Tuesday, September 2

A Special Four Year Anniversary, My Best For Today Is Good Enough, Growing A Safe Person..... 9/2/14

     Part of my recovery is a thought often expressed here. My best for today is good enough.  So, nope, what you are reading is not in its finished form.  I will add more tomorrow, perhaps quotes, graphics.  I also cut stuff that looked good in the darkness of the approaching midnight hour, my usual dead-line.

     August 27th marked four years I have
written every day, for three hours, at least, publishing 946 posts here.  There are 68 drafts that need publishing, for a total of 1014.  That is 24.7 posts a month.  Plenty.  It has been a big commitment, hunkering over my desk, tapping away at the keyboard.

 It has been worth it.  I have grown as a writer. Soon,  400,000 will have passed through the doors of this inn.  Part of those four years as a writer was writing for another organization---seven months---before it went kaput.  This inn was birthed from that place.
     There is plenty of behind the scenes work done as innkeeper.  Most of you know by now that all posts are re-worked.  What you are reading now will be redone tomorrow, and probably the day after that and probably several times after that.

     That's my style.  When I see old posts are being read by guests, I check the popular post out, usually revising it.  My writing eyes have improved with time.  As the quote above says, we learn how to do something by doing it.

     In addition to what you find here, I add to the indexes, pages above and write material for clients, seminars, and public speaking engagements.

     For decades I taught, giving seminars, speaking at conferences.  Becoming the innkeeper of this inn and the previous one is an entirely different experience.  Writing requires patience, a slower, more deliberate pace. Plenty of blood, sweat and ink.  I agree with Tolstoy who said every time he wrote, he left a little of his blood in the inkwell.


     Later this week I will help others who want to do the work I do.  I will help someone who has trained others for years.  He asked me to work with him.  In San Francisco, I will be busy from 8-6 p.m. this Friday through Sunday.  Can't wait.


     How easy it is, making excuses.  Some people think I am gifted.  I am not.  I am tenacious. That is the difference.  I can't tell you how many people want success and its benefits but do not want to do the work that is necessary to achieve it.   Nonsense.

    I firmly believe we make our own luck.  The harder we work, the luckier we get.

My Gratitudes: 
1.  I rested today.  Yesterday wiped me out. My heaviest load of clients I see in one day.
2.  A client who was my greatest challenge is evolving.  Thank God.  She's getting the idea how I do things.  Instead of dwelling on the past, we are moving forward, staying in the solution.

     We are transcending her default mode, which has been to blame and kick herself, leaving her depressed and miserable.  Ya ay!
3.  I am happy with the peace and equanimity I enjoy, even during difficult times.  It is a gift of recovery gotten from a lot of hard work on my personal characterological work.  Let me be very plain about this.  An inner joy and a peace that transcends our circumstances is not a result of reading books, filling our mind.

    Not at all.

    It is a result of replacing  the vulnerable areas in our lives with new and better alternatives and behavior.  It is the result of developing and growing our supportive network, our Safe People. We will never get the growth we need by living in isolation.

    Here's the surprise.  Safe People do NOT exist.  We have to grow them. I share with my clients about the care and feeding of Safe People.  Are they glad.

    When we are with Safe People,we feel:
1. More alive, we are more energetic
2. That we are a better person, because of time spent with them.
3. That time with them is well spent.

    Do you have Safe People in your life?  Would you like having this type of relationship?

    If so, drop me a line, leaving your e-mail address and I will send you a Top Ten list of how you can grow a relationship you have in Safe Person.   My e-mail can be found in the contact button at the top of your screen.

How About You? 
What do you enjoy most about your best relationship?  Tomorrow, I will share what I like best in mine.
 Until then, may you have a great
and  grateful day.  I know I will!


Anonymous said...

I was encouraged to read those fifteen words in the little purple box...Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you can learn to do it well.
Wow,what a relief.Thank-you.
A very encouraged and grateful me!

Jane G. Yorkshire

Anonymous said...

Thanks for today's session: practical steps to make a dream reality by taking actual, doable concrete steps that I can take today to move forward, and also ways to beat down those pesky voices in my head that say I'm a loser before I even begin.
- Expat Coach

Anonymous said...

Also thanks for the passion: it's contagious!
- Expat coach

Anonymous said...

And also important are the distinctions you draw between:
1.) Important ad Urgent
2.) Important but not Urgent
3.) Not Important but Urgent and
4.) Not Important and Not Urgent

Letting 3. overrule 2. is the Tyranny of the Urgent (especially when it's someone else's urgency!).

Down with Tyranny!

- Expat Coach

Pablo said...

Dear Jane,

It is a relief, being gentle towards ourselves. It is better for our peace of mind to go slowly, not having unrealistic expectations as we take steps to improve our lives.

It helps to say, "Just for today, my best is good enough."

Pablo said...

Dear Expat,

That's the spirit, taking steps to reach towards our goal is better than just thinking about it. All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than one lovely action.

I am glad hearing that you are in the process of getting the great big life that you want and deserve!

Pablo said...

Dear Expat,

Vision is seeing our dreams, cognitively. Passion is feeling and tasting our dreams, at the visceral level.

I am happy hearing I infected you for good, with a bit of vitality, as you pursue the amazing life you want!

Pablo said...

Dear Pat, I am in agreement with you. It is critical to overcome the Tyranny of the Urgent.

I find I want to tackle 3-5 that you listed under number 1, and at least three that are important, but not urgent.

I treat the Urgent But Not Importants---scanning the internet, following up non-critical calls and other impulsive urges like watching TV as treats. I will do one of them after accomplishing a few Urgent and Importants(your number 1) or Importants but not Urgents (what you have listed as number 2).

I like what Thomas Mann said,

"Order and simplification is necessary for the mastery of any subject."

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.