recovery from abuse experienced as a lad.
Glad I was for the respite from the intensity I endured when the evening was young. I would have been unable to joust again. I was spent, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I endured enough conflict. Earlier, I battled a dragon of negativity that had its death grip on the spirit of a new client. The combat lasted seventy-five minutes. Not pleasant, depleting my stamina. But I was a wall, my feet firmly planted upon principles, in that moment.
Afterwards, blood splatters upon the breastplate of my serenity were evident. I was fatigued, but my emotions were not slain by the onslaught of depression's angry power. My helmet of equanimity was crushed, not my common sense. I was weary, but I stood, remaining true to my values. The lance of boundaries had snapped in two, but not before it pierced the dragon of self-loathing that gripped my client. Tonight's spiritual battle was fought to a decisive victory, though my spirit was mangled.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against rulers, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put n the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then... Ephesians 6:12-13Principles prevailed over the demonic-like forces of negativity. I emerged from fighting in the dungeon of spiritual darkness more convinced I can do nothing apart from God's power. I am feeble when relying upon my meager human resources, alone.
Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves. Step Two, in RecoveryThe emotional hemorrhaging suffered during the contested session makes me question time spent with this client. None are worth jeopardizing the joy I know. No client. Underearning is working under conditions---or with people---we don't like. We work under unbearable conditions only when we are destitute. I am neither an underearner nor hard up for funds.
Afterwards, limping into tonight's meeting---battered---I found the balm of bonding, humor and transparent-not-from-the-head-but-from-the-heart honesty I knew would be available. Am I glad. I quaffed the soothing liquor of fellowship with dear ones, my supportive community. It eased the scrapes, bruises and aches I endured two hours earlier. And my soul was able to sing.
My Gratitudes:
1 For integrity. The dignity I enjoy when I stand true to strongly held beliefs. I will not compromise my values. Material gain can never offset the joy I know when living authentically.
2. For the emotional healing I experience when I speak my truth. If I say something, there's a chance that things may improve. If I say nothing, there is zero chance of circumstances improving.
3. For not being a sycophant. I respect myself too much, to be one. I strongly challenged one who wanted to dwell upon his miseries. All such thinking only makes our problems loom larger and more disturbing. Where is the growth in that?
4. For ending my relationship with the client I saw tonight. As of right now. As I write my gratitudes, I realize this is what I need to do. I let my clients know, their desire to get healthier has to be stronger than my desire to help. This client wants to present himself as a victim. He isn't interested in doing the hard work necessary to move from self-pity.
5. I do not compromise my values, even if it causes financial loss. My self-respect has no price tag. That is too high a price to pay for peace.Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny. Hope for Today, p 189
6. Each day that passes makes it that much closer to when I shall be with someone I cherish. I can't wait for our visit on the 24th, which seems like a year away.
How About You?
What is a dragon you have had to battle?
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1 comment:
The armor can be repaired, the scars heal. It's important not to let the memory of pain stop us from awaiting battles.
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