Monday, March 14

Handling Stress and an Emotional Bully 3/14/11

In the famous words of the philosopher
 Alfred E. Newman, "What, me worry?
      This evening, I spoke.

       It's an interesting experience.  In school, I performed in plays. It's the same dynamic when giving a talk. The audience continuously interacts with me, in this case, as I shared my thoughts about "getting a life."

       Tonight, several attending stretched their necks as they listened. They had difficulty hearing, an effort made difficult because I'm soft-spoken.

       Those nodding their heads, as I made a point, informed me we were connecting.  No one looked at their watches or cell phones or left while  I spoke.

       Amidst the crowd was someone I knew.  Four years ago.  A person of the female persuasion.  A blonde then, a natural brunette this evening.  I didn't recognize her.

       She wore different glasses, dressing somberly.  She was not the woman I knew, back when.  There was no eye contact.  A humble downward look she had, as I stood in front of the group, speaking.

      Afterward, when taking questions, I was startled, when she posed one.  Her voice is recognizable.  She has a distinct, pleasant voice.  It probably helped that she mentioned her name, too.

      I couldn't figure out what was she doing, 40 miles from her home.  After the talk, I answered questions, one-on-one.  When I turned to leave, the former female acquaintance was gone.  A good thing.

Dealing with Stress:
       I remembered something while experiencing stress and disappointment this week.  Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control our responses.  As we grow older, and wiser, we learn doing so is better than reacting.  Check out this link; it has material regarding processing our stress.

        We want to learn to not react to the drama that life creates.  For the most part, it's best avoiding drama.  If we are addicted to it, watch a movie.  That way, after it's over, it stays at the theater, when we head home.

         "Boring" is good.  Lack of drama enables us to enjoy tranquility and emotional safety, things we need to thrive.

         Positivity allows us to have an upbeat, healthy mood.  There's a Jewish proverb: "as a man thinks, so is he." "Our attitude," according to John Maxwell, is  "the librarian of our past and the prophet of our future."  
"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal."                        Henry Ford
Optimism helps us focus on where we want to go, not the problems that are in our way.

     When we're in a good mood, we're inclined to do what's necessary to take care of ourselves; we'll be motivated to connect with others, especially those who accept and love us unconditionally. Such people are our supportive community---our Balcony People. They are the positive, humorous, encouraging group of people who root  for us, as we run the marathon called life. Having them as our supportive community makes life much easier, and richer too.

My Gratitudes: 
1.  I'm grateful for my family and friends. They love and accept me unconditionally. 
2.  I'm thankful for the time I had this evening.
3. I enjoy my life. I look forward to the future with joy and positive anticipation.
4.  Someone needed my help today. I'm glad that I took time investing in myself, before I extended myself. If I'm not careful, I'm prone to take care of everyone else and neglect my needs. I'm the only person on earth who can make my welfare my number one priority. If I give without taking time to nurture myself, both mentally and spiritually, I become emotionally bankrupt, spent.  Running in the red has no appeal for me.
5.  I'm thrilled that today I spent time with my sons!  Friends come and go, unfortunately.  Jobs come and go, especially in the present economy.  But my family is forever. I will never lose if I invest in the young men that God gave me.
6.  I'm happy that the gurgling sound emanating from my chest since four weeks ago has ceased.
       I was worried. Pneumonia, I had. No fun coughing up blood and being fevered for two and a half weeks.
"He maketh me to lay down."   
                                                   Psalms 23
He certainly did. The thing about laying on our back, is that it makes us look up. If our spiritual awareness is attuned, we're often prompted to refocus upon God's will and His love for us. Always a good thing.
7. I'm so glad for humor.  Issues that would traumatize my younger self now are seen through the lens of humor. We are always better off when detach from difficult circumstances. We have greater serenity and sanity when we respond and not react to drama that wants to intervene in our lives. Which brings me to........

An Opportunity to Practice Grace
Dealing With an Emotional Bully
    Yesterday I dealt with an intimidating, aggressive, manipulative bully.  Other than that, he's a nice guy.  It helps knowing some people act unpleasantly not because of you or me, but because that's the way they are.
     No matter what we do, nothing will change this fact, not with guilt, shouting, begging, distracting, hiding from them, or reasoning.  However, we can be courteous and kind, even when we disagree with another.  I'm grateful that was my response yesterday.  We can say our no as gently as our yes.
"Kindness is the highest form of wisdom."
       It's usually best detaching, with love, from our intimidators, not engaging them.  Redirecting our energy into recovering from the effects of relating with an agitated person makes more sense. Taking steps that allow us to enjoy our tranquility is a better option.
       For another perspective, here's a source that reveals symptoms of an emotional bully. try this place. The following reference is good, too. Click here. Frequently such a individual is known as a narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disordered (BPD) person. Although it refers to a woman, these characteristics are certainly true if you see them in a guy. For more about BPD, you can read about it here.


      My vision is for this place to be a gratitude journal for the community that drops by this inn. You can read more about my vision for this place here. Would it be possible for you to share at least three things that fill your heart with praise?   You'll be glad you exercised your gratitude muscles, they can easily get out of shape.
Another post you might want to read about dealing with stress:
 Guarding Our Emotional Sobriety


ScooterSim said...

I found a link in the help pages to assist you. You will basically use Google tools to do this.

Paul NorthernCal said...

Thank you so much Paul. It's great seeing you here. Please drop a few gratitudes, when you can. I'm praying that your business venture prospers!

Love Bomb said...


I really appreciate the loving service you do by keeping this blog. I totally relate!

John S.

Paul NorthernCal said...


Thanks for dropping by. I appreciate your comments. They make what I do here, worthwhile. Keep coming back. I wish you well with your goals.

Love Bomb said...

I like what you said about kindness. So true.

Paul NorthernCal said...

It was good seeing you Wednesday and visiting with you Thursday. Remember, we want to place principles above our personality.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.