The Joy of Giving ................................5/4/12

  A Special Time
       I met with someone I mentor today, in addition to my regular work schedule.  The time with the person was

Why We Visit the Attitude of Gratitude Inn. Also, What Happens When We Go It Alone: Learning From Robert E. Lee ..............6/29/11

      I'm sharing the following with you; it's the goal of this inn:

One of the gifts I've received ... is maintaining an attitude of gratitude.  Before...I didn't understand the true nature of gratitude.  I thought it was the happiness felt when life happened according to my needs and wants.  I thought it was the high  felt when my desire for instant gratification was fulfilled.

Today.....I know better.  Gratitude is an integral part of my serenity.  In fact, it is usually the means of restoring my serenity whenever I'm straying from it.

Great Morning, More Business and a Terrific View (On one occasion, surprisingly romantic.)

      Hi, everyone.

This is your innkeeper reporting to you from his semi office---Abigail Cafe (No apostrophe s), named for the owner's daughter. I've taken over this place.  This is 25 miles from my office. I use it to see clients that live up this way, in the island city of Alameda. I met with two clients this morning.

     I'm luxuriating in the view. The prime table---is mine. It overlooks the bay and the SF Peninsula. Earlier, while studying, after my appointments, I observed lovers along the shore, locked in an embrace, kissing. I've viewed dogs taking their owners for walks

Having Fun Tonight .......6/16/11

    Good evening, all,

How was your day? I'm investing in myself this evening. I'm getting support from friends and will later have fun, including seeing a first-run movie, for free. Let me hear from you, I enjoy the interactions we share. Some of you, I haven't heard from, in awhile.

     My gratitudes:

1. Fantastic weather today: in the mid-seventies again, with no humidity
2. My car runs well. (It was in the shop last week.) I appreciate the convenience and stability a car provides, at least practically. I can go where I want and know I'll be able to get there.
3. I'll see my oldest son, later this evening. I'm always glad when we have a chance to be together.

Responding Not Reacting, Part II ( An Opportunity for Growth, Spiritual Weightlifting) ...................5/30/11

Emotionally Charged Conversations

       When disagree-ing with someone, awareness that we have limited knowl-edge, helps.

       We don't know what's right in every situation.  During such times, the acronym THINK helps.  We want to ask, "Are my comments and behavior Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind?"

Armida, Part I. Counting Our Blessings: A Reminder That Tomorrow or Next Month Is Not Guaranteed ................ 5/27/11

      How are you?  I'll discuss today's topic after my gratitudes.

I've been on the go for several days. Thursday, I met with friends.  Afterward, some of us took in a movie: "Thor."  My oldest son is a manager at a twenty-five-screen theater, and I get to see first-run movies for free.  It makes me a popular date. :->  (Free large bag of popcorn and soda too, if desired.)

My Gratitudes Before Saturday Rolls Around:

1. I rested today. Nice. I stayed home this evening; I'm gearing up for Saturday, which will be eventful and carry on until late.
2. I visited with my oldest son Thursday. I'm proud of him: he's working hard: he's completing college, works a job, and now has been elected as president of the local chapter of the American Marketing Association. (He's a business major.)

     The honesty and openness we share are heartening. It was good hearing my son laugh while we visited.  Stress is an ongoing part of his life.  Sharing light-hearted moments was good for both of us.  Connecting and discussing any issue is easy for us; our bond makes my heart smile.
3. I purchased a book to replace one of the seven vital books I lost recently.  I've been eking out my studies for my personal growth.  I now have three; I borrowed two others from a friend.

      The ones lost are irreplaceable. Hundreds of cross-references I hand wrote in each.  300-500 added entries to the indexes I also had in them. Not to mention my marginalia, which was microscopic and copious. I've studied these books daily for years, close to a decade. They each had more than three thousand+ hours of notes in them. They are what contribute the bulk of what you hear from me when you visit me here.

     These books stirred my personal growth, offered wise perspectives, and provided inner healing and clarity.  I suffer not having them.  It's challenging opening up "naked" unmarked books. They're not the same.  Insights captured over the years and embedded in them are gone. It's hard starting all over again.  But...........
4. I'm glad that I'm gradually rebuilding my library's vital, integral core.

Making the Most Out of Our Lives
Tomorrow is Not Guaranteed
       Seeing friends last night was a great way to conclude the week. They're beautiful people. What I like best is that everyone is emotionally healthy.  They've worked through their issues.  I value their warmth, insight, and kindness.

      There was a shocker to this week's gathering.  One person blithely shared she recently visited the doctor. Armida fell and thought she had cracked vertebrae. The hospital did an MRI, finding out that was the least of her worries: she's severely riddled with cancer. This voracious disease is in her bones, lymph nodes, and lungs.  It may travel to her brain. They've given her 3-6 months to live.

       Tears streamed down my face as she calmly shared the news with a bright, sincere smile. Gosh.  In shock, unable to comprehend what she said, I was. "This could not be??" I thought. What she shared was incongruent with her calm and positive demeanor.

        Speaking with her, one-on-one, later, culminated in giving Armida a big hug----a request of hers. Visiting her, bringing mutual friends, I intend on doing.  I'll act soon, while she's mentally clear, and even after when she isn't. Guitar I'll bring. Music comforts the soul, don't you agree?  Her illness strikes an emotional chord; I've been assisting someone who's recovering from cancer surgery on her leg since last July.  Also, my dad died from prostate cancer not long ago.

        We want to let our loved ones know we love them; tomorrow is not guaranteed.
How About You? 
1. Who is someone you feel strongly prompted to visit?  My encouragement is to do it.
2. What has been a big shock you've experienced lately?  If you feel comfortable sharing it with us, that would be great. If not, you may want to get it out of your system by sharing this disturbing news with a caring, empathetic friend.  It works. I know from personal experience
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Update: 8/4/11 My dear friend Armida died Monday, 8/1/11, at 12:55 p.m., surrounded by family and loved ones.  I was fortunate enough to serenade her twice this month.  Most recently, Sunday, the night before her departure.

        Armida's irrepressible spirit left an indelible imprint on this writer. Her death is my loss and that of those who knew her. You can read the story about the innkeeper serenading her, her dancing eyes, and an unexpected but comforting guest here.

Happiness is a Choice; Gratitude is a Choice. Better staying in the solution than dwelling on problems........... .................. 5/25/11

     Attitude deter-mines how much happiness we will know.

 "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."  

      Abraham Lincoln echoed this when he said, 

"Happiness requires very little, it's all in our way of thinking."  [And, I would add, in the choices we make.]

        Being grateful reveals itself as a terrific choice.  It fills us with hope. It happens as we look backwards with thankfulness and forward with eager anticipation.  

        We can be thankful because we are not alone.  God's love can be ours at all times.  He accepts us with grace, not judgment.  

        We cannot only bond with God but also create a supportive community that loves us unconditionally. This type of support flourishes when developing our discernment and apply boundaries when relating with others. 

         I'm not pollyannaish. (read here for more.)  There's warfare in the world, and many go hungry, daily; abuse abides throughout this world, yes.  Many nowadays are without work.

        Despite these realities, a loving God still exists.  He answers our prayers.  A Power greater than ourselves can provide the sanity and serenity we seek. 

        A positive vision for our lives can be ours, the choice involves changing perspective. 

        It happens when we slow down through prayer and meditation and increase our conscious contact with the God of our understanding.  We want to pray for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out.  This action mirrors Step 11 in Recovery.

        When we are loved by family and friends we know a reality that enhances our joy.  Life doesn't get richer than that.

  "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."        Helen Keller 

        How about you?  Where do you choose to invest your thoughts?  I'm amazed at what we choose to focus on. Yes, problems can engulf us.  Complaining doesn't solve them.

       I find sweeping our porch a better option; in doing so, the world becomes tidier.  Spewing bile may offer temporary release.  Doing what we can about the issue, provides a constructive alternative; "Let it begin with me."
   
        It surprises me how much we stay in our minds, without subsequent action.  

        Before recovery, I worshipped my mind.  It was the result of a classical and thorough education.  I  used analysis to make sense of the nonsensical.

       It was my attempt at trying to control the uncontrollable.

       That's futility and insanity.  I know it's chic to be critical, sophisticated to be sassy.  I'd rather fill my heart with love and praise for the gifts life offers. 

        Don't you agree?  My guess imagines you saying yes, or you wouldn't be reading these silent words in this home of gratitude and thankfulness.

         Focusing on the problem creates a downer mentality.  The problem remains that we are focusing on the problem.  With that viewpoint, of course, we'll get upset.   I'd rather look at the alternatives as to what I can do, staying in the solution.

           Many don't realize that being critical does not reveal an astute analytical mind.  Anyone can complain; it's easy to be consumed by a dark spirit, defaulting to this mode.
     
         Many are not aware that being judgmental has nothing to do with their assessment skills. Their viewpoints stem from a heart filled with blame, shame, guilt, and judgment, the five forms of Life Alienating Communication.  Frequently, critics are simply continuing the negative legacy of growing up within the toxicity of a negative, depressive, critical home where grace was rarely demonstrated.

          Since childhood, many living in a less-than-ideal home were groomed to be critical.  It was modeled for them daily.  Seeing what was wrong became part of their cognitive and characterological DNA.  Having lived with toxic---and usually perfectionistic---family members, the bleak circumstances of their childhood strongly contribute to adopting a critical perspective.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."   Philippians. 4:8.

This is my choice, dwelling upon the blessings and treasures I have.  In keeping with that theme, here are...

My Gratitudes for Today:
1. My baseball team played today and I watched the game.  It was a respite from daily pressures, taking in a game.  It slowed the pace of my evening.  Baseball remains a game of nuances; it has the speed of yesteryear when life wasn't as frantic.
2. I spoke with one of my older brothers this afternoon.  It's lovely connecting with family and catching up on the latest news.
3. Another brother, who lives in Hawaii, by phone, I almost reached. We share a comfortable relationship; we think alike. Besides that, he has a wonderful personality.  I treasure the life-long bond we share.
4. I had an open conversation with a son.  The openness, thoughtfulness, and honesty we had met my need for connecting on an intimate level.  It's great relating with an adult son.  Hearing his mature but different perspective was gladdening. Mine remains limited.  I appreciate the times we celebrate together.
5. I appreciate patience.  It allows me to slow down, when life engulfs me, with the urgent tries to distract me from the important.  Turning things over to God, and letting Him carry the burdens of my life makes it more bearable, less frightening, and increases my equanimity, always a good deal.

Related Posts:
Getting Beyond Disappointment 
"Happiness is a Choice"  Part II

Wealthy Beyond Measure: Stress Free, Too .5/22/11

“Abundance does not consist in how

 much we have, but in how much

 we enjoy.”

 

     Good evening, everyone,
How was your weekend? Yesterday, my sons, a friend, and I were immersed in nature all day. At Sunol Regional Wilderness Park, near Niles Canyon, south of Pleasanton.  My sons, along with a friend I've known for fourteen years, and I hiked. For more than two hours, alternatingly

Gratitudes from the Innkeeper

My gratitudes for today:

1. I finally got my problem with the DMV straightened out.Ya ay!  I was so grateful, that I offered to take the supervisor who helped me, out for dinner. I appreciate the freedom I have that allows me to go wherever I want, whenever I want----a bit of independence that's easy to take for granted. I'm not old, yet, but eventually most seniors reach a point when they no longer can drive.That's a several decades away, but it is a good thing to be thankful.
2. I went grocery shopping, after my trip to the DMV. I'm into healthy food. I'm glad that I was able to get what I need to make nutritious, SSS meals.
3. My baseball team won tonight. They're in first place. They're hanging in there, even though they aren't scoring many runs. It's the superb pitching they have, that's contributing to their success. I enjoy celebrating life's little joys. As you know, my team are the world champions, even though we only play Major League Baseball in the U.S. and Canada.
4. My middle son and I had a good visit this morning. I love his personality and the open interaction we share. We were able to discuss goals he might want to pursue. I value his open-minded attitude and connection we share with each other. 
5. In the early evening, my youngest son and I were able to visit. He's the musician among my sons. Being that I'm a musician, we were able to discuss music and catch up with each other. We are going to do something next weekend, as a family.  I look forward to the time we'll share.My sons are my number one priority, other than my relationship with God.
6. I'm happy to see positive outcomes for the work I do. I got a e-mail from a client last night. She's noticing big changes in her life, due to the time we've spent. It's been three months. I tell all my clients that their desire to get better has to be stronger than my desire to help them. Otherwise, I can't assist them. To push a person along in their personal growth is untenable; it's also would make me a codependent, something I don't care to be.

      Okay, you've heard my gratitudes. Would it be possible for me to hear yours? It would meet my need for equality, reciprocity, mutuality and fellowship. 

      Here's to having a terrific Thursday,

Reassuring a Little Girl

   

       Dear denizens of the Attitude of Gratitude Inn,

This story was forwarded to me this weekend. On the off chance that you haven't read this story, which is attributed as true, I share it with you. I especially relate to it.  A cat dear to me is dying: Alexander the Gray. He's an intelligent, spiritual, silvery-tipped, Russian Blue. Alexander has been getting subcutaneous fluids for over two years, due to renal failure.His medications now make him wobbly. His gig is almost up.

       The other day, when I dropped by, he got between me and the laptop I was using while waiting for my friend, who lives at Alex's house.  His big eyes stared into mine, quietly---but persistently---they pled for affection. I'm a sucker when gently entreated. Together, he and I spent time; he received the unique back rub down his spine that I give, which he likes. I sure would like someone from the Dead Letter Department of the local post office to send me a comforting letter, when Alex goes to cat heaven. May the tale that follows warm some cockles within your bosom, thereby contributing to your attitude of gratitude today. 

       May this Lord's Day bless you and yours,  

      The Innkeeper

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     Our 14-year-old dog Abby died last month.  The day after she passed 

away my four-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about 

how much she missed Abby.  She asked if we could write a letter to God 

so that when Abby got to heaven, God would recognize her.  I told her 

that I thought we could so, and she dictated these words:

 
     Dear God,

 
Will you please take care of my dog?  She died yesterday and is with you

in heaven.  I miss her very much. I'm happy that you let me have her as

my dog even though she got sick.  I hope you will play with her. She likes

to swim and play with balls.  I'm sending a picture of her so when you 

see her you will know that she is my dog.  I really miss her.

  

     We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abby and Meredith

and addressed it to God/Heaven.  We put our return address on it.  Then

Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she

said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. 

That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.  A 

few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.  I told her that 

I thought He had.

 
       Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front 

porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand.  Meredith opened it. 

Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.'  Taped to 

the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened

envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abby & Meredith 

and this note:

 
      Dear Meredith,

 
Abby arrived safely in heaven.  Having the picture was a big help; I
recognized her right away.  Abby isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here
with me just like it stays in your heart.  Abby loved being your dog.
Since I have a pretty good memory,  I'm sending Abby's picture

back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to 

remember Abby by.
 

      Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping 

you write it and sending it to me.  What a wonderful mother you have.

I picked her especially for you.  I send my blessings every day and 

remember that I love you very much.  By the way, I'm easy to find. 

I'm wherever there is love.

 
      With all my Love,
 
           God

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      Let me know what you think.