Thursday, January 29

Leaning On Him, Getting Pleasant Results............... 1/29/15

       Just an innkeeper's note, the U.S. has always been the source of most of the guests to this inn, 362,686, so far. Second has been the U.K.  Until

Wednesday, January 28

The Benefits I Am Getting When I Visit Sebastopol.............. 1/28/15

        I didn't like my experience yesterday in Sebastopol.  Horrible.  The instructor, a psychol-ogist, corrected me for nodding my head.  That's right, for nodding.  "I imagine doing that is a

Tuesday, January 27

A Topsy-Turvy Night.................. 1/27/15

       I just got home from a workshop in Sebastopol.  A hundred and forty mile round trip (225.308 km).  It was fascinating watching the inter-actions of those attending.  The occasion was almost navel-gazing in nature.  Oops, I am too

Sunday, January 25

Family Time........ 1/25/15

      How was your day?  The focus Sat-urday was entirely on my oldest son's birthday.  We went to Fenton's Ice Creamery for lunch and desert.  Follow-ed by bowling in Alameda.
   
      Afterwards, we rested, taking in a wild movie.  The day was completed with

Friday, January 23

Relating With a Controlling Person

       I am working on a project due tomor-row afternoon.  So, I am leaving only gra-titudes for tonight.  Please, let me hear from you.  I'd love reading what

Wednesday, January 21

Facing An Emotional Storm. What Allows Me Calmness When I Am In the Middle of It................ 1/21/15

      I am facing unpleasantness tomorrow.  It will be an opportunity to stand for my values, peace of mind, emotional safety, harmony and consideration.  If the person I see Thursday makes life difficult, I will no longer have this person as a client.  Placing principles above

Tuesday, January 20

Discipline + Compassion = A Fantastic Life..... 1/20/15

Tuesday Gratitudes:
1.  I did what I didn't want to do.  Good.  That's discipline.  It's been awhile since I've posted the related quote below:
Working diligently, in areas where I don't want to spend my time maintains ongoing growth for my character, contributing to the wholeness I enjoy pretty much on a daily basis.
2.  I saw a film: Blackhat.  Good

Sunday, January 18

Knowing God, Is Better Than Knowing About Him................... 1/18/15

       Everyone encounters struggles.  If they have religious leanings---and God doesn't help---many curse His seeming lack of cooperation.  I have had disturbed clients use profanities towards God.  Not a good idea.  That's using God's name in vain, a violation of the Third Commandment:

Thursday, January 15

Hope for the Past, Revisited.......... 1/15/15

Just as this vase was restored, mostly,
the same can be true wit
Being Gentle Towards Ourselves

    Have you ever felt like clobbering yourself?  Life is going poorly.  It isn't hap-pening like you thought it would.

     I know people who hit themselves.  They feel like they need to punish them-selves.  Old curses float through their head. These negative thoughts taunt them.  They shame them, making them feel worthless.

     Many of people are ashamed.  They no longer need their parents to abuse them, physically or mentally. They do it to them-selves. One client tonight showed up with bruises on his head.  The result of pounding it with his fists.

    There's good news.

    There's hope not only for the present.  And there's more than hope for future.  There's also hope for the past.  Yes, the past.  We can go back.

    We can revisit the past.  We can heal the portions that disturbed us. We can exper-ience healing from dark moments. Those occasions that still fill us with fear or shame.  There are healthy, forgiving, gentle principles that help.

    They help erase pain. As we get better, we are able to be gracious towards others, also. We can be kind even towards those who irritate the hell out of us.

      When we do, we are creating a new legacy.  We demolish leg-acies that crushed us as kids.  We replace inadequate family paradigms.  Ones that gave us distorted childhood values.  We can replace these distorted standards with supportive loving principles.

       This is self-care.  Our improved behavior allows us to be a conduits of love.  We can offer acceptance.  We can become en-couragers after we have first learned how to encourage ourselves.

      Recently I treated myself.  Life is about balance, isn't it?  Not long ago  I went to a cycle shop. I bought a non-drip water bottle.  Am I glad.  I got something I strongly wanted.


  I lost my insulated, metal water bottle a couple of weeks ago.  I left it at a public meeting.  In my rush out of the room, I left without it.  If that is my biggest concern, I'm doing pretty good.

      Now, with the new bottle, I'm set.  Good.

      It seems like this purchase was a minor matter, doesn't it?  It wasn't.  More about that in a minute.  I daily drink 64 oz. of water.  I've been doing that for more than twenty-five years.  It keeps me hydrated
and healthy.

      My life is busy.  I go from one event to another. I carry lots of things with me. There's a satchel of books. I use them for sessions.

      Or  for studying, when I have a mo-ment.  Along with books, there are bicycle-related accouterments.

      I lose things frequently.  And, that's okay.
Innkeeper Note: This was written when for 25 months I did not drive my car one mile.  It ended April 2014.

   Unfortunately, I routinely leave something behind.  These moments are opportunities to practice pa-tience.  Towards myself. 
      They help me to treat myself with the gentleness.  They are a chance to have self-compas-sion.  I am giving myself the forgive-ness I didn't know as a child.

       Loving responses were not experienced from my dad. When I erred, there was hell to pay.

       Unfortunately, then, I didn't have the wherewithal---psycholog-ically or emotionally---to realize my father suffered from the tragic  disease of perfectionism.  I didn't see his demanding nature for the sickness it was.

Hope For the Past
   
"One life showing the way is better than ten tongues trying to explain it." 
       Let it begin with me.

      We can, as Gandhi said, be the change we want to see in the world.

       Loving behavior towards our-selves and others reflects more than change to observers.  It speaks of triumph.  It reveals restored whole-ness.  The pieces of the shattered vase of my life are being put back together.

        Being gentle towards myself says that recovery over devasta-tion is possible.  Past harmful legacies that never served any helpful purpose can be removed.  We can do this one act of gentleness towards our-selves at a time.

        I replace the rubber hammer of self condemnation.  I no longer need to beat it against my head.  I fill my heart with self-compassion instead.

How About You? 
      What is a restored legacy you'd like to see come about in your life?  I always enjoy hearing from you and the community we share in this inn when you leave a comment.

Tuesday, January 13

Learning a New Language..... 1/13/15

    I trekked to the bucolic town Sebastopol this evening, along with the towns of Occi-dental, Forestville and Petaluma.  Two hundred miles round trip. Cannelloni made with crab and a phenomenal salad,

Monday, January 12

Gratitudes: Catching the Sunshine of Life 1/12/15

       It is interesting typing with two, not ten fingers.  They are too fat for the smartphone keyboard. At least I'm attending to my innkeeper duties.  Fun.

       My adopted cat, Precious, sometimes adds perspective to a therapy session.  We hear her snorting and slurping.  In cat lingo it is distressed breathing.  Needless to say, she makes her

Sunday, January 11

Taking It Slowly 1/11/15


   How are you?

I'm not going to have my computer for a while. I'm writing this with my smartphone. I don't have a loaner this time.

     This weekend I was to teach, in San Francisco. Didn't happen.  I became

Saturday, January 10

Character Discernment, Revisited ................ 1/10/15

Ladies, calm down. No, 
this isn't a picture of me.
I'm bumping up this post.  It has been the third most popular, all time.  It is the best I can do, as my computer is in the shop for repair. I'm borrowing one right now to get this in. 

Here it is: 

     In another post (See here.) I wrote:
"As we grow in our relational skills, we see difficulties as opportunities which allow us to do spiritual weight lifting. We exercise the inner strength we have that is the result of applying

Thursday, January 8

Grateful, Even When I Killed Something...... 1/08/15

       I am dead in the water. Again.  I killed my computer, dropping it last night. Today, after work, I took it to Angelo who is my angel when it comes to repairing it. So, I'm dictating tonight, using my smartphone.

Gratitudes:
1.  For disagreeing tonight with a client. Part of being an adult is that we can disagree. it is terrific having my voice, being heard. It wasn't that way

Tuesday, January 6

The Most Important Anniversary ............ 1/6/15

      Today, more than twenty years ago, was a life-changing day.  I encountered God.  Really.  He's been with me since.

      Fourteen I was.  The occasion was the

Sunday, January 4

Five Things to Do For Emotional Healing........... 1/4/15

       What can we do, when our emotions are roiling?  When our mind is reeling from loss?  The following steps help us overcome emotional shell-shock, after experiencing a devastating time.

1. Feel our

Thursday, January 1

New Year Gratitudes, And, Blaming Is a Form of Control.......... 1/1/15

Image: "Northamptonshire: Harvest Path" by Tim
 Blessed Copyrighted photo. Used by permission. 
    I can't think of a better way to start the year: with gra-titudes.  How was the beginning to your new year?  I am curious where this year will take me.  Last year was excellent.  I believe this one will be even better.
 
      Can you join me in

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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