Upgrading My Community of Friends, Acknowledging My Son's Abilities

    Hi everyone, here I am again,

 This is that special time when the day changes it's name. By now, you know this is when new entries for this inn of encouragement, reflection and thanks pour forth, fresh from the little dances my fingers do upon my keyboard.
    Today, I got rest, publicly challenged a local writer, supped and spent time with my son.
My Gratitudes for Tuesday: 
1. I got a normal evening of sleep. This has been difficult lately, something I'm working on.  I'm thankful for balance in my life and a long-term perspective. I know I live more fully when I treat my body with the respect it deserves.
2. My community of friends is growing---the good news is that it's a continual upgrade.  As I continue to grow, my taste in companions is refining.  I'm happy that I'm relating with others who enjoy great discussions, challenge my mind, are considerate, spiritual, love nature, exercise, stay in the solution and have a sense of humor.

    Someone wanted my support. She struggles with her past. After a brief conversation I realized she really doesn't want to move beyond her history. What a sad state that is. She's comfortable with moaning and groaning, not wanting to do the work necessary to see progress.
    Too bad.
    Coming to terms with our issues and letting go of them does not deny they've happened. But it allows us to put them where they belong---in our past. This allows us to move forward unencumbered by the weight of ancient emotions.
     I prefer staying in the solution. Every time I use healthy alternative to overcome areas where I struggle, I allow myself to create a better today. Now, that's more like it! Don't you agree?
     So, I gave this woman a pass.
     It's important remembering that we want to care about, but not for others. Click here for more on that. Unfortunately, some people need to experience the consequences of self-sabotaging behavior before becoming motivated to move on,  using more constructive ways to overcome their pain.
      It helps being mindful that I am the average of the five people that I hang out with.
3. I had fun writing something in a local paper. I disagreed with a columnist. I held my ground. I stood against the sarcasm and judgment he had towards a public figure, Ozzie Guillen, the manager of the Miami Marlins baseball team.
    He replied, publicly in the paper. I still disagree with his position. I find sarcasm is not necessary. It's better to state our needs than to indirectly get them at the expense of a person's dignity, by putting them down, calling them a moron. You can click on the link above to see my comments.
4. Time with my oldest son.
    Wonderful, inspiring, happy and helped was I, during our time shared. At length we discussed his work. Afterwards, we did marketing work on my business, using his expertise.
     Each time we're together, I see him pulling further and further into the realm of adulthood. His life is intense, he's excelling in his career and he's a wise man. How could I not have an attitude of gratitude??
At times, tonight, in a good way, it was a positive battle/interchange between two Pablos.
     I enjoy the way his expertise challenges me. When we parted, I hugged him and  told him, as much as I hated to admit it----being a former cross-country runner, wrestler, and track athlete in school and still competitive----- that he can do things that I can't.  That put a big smile on his face. :)  I'm glad.
     Thank you for dropping by. I hope life is treating you well.  Remember to keep looking up. You are loved and loveable.  We want to remember to thank those who are our Balcony People. The following is one description about these important members of our community of friends.

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”          — Albert Schweitzer

Related Posts: 
Balcony People
Restoring What The Years That The Locust Have Eaten
Seeing My Son Soar

Celebrating Life..10/25/11

      How are you this evening?

Did your day go as well as you planned?  Mine was fine, you might say it was super-charged.

      I got home a little while ago. My sons and I went to Le Mans Karting.

Readers Having Difficulties Posting: Any Suggestions?

    Good evening, everyone,
How was your day? I wrote a long post and lost it. My computer continues to act up. In the middle of typing it just goes blank.  It's done so, four times, so far, with this post. It's an opportunity
for me to practice patience. Several of you, have sent me e-mails stating that you've tried posting here, multiple times and your posts don't go through. Does anyone have any ideas why this happens?

A Father's Day Report from the Innkeeper ........................6/21/11

Palomares Canyon Road

      Good evening,
Hello, to the visitors from Malaysia. You've been a loyal, consistent visitors. Thank you, for dropping by. May I ask you to share a comment, sometime? It would be great hearing from you! I've had a tremendous weekend. Monday and Tuesday were terrific, too. I've some catching up to do, with the visitors to this inn.

     Sunday and Monday were spent celebrating Father's Day with my three sons. On Sunday, we went to a restaurant they've been going to since they were knee-high to a St. Bernard dog. Dinner and ice cream was had. Afterwards, we meandered

Relating With the Emotionally Fevered ....6/11/11

     Good evening everyone, a special welcome to the visitor from Germany!

Tonight's topic I'll get to, in just a  minute. But, first, I want to check in.  Alexander's death, I'm accepting, slowly and grudgingly.  Today, I got away from the events of this week by haunting what is fast becoming my favorite places for tea, Abigail Cafe. It faces the bay with the jagged, mountainous  San Francisco Peninsula as the backdrop to this body of water. Little varmints poke their heads up, in the foreground, along the shoreline. Taking in the view, sipping Moroccan tea while chatting with a friend, helped me unwind from the drama

An Evening to Remember ..5/29

..

      I just got in from being out last night, Saturday. I had a marvelous time with friends. Tonight's post shall be brief.

My gratitudes for Saturday.

1. Fun with friends and family was my delightful experience this evening. My birthday was celebrated at my favorite place, the Fairmont Hotel.

Wealthy Beyond Measure: Stress Free, Too .5/22/11

“Abundance does not consist in how

 much we have, but in how much

 we enjoy.”

 

     Good evening, everyone,
How was your weekend? Yesterday, my sons, a friend, and I were immersed in nature all day. At Sunol Regional Wilderness Park, near Niles Canyon, south of Pleasanton.  My sons, along with a friend I've known for fourteen years, and I hiked. For more than two hours, alternatingly

Happiness: Being Connected to Family

 

My gratitudes for this evening:

1.  It was a rare night for me: I stayed home; I'm grateful I got needed rest.
2.  I heard a terrific report from my oldest son. His presentation, that he and I worked on Monday night, went far better than expected. He was running for Vice President of Communication, for an organization. It's his first time running for office.

      My son told me the positive outcome of his presentation: the board that heard him asked him to become the President. Wow! I'm happy for him. He'll do well. He's organized by nature and gets along well with others. As a result of what he said,  a person there offered him a job that he didn't even seek!

3. I'm thankful for the closeness and companionship I enjoy with this son. I like nurturing his ambitions and supporting his efforts, being available for him. I'm humbled that my sons like it that I'm one of their Balcony Persons.

4. Delighting in life begins with family----I'm happy that I'm creating healthy, affirming, loving, new legacies for our family. These legacies are created by the way I respond and am available to my sons, not just physically, but emotionally as well. 

5. I'm thankful for color. Something that's easy to take for granted. One of my sons is color blind. It's important to remember to count my blessings.

     Alright, I'm calling it a night. Please continue to share your gratitudes. It's good knowing what's going on with you. I'm speaking to you Silent Readers, who drop by without saying a word. Go ahead and check in..

       The guy from the Left Coast,

The Source for Joy: New Legacies We Can Create (There's hope for our past; we don't have to be stuck there.)

         Hi there, everyone,

How has this week been for you? Life has been good for me. Isn't it tremendous that circumstances have little to do with contentment?  There's much we can be grateful for.  I eagerly anticipate reading your gratitudes over the ensuing days.

         I realized the other day, that I lost seven books.  An additional book, that has been like my blankie, that has changed my life more than any other, was in the mix of books that were lost in the case that flew off the back of a friend's car, two Fridays ago. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out my post "Suffering Loss," click  here.)

         I'm astonished at the calmness I have after suffering the greatest loss of notes and research, in my life. Keep in mind that I've been a serious student for multiple decades. What I've lost is irreplaceable.  In each book, posted in the inside cover was an offer of $80.00 dollars, if found.  I should have made it $300.00 for each book.

        Time with my oldest son was spent last night.  A pretty good name he has.  You can guess what it is. You're right, Pablo.  I'm the fifth with the name, he, the sixth.

        What a blessing and invigorating experience it is, dynamically relating with someone who's part of my flesh.  What a gift it is to talk, co-labor, share from the heart and receive mutual support with someone I've known since the first second he emerged from his mother.  Am I a lucky guy, or what?

        When discouragement rears it's head, the lance of wonderful, joyful, newly created memories---like last night----slay this dragon of disappointment, rather effectively.  My father was not this way.  Nope, this positive innkeeper didn't experience a warm relationship with his dad.

         I'm not saying I'm thankful that my dad wasn't warm and affirming.  What thrills me are the new legacies created by the choices I make. The values I follow produce fantastic blossoms in the garden of my family life; the results are sweet-smelling and beautiful to behold.

         Some of the new legacies I've created with my sons:
1. They have been my equal since they were sixteen; they are not in a one-down relationship with me, because I'm their dad.
2.  I listen to them, I value what they say, even if we disagree. This is true as long as they are respectful in sharing their views.
3.  I yield to the consensus built among my sons and me, when we need to make a decision as a family.
4.  Our relationship is more important to me than any issue, if we have a conflict.
5.   I love affirming them.
6.  I'm not interested in controlling the outcome of their lives.

         There are many areas where I still need growth. Until the day I breathe my last breath, I'm a work in progress. What reassures and encourages this innkeeper is knowing God's patient, gracious, love towards me as I make this journey on earth, and the humor he shares as I move along, one day at a time.

          I'm appreciate principles that allow me to overcome the gnarly areas of life, including painful moments from my past. Ya ay!
So, How About You?
1.  What is a big loss you've experienced recently?  I lost seven books that transformed me, along with the thousands of notes written within them.
2. What do you like about your time with your family?  I enjoy the peace, harmony, joy and in-depth conversations we share, along with the moments when we go hiking or sail two-stringed stunt kites.
3.  Where are you a work in progress?

A Tasty Meal of a Different Kind

My meal while visiting with my son

          It's still Wednesday here, on the Left Coast.

 I'm posting my gratitudes for today:

1. Lunched with my oldest son, today.  (He and I share the same name of my great grandfather, grandfather and two of my grandfather's sons.)  It's a joy seeing the terrific young man he's become.  From 2:15 p.m. until 4:45 p.m we visited and took pleasure in our midday meal.

    Our food was more than that of the morsel variety. We imbibed in the goodness taking place in our lives, we dined on joyful memories as a family. The cornbread bread of gratitude, baked with the warmth of  hope for our family's future, was tasty.  We finished off our time with the dessert of  laughter, generously sprinkled with the love we share for one another.
 
     We stood by our cars, as we were about to part, completing our visit with heartfelt prayer. The time sped by.  But the memories of today's lunch will be etched in my heart, forever.   Am I lucky, or what?

2. Tomorrow, Thursday afternoon, I'm visiting with my best friend, Alan. I mentioned him in yesterday's post. I'm thankful for the stability of this friendship. We've been friends since we were twelve. I'm thankful for Alan's discernment, wisdom, spirituality and kindness. It great to go back in time with someone who's known me during times of weal and woe, who's been there for me, and I, for him, in our times of need. It's restorative to be with someone with whom I enjoy a shared history of several decades.

3.  I relaxed tonight. I slowed down.  I stayed home, an unusual occurrence for me. I took time to take life in and bask in its blessings. I reflected upon fond memories of time enjoyed with a remarkable young man today. I also thanked God for allowing me to see a dear friend tomorrow, at 1:00 p.m.

          Have a terrific Thursday, may it be a great and grateful day, for you.
                                                                    
                                                                 The Innkeeper

Courage: Speaking Truth with Kindness & Courtesy (also, Seeking God's Will Amidst the Clutter of Life's Demands.) .....4/19/11

Thank God for beautiful flowers!

       My gratitudes for today, while it is yet Tuesday:

1. Someone strayed from general principles that are foundational for Al-Anon Family Groups.  Unfortunately, her influence disrupted the unity among members. I spoke with her privately this evening, after a meeting we attended.  When I finished, she wrinkled her nose and said, "Thank you."

      It was clear she was annoyed.  That's okay.  I'm glad I spoke calmly and courteously.  How she chooses to respond is up to her.  I spoke from my perspective, how I felt about her actions.

     I mentioned the need for unity, harmony and fellowship.  After I shared my concerns, I let it go.   Her response was not my focus. Time will tell.  The results are in God's hands.  I "Let Go and Let God."

     I'm thankful for the courage I exercised this evening, this person has an aggressive personality.

3. Cooperation is always great.  Healthy, considerate communication invigorates my soul.  I'm glad I spoke my truth with this woman after the meeting. It's important for me to understand others and to be understood.

4. Early this morning, before the day got started, I listed my priorities.

        I did so, prayerfully.  I submitted these tasks before God, asking for His guidance.  It's a great,  getting many tasks accomplished.

       What was more satisfying, was operating from a perspective seeking His Will.  What I did today was not a result of hustling, making things happen, in my own strength alone.

"The mind of man plans his ways but the Lord directs his (man's) steps."   Prov. 16:9

"Commit your ways to the Lord and your plans shall be established."    Prov. 16:3

Time With Family

       I'm meeting with my oldest son tomorrow, for lunch.  It's overdue.   Nothing is greater than investing in family.  I pray God blesses our time.

       My son is a gift from God----a considerate young man.  He's working hard, finishing his degree at a nearby university.  I'm convinced the best thing I can do for my sons is to let them know how proud I am of them, love them and be available, if they need me.

5.  I appreciate the time my son and I will have to connect

6.  One of my best friends I'll see this Thursday.

     I was his best man when he got married and he was mine, when I got married. We've known each other since the 7th grade. We went through school and sports together.  Meeting with him allows me to enjoy mutuality, terrific conversation, deep love for each other, stability, and the support that only an old friend provides.

     Thank you, everyone, for dropping by.  May I ask you to share your gratitudes?  I know many of you are still getting used to this place which is essentially a gratitude journal for Blogger's cyber community.  Don't you think now would be a good time to exercise your gratitude muscles?  I hope and believe so.
     

Acceptance and Difficult Others 4/17/11

In a previous post about acceptance, Thag said:

"Try doing having acceptance when your almost 8-year-old makes weekly mass an exercise in humiliation!"

     Dear Thag,
I imagine it must, at times, be frustrating, raising two young daugh-ters, especially if one is strong-willed.  I'm not sure your oldest is, but she might be.  Fortunately, none of mine were.  I lucked out.

     There was a time, when I fathered  three teenage sons. That season required grace and wisdom I often lacked.

     Fortunately, they've turned out to be three magnificent sons.  I'm thankful for God's help.  I did my best and left the results to Him.  I find the following quote from Marshall Rosenberg helpful, I hope you do, too:

'Everything is in a constant process of discovery and creating. Life is intent on finding what works, not what's right'       Margaret Wheatley

It may be best to not look for the "bad," "wrong," or devious motivation for our children [or anyone's,] behaviors.  Our children are only and always trying to meet their human needs.  I train myself to look beneath the behavior for the need they are trying to meet, addressing that. In this way I will get to the reason they are doing what they're doing, and I'll also be able to help them choose actions that better serve their needs.

'Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mis-takes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.'  

 Virginia Satir states: Parents are sometimes afraid to empathize with their children out of fear that they will then have to 'give in' and give their child what they ask for.  However, empathy doesn't mean you agree to do anything your child asks. It simply means 'I care about what's going on with you.'

As we know, the message we send is not always the message received.

Sometimes when we make a request, we can pick up on verbal cues or body  language to determine that the message we sent was received the way we intend-ed.  But other times you can tell that whatever you said was "Greek" to the listener. 

To ensure a smooth exchange of information, try getting into the habit of asking the listener to reflect back what they heard you say.  They don't have to give a word-for-word recitation, but simply state what they think you said.  Incorporating this into your conversations, upsets and misunderstandings can be avoided.

It's important expressIng appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for a reflection.  Answering with "That's not what I said" or  "You weren't listening to me" will have the opposite effect.  A simple, "I'm grateful to you for telling me what you heard, I can see I didn't make myself as clear as I'd like. Let me try again." No Greek there!

******************** 

A Helpful Practice

       I ask others if they can tell me what they've heard me say.  Reflecting back what I hear, helps, too. It removes confusion. Again, what is communicated may not be what is heard.

       How many of my readers would like to join me, in exercising reflection this week?  May it be a great and grateful one, as a result!

Related Post:

Responding, Not Reacting