will be with dignity and mutual respect.
      Gratitude Number Four:

       I appreciate the opportunity to practice patience. I felt my emotions during the short conversation with the angry person tonight.  However, I processed them and let them go.

      I'm deeply thankful I've learned to respond and not react to the vicissitudes of life.  I know joy; it is not based upon external circumstances.   It is not robbed by behavior or words from others that don't meet my needs for tranquility, harmony, emotional safety and ease. Am I glad.

      In the meantime, I'm heading for bed with an Attitude of Gratitude----I'm free from allowing others having power over me.  I'm thankful for my autonomy, and integrity.  Tonight, I remained true to my values, even when this person tried getting me emotionally off-balance.

     Thank you, for dropping by, I appreciate your company!