Winning the Grand Prix: Standing Against Criticism, 9/6/13 (321)

 Having Our Voice

     You know how it feels to be helpless, right?   I bet you've seen someone at-tacked. You feared being assaulted---physically, verbally, or emotionally---if you intervened.  You were hesitant to rally on the victim's behalf.

     That's understandable.

      But we missed the opportunity of win-ning the Grand Prix.  Two years ago, I wrote in a newspaper, responding to an onslaught of criticism towards a writer I enjoy reading, Lowell Cohn.  He's a sportswriter who has scribed for more than thirty years.  In the Press Democrat, I wrote it's best saying what we want.  This becomes better than complaining about what we don't have.  Here's an excerpt:

It amazes me how quickly we judge a person if that individual doesn't do what we want. We blame.   Fre-quently, we consider those different than us as bad. We assault their charac-ter.  In this case, many have vented their anger due to Lowell not covering regional subjects that the readers wanted accounted for.

It’s better staying in the solution.  Complaining about what troubles us only makes the things both-ering us loom larger and more disturbing.  I grew up in San Jose, near Campbell; I've been a life-long Bay Area resident, living in the counties of Santa Clara, San Mateo, Contra Costa, and Alameda. 

 It’s better if we could appreciate the uniqueness offered by each part of the San Francisco Bay Area, rather than denigrating one region, because we live in another.  Contentment doesn't require much.  The following gives perspective as to what contributes towards having greater joy:

'All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining leads people to becoming unhappy.'

I don’t ask anyone to agree with me. Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Making an Impact

       After submitting this response, in the Press Dem-ocrat, which covers the Santa Rosa area, the com-plaints stopped. There were over 20 printed complaints from erstwhile fans of his before adding my two cents.

       I'm thankful for taking a stand in a world that consid-ers it sophisticated to whine, complain, be sarcastic, or cynical. As David Foster Wallace said:

Irony and negativity can critique but it can’t nourish or redeem.

Being An Adult: Disagreeing, Agreeably 
   

     I'm grateful for having a differ-ent opinion than the critical tide that had Lowell Cohn awash in negativity.  I'm happier, still, that I had characterological strength. I voiced values different from the crush of readers pounding away at him.

     I stood in my power. This demonstrates a critical part of being an adult. We can disagree; we can say our no as gently as our yes.

An Important Key
   
      Using non-violent communication (NVC, for more about this, please click here),  I expressed my observations and feelings about what I saw.  I mentioned the needs that came up and finally stated my request without using the five forms of life-alienating communi-cation: blame, shame, fear, guilt, or judgment. 

The Grand Prix
        

        So what is the Grand Prix?  It's standing in our power, recovery, and integrity. Behav-ing this way, we enjoy a wonderful life, because of these steps.  

       We exercise our power when differing with a bully. It's not letting someone badger us.  It is not tolerating someone putting us in a one-down position.  

       We put such people on notice that we are to be treated with re-spect. We stand for our values.  It is doing this when it would be easier to be steamrolled over because we fear anger or rejection by the intim-idating person.

       Winning the Grand Prix also involves standing in our recovery.  What does this mean?  Many have no idea of twelve-step programs.

        Recovery is hav-ing the fissures and vulnerabilities in our lives healed.  It is be-coming whole.  We become the whole person we dream of becoming.  It's  hav-ing characterological growth.

        As adults, we can still grow.  And no, I'm not referring to our stomach or the nether regions behind us.  It is fulfilling, finding ourselves getting stronger, more confident enjoy greater happiness.

       Recovery is overcoming passivity.  It is exhilarating to face fear, and move beyond it.  It is terrific using steps that help us overcome terrors that once dominated us.  

This person fell off his bike.  His friend is removing
the road rocks imbedded in his leg--the road rash.

     We learn how to have our voice.  We no longer surrender our principles because we fear rejection or the anger of another.

     This is recovery. 

     Lastly, winning the trophy of emotional ease, tranquility and dignity----the Grand Prix----is maintaining our integrity. We say what we mean.  Our no is said as gently as our yes.  

      We stand for ourselves without standing against our fellows.

       

       It's feeling the enormity of our feelings, and being true to them.  We do this without being overwhelmed by them.  We do not yield them to dom-inating or belittling people.

       Winning the Grand Prix is ours, daily.  Yes, daily.  Imagine how great that would feel.

        This trophy of success occurs when we place healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.   It knows how to handle personalities that want to snuff out our joy.  Or our dignity.  When we stand in our Power, Recovery and Integrity, we enjoy an eXcellent life.

        We win the Grand PRIX.

How About You? 
What is an area where you want to win the Grand Prix?