Wednesday, August 9

Being A Swami Is Not Our Job, Revisited ............ 8/9/17

A great way to avoid etching lines in your
 face is being internally referented. 
      I see the fol-lowing post, "Being a Swami Is Not Our Job"  is climbing the sidebar to your right.  I am leaving a copy here for those not acquainted with it. Here it is:

    We don't ex-perience an inter-pretation.  

 We imagine them.  Speaking my feelings without interpreting is being present. Whenever we state what is alive without judgment or presump-
tions, we let others know the real us.

     These authentic words are more likely to be heard and felt by friends than con-trol-oriented pro-nouncements. We hurt the relation-ship when we say,
"Oh, you are doing this because..."  Or, "I feel attacked." Or, "Once again you are ignoring me."

        All of these statements are faux feelings.  They are judgments about the other person's behavior.  We are not expressing our feelings.

        Judgments and assumptions are a form of Life Alienating Com-munication (LAC).  Using LAC only drives a wedge in the relationship. Treating an individual this way is disrespectful.  We are not meeting their need for dignity or equality.

       The best part about being present is not that others are more in-clined to listen when we eliminate our "mind chatter" and judgments.   We are saying what we truly feel.  We are not caught up with that word again, interpretations (or imaginings).

       We are connecting with what we sense and feel when with that person.  We are authentically expressing what is happening within. When we do, we are more likely to heal and forgive.

        That occurred a few weeks back.  I had a difficult conversa-tion, crying three times.  But, I was real.

       The next day, cycling with my son, I felt emotionally cleansed.  As if awakened from the coffin of despair.  My impassioned vulner-ability the previous day helped me soar from a bank cloud of turbulent feelings churned by the intense conversation.  It helped me emerge into a clearing of san-ity and serenity, providing peace of mind.

       I was happier, too. In my body and spirit, I was.  I was not in my mind, the old unhelpful refuge I ran to when mistreated as a little boy.

      What made this possible?  When the trauma happened, in that painful conversation, I was present.  I expressed my anger and resentment.  Quietly.  Tearfully.  Respectfully, but honestly.

       I was true to self.  I was not the nine-year old Pablo.  I was not panicking, stuffing the anger or resentment I felt within.

       It was fulfilling.  I was with someone who respected my authenticity.

       When we do not inter-pret or judge others, the other person is more likely to hear.  They will not be defen-sive.  Why?  Because we are speaking about what we heard them say instead of why we think they said it.

    It's not our job, being      a swami.

        Our imaginings are not a crystal ball, allowing us to judge.  We can be entirely wrong with our interpretations.  We are not God.

        We don't know the heart---the motives---of others.  As much as we assume we may, we do not know what another person is thinking.  It is absolute arrogance, believing we do.

        This is true even with those who have harmed us severely.   Often, their behavior had nothing to do with us.  It wasn't because we were bad, deserving their mistreatment.

         Their actions were the result of baggage they had before we were ever around, a result of their insecurities.

        Do we really want to be angry because of our interpretations, the mental static that bombards our mind?  When that happens we are not responding to what really happened.  These negative thoughts and emotions may make us feel wronged but righteous.

        But, is it worth stirring up misery, harboring bitterness within?  The only good in living by our interpretations is validating the story in our head. And it can be entirely wrong.

        It may be as genuine as a wooden nickel.

        Authenticity sets us free from self-imposed misery.  Being in touch with what we are experiencing---our feelings, and needs---allow us to live in reality.  We are able to speak our truth gently, without fear.

        Being genuine allows to say our no as gently as our yes.  We will know equanimity and healing.   And a peace of mind that can be gotten no other way. 

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.