Wednesday, October 30

The Greatest Compliment 10/30/13

         Great day.  I look forward to more Wednesday nights like today.  It was a joyful, sweet time with eighteen friends.  It included humor, plenty of smiles, relating with individuals who were not narcissistic, nor presented themselves as victims.  Instead, we bonded over victories enjoyed over the past week.  What a refreshing change from the past three weeks.  I'm celebrating the happiness this day brought by letting you in on

Tuesday, October 29

Great Memories Created and the Source for Boldness and Confidence, When Tried By Unpleasant Others 10/29/13

View while cruising in my son's car along the Silverado
 Trail in the Napa Valley, on our way to Angwin
     Good evening everyone.  How are you?  So many good things have happened since the last time I've written.  Where do I start??  Well, here's one story......

Saturday, October 26

Life Affirming Relationships, How We Get Them 10/26/13

Like the slow unfurling of flowers that feel the warm presence of the sun, so is the growth of a true friendship.
Concrete Conversation 

         I had dinner with a group of men.  I know the routine, what it's like, being with men.  It was interesting hearing men converse for an hour and a half.  Everything discussed was

Friday, October 25

Creating a Better Today, Revisited 10/25/13

         I'm bumping this up.  I wrote this 5/31/11.  I'm taking it easy tonight. I'm preparing for my trip tomorrow, heading out to Napa, cycling.  Keep this place open with your posted gratitudes. I'd love hearing yours.

        A friend I've know for several decades-----a Balcony Person in my life, and I got together for lunch the other day.  We discussed moving beyond pretense, the freedom when facing our vulnerabilities, overcoming them with healthy alternatives. The following are a few suggestions.

Thursday, October 24

Relating With The Emotionally Fevered 10/24/13

Napa Valley, where I'll be cycling tomorrow. 
A simple rule in dealing with those who are hard to get along with is to remember that this person is striving to assert his superior-ity; and you must deal with him from that point of view.   Alfred Adler
     Good evening everyone, a special welcome to all new guests to this inn!  This afternoon, when not busy with sessions, I immersed myself in

Wednesday, October 23

Life Is Better Than Good, It's Great! 10/23/13

    Good evening everyone.  How are you?  I'm doing well, better than normal. My workday lasted 13 hours and it seemed like

Saturday, October 19

Taking Risk, Enjoying the Benefits

     Good evening everyone, I found this laying around in the attic of this cozy inn.  I'm bumping it up.   Let me know your thoughts.

Here it is:
      I hope you are enjoying your day.  If not, you are at the right place.  Having an Attitude of Gratitude helps.  It moves us forward.  For more information, read here.  It's best seeing what can be done and bask in the good, than living with regret and fear.  

       Fear is self-sabotaging.  Here are some thoughts about this subject.  May they help us face our fears and master them. 
Part of my growth has involved reversing some old ways of thinking.  It had been my habit of avoiding painful feelings and situations, to play it safe and keep away from risk.  But life involves one risk after another, and pain is unavoidable.  Life is learning to accept what is.
Instead of running away, I'm learning to look at the source of my distress.  As a result, I find that pain passes much more quickly, and what I gain is freedom from fear.  I can learn to take an honest look at myself and my situation.  I can reach out to a supportive friend, God, prayer, and meet with others who care to help me to find the courage to deal with fear, pain, and risk. 
When I was avoiding taking risks, fear was always with me, just over my  shoulder. Now I go through it and come out the other side, often unscathed. I no longer have to keep a constant watch for dangers.   Instead, I can occupy myself with living.
Wonderful things can happen today because I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life.
'Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'     Helen Keller
"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."    William Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure"Act 1 scene 4
        These last words were spoken more than four hundred years ago.  They ring true today.  I see progress when placing principles above not only my personality, but fear. 

         This sometimes happen by living life in smaller increments, like fifteen minutes at a time, placing one foot in front of the other, doing what's necessary, seeking God's will. His power allows me to carry it out.  Next, I B-R-E-A-T-H-E !  I repeat this routine for the next fifteen minutes,  and the next, and so on.

          It helps having friends and family who provide support.  Serenity is enjoyed because I no longer need to make decisions or take action alone.  I'm in braided relationships with wise, emotionally healthy and discerning others who have my back. 

          On the airplane of life, my dear ones help me move forward. I step out, taking the plunge, doing the next right thing, no matter how scarey it is.  My Balcony People remind me I have positive options. The parachute of principles hold me afloat, as I soar towards my goals.

 How About You? 
What is a challenge you are facing? 

        For me, it's dealing with someone who's trying to undermine me. I tackling this problem while maintaining balance. I don't want others to distract me from the Great Big Life God has for me. 
        May your day be bold and fearless.

Wednesday, October 16

Applying Grace and Principles Above My Personality 10/16/13

Yorkshire countryside. Lovely. Doris, you were fortunate. 
     Good evening.  The day was hot and so were several people who spoke tonight, when I met with friends.

My Gratitudes for Tonight:
1.  Tonight, I heard two women vent.

     They presented themselves as victims, expressing their feelings.  Actually, what was voiced were not feelings but judgments.  See here for more about that.  It was fascinating and saddening at the same time to behold this happening among a group of friends.

      I was glad to hear their complaints.  It allowed me to know their character, and note growth in mine.  Their comments revealed their worldview and values.  I'm not in agreement with them.  Their litany of accusations prompted discretion, patience, grace, causing me to place character above the vulnerable parts of my personality, including anger.

     After the meeting, two different women---a mother and her adult daughter---approached me. They addressed me because they felt I was the safest person to discuss their concerns about what they heard.  That was a wonderful respite from the toxicity that was poured out by the two disgruntled women.
2.  I'm exhausted.  I'm tired because of long hours I'm putting in, working, seeing plenty of people.  It's a good problem, especially in today's rough economy.  I'm thankful for the abundance. However, I'm striving for balance, which means, sleep, rest, time for myself, study, prayer and then more sleep.
3.  I'm glad I don't accept unacceptable behavior.  Nowadays, there's confusion as to what are acceptable values.  I'm glad I'm clear about mine.

      Others don't have to agree with mine, at all.  But I will remain true to standards that I hold dear: consistency, nonviolence, consideration, mutuality, sensitivity, integrity, responding, not reacting, cooperation and affirming the gift of life and those I know.

      I show empathy, even with those I disagree---like at this evening's meeting----because I know that empathy does not mean agreement.  It simply indicates I'm connecting with the feelings and needs of the person with whom I'm relating, be he friend or foe.

Related Post: 
Maintaining Emotional Sobriety. 

Two Stories: One About the Elephant In the Living Room That Was Actually a Dog 10/16/13

Image: "Cumbria: Dalt Wood" by Tim Blessed
Copyrighted photo, used by permission. 
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."
Steve Jobs

   Good evening. After posting this, I'll cycle, welcoming the new day, feeling the chill of fall while hearing the waves slapping the shores of the island town where I live.

     So many stories tucked within my soul, all of them

Monday, October 14

Gratitudes for Last Week And One Thing I Look Forward To This Week 10/14/13

      Good evening all.  It's that time again.  A new week has started.  I'll mix up my normal routine.   Usually I ask for your high and low points for the past week. Tonight, I'm asking, what were three things that happened last week that made you grateful, and one thing you are looking forward to, this week?

Saturday, October 12

Calmness and Joy In the Midst of An Emotional Storm, Part II, Revisited 10/12/13

  How are you?

Today, I rested.  Was it needed. So many good things happen in my life, am I lucky.  I met with seven new clients this week.  Each session was amazing.  I love that I'm able to serve others, continuing my role as an innkeeper, assisting others, especially those mangled by abuse and self-loathing.

       I'm bumping up the following post,  written last year on the 10th of this month.  Let me hear you responses, I value your insights.  Here it is:

      The past few months have been inspiring, a time of characterological growth and learning.  More importantly, its been a season where I've seen the value of

Wednesday, October 9

Improvements: Removing the Dross From My Life, Revisited 10/9/13

Refining gold, removing the dross.
     I'm squeezing in my gratitudes while I can, before the next day rolls in, claiming the time.

     As most of you know, this place provides a gratitude journal for the visitors of this inn. I ask those who drop by, to sign the registry to this place by sharing three gratitudes. It's easy to do, really.

      Would you give it a try?

My Gratitudes for Today:

1. Met with a client today, the time we spent was powerful and rewarding. I enjoy seeing progress. I'm happy helping others deal with long-term issues, many of them stemming from childhood.

      I love seeing others celebrating life more than they ever have.

Tuesday, October 8

Making the Most of Life Requires Effort..................... 10/8/13

     Good morning,

Yes, I'm up early.  Monday's do that to me.  The most demanding day, they were---until this week.  Now, today will be

Sunday, October 6

Highs and Lows 10/6/13

       Good evening,

As most of you know, on the weekends it's the custom of this inn for us to share our high and low points for the previous week.  Here are mine.

My High Points
1.  I am disappointed with

Friday, October 4

The Life Changing Power of Affirmation 10/4/13

     Good morning. I'm bumping this up. Now that fall is here and school has started, I thought I'd share this, written more than two years ago.  After this story I have a request.  You'd make a happy innkeeper if I heard from you. Yes, you.  Here's the post:


       How are you?  Have you thanked someone today?  Who is someone you are grateful for?  Can you think of anybody who believed in you

Tuesday, October 1

Small Wonders, Not Going It Alone and Expressing Our Feelings 10/1/13

      Welcome to my guests.
Gratitudes for Today:

1. Delighting in a fantastic lunch with a friend, was one of yesterday's pleasures.  It wasn't the food, that was terrific, it was the

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.