Wednesday, October 14

The Innkeeper Is Crushed.......... 10/14/15

      Super tired.

      Spending time in Sacramento, lots of time there, working on myself. I am still suffering from men-tal lag, emotional lag and physical wear-iness. But, you have not heard from me in awhile. That's
why I'm writing this.

      Received bad news Tuesday night. I'm despairing.  Glad I am. You think I'm crazy, that I am happy, after being emotionally slugged in the gut?  My training and profession regularly has me removed from feelings.  I am tapping into them, now.  I am more alive, experiencing the depths of what is going on within me.

      What am I finding?   That I'm angry, frustrated, disheartened and discouraged.  Good.  I am being real and present---with me.  The good news is that I hold everything with an open hand.  Even so, I am disappointed and frustrated.

      I don't know how a disturbing turn of events will come about, evolve.  My confidence is in God.  And the power of being supported by a commun-ity of emotionally heal-thy friends.  Had plenty of group encouragement this weekend that started a day early---on Friday.  All the good happened there makes it seem like I was there a month.

       I bonded with others.  Was loved as I haven't been in years. Cried eight times, good tears.  I am not exactly sure what happened at the state capitol.  But I am different, a changed, improved innkeeper.

       This I know, I am an innocent and loved man.  This truth---as it circulates within me---is a source of strength.  I lean on it when tried, confronted by fears or pressure. This weekend's commun-ity was like nothing I've known.  Stronger, I am, because of it.  I added six new members to my family.

        I almost failed this weekend.  Miserably.  I muffed at expressing myself before a group.  No big deal.  At the time, I did not realize that.  An hour after I blew it,  I soared when given another chance.  I suc-ceeded because of loving support received from these new members added to my family.  Failure is not falling down.  Failure is not getting up, when I do.

       This lesson I am applying to devastating news received earlier this week. What I learned in a phone call crushed hopes for the future, de-molishing dreams that were dancing within my soul.

Gratitudes for Today: 
1.  For being gentle with myself.  I had big plans for today.  Instead, I simplified the day and rested more. It's about time I did.  I don't need to perform to justify my existence. My soul needed rest.
2.  I was honest when receiving unsettling news Tuesday.  I was angry. But spoke my truth calmly.  The news didn't define me.  But, I didn't accept unacceptable behavior and conclusions from the other person.
3.  Received support tonight.  Deeply needed.
4.  I wrote this post even though I was not in the mood and am exhausted.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today?


Anonymous said...

Hello Innkeeper,
Thank you for modeling strong emotional maturity.
I have been better at being honest with myself without
being hard on myself. I'm human, and it's ok to be human.

Thumper said...

Dear Pablo,

I admire your confidence in God. I am working on this and long for the clarity and peace that comes with complete trust in him.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.