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| Image from Tim Blessed. All rights reserved. Used by permission. |
Drop by from time-to-time. I'll add to this over time, I hope the following thoughts inspire your spirit as you navigate life. The links direct you to the post that the quote came from. Have a great and grateful day. The Innkeeper
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Adherence to our values:
"I love the emotional maturity enjoyed when replacing once vulnerable places in my soul with healthy principles.
"In Saturday's case, one stabilizing principle was that I am equal with every other adult on this planet. When this anger-filled person tried chiding me, I took her behavior for what it was: unacceptable. I deserve greater respect than that, regardless of her perceptions.
"I don't accept blame, shame, guilt, fear or judgment, when relating with others. They are forms of life alienating communication.
"I'm thankful I don't accept unacceptable behavior. Others do not define me nor determine my moods."
From: "Dodging A Raging Bull"
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Anger:
"When you are angry or frustrated, what comes out? Whatever it is, it's a good indication of what you're made of." H. Jackson Brown
From: Boundary Practice: Dodging a Raging Bull
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambrose Bierce
From Boundary Practice: Dodging a Raging Bull
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Attitude:
"Our attitude is the librarian of our past, the speaker of our present and the prophet of our future." John Maxwell, Winning Attitude
From "Handling Stress."
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Depression
"I understand the importance of paying attention to my behavior, thoughts and feelings. I've found that even if we are not aware of it, our inner self needs this attention.
"Depression is our neglected psyche issuing a silent scream."It's telling us we have to take care of our feelings and needs and take note of our behavior. Depression is our inner self crying out that we are experiencing an unmet need."
Envy or Criticizing Others:
"It's not our right dissecting others, judging them, making them the object of gossip, or violating their anonymity. That's not keeping the focus on ourselves. In recovery, we learn to not let others rent territory in the property of our minds, becoming obsessed with their behavior or values."
From: Calmness In the Eye of the Storm, Part V, 12/4/13
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"Step One encourages us to keep the focus on ourselves, entrusting the growth or welfare of another to the God of our understanding. It's not our job to judge others---alcoholic or otherwise---even when we are certain they are wrong. There is only one God and we are not it, we can retire the cape, especially if it is a self-righteous one. I find compassion, empathy, love and understanding a better, more serene way to live."
"Dogs and cats should grow up together, it widens their hearts. Compassion widens ours." C.S. Lewis
From: Calmness In the Eye of the Storm, Part V, 12/4/13
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Equanimity:
"I'm happy for the equanimity enjoyed when going with life's flow, not making things happen that shouldn't."
From: "Going With Life's Flow"
Feelings
"Our feelings, whether good or bad, are our property. They fall within our boundaries. Our feelings are our responsibility; others' feelings are their responsibility. If other people feel sad, it is their sadness. This does not mean that they do not need someone else to be with them in their sadness and to empathize with them. It does mean the person who is feeling sad [or angry] must take responsibility for that feeling." Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992) 123
From: "Boundary Practice: Dodging a Raging Bull"
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"If we feel responsible for other people's feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right; we we'll make decisions based on how others feel about our choices.... If we are always trying to keep everyone happy, then we cannot make the choices required to live correctly and freely."
Also:
"If we feel responsible for others people's displeasure, we are being controlled by others, not by God [or our principles]. This is a basic boundary disturbance..... If self-centered people are angry at you, it means you are learning to say no to evil. If mean people are displeased with you, it means that you are standing up to abuse..... If your parents don't like the decisions that you as an adult feel God has led you to make, it means you are growing up." Changes, 123
From: "Dodging a Raging Bull"
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Humility:
"Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with." Peter Marshall
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Integrity
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Internally Referented:
"I'm happy knowing the freedom enjoyed when we don't let other people's reactions determine ours. We can still have our serenity and tranquility, even in the midst of another person's emotional storm. Freedom to enjoy my life on my terms, not that of others. Wow."
From the first entry of this blog, "I'd Enjoy Hearing Your Gratitudes."
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"Now, I can stand for myself without standing against others. Feeling the enormity of my emotions without being overwhelmed by them, is now my lot. I say my "no" as gently as my yes. I don't get triggered by others or thrown out of kilter by their emotional and hateful outbursts. Ya ay!
"It's nice knowing that his verbiage was a statement about him, his worldview and wounded nature, not about me. I'm so glad I'm not externally referented."
From: Calmness In the Eye of the Storm, Part V 12/4/13
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Inner Strength
From: "Calmness In the Eye of the Emotional Storm""I'm glad every time I respond to abuse or drama, using healthy, compassionate, yet assertive principles, I get stronger. It also gets easier, responding from strength----not fear. Also, acting this way in the future becomes more likely."
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Joy
"Joy isn't externally related. It is not based upon the job I have, being in a relationship, the type of car I drive or how much money I do or do not have in the bank.
"Happiness is an inside job, it is attitudinal. My present, persistent pressuring predicaments are at a pitch that before, would have moved me to anxiety. So, my circumstances haven't changed. I have. That is the difference between surviving and thriving."
From: Happiness Is An Inside Job, Part II
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Nonviolent Communication:
“I believe all [negative] analyses of other human beings as tragic expressions of our values and needs. They are tragic because when we express them in this form, we increase the defensiveness and resistance to them among the very people whose behaviors concern us. Or, if they do agree to act in harmony with our values because they concur with our analysis of their wrongness, they will likely do so out of fear, guilt, or shame.
“We all pay dearly when people respond to our values and needs, not out of a desire to give from the heart, but out of fear, guilt, or shame. Sooner or later, we will ex-perience the consequences of diminished goodwill on the part of the those who comply with our values out of a sense of either external or internal coercion. They too, pay emotionally, for they are likely to feel resentment and decreased self-esteem when they respond to us out of fear, guilt, or shame.
“Furthermore, each time others associate us in their minds with any of these feelings, we decrease the likelihood of their responding compassionately to our needs and values in the future." Rosenberg, Marshall: Nonviolent Com-munication, A Language of Life, 2nd Edit., Encinitas, PuddleDancer 2005, p 16-17
From "Responding To An Emotional Meltdown"
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Obstacles:
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal." Henry Ford
"I'm the only person on earth who can make my welfare my number one priority. If I give without taking time to nurture myself, both mentally and spiritually, I become emotionally bankrupt, spent."
From "Handling Stress."
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Peace:
"Peace come not from the absence of conflict, but from our ability to cope with it."
"Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand, that you may believe, but believe, that you may understand." Aurelius Augustinius
From: "A Calming Perspective"
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Progress
************************************************"Progress can be hard to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high. If we expect our negative attitudes or unhealthy behavior to change quickly and completely, we're likely to be disappointed, progress is difficult to see when we measure ourselves against idealized standards. Perhaps it would be better to compare our present circumstances to where we had been in the past." From: "Progress Not Perf3cktion"
Success
"Success depends not merely in how well we do the things we enjoy, but in how conscientiously we perform those duties that we don't."
John Maxwell, Developing the Leader Within You
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