Not Going Into an Emotional Storm Alone & No Longer Being a Super Hero: Retiring the Cape (Freedom from Codependency) Revisited ..................5/27/12

Have you taken time to thank God? You'll be glad you did     

        I wrote the following not long ago, in February.

       The message is important.  We do not get healed in isolation.  It is a good idea to welcome our needs.

      They are God's way of extruding us into a relationship with Safe People.

        For growth, we need a different consciousness than the one that created our problems. We want to get beyond ourselves.  We don't have the psychological nor emotional distance to heal ourselves.

       Here's the post:

       Wednesday evening I gathered with friends. I'm grateful for the support of dear ones. Speaking of which......

A home in my neighborhood

Not Alone While Weathering an Emotional Storm

        Yesterday, I spoke with my friend Charli while strolling through my neighborhood for an hour. She's in her seventies, whose insights I respect. A notepad, reading glasses and pen were on hand, while I walked and wrung wisdom from this wonderful woman.

        She's the definition of pithiness.  Jotting down her comments helps.  When she speaks, I'm unable to process it all.  

       In minutes, she pours out useful wisdom that takes me a week to digest.  Am I lucky knowing her.  It's been since October since we've connected. 

       I was in dire need and happy when I heard her alert voice at the other end of my call.  It strengthens me, having friends. They set me straight. 

      Time with her reminded me of the value of not living in isolation, within my head.  Charli's comments oriented me after recently slamming into the sliding glass door of an unpleasant reality. 

       The jarring experience of someone who screamed at me, in front of eighteen other friends clouded my perspective the past month.  I didn't want to react to the unpleasant event; responding is better.  Charli's experience, strength and hope was sought.  

        Her insight was appreciated: there was the possibility of seeing the screamer the evening I spoke with Charli. My trusted friend didn't let me down.

       Talking with her, reacquainted me with her humor. Laughing heartily, several times, while we talked was a welcomed respite.  I was concerned by the behavior of the screaming bully. 

        I relaxed, because of my friend's support. 

        Thanks, Charli. I love you and am lucky having your support. You demonstrate the value of not living alone, relying only on my own resources. 

        I'm thankful for the practical help available when in relationship with emotionally mature others. I become a better person. Clearer insights are conjured.  The collective strength of my supportive community is a gift I don't want to neglect.  

         Better responses I learn. Better than any I could come up with, if I were left to my distorted my perspective. All that was required was willingness to admit I'm not God. I admitted my vulnerability. 

         I'm thankful for the emotional and psychological distance Balcony People provide. 

Retiring the Cape 

         The other day, I was with a friend. She was depressed. I watched her struggle to express her needs. It appeared she expected others to intuit what she wanted and provide for her. 

         This attractive woman's slumped-over body screamed despair while she and I were with a crowd of friends. My "rescuer" self wrestled with the idea of taking out my hidden cape of codependency. My saner self  reminded me I'm neither Mighty Mouse nor God. I stayed put. 

          I'm glad I did not react to the siren call of her miserable, depressed expressions. Her desire to get healthier needs to be stronger than my desire to help. Such is not the case.

My Gratitudes:

1. Beautiful Bay Area weather
2. Reuniting with friends at a restaurant, until the late hours of the evening. Nothing beats community, love, shared joy and support.
3. I'm able to write this post; it's great connecting with you.
4. I bought a wonderful toy last night. I got a cyclometer that calculates the distance I ride, the speed---both average and the maximum----during the trip and time elapsed. I love seeing progress. This device will help.
5. This afternoon, a friend and I rode our bike for an hour circling the island town where I live. Afterwards, we discussed healthy ways of handling anger. All of which made for a terrific afternoon.
How About You?  
1. Who aids you, when you need it? Today, Charli helped me. 
2. Who do you seek out, when you're stumped? 
3 Are there any other suggestions as to what a person can do, to get support, while going through a tough time? What works for you?
     I like hearing your ideas; my perspective is limited. 
    
    Have I told you I'm glad when you drop by and sign the registry to this inn by commenting, sharing your gratitudes and saying hello to the innkeeper?   :)