Monday, October 5

Keeping It Real, Enjoying Tremendous Benefits......... 10/5/15

      I am in San Fran-cisco, sitting in the waiting room of Kaiser hospital on Geary Blvd.

     Exhausted, the past two weeks I have been.  My emotions have been on full tilt, taxed by
drama beyond my control.  HALT has been my lot.  Last Wednesday, I did not attend an Al-Anon Family Group meeting I have gone to for years.  I was wiped out, unable to concentrate, needing rest.

      Burnt out, I am, right now.  But I am the real me.  Often we think we have much to lose if we are our true selves.  Our society does not support true rela-ting. These past few months I have not been playing it safe.  I am letting others, and you---my readers---see me, pimples, carbuncles and all.  None of you have run away from this inn of gratitude, shrieking.

     I don't need your approval or that of anyone.  Really. I am not being rude. I am simply stating  I am okay with being me. If you don't like me, that's okay. The world does not revolve around me or your opinion, and conversely.

     I place value around what is, than being accepted or comfortable.  My worth is not based upon my ability to control events.  Someone dear to me----very dear to me---for several years, opted out of our
relationship because of her fear of what her parents would think, she relating with an older man.  Yes, I am the geezer.

     She wanted to control parental outcomes, based upon her interpretations and speculations. And here we are, bereft of an amazing relationship.

    Instead of controlling outcomes, in today's society we learn life is not predictable, safe or certain as we would wish it to be. Trying to seize control of life is a hoax, a fantasy.  If we are to be adept in today's fast-paced, information-overloaded world, we embrace negativity, uncertainty and lack of order.
"It requires that we participate with the process of change rather than try to manage or control it.... [Unfortunately,] control is the prevailing cultural paradigm....It is the basis for this culture's dominant institutions: government, business, education, religion, child rearing, marriage, even dating! .... Control is not bad in itself.  It's just that we have  become compulsive about it."                        Susan Campbell, Getting Real, 75-76. 
      Resiliency is born from the ability to surf unintended outcomes. It is relating with others with us focusing on our experience in the present moment. Relating is a dance that gives enough room to include the needs and desires of both people.  It is connecting, exchanging information and feelings in the moment. This is what it is for the couple to be alive.

     Relating involves not being so sure, staying open to change and possibilities as they develop.  This requires being present, speaking the truth with it being balanced with grace and understanding towards each other. Quite the opposite of being controlling, where we try manipulating outcomes, appearing more confident than we are and creating distance and distrust in the process.

     The past few weeks I have told others I am sad with their behavior, wondering if I am a priority in their life. I also mentioned what I want.  Guess what?  Life has turned out far better than I ever dreamed.  The negative feelings in my gut were not true.  I have been loved more than ever before.  That's a pretty good deal. This is what I got by being present, vulnerable, letting go of any idea of controlling any relationship.

     I am  pretty happy---overjoyed, brimming with an Attitude of Gratitude. 

1 comment:

Thumper said...

Hi Pablo,

I love that you put up a quote by Melody Beatty regarding letting go and relinquishing control, something that I seem to be constantly working on. Susan Campbell is fantastic, too, regarding relating honestly. Thank you for the reminders and for being so authentic in sharing what is truly going on in your life and how you are dealing with life's challenges in such a positive way.

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From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.