Grateful for Nonviolent Communication, Emotional Object Constancy and Emotional Maturity Gotten by Recovery........ 7/22/14

No, I am not a mortician. No. this is not a picture of
me. But, this is how it was tonight, but I was sitting.
 I know.  Yecch.
The picture below is another version of the same
 thing.  No, I am not a masochist, either. Far from it.

        A better day.  But, contending routinely happens on Tuesday night. Tonight was no exception.  If only it weren't so.  I am not Superman, or should I say, Sir Lancelot.  No one enjoys conflict, even me, the Attitude of Gratitude guy.  My body gets a clammy feeling, a cold sweat overcomes me, dread hangs like a
cloud as the evening appointment approaches, every week.  Because I face this:

         Seven days ago, I postponed this weekly combat for one day.  Too weary to handle it.  I am being honest.  Tonight's session was better than jousting on Wednesday, before gathering with a group of friends, which happened last week.  Last week's combat depleted me, truth be told.

        Tonight, I held my ground.  I have never done military duty.  But, I know the feeling of anticipating guaranteed conflict. This evening I was present.  When attacked, I did not react.

         Nor did my adrenaline kick in, when the drama ensued within minutes of the meeting. Tonight, when judged, I did not tolerate it.  I was firm, calm, honest, not returning low blows for the ones received.

         Having taught nonviolent communication for decades, tonight was an opportunity to apply it while relating with someone in the fullness of their fury.  Better me, than you, right?

My Gratitudes:
1.  I had serenity and presence of mind while under attack this evening, because I know nonviolent communication. Thank God also for the love I receive from many.  Emotional object constancy was my armor while enduring tonight's withering attack.

2.  Earlier today I spoke my truth.  Sharing with someone a concern.  This was with someone else, not tonight's person.  I let this individual know I was confused and hurt a bit.  This is a big change from the younger Pablo.

        I did not know how to express what troubled me, before.  As a youth, I was culturally coerced into not thinking of my values, to always yield to others. (See the previous link for more about that.)  A social aborigine I was.  The only thing missing was wearing a loin cloth.  Now, I am present, revealing what is alive within me, when disturbed.  I don't try to manipulate outcomes.  I discover them.  The difference between being controlling or manipulative. I do not use shame or guilt when making my point. (That is using nonviolent communication.)

3.  I rested today, after an intense Monday, which are intensely rigorous and emotionally depleting.
4.  I enjoy  home cooked meals, every day, now I have my own house.  That's taking care of me,  not only physically---eating fresh vegetables and salads, but also economically.
5.  I am encountering disappointment, doing what I can to deal with it. I do not surrender my happiness to those who cause the crushed expectations.  That would be making my joy contingent on them doing what I want.  Instead, I take care of myself, doing what I can, to overcome life's disappointments.  That's the difference between being a child and and an adult. Even though outwardly we may appear as an adult, inwardly we can easily default to being seven years old, emotionally, when we don't live by healthy principles, do not have emotional object constancy or live in isolation.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today?