Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy? (Revisited) And, Must Haves and Can't Stands 5/3/12

You may feel that the world is too messed up, that too many wrong choices have been made,
that it doesn't matter much what you do, that it's hopeless. But that's not true. Just as every
problem can be traced to a wrong decision, every solution begins with a wise and loving
decision to do the right thing, the loving and unselfish thing.

A little bit of love can make a lot of difference. One act of kindness or unselfishness can start
a whole chain reaction of events that will, in the long run, make life a lot better for a lot of people
So don't despair because there is so much suffering and grief and wrong in the world. Instead,
do what you can to make things right and encourage others to do the same. The world won't
change in a day, but we can make a difference if we try. (Photographer's lovely caption)

All rights reserved for this and all of his other photos, which are frequently featured in this inn.

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Innkeeper's Note:

        I wrote this last year. I found it

lying around the archives found in the attic of this home of gratitude.  Please take what you like and leave the rest.

Being Busy

         I'm involved with many clients, I live in a new town, and I'm changing the nature of the relationships I've had with others, some of them were friends at one time. I also mentor five people and spend time working on two different books, in addition to being the father of three sons. 
        Do you know what it means when we are too busy?
        It means we are too busy. 
                    I've been too busy. 
                    I'm glad I took time today investing in my sanity and serenity.  I let my body, and more importantly, my mind and soul catch up with all the activity I've been immersed in. 
        It isn't exciting having many irons in the fire, no matter what society tells us. The example of the hurly burly lifestyle that many have become accustomed to is not a healthy norm. When alone, many now play with their smart phones. Using thumbs, they text away, instead of making time to appreciate the vastness of the universe that dwells within their soul. 
        I've learned that being involved with an excessive number of projects is self-abuse. It is my way of not coming to terms with my feelings. 
        Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity
        Today, I allocated time to take care of me. Nutritious meals were cooked, the result of slowing down. At length, I read books that nurtured me. Outside, I took deep breaths, inhaling the crisp air recently scrubbed by rain.  
         I allowed wonder to overcome me. I delighted in the skyscape of clouds and the springtime chirping of birds.  The entire day, I did not speak until evening. I decompressed.
         I made time for me and my soul, mind and spirit are happy and better for it.  You might want to check out this post, it's a good one about this subject.

Boundaries

        My personal boundaries maintain my sanity. Without them my life is chaotic, I'm susceptible to the whims of others.     
       Boundaries define us, they make us who we are. They contribute to our serenity and sanity.  Exercising boundaries is not being mean nor selfish.  Boundaries are neutral, just as a wall is neutral. It just allows others to know what we cherish.
        They keep in the good and prevent us from letting in the bad. They also were crushed and trampled if we grew up in an emotional (including lots of drama), verbal or physically abusive home or we live or lived with someone addicted to control, perfectionism, alcohol, drugs or sex.
        Boundaries are essential when relating with narcissistic people, those without empathy. Narcissists hate limits---they want us to do what they want, when they want us to do it. And they want it done, now. Our desires and wants be damned, according to them. 
        Do you know what makes a relationship abusive?  A lack of respect for our values. If we remember that, it will spare us many a grief when connecting with others.

 Some of My Boundaries:

1. I relate with those who work towards improving their lives---they seek growth, they pursue it. 
      They see change as a vital part of life and do not fight areas needing improvement. Resisting change has another name: denial. 
       We are the average of the five people we hang around with. I choose to be with dynamic, positive people.
2. I'm interested connecting with those who take responsibility for their lives. 
       With those I mentor, I let them know their desire to get healthier has to be stronger than my desire to help them. If that is not the case, I'd be a codependent, forcing their progress. And that is crazy making.
     Those days are over. I've retired my cape. I no longer rescue people. For more about that, please click here. 
3. Everyone deserves dignity and respect. If I'm in a conversation with someone and they use ridicule, judgment, shame, blame or guilt, I ask them to restate their comments, expressing their needs instead. 
      If they continue using judgments, even if it's about politicians,  I let them know I can't connect with their conversation.  I ask if we can change the subject. I don't pollute my mind with negativity. Where's the growth in that?
      You wouldn't expect less from the innkeeper of the Attitude of Gratitude Inn, would you? 
4. I finish my sentences. I prefer speaking for myself. I don't want others do so for me. I enjoy relaxing conversations. This isn't possible when people interrupt. 
        I reflect when I speak. I'm comfortable pausing when I talk---I'm collecting my thoughts. If someone is impatient, I suggest we meet another time, when they aren't. 
5.  When someone tries to speed up how I talk, they are taking on a parental role with me. That's not acceptable. I'm not a kid.  I relate with others as an equal. I've been an equal with every other adult---including my older siblings and parents---since eighteen.
Must Haves and Can't Stands
       Communicating our "must haves" and "can't stands," ---our boundaries---contributes to healthy relationships. Clarity regarding our relationships makes them grow, thrive. People aren't to intuit our needs. It's our job letting others know what they are and who we are.
       We get what we tolerate.
How About You?
1. How can you tell when your life is too busy?  For me, my life becomes unmanageable. I lose things, I miss appointments, I find myself getting irritable. 
2. What are important boundaries for you?  I'm sure I can learn from you. 
3. What are some "must haves" and "can't stands" you have for your relationships?

Image: "Switzerland: Mountains Beyond" by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission