Sunday, September 4

Do You Know What It Means If We're Too Busy? Boundaries Guard Our Serenity Also: Must Haves & Can't Stands, Part I ................................ 9/4/11

You may feel that the world is too messed up, that too
many wrong choices have been made,that it doesn't
matter much what you do, that it's hopeless. But that's
not true. Just as every problem can be traced to a wrong
decision, every solution begins with a wise and loving
decision to do the right thing, the loving and unselfish

A little bit of love can make a lot of difference. One act
of kindness or unselfishness can start a whole chain re-
action of events that will, in the long run, make life a
lot better for a lot of people. So don't despair because
there is so much suffering and grief and wrong in the
 world. Instead, do what you can to make things right
and encourage others to do the same. The world won't
 change in a day, but we can make a difference if we
try. (Photographer's caption) All rights reserved.

     Good evening everyone,
Did you have a good Saturday? My day was mixed but that's okay. I'm going easy on myself, I'm in the midst of transitions.
     I'll talk about busyness and boundaries after sharing my gratitudes. With what I write today about boundaries, please take what you like and leave the rest.  I don't ask you to agree with me. Ultimately, we have to make our own decisions.
     Saturday's Gratitudes:
1. We're getting many dropping by this inn---the word is getting out---and we've only started getting a reputation. We had 550 visitors today. This place is ramping up.
     I'd love hearing from you. There are a lot of you who are Silent Readers, who drop by without signing the register to this inn. Go ahead, make this innkeeper happy by doing so, sharing three gratitudes. Just go easy on me---I might have a heart attack when you do. :->
2. I've other things in mind for this cozy inn which exists in this blogosphere---just wait until I unveil the new additions to this inn. You'll see, over the next few months.
3. I was strongly encouraged with the marketing meeting I had on Wednesday. I'm excited I'm riding the new wave that involves the way the world now does business: using the internet and social networking.
4. I'm thankful for discernment that allows me to avoid others who are not good for me.
     Someone wanted to be my editor, an individual who is a writes for a major newspaper and is a local professor. I prefer the editor that I have, even though we haven't worked much, yet. I've known him for awhile and enjoy his writing and his personality; he's kind, patient, humble and thoughtful. He writes dramatically and well for a local newspaper.
Being Busy
       I'm involved with several new clients, I'm starting a new group that helps myself and others work towards our visions, I'm moving, and I'm changing the nature of the relationships I've had with a few friends. I also mentor several and am working on a book. Other than that, I'm not busy. (Come on, you know I'm joking.)
        Do you know what it means when we are too busy? It means we are too busy.
        I've been too busy. I'm glad I took time today investing in my sanity and serenity. I luxuriated in a Sabbath rest, normally I don't do so on a Saturday. In Spanish Saturday is called Sabbath day: Sabado. I believe they and my Jewish friends have the right idea.
        I let my body, and more importantly, my mind and soul catch up with all the activity I've been immersed in. It isn't exciting being involved in a swirl of activity. I've learned that being involved with too many projects is a form of self-abuse that society and my family encouraged, when I was growing up. It was my way of not having to come to terms with my feelings. 
        Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity
        Today,  I took time, investing in me.  I cooked nutritious meals, the result of slowing down. I read at length. I took deep breaths. I went outside and breathed in the crisp air and delighted in the clouds above and the chirping of birds. I did not speak with others, either by phone or in person. I made time for me. You might want to check out this post, it's a good one about this subject.
6. I'm thankful this inn avoids being a narcissistic exercise. I'm not interested in talking about myself. My focus is to add positive contributions to the world by sharing my experience, strength and hope. There's no growth in complaining and revisiting our miseries.
       My hope is that my posts leave constructive and healthy perspectives.  From them, I hope others find values they can place above the vulnerable parts of their lives, as they travel life's journey. Healthy principles are the slate stones that allow us to cross the boggy areas of life. (For more about these slate stones, please click here.)
       Critical is our attitude; optimism and a heart of thanks goes a long way towards reaching our goals and enjoying life fully. You might want to revisit this post for the vision of this inn.  One quote from the previous link:
All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining leads people to becoming unhappy.
This passage reminds us of the negative power contained within complaining. There's a healthier alternative; giving thanks---sharing our gratitudes. As the Apostle Paul says:
In everything give thanks for this God's will for you in Christ Jesus           I Thessalonians 5:18
        I'm grateful for boundaries. Without them we'd live chaotic lives, susceptible to the whims of others. Boundaries define who we are and our values. They contribute to our serenity; boundaries are neutral; just as a wall is neutral, or the border to a country.
        They allow the good in and keep out the bad. They also were crushed and trampled upon if we grew up in an emotional (including lots of drama), verbal or physically abusive home or we live or lived with someone addicted to control, perfectionism, alcohol, drugs or sex.
        Boundaries are essential when relating with narcissistic people. Narcissistic people hate boundaries---they want you to do what they want, when they want you to do it. Your hopes and dreams be damned, according to them. Do you know what makes a relationship abusive?  A lack of reciprocity. Remember that, it will spare you many a grief in your relationships.

      Here are some of my boundaries:

       1. I have friendships with those who actively work towards improving their lives---they seek growth, they pursue it.
     2. I'm not interested in relationships where they expect others to help them out without themselves making an effort.

       With those I mentor, I tell them that their desire to get healthier has to be stronger than my desire to help them. If not, I'd be a codependent. I have no driving need to push them along in their progress, without them making equal or greater efforts regarding their own development.  That's a distasteful thought that doesn't interest me. There is only one God and I'm not Him; it's such a relief knowing this. It allows me to put down my cape and stop rescuing people. It allows me to breathe and enjoy this life.

     3. We are responsible for our own lives. We are the average of the five people we hang around with. I choose to be with dynamic, positive people.
     4.  I relate with dynamic people who want to thrive; who pursue growth. They see change as a vital part of life and do not fight those issues where they need to improve. Doing so is called denial, which is very different from being unaware.
     5.  I ask those I mentor to call me the night before we're scheduled to meet. They confirm we're meeting. One person I mentor didn't do so last Thursday, so we didn't meet on Friday.
     6. Everyone is to be treated with dignity and respect. If I'm in a conversation with someone and they use ridicule, judgment, shame, blame or guilt, I ask them to restate their comments, expressing their needs instead.
     7. I finish my own sentences. I don't want others telling me what I think or rushing what I say by completing my sentences. I prefer speaking for myself. I enjoy relaxed, not pressured, conversations. I reflect when I speak. I comfortable pausing.  If someone is impatient when I talk, I suggest we meet another time, when they aren't.


        We can  be thankful for clarity in our relationships with others. Communicating our boundaries helps. People can't intuit our needs.  It's our job expressing them. We get what we tolerate.
        Let me know what you think, What are important boundaries for you?  I'm sure I can learn from you. I have many more that I didn't share. These are the ones that popped up tonight. I especially have boundaries in my relationships with women. They are essential for my joy and serenity when dealing with fifty-one percent of the world's population.

   The tired innkeeper who'd be more tired if he hadn't rested today, 

Image: "Switzerland: Mountains Beyond" by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission 

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.