A Helpful Thermometer of People's Character 9/4/17

Now they are lemon flavored, not lime

   The other day I spoke with some-one.

    Not using discre-tion, and being unwise, I said something that made her feel awk-ward. (I bet you would like to know).  She stopped me.

     "I want to be

Relating With Difficult Others.... 9/24/14

      A guest to this inn once said:

"Try doing having acceptance when your almost 8-year-old makes weekly mass an exercise in humiliation!"

      I imagine it must, at times, be frustrating,

Compassionate Communication, Revisited 6/12/13

       Good morning,

          I love when you post comments, they contribute to the community we enjoy here.  I appreciate them.  For many guests, it's time to hear from you.  Yes, you.

          We'd enjoy hearing your thoughts on what is posted in this inn, even if it's old.  I value your insights and It's always good getting to know you.

          I leave this entry, written in April of 2011.  Compassionate communication is wonderful idea.  It reminds me of a reply Gandhi had when asked,  "What do you think of Western Civilization?"  He said,

Played an Intense Game of Verbal Tennis 1/23/12

Playing a Verbal Tennis Game 

With an Attorney

      A fascinating conversation with someone early Sunday was had by yours truly.  His face reddened and he raised his voice when I questioned him.  I tried mentioning something that made me uncomfortable on Friday night. He was there.

      His first volley in our dialog was intimidating.  Sarcasm, and vehement arguing was his next ploy.  But, I held my ground on the tennis court of our conversation.  Healthy principles and boundaries prevented me from slipping on the verbal playing court.  I made sure we stayed on topic, not swayed by the intensity of his response.

      When this fellow leaned into my space and raised his voice, I asked, "Are you getting agitated?  If so, we can talk another time."  I've learned it doesn't make sense to talk with someone when they're drunk.  I would be as foolish as them. Waiting for when we can talk coherently is preferred.  The same is true when confronted by a person who is emotionally intoxicated. 

      The question calmed him down.  His next move was recruiting someone else to join the fray.  That was fine.  It was fun; exercising adherence to my values and exercising my right as an adult to disagree. We also made progress.

       With the other person joining the fray, our conversation had me returning rallying shots from one player who was defensive and the intense questioning of the other, who was not, a doubles game with me not having a partner.  I had presence of mind, not reacting, but responding.  Being mindful during the verbal contest allowed me to be courteous while maintaining my integrity. 

      When he stated I was trying to make him do something, which was not my intention, I asked, "Can you tell me what I said that made you conclude that?" 

      He couldn't answer.  Exactly my point.  I never asked him to do anything. That was his assumption. 

      I told him, "I've learned to express my concerns and leave it at that. What a person chooses to do afterwards is their option." I'm not invested in how others respond.  (Courage to Change, p. 310)

     There is only one God and I am not Him.  I kept the focus on me, expressing my needs, trusting God for the results. 

How About You?
What are strategies do you use, when someone tries engaging you in an argument?

Opportunities for Spiritual Weight Lifting Part III Expressing Our Voice 6/23/11

        Good afternoon!

Welcome to all who drop by this inn of thanksgiving. Don't you like the pictures on the walls?  They are the work of the Englishman, Tim Blessed, a gifted photographer. Sprucing up this place in cyberspace is fun.

     A marvelous week, this was.  Seeing myself getting stronger, characterologically, nurtures my optimism. Emotional dust storms happened this week, when relating with others. That's when the fun began.  I'm  not saying this because I like drama.  Far from it.

     As we grow in our relationships with others, difficulties become opportunities for spiritual weight lifting.  We learn how to exercise strength----applying healthy principles---even with those who are hurtful.  What a deal!

Having Fun Tonight .......6/16/11

    Good evening, all,

How was your day? I'm investing in myself this evening. I'm getting support from friends and will later have fun, including seeing a first-run movie, for free. Let me hear from you, I enjoy the interactions we share. Some of you, I haven't heard from, in awhile.

     My gratitudes:

1. Fantastic weather today: in the mid-seventies again, with no humidity
2. My car runs well. (It was in the shop last week.) I appreciate the convenience and stability a car provides, at least practically. I can go where I want and know I'll be able to get there.
3. I'll see my oldest son, later this evening. I'm always glad when we have a chance to be together.

Life Affirming Relationships: How We Get Them ..............................6/14/11

Like the slow unfurling of flowers that feel the warm
presence of the sun, so is the growth of a true friendship.

      The following continues thoughts I have resulting from dining with a gang of guys last Wednesday.  I'm including a bit of what I wrote that evening and I go from there.
      What I wrote earlier:

      I visited and ate dinner with a group of men who had attended tonight's event. I know the routine, what it's like to be with men, since I'm of that species and a former jock.  But, it's not something I've done in a long while, going beyond

A Scene from Home Improvement .......6/8/11

My gratitudes for today:

  Welcome to my friends from Denmark, Germany and Malaysia. I hope you are doing well. May I ask you to share your gratitudes? Please feel free to do so in your language, that would be terrific! Here's to having a great and grateful day. 

      This evening, I spoke for a half hour. Having a spiritual awakening, was the topic. No, it wasn't a church service. It was a public meeting for people who want to learn how to cope with the challenges they face in life. Many have friends, neighbors, co-workers or family members who are addicts, alcoholics or people who are controlling, perfectionistic, skilled manipulators or emotionally abusive. Other than that,

Last Days Spent with a Bewhiskered Friend ........................6/7/11 Alexander Part II

I used a glass bowl, like this one, to give Alexander the Gray water

     Good evening,
More about my dear friend, Alexander the Grey(t), in a minute----after getting in my gratitudes.

     I'm excited; today was terrific. Met with clients this afternoon. Afterwards, I met with friends who own businesses. There was energy, balanced with wisdom.  I'm thankful for my notes. There were ideas aplenty mentioned that I'll apply to my work.

My Gratitudes for Today:

1. My car is fixed. I'll pick it up up tomorrow. I appreciate the flexibility and independence of having a set of wheels.
2. It's fulfilling, working on my business plan. I'm seeing results. I'm thankful for increasing awareness about the shape and direction of my work, along with greater effectiveness.
3. I'm working with others, who support me as I take my business to a higher level.
4. I heard someone talk today. It was encouraging hearing about him succeeding in today's economy. .And he has a regular job!
5. It's motivating seeing  my vision becoming increasingly clear. You may want to see my previous post for details.

Buddy Time with a Cat in Decline

     Alexander, my friend's cat, is still kicking. Although, it's no longer with his hind feet. It's his heart that perseveres. I dropped by his house and helped out earlier today. He no longer walks.

     I love his quiet determination. I witnessed him using his two front paws, pulling himself along the carpet, as he tried reaching the litter box. A feline diaper, he now wears. I picked my furry friend up, held him in the box and removed his undies. He took care of business.

     Afterwards, outside, on a big pillow, like the royal pasha he is, I transported him. Laying on his side, unable to move, he viewed the rows of Redwood trees in his backyard. The moment reminded me of a scene from the movie Solyent Green, where Edward G. Robinson went to end his life.

     In the film, Robinson reclines, drinks something that will do him in. Before his eyes, he views films of nature and listens to music, before passing on. Once outdoors, Alexander's ears perked up. His eyes darted.

     Neighboring cats, Sammy the Siamese, Benjamin, the tuxedo cat and Freddy, the puffy, big, half-feral black cat, came by to sniff him and say good bye, real gentle like. After the feline visitors departed, we sat, watching darting flies---cats notice the darnedest things----butterflies and the occasional flitting of a bird. I swear I saw a smile creep upon his bewhiskered face. Alex had been cooped against a wall in the kitchen, all day, until then.

    When I returned him to the house he owns, that he shares with the resident, Arlene, I thought he might be thirsty. Outside, the sun, at length, had caressed his back.  A small glass water bowl was brought to Mr. Grey(t).  As I approached, water splashed in the bowl.  His eyes expanded, reaching out for it, like a cartoon character seeing something that captures its fancy. With the water bowl standing on his pillow, inches from his face, Mr.Gray was unable to drink.

    No longer can he sit or stand. This being the case since Monday.  Tenderly, from behind, I pulled him up with a hand on each of his sides, allowing his scrawny body to stand, in front of the shimmering bowl. He lowered his head and drank and drank and drank.

    I'm thankful for simple pleasures.  I never realized how satisfying it is doing hospice care, tending to a dying cat, taking time to slow down and listen, as Alexander spoke to me with his beautiful green eyes.

    For the first story in this series, please read here. 

Courage: Speaking Truth with Kindness & Courtesy (also, Seeking God's Will Amidst the Clutter of Life's Demands.) .....4/19/11

Thank God for beautiful flowers!

       My gratitudes for today, while it is yet Tuesday:

1. Someone strayed from general principles that are foundational for Al-Anon Family Groups.  Unfortunately, her influence disrupted the unity among members. I spoke with her privately this evening, after a meeting we attended.  When I finished, she wrinkled her nose and said, "Thank you."

      It was clear she was annoyed.  That's okay.  I'm glad I spoke calmly and courteously.  How she chooses to respond is up to her.  I spoke from my perspective, how I felt about her actions.

     I mentioned the need for unity, harmony and fellowship.  After I shared my concerns, I let it go.   Her response was not my focus. Time will tell.  The results are in God's hands.  I "Let Go and Let God."

     I'm thankful for the courage I exercised this evening, this person has an aggressive personality.

3. Cooperation is always great.  Healthy, considerate communication invigorates my soul.  I'm glad I spoke my truth with this woman after the meeting. It's important for me to understand others and to be understood.

4. Early this morning, before the day got started, I listed my priorities.

        I did so, prayerfully.  I submitted these tasks before God, asking for His guidance.  It's a great,  getting many tasks accomplished.

       What was more satisfying, was operating from a perspective seeking His Will.  What I did today was not a result of hustling, making things happen, in my own strength alone.

"The mind of man plans his ways but the Lord directs his (man's) steps."   Prov. 16:9

"Commit your ways to the Lord and your plans shall be established."    Prov. 16:3

Time With Family

       I'm meeting with my oldest son tomorrow, for lunch.  It's overdue.   Nothing is greater than investing in family.  I pray God blesses our time.

       My son is a gift from God----a considerate young man.  He's working hard, finishing his degree at a nearby university.  I'm convinced the best thing I can do for my sons is to let them know how proud I am of them, love them and be available, if they need me.

5.  I appreciate the time my son and I will have to connect

6.  One of my best friends I'll see this Thursday.

     I was his best man when he got married and he was mine, when I got married. We've known each other since the 7th grade. We went through school and sports together.  Meeting with him allows me to enjoy mutuality, terrific conversation, deep love for each other, stability, and the support that only an old friend provides.

     Thank you, everyone, for dropping by.  May I ask you to share your gratitudes?  I know many of you are still getting used to this place which is essentially a gratitude journal for Blogger's cyber community.  Don't you think now would be a good time to exercise your gratitude muscles?  I hope and believe so.