Seeing myself getting stronger, characterologically, nurtures my optimism. Emotional dust storms happened this week when relating to oth-ers. That's when the fun began, not because I like drama.
Far from it. I'm an introspective, intuitive person. I care for drama as much as only one likes cleaning out a litter box unattended for several days.
Relating to others allows us to grow. Difficulties are opportunities for spiritual weight lifting. They are occasions for exercising our personal strength. They are chances for us to express and apply our values when in the thick of sticky, uncomfortable moments.
When we are resentful, get angry, or become passive, we demonstrate our weaker selves. These unhappy character qualities lurk---daily---around every emotional corner if we do not have the presence recovery offers. Recovery is the absence of mental chatter.
It is being in the here and now, experiencing "what is," listening to understand, not to reply. Recovery allows us to be comfortable in our own skin.
Our emotional muscles strengthen when applying healthy principles when relating. Life's path of the bumps and dips of conflict are made smooth when we use disciplined responses. Read here, for more about that.
Growth happens when connecting with emotionally mature others. They are our Balcony People. See footnote. With a healthy support network, challenges are seen for what they are: moments where we place principles above our vulnerable default modes.
Sometimes life is a matter of taking it in fifteen-minute increments. There are times when taking it one day at a time as recovery programs suggest is more than we can handle. Life is good when we are gentle with ourselves.
Acknowledging the healthy steps we take---even if they are tiny, moves us towards progress, tranquility, and happiness.
"Perhaps I can let go of all con-demnation for this one day. I will recognize that I am on a spiritual path of self-improvement. Every tiny step I take on that path moves me closer to wholeness, health, and serenity." Al-Anon Family Groups Inc., Courage to Change, 2nd Edit., Virginia Beach, 1992, 19. Print.
For most of us, conflicts are few and far between. Lately, it hasn't been so, for me. During such times, the following is helpful:
After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt . …. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after say-ing,“yes, “ when I really wanted to say, “no.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to gain someone’s approval? ….
The answer became apparent: What I lacked was courage. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “no,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a door mat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”
..... Do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.
Have a great and grateful day. I know I will. Remember, we are the average of the five people we hang out with. We want to make sure they are emotionally mature, healthy, kind, and positive. We deserve relationships like that, we really do.‘There is a price that is too great to pay for peace…One cannot pay the price of self-respect.' Woodrow Wilson Courage, 207
How About You?
What spiritual weightlifting have you been doing? Where are you placing principles above your personality? I'd love hearing from you. Really.
What a gift it has been, seeing my supportive family expand, as time goes by. Not only have I a flesh-and-blood family, but an expanded family due to others who are a part of my life. They are my Balcony People.
These dear ones love and accept me unconditionally, they are in the grandstands of my life, cheering me on, as I run the marathon of life. Best of all, they don't give me advice. They may share their experience, strength and hope, when I ask. More importantly they empathize and have compassion. They are simply available.
Image: Countryside: "Wintry Pastoral" by Tim Blessed. All rights reserved, used by permission.
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1 comment:
Dear Innkeeper,
It's close to 4am. I'm up. Fell asleep early last night. My body was still recuperating from a week of science camp and a weekend of daddy duties with soccer games, chores, and grocery shopping. Report cards and parent/teacher conferences loom on the horizon. Grateful that I do have Friday off, thanks to our veterans. Hopefully a day for some reflection.
I lie on my bed writing here and listening to an 80s song on repeat. I can still remember listening to this song on a hot summer's night back in the 80s, aware of the menace in the house. That person is no longer around.
I'm grateful for the intense argument my wife and I had two weekends ago. I spoke up. After minutes of posturing, holding on to our self-righteous beliefs, I explained to her that I didn't expect a love song from her, but to simply look around and see what is happening. I can't remember what else we said. What I do remember though was that she was able to express terrifying feelings of uncertainty and doubt. After 16 years of teaching, she was scared she wasn't going to make it this year.
You see to make a long story short, my wife is in the process of bringing mindfulness to public education, but she's paying a hefty price, a huge sacrifice, even affecting her health and family life.
On this day of election, we keep marching to the fall, taking sides, basing it on what we think is best. Choosing the lesser of the two evils, the one who lied the least. We keep innocently marching, avoiding, resisting our humanity, our vulnerability, our fragility. I'm not saying that no election is the solution, all I'm wondering is when will things like perspective, wisdom, and healing matter most.
-TB
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