I am lucking out, right now. My laptop is broken. Again. Dead all day, it was. For forty-five minutes, just now, I fiddled with the power cord, trying to get it to work, to get this post in, while it lay on the kitchen table. No luck. The computer refused my efforts atresuscitating it.
Thank God, for stubbornness. I do not give up easily. Right now, my electronic companion, that lets me connect to you rests on my belly. I am laying flat on my back, in bed. The way the power cord dangles from my computer, is sending a charge to it. When I move an inch, it doesn't.
Tomorrow, I will take it to Angelo, in Union City. He's my computer seraphim. Perhaps someone will have mercy on me and let me use theirs in the interim.
Never has life been better. Ever. And I was depressed this week, too. Yep, me, the positive guy. My happiness was threatened all week. That is an experience I haven't had in, maybe, 16 years. It was unusual, feeling both sides of the emotional spectrum, at once, for seven days.
I am not who I was in May. Life is now topsy turvy. Am I glad. It is richer, too. I'll take the bad along with the very good.
Tonight, I dined in the city of Alameda at La Penca Azul. Murals adorned the walls, the blaring salsa music tried hypnotizing my hips, urging them to shake. I resisted. Its volume made every conversation private. The place had a line going out the door when we arrived.
We were offered a seat right away. It must have been the black blazer and slacks I wore. No other man had a dress coat while eating his meal. That was my San Francisco heritage kicking in. I know it's hard to believe, but, ladies, young and old, when I was in high school, wore elbow length gloves when attending fancy events in the City by the Bay.
This island city comes alive on Friday and Saturday nights. Was I happy, spending time with my guest. The light blue Margarita that went along with the Mexican meal was fine, changing my breath and perspective for the night.
Gratitudes for Tonight:
1. Celebrating life tonight. Happiness is a terrific antidote to the intensity of my work week.
2. Spending time with someone dear. It meets my need for closeness, companionship and communication.
3. A great and different meal was had. Variety keeps life interesting---adding zest.
4. For the greater fulfillment I enjoy, when practicing being present with everyone, including tonight's companion. Outcomes are not assured, but authenticity and intimacy is, when relating and my intention is not to control, when connecting with another. I find my relationships deeper, more intimate and satisfying. I am happier.
5. For getting rest, sleeping in this morning, Saturday.
6. For the order that boundaries produces in my life. They let others know who I am, what I accept, want and don't want. Without boundaries I would be an angry man, depressed, and my life would be chaotic.
7. For being responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others. This is a huge principle. Without this perspective others can manipulate our lives by tapping into our codependency. They want to make us think we are responsible for their emotions.
We are not.
Ever.
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3 comments:
Hello Innkeeper,
Wow! What a gorgeous post. I admire your
determination to persevere with this post
regardless of technological difficulties.
Your seventh gratitude of sticking to the
principle of not being responsible for
someone else's feelings is crucial.
This is what I struggle with on a constant
basis.
I'm learning to forgive myself. What does
forgiveness have to do with staying
internally-referented than externally-referented?
Everything! When I give up all hope for a
better past, and most importantly, discover how
the pattern is working in my body, I tell the little eager boy
inside very gently to be quiet. The little
boy who only knew how to please as the only
way to survive his childhood.
When I am able to do this, then I am more
poised with what is alive within me, and I am
able to express it at its face value, instead of
personalizing it. I also am able to see others
as they are, instead of letting the little guy
inside of me get triggered and feel at fault
when I am not.
Thank you.
-CK
Hi Pablo,
Presently, I am holding my ground with someone who can definitely trigger me with her use of manipulation, guilt and bullying. If I am not careful, I can allow the little Thumper to emerge and react, resulting in the codependent crazies. The good news is that the adult Thumper is taking charge right now and it is so empowering! By not letting this individual steal my joy, peace and self worth I am taking a stand, setting boundaries and growing in leaps and bounds.
Tony,
Thank you, for your transparent and authentic comment. My heart leapt, after reading what you wrote.
Nobody can make us happy, sad, angry or have any other feeling without us giving them permission to do so.
We want to be responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others, as I mentioned above. Our feelings are our property and other people's feelings are theirs. If people are disappointed, they have to learn how to work through that. It's not our job to make them happy or not depressed.
96% of the world is codependent. so, emotional predators operate, using this knowledge, trying to use our codependency to get their way and have control over us.
It helps remembering we always want to place principles above personalities. Often, when someone is angry with us, they're wanting us to make our decision not based on our principles, but on their reaction to our adherence to them. This would be placing their personality above our principles. We cannot let that happen.
Thank you for your comments. This week I will reply to your previous comments. Look back at them and you'll find I'll have some questions for you.
It is always a pleasure having you as a guest to this inn. May this be a special and wonderful week for you!
The Innkeeper
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