Sunday, January 1

Expressing Our Feelings, Revisited 1/1/17

        It great expres-sing feelings.

       It helps to be constructive, when we do.  If we are sup-portive and affirming while communica-ting, that's even better. Ongoing prac-tice is necessary if this way of conver-sing is to be a part of our lives.

        We want to be mindful that:
      1. Often what we think of as expressing our feelings is really a jud-gment.  For example: "I feel you are disrespectful."   That's more a statement of what we believe that person has done.

          It is not an expression of an emotion.  It is not saying we are angry, confused or sad, which are feelings.  It is a Faux Feeling.  The above statement is a judgment.  Which leads to:
2. Judgments usually make others uncom-fortable.  Such statements are usu-ally heard as criti-cism.  It's preferred expressing the need beneath the feeling. Others will be more inclined to listen.  To continue with the example above:

"I'm uncomfortable, because whenever I talk, I"m unable to finish my sentences.and I have a  need for open communication and equality: I let you finish whatever you say. Would it be possible for you to let me finish my comments, before replying?"
    3. Whenever a pronoun follows the word "feel", we express a thought. Same with the word "that." E.g., "I feel she is kind."  Or, "I feel that life is exciting."

         In neither case is an emotion expressed.  We are stating an opinion, a form of judgment.  When we judge, we are not the experience.

         When we are only within our thoughts, we are not present. Being pres-ent is being in the here and now.  We are not allowing mental chatter to distract us from being attuned to what is happening right now.

         Presence of mind happens when we are confident that we can handle any circumstance we face.  This reveals we have emotional resiliency.

         For more information about nonviolent communication, here are two links: here and here.

 How About You? 
How easy is it for you, being present, expressing your feelings?

      Other material you might want to read related to this nonviolent commun-ication: Expressing Feelings, Part I click here

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.