Saturday, March 30

Ruminations About Easter and Emotional Vampires .....3/30/13


    Good evening everyone,

How are you?  I'm bumping this up.  The Innkeeper is taking a break tonight.  I wrote this last Easter.

     As always, please take what you like and leave the rest.

     What a lovely day tomorrow will be.  Seeing others dressed up for the Easter holiday while attending church will be welcomed change of routine.

     Today, I reflected on this holiday.   I wrote a bit about Easter, yesterday.  You can find that post here.  With loved ones I will be tomorrow.
My Gratitudes This Saturday Evening
1. The message of Easter.   It's amazing how this holiday has evolved.  Nope, tomorrow is not about

Friday, March 29

The Meaning of Today: One Solitary Life ............... 3/29/13

 
      Good evening everyone,

 As with everything I write, please take what you like and leave the rest.

     Easter is fast approaching. I know the image of it, for many, is bunnies, pastel colors, and candy.  Originally this holiday---or holy day---was about the event that occurred after

Thursday, March 28

Remembering Wonderful Days Gone By 3/28/13

Iimage: "Field and Country: New Wheat" by
 Tim Blessed.All rights reserved, used by permission.
      Hi there.  Many suffer from frustration, despair and depression.  I know, because----on a daily basis---- I help people who struggle with these weights upon their souls.

      I'm lucky, I'm aware of healthy alternatives that allow me to transcend and even thrive during dark night of the soul moments.  I've learned that I have

Wednesday, March 27

Beauty Born From Struggle .......3/27/13


 "All growth depends upon activity.  There is no development physi-cally or intellectually [or characterologically] without  effort, and effort means work."                Calvin Coolidge

      Good evening,

I'm getting back on track, sorta.  The past two weeks have been

Tuesday, March 26

Making Amends, Revisited ......... 3/26/13

 Things work better when repaired. In my Left-Coastal
 thinking, I find this repaired bowl has a unique beauty. 
    It definitely has character.The esthetics of kintsugi
   (金継ぎ).  It means"golden joinery"   in Japanese. It
   refers to the art of fixing broken ceramics with a lac-
   quer resin made to look like solid gold.  Chances are
    are a vessel restored with kintsugi looks better than 
     before the fractures. The same is true when making
 amends with a mature friend. Afterwards, the re-
lationship is more
 attractive, healthier.
        Amends is different than apologizing. Saying, "I'm sor-ry is merely uttering words. 

        Amends provides emotion-al and psychological relief. Doing so in a rich way, golden in nature.  It restores a rup-tured relationship.
"Friendship is a plant of slow growth, that must endure many seasons of adversity, before it is wor-thy of that appellation."       George Washington
     We enjoy growth when we place principles above areas in our personalities that are vulnerable, needing improvement.  Such an opportunity took place today.

     I met with a friend of 20+ years.  I learned there are problems his wife has with me, about something happening fifteen years ago.  Yikes! Wow, even.

     In such times, I like Goethe's perspective stated below:

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
     I scrounged up the cour-age to discuss the issue after we had lunch.  I will resolve it, leaving the outcome in God's hands.  It is best to take responsibility for our behavior.

Being Responsible
    Taking responsibility doesn't mean we are at fault.  It means the ability to respond positively to whatever ad-versity we face.

     We clean our side of the street.  Even if our part----in our biased perspective----created only one percent of the problem with another. Exercising boundaries is taking ownership of our behavior.

     It is dealing with our contribution to the problem.  It is not focusing on the other person's contributing behavior. The only person we are certain of improving is ourselves.  
     "We cannot become the person we         want to be by remaining the way         we are." 
   We want this perspective even when we believe the other person is more wrong than us.  This is key when making amends.  It dem-onstrates maturity, our emotions are under control, we are not reac-ting.

     We are in the driver's seat when it comes to improving our behav-ior.  The only person we have control over is ourselves, not others.  Recovery teaches us that we are powerless over the pronouns in our lives: people, places, and things.

     This perspective keeps us in our right mind.  Trying to change oth-ers is not only futile but insanity.  It leads to frustration, anger.

     Not only that, it is controlling behavior.  Who wants that in a rela-tionship?  When anyone is controlling, it creates distance and distrust.  

      When we are control-ling, the relationship lacks reciprocity. We are calling the shots. We are acting out of fear, not confidence. We may blame or judge.  That gets us nowhere. 

     Making amends heals relationships.  Conflict is resolved.  There's a saying in recovery: "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?"

     The latter choice is serenity inducing, a good idea, the other, justi-fying ourselves, isn't.  Overexplainig ourselves is also codependency.  Nothing good comes from it.

      Another's response to our efforts is irrelevant.  Counting on a positive reaction sets us up for disappointment. "An expectation is a resentment waiting to happen, " another bon mot from recovery. 

      We do not make amends for the other person's sake.  We make amends for ours.  It frees us from the weight of guilt and endur-ing tension in the relationship.

     There is a key step when dealing with wronging another.  We ask, "What can we do to make this right?"  We heed their response.
     
      We do their bid-ding, the best we can.   This strength-ens the relationship. Like the pottery pic-tured above, the mending improves the relationship, making the connec-tion stronger, more attractive.

      Being emotionally mature and safe for others to know, we care more about the relationship than the vexing issue between us.  This is an essential quality of healthy relationships.

      An unsafe individual cares more about the issue than the relation-ship.  An emotionally healthy person corrects us in order to forgive.  An unsafe person corrects to condemn.

       Making amends adds integrity and authenticity that people seek when relating.  It is moving beyond superficial friendship.  It is get-ting real with each other when relating. 
   
       Amending a re-lationship brings transparency, a qual-ity we want but is often missing when connecting with oth-ers. Positively addres-sing difficulties make our friendship deep-er than the title given to those follow-ing us on Facebook.

      Weathering adversity creates intimacy.  We can be true to our viewpoint.  We do this by demonstrating our values through our corrective behavior.

      All this is done while not standing against our fellows.  Authenticity and integrity---qualities desired when connecting--- takes place, when making amends.

      One caveat.  We try to patch things up unless doing so may cause injury to the person approached or others.  Others include us.

      Sometimes indirect amends through changed behavior is best.  Get-ting feedback from our Balcony-People beforehand helps.  We may get better clarity as to the approach to take.

       It's crucial doing what we can, righting a situation.  Oft-en we avoid discomfort.  That only creates more guilt and stymies solving the problem.

       We can take comfort when noticing an area needing growth.  We are getting emo-tionally healthier.  We are becoming more mature.

        It is a positive occasion, not a time to berate our-selves We are now aware of an area of growth we did not see before. (For more about being gentle towards ourselves, read here.)

        We can be thankful for learning about amends.  It heals an area of perception that, for many, was damaged in childhood. Often, back then, it was a tragic experience, acknowledging our mistakes.

           Frequently, we were punished when admitting our er-rors.
 
       It is a relief, knowing we are not what we do, or have done wrongly.  We are loved by a gracious God.  We are cared for by friends because of who we are, faults included.

       Recovery lets us be our-selves, comfortable even when we have done wrong. We see that just because we make a mistake does not mean we are a mistake. Dwelling upon this reality, at the visceral level---pausing to soak in this truth frees us from shame, self-judgment, and self-blame.

       Understanding and applying amends when necessary increases our confidence when relating.  We know that if things ever go wrong, we can make them right.

       No matter how bad things may get, amends provides room for healing, golden in nature.  Hurt feelings and fractured relationships can be restored, leaving them better than they were before.  And for that, we can have an  Attitude of Gratitude. 

Monday, March 25

A Terrific Way To Start the Week ......3/25/13

Where I cycled in Alameda. Lovely, the weather and view. 
    Good evening,

I just got in.  How was your day?  I worked.  I even received country doctor

Saturday, March 23

The Vision of This Inn, Revisited .......3/23/13

      How are you?

I'm bumping this up.  For the longest time, this was one of the top ten most read posts I've written.  I see it has dropped out of sight from the sidebar on your right. You might want to check out the many links embedded in it.


Welcome
          Can you think of a better way of going through your week than considering your gratitudes? Neither can I.  Know that this place is here to

I Did Not Receive the Light (I was De-Lighted, & Delighted In Standing My Ground). Also, Disappointment, Using Must Haves and Can't Stands 3/23/13

       Are you enjoying your weekend?  An unusual experience was had by the innkeeper today.  A trip to San Francisco, observing people practicing their faith was the occasion.  A person I know invited me.

       Emotionally drained, I am.  At the event, six people approached me ---ten times--- encouraging me to light up, and I'm not talking about a cigar.  Each time, quietly and with a warm smile, I declined. I can say my "no" as gently as my yes.

       First to entreat me was the head honcho, although she was a woman. Maybe I should call her the head honcha.  A power emanated from this Japanese woman as she approached me.  This faith is Japanese based.

       Confidently, she asked me, if I wanted to

Thursday, March 21

Getting Through the Day, Revisited .......3/21/13


      Good evening everyone,

I'm bumping this up. It was written nearly two years ago,  March 26th, 2011.  Let me know what you think.


           The following spiritual disciplines help us get through the day, especially those that are challenging and stressful.

1.  Meditation.

    This spiritual exercise slows us down.  It permits us to slip away from the frenetic white noise of the busyness of life. Meditation enables us to still our minds and wrap them around the events transpiring in our day, week or month.

     Seeking God's will in the midst of all that confronts us, is what we are doing. Praying for God's grace to carry out His will, not

Wednesday, March 20

Kisses from God .......3/20/13

Although I'm a bit older and my
hair has grey, I felt like this kid.
      Monday morning, I was reeling from news received at 11:30 p.m., Sunday night, upon returning home from seeing a movie and picking up my laptop in Union City. (As you can see, with that device, I'm back at

Monday, March 18

Confronting Negativity----Gossip. A Challenging Day

     Good evening,

It's great returning to the inn. Today was my busiest day for this week, seeing six clients.  Not long ago, Mondays were my day off.

 I managed to get through the day pretty well, even though I went to bed at four a.m. this morning and rose at 7:30 a.m. There was an

The Innkeeper Is Back

       Hello everyone,

 I'm back in action-----ya ay!  One of the laptops that I turned in to get fixed was damaged beyond repair.  This I found out, after waiting several weeks for it to be fixed.  Unbelievably, they

Tuesday, March 12

Where Has the Innkeeper Been? Part II 3/12/13

"If we give up while still climbing the mountain, we'll never reach the top. Rocks along the way are not problems but footholds to take us to new heights and victories."

     Hello everyone,

Last week, on Thursday and Saturday, I went to the shop working on my laptop. Today was the third time.  I'm still

Friday, March 8

An Update and Prayer

      Good evening everyone,

I am cheating.  I'm supposed to be working on a talk I'm giving at a conference tomorrow. But, here I am talking with you.  I miss our times together.

      I went to the shop where my

Tuesday, March 5

Where Has the Innkeeper Been? .......3/5/13

How the hills nearby look. Thank God for rain
      Missing my companion----my laptop----has been a revelation.  My visits with you, here, at the inn, have been scarce. I miss our time together, too.  One laptop I borrowed is no longer available.  Ugh.

      I'm at the library and I've

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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