Thursday, September 5

Stabilizing Principles For Stressful Times 9/5/13

       The following are principles that stayed fixed in my mind, while I was made like a bullfighter on
Saturday night.  I added these, today, to yesterday's post.  I'm posting them here, for those who move forward and may not read past postings of mine.
     Our feelings, whether good or bad, are our property. They fall within our boundaries.  Our feelings are our responsibility; others' feelings are their responsibility.  If other people feel sad, it is their sadness. This does not mean that they do not need someone else to be with them in their sadness and to empathize with them.  It does mean the person who is feeling sad [or angry] must take responsibility for that feeling.           Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992) 123
If we feel responsible for other people's feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right; we we'll make decisions based on how other s feel about our choices.... If we are  always trying to keep everyone happy, then we cannot make the choices required to live correctly and freely. 
If we feel responsible for others people's displeasure, we are being controlled by others, not by God [or our principles]. This is a basic boundary disturbance..... If self-centered people are angry at you, it means you are learning to say no to evil.  If mean people are displeased with you, it means that you are standing up to abuse..... If your parents don't like the decisions that you as an adult feel God has led you to make,  it means that you are growing up.                             Changes, 123
       We don't want to put another person's anger in control of our lives.  Heavens, that's codependency and something most people do, unfortunately.


        I'm busy, preparing for a workshop I'm giving this Sunday. It's at a Peace Forum in Berkeley, CA, dedicated to the UN International Day of Peace.  I spoke there last year, on nonviolent communication. The workshop I gave was the largest attended.

        In the meantime, I'd value your prayers and support as I work on it. I look forward to Sunday, but, I realize there's strength derived from community that I don't get any other way. The workshop I was asked to do is "Replacing Aggression With Compassion: A Psychological and Spiritual Approach."

       For more info about this, or if you want to attend, you can click here.  I'd love having you in the audience.

    May you have a great and grateful day!


Optimistic Existentialist said...

Pablo I hope the workshop at the Peace Forum goes wonderfully. I wish I lived out there, for I'd love to attend.

Pablo said...


Great seeing you! Thanks for your visit. How's your kitty?

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

All the very best success with preparations for your panel and workshop leadership at the UN Peace Forum on Sunday. I'm sure you will do superbly, as you did last year!

On this Thursday night I am grateful for;

1. The (for now...) reassuring, sage counsel of a dear friend regarding a tenant/landlord dispute created by our narcissistic, self-destructive, rebellious, SF Hippie Wannabe #3 son.

2. Guitar-strumming, group sing-along, snacks and warm, constructive fellowship with friends in our home tonight.

3. Striving to "stay in the solution" regarding work-related challenges this week.

4. Ben & Jerry's new Frozen Vanilla Yogurt with honey and of my few vices!

5. Extra heirloom, home-grown tomatoes from a Sonoma Sushi chef/friend's garden; his first gift to me; touching.

Theresa Elander said...


Good luck with the workshop preparations. I know you will do well. You stay so centered when you speak.

I am grateful for friends. They have been taking care of my during a rough patch. I feel loved and seen.

I worked hard today. It felt great. I accomplished a great deal. I used up a lot of pent up energy.

Pablo said...


I wish you lived out here, too. It would be great to have a cup of coffee with you. How's Ruby??

Thanks for your support!

Pablo said...

Dear Carl,

I'm glad to hear you found support in your hour of need regarding son number three.

I always enjoy your praise of simple pleasures. Life is richer when we acknowledge them.

Thank you, for your visit!

Pablo said...


You must be happy, having a supportive community that is there for you, as you weather a difficult time.

It sounds like you discharged plenty of stress today, good for you. I'm wishing you a great weekend!

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.