Emotional Health: Overcoming the Demon of Denial, Knowing Serenity 9/22/11

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget
that the highest appreciation is not to utter words,
but to live by them.”   John F. Kennedy 

    I met someone I mentor. This person danced around is-sues needing atten-tion.

Being Unaware vs. Denial
    When he got de-fensive, I held my ground; prompting a discussion about the difference between being unaware and denial.
When a person is unaware, the response is, "Gosh, do I do that?  Can you help me deal with this, any ideas?"

     Denial is different. When one is in it, they react defensively, become agitated, argumentative---justifying their perspective, behavior. Such responses indicate the demon of denial is on the scene.
   

    When relating, and the denial monster lurks, frus-rating myself has no appeal.  There's no point in arguing with a person when they are drunk.  When we're in denial, we are emotionally in-toxcated, beyond reasoning.  We're no different than some-one having too many swigs at a bottle.

      When there's a difference of opinion, I don't argue.  I share my position and leave it at that. It's not my role, convincing others.

      Other than a person in denial, on other occasions, the person I am listening to may be right.  Heated discussions are unproductive; they escalate tension, creating ill-will.  Who wants that?

      It was interesting noting this person's denial as we spoke on this very subject.  It's not my job changing anyone's opinion.  There is only one God.  I'm not Him.

      I will remind him of this demon of denial that lives within us, when we step away from recovery principles.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. The full soul loathes the honeycomb, but to the hungry soul [the one that doesn't have discernment nor lives by recovery principles, every bitter thing is sweet.   Proverbs 27:6-7

       With the person I visited, I have better things to do than arguing about the denial he has towards a predatory woman he is dating

1.    I'm thankful for sanity I enjoy by not pursuing fruitless discus-sions.  I have better ways of investing my time that offer a better return.

      This same person analyzed his actions as we inventoried areas where he wanted to grow. I stopped that.  We need a different conscious-ness than the one that created the areas where we struggle. Analysis doesn't change anything.

    Action is the change agent.  Doing the regular practice that produces progress. It requires constant study and practicing new ways of living that places healthier principles above the negative default modes we have.

     Taking steps, albeit tiny ones, can lead to substantial growth. Flowers, oak trees, human physical growth are all incremental; but they provide big results over time.

2.   I'm grateful for the progress that occurs when we stay in the solution, looking at healthy alternatives to the problems that confront us. For more about this with specific ideas about doing so, please click here.

Encountering a Hollywood Celebrity

   While mentoring this person at a quaint but unfriend-ly cafe in Corte Madera (the waitress's smile dropped when the person I was with only ordered tea----a Cobb salad was had by the innkeeper), there was a smallish guy at the counter, wearing white shorts and a grayish blue t-shirt.  He had his back to us. The person I was with and I were window dressing for this restaurant. Our table tucked into the bay window that fronted the sidewalk.

      The guy at the counter rose, paid his tab, facing me as he walked to the door. His unshaven face gave a sheepish smile as his blue eyes met my darker ones. He brushed our table on the way out.

     It was Robin Williams the actor, comedian, a native to this area.

     He pulled his over-sized black sunglasses over his face before walking out the door. He got in his black Audi and transported himself to whatever tasks needed doing.

3. I'm thankful for life's surprises, for excellent weather, the cool bay breezes, for clarity of thought when conversing with others and for the silent, abundant joy we have when we know our boundaries and adhere to them. This peaceful, abundant joy has another name: serenity.

4.  I've added a few more clients to my clientele, seeing them tomorrow.  I was offered a business arrangement last night that will help me add to my prudent reserve.

5.  I've moved to a delightful island town, life is good, the result of having a vision and working towards my goals. As the Greeks said,

If you aim at nothing, that is exactly what you'll get.

  6.  I'm regularly getting rest; I bought a new bed. How could I not have an Attitude of Gratitude?

    You know the routine. I ask if you can share at least three gratitudes when you drop by.  You've heard mine. Would it be possible for me to hear yours?  That would be great.

Related Post:

The Problem Lies Beneath Our Nose