Happiness is a Choice; Gratitude is a Choice. Better staying in the solution than dwelling on problems........... .................. 5/25/11

     Attitude deter-mines how much happiness we will know.

 "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."  

      Abraham Lincoln echoed this when he said, 

"Happiness requires very little, it's all in our way of thinking."  [And, I would add, in the choices we make.]

        Being grateful reveals itself as a terrific choice.  It fills us with hope. It happens as we look backwards with thankfulness and forward with eager anticipation.  

        We can be thankful because we are not alone.  God's love can be ours at all times.  He accepts us with grace, not judgment.  

        We cannot only bond with God but also create a supportive community that loves us unconditionally. This type of support flourishes when developing our discernment and apply boundaries when relating with others. 

         I'm not pollyannaish. (read here for more.)  There's warfare in the world, and many go hungry, daily; abuse abides throughout this world, yes.  Many nowadays are without work.

        Despite these realities, a loving God still exists.  He answers our prayers.  A Power greater than ourselves can provide the sanity and serenity we seek. 

        A positive vision for our lives can be ours, the choice involves changing perspective. 

        It happens when we slow down through prayer and meditation and increase our conscious contact with the God of our understanding.  We want to pray for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out.  This action mirrors Step 11 in Recovery.

        When we are loved by family and friends we know a reality that enhances our joy.  Life doesn't get richer than that.

  "Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."        Helen Keller 

        How about you?  Where do you choose to invest your thoughts?  I'm amazed at what we choose to focus on. Yes, problems can engulf us.  Complaining doesn't solve them.

       I find sweeping our porch a better option; in doing so, the world becomes tidier.  Spewing bile may offer temporary release.  Doing what we can about the issue, provides a constructive alternative; "Let it begin with me."
   
        It surprises me how much we stay in our minds, without subsequent action.  

        Before recovery, I worshipped my mind.  It was the result of a classical and thorough education.  I  used analysis to make sense of the nonsensical.

       It was my attempt at trying to control the uncontrollable.

       That's futility and insanity.  I know it's chic to be critical, sophisticated to be sassy.  I'd rather fill my heart with love and praise for the gifts life offers. 

        Don't you agree?  My guess imagines you saying yes, or you wouldn't be reading these silent words in this home of gratitude and thankfulness.

         Focusing on the problem creates a downer mentality.  The problem remains that we are focusing on the problem.  With that viewpoint, of course, we'll get upset.   I'd rather look at the alternatives as to what I can do, staying in the solution.

           Many don't realize that being critical does not reveal an astute analytical mind.  Anyone can complain; it's easy to be consumed by a dark spirit, defaulting to this mode.
     
         Many are not aware that being judgmental has nothing to do with their assessment skills. Their viewpoints stem from a heart filled with blame, shame, guilt, and judgment, the five forms of Life Alienating Communication.  Frequently, critics are simply continuing the negative legacy of growing up within the toxicity of a negative, depressive, critical home where grace was rarely demonstrated.

          Since childhood, many living in a less-than-ideal home were groomed to be critical.  It was modeled for them daily.  Seeing what was wrong became part of their cognitive and characterological DNA.  Having lived with toxic---and usually perfectionistic---family members, the bleak circumstances of their childhood strongly contribute to adopting a critical perspective.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."   Philippians. 4:8.

This is my choice, dwelling upon the blessings and treasures I have.  In keeping with that theme, here are...

My Gratitudes for Today:
1. My baseball team played today and I watched the game.  It was a respite from daily pressures, taking in a game.  It slowed the pace of my evening.  Baseball remains a game of nuances; it has the speed of yesteryear when life wasn't as frantic.
2. I spoke with one of my older brothers this afternoon.  It's lovely connecting with family and catching up on the latest news.
3. Another brother, who lives in Hawaii, by phone, I almost reached. We share a comfortable relationship; we think alike. Besides that, he has a wonderful personality.  I treasure the life-long bond we share.
4. I had an open conversation with a son.  The openness, thoughtfulness, and honesty we had met my need for connecting on an intimate level.  It's great relating with an adult son.  Hearing his mature but different perspective was gladdening. Mine remains limited.  I appreciate the times we celebrate together.
5. I appreciate patience.  It allows me to slow down, when life engulfs me, with the urgent tries to distract me from the important.  Turning things over to God, and letting Him carry the burdens of my life makes it more bearable, less frightening, and increases my equanimity, always a good deal.

Related Posts:
Getting Beyond Disappointment 
"Happiness is a Choice"  Part II

Wealthy Beyond Measure: Stress Free, Too .5/22/11

“Abundance does not consist in how

 much we have, but in how much

 we enjoy.”

 

     Good evening, everyone,
How was your weekend? Yesterday, my sons, a friend, and I were immersed in nature all day. At Sunol Regional Wilderness Park, near Niles Canyon, south of Pleasanton.  My sons, along with a friend I've known for fourteen years, and I hiked. For more than two hours, alternatingly

Staying in the Solution: Much Better Than Assigning Blame 5/13/11

    It's great being in the saddle again. Yesterday, from one p.m. on, I was unable to post in this inn; the Blogger system was down, even after midnight, Left Coast time.

.   How are each of you doing?  Today was a crazy day. I'm pooped. Over five miles I hiked today. I got several errands done.

My gratitudes for Friday:

1. I'm tending to Alexander, a cat that's dying. He's 15 and a half years old. I love the guy. The feeling is mutual. Soon, he'll be gone. It tugs at my heart when this formerly aloof cat climbs out of his death bed, to see me, whenever I drop by. When I'm not around, he doesn't do that; he just lays on top of his cat pillow that's warmed with a vet-approved electric blanket made for house pets.Except for this story.  I enjoy the love and fellowship we share.
2. I got additional funding recently. I'm thankful for the additional resources. More importantly, I'm grateful for habits and principles that allow me to maximize and do a better job as a steward of God's provision. 
3.  I'm happy I'll see a friend tomorrow. It's been a long time since we visited---since February. This friend I've known since 1997. I'm thankful for the stability I enjoy with long-established friends. Tomorrow, we'll take in lunch and views of the San Francisco Bay.
4. Last night I slept for eight hours. That's exceptional for me. It feels terrific to get rest. I needed it----today was a doozy. I was in three different towns and got plenty of exercise. 
5.  This morning, I wrote in a newspaper for a city that's about sixty miles from my home. I took a stand against negativity and criticism against a writer that I like. I stated that it's better to say what we want, than to complain about what we don't have. Here's an excerpt:

"It amazes me how quickly we judge a person if that

individual doesn’t do what we want. We assign blame to 

them; frequently, we consider them as bad, or some other

negative interpretation of their character. In this case, 

many who’ve written above vented their frustrations due 

to [the writer in question not covering a subject they want

covered, in the newspaper].

It’s usually better staying in the solution. Complaining 

about what troubles us only makes the things that bother

us loom larger and more disturbing.

I grew up in San Jose, near Campbell; I’ve been a life-

long Bay Area resident. I think it’s better if we appreciate

the uniqueness offered by each part of the San Francisco

Bay Area, rather than denigrating one region, because we

live in another. I find contentment doesn’t require much. 

I find the following quote gives me perspective that contrib-

utes to more joy in my life.

'All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot
be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads
people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining
leads people to becoming unhappy.'

I don’t ask anyone to agree with me. Take what you like and leave the rest."

by Pablo Fuentes

*********************************************

       After I submitted this response in the Press Democrat, which covers the Santa Rosa area of the the North Bay, the complaints stopped.   There were over 20 complaints before I added my two cents.

       I'm thankful for taking a stand in a world that considers it sophisticated to whine, complain, be sarcastic, or cynical. As David Foster Wallace said:

Irony and negativity can critique but it can’t nourish or redeem.

6. I'm grateful for having a different opinion and the strength to express it. I used non-violent communication (NVC, for more about this, please click here.): I expressed my observations, feelings about them, my needs and my requests regarding them without using the five forms of life-alienating communication: blame, shame, fear, guilt or judgment. 

     Please let me know what you thoughts, even if you read this months from now. Your responses add life to this place and your insights I value: I can always grow by seeing your point of view. Mine is limited.

Expressing Feelings. Life is Our Spiritual Practice 5/3/11

      Once again, welcome to my guests from Germany and Malaysia, thanks for dropping by. I love it when readers share their gratitudes. Doing so meets my need for reciprocity, mutuality and community.
Gratitudes for Today:
1. Delighting in a fantastic lunch with a friend, was one of today's pleasures. It wasn't the food, that was terrific,.it was our conversation. He's a fellow left-handed person; I like his global, non-linear thinking; it refreshes my soul; I enjoy connecting with him; his perspective enlarges my vision of life and possibilities.
2. I'm thankful for the healing I partake in as a result of bonding with dear ones. Relating with friends makes it possible for me to detach from others who aren't healthy for my emotional or mental well-being.
3. I enjoy the posts you leave behind---it helps me to know you better.
4. I got in a three mile walk today. I hiked it to where I met my friend John for lunch. I'm glad I got some additional exercise and was able to catch some rays.

There is much beauty in seemingly simple things, like this wall

5.  Today's weather was fantastic---in the mid seventies. Walking through town provides artistic sights I miss when driving my car. I can be captivated by simple things----brick walls, wild flowers, watching how another person walks. All of life has its unique beauty.
Life is Our Spiritual Practice
       I met with a client yesterday, in the evening. Seeing her progress is one of thing that makes life fulfilling. It's easy for us to slip into black and white, dogmatic thinking. How sad it is when we are trapped within rigid thinking.  We discussed ways we can prevent being that way. 

     We looked at the challenges she has with roommates as her present spiritual practice. We spent time looking at how she express herself, using nonviolent communication, how she relates with her housemates, letting them know her feelings, needs and requests. She's growing more than she was meditating in a cave, somewhere in the desert.  We discussed having serenity and thriving, even in the midst of  chaos.

Yes, it's possible. I know it in my life, even when the squalls of life slap my face with the waves of unpleasantries and intense stressful moments.  It was refreshing see her enthusiasm, after our time was up.

6. I'm thankful for the work I do and humbled that I'm able to help others in their journeys through life.

7. I'll meet with a group of friends at 7:30 p.m. I value the support I experience when we're together.  
     I'll meet a colleague there and we'll talk about prenatal depression, a subject I'm unable to discuss with most people. With two others, I'll process legal challenges I'm facing due to a former unscrupulous employer; these friends have the legal expertise, am I glad.
     I appreciate my friends availability.  It's terrific knowing I'm not dealing with a multitude of issues alone. I'm not superman, nor will I ever be, nor do I want to be. Being vulnerable and not hiding within the coffin of self-protection allows me to laugh all my laughter and cry all my tears.

******************************************

Expressing Feelings
     I made time in the mid-afternoon to study---I invested in myself.  I reviewed material that reminded me how we can express feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills is necessary if they are to be a regular part of my life. I was reminded:

      1. Often what we think is expressing our feelings is really expressing judgment.  Example: " I feel you are disrespectful." 
        That's more a statement of what we believe that person has done to us, shown us disrespect, than a statement of our feelings, sadness, anger, resentment, etc. The above statement is a judgment. Which leads to another point that's important for us to be mindful of....
      2. Judgments make people uncomfortable. They are heard as criticism. It's much better for us to express the need that is underneath our feelings. To continue with the example above:Example:  "I'm uncomfortable, because whenever I talk, I'm unable to finish my sentences. I value open communication and equality.  Would it be possible for you to hear me completely, before you replying?"                   
      3. Whenever a pronoun follows the word feel, we are expressing a thought. Same with the word "that."
 E.g.,      "I feel she is....,"  "I feel that...."
         Whatever follows will not be the expression of our feelings. Anyway, I love this sort of stuff. For more information about nonviolent communication, click here and here,
and lastly,  here too
Antidotes for Bitterness
      I met with a dear friend yesterday. We discussed how we can overcome, bitterness. Bitterness, it has been said, is a poison pill we swallow, hoping it will kill the person that we're upset with. It's good to remember that....

"We can't hold a person down without staying down with him." 

                                                                Booker T. Washington.

      The antidote is a combination of  exercising forgiveness and using boundaries. Forgiveness is the bolt cutter that frees us from the handcuffs that bitterness creates, that attach us to the source of that vexes us.

     We reduce the likelihood of bitterness, when we take care of ourselves, doing things that nurture us, when we are in difficult straits that can overwhelm us with bitterness or despair.

      There are steps which can alleviate stress and strengthen us as we go through life's crucible moments. Paradoxically, when under pressure, we often neglect the need for extra sleep, relating with friends, or eating healthy food. We don't make time to exercise regularly. It's during time like these that we it's great to halt,  pray, meditate and have Quiet Time---spending time alone with God.

               Here's to having a great and grateful Wednesday,

The Vision of This Inn ....................... 5/2/11

Welcome!

      It's Monday.  

     Can you think of a better way of starting this week than breathing in gratitudes? Neither can I.  This inn will encourage as you go through the week.  Please enjoy a seat on the couch.  

      Relax from the pressures of your world.  Here you'll find hope. You'll get the support for an optimistic, staying-in-the-solution week. 

      Dwelling on life's problems only makes them loom large and more disturbing. Where is the growth in that?  Exactly.  Progress occurs when we live in community with healthy rela-tionships and avoiding those that aren't.  We're meant for good company.  You'll find that here. You sign the registry to this inn by posting gratitudes. I ask for three.  

       This inn wants to motivate. It will help you as you journey towards your goals for this month and year.  Godspeed to you.

         Please, pause from persistent petitions for your attention.  Make time to invest in yourself. Exercise your positive attitudes.  It's an excellent habit. 

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”                                        William James   

         Would you like to join us and share three gratitudes?  You'll find many benefits in doing so.  Keep in mind:

All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining leads people to becoming unhappy.

There is much less envy of the rich by the poor than there is of the happy by the unhappy; of those who believe by those who don't believe.                                                             Dennis Praegner

              Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone   

                                   Gladys Bronwyn Stern 

Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels.  If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled wefeel, we can find something to be thankful for.                        Terry Lynn Taylor

 Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. 

                         William Arthur Ward

******************************

                     What is an Attitude? 

It is the 'advance man' of our true selves.

Its roots are inward but its fruit is outward.

It is our best friend or our worst enemy.

It is more honest and more consistent than our words.

It is an outwards look based on past experiences.

It is a thing which draws people to us or repels them.

It is a never content until it is expressed. It is the librarian of our past.

It is the speaker of our present.

It is the prophet of our future.

                   John Maxwell, The Winning Attitude

         We carry our attitudes, wherever we go.  Many learned during childhood.   False beliefs like not discussing what troubles us.  Or we're to unquestioningly yield to others, allows others to control us.  

      Not a good idea, unless we want to be depressed.  It's good remembering when we turn eighteen, we're adults.  We are an equal to anyone else.   Please don't believe anyone telling you otherwise.

     Knowing our intrinsic worth prevents us from surrendering chunks of ourselves, to "keep" a relationship.  We want to reconsider the validity of our beliefs. Paradoxically, they are not necessarily inerrant.  It's up to us what attitudes we'll allow renting in the territory of our minds. Hopefully, they'll be constructive thoughts.

     Here's wishing you a terrific week! 

A Spiritual Awakening, Part II. What It Looks Like, and Balcony People: We Need Them If We Want to Thrive ....................4/28/11

      How was your day? Today's topic, a Spiritual Awakening follows these gratitudes.
My Gratitudes for Thursday:

1. I'm thankful I was inspired to tackle unpleasant tasks Wednesday. I made twelve business-related  phone calls that were intense and emotionally draining.  I prefer tranquility and serenity. Afterwards, I was worn out. That night, I went to bed, early.  I'm glad I exercised perseverance; the actions I took yesterday met my need for support and effectiveness.

2. I'm grateful for books. I know that reading reduces the chance of getting dementia,

Emotional Safety: Using Verbal Aikido: Taking Care of Self (Not letting others trigger our vulnerabilities.) ..4/27/1

      How is everyone? I'm glad seeing visitors from Malaysia, Iran, Brazil, Russia and Singapore dropping by. Today, we have newcomers from Australia. Welcome!. I'd enjoy hearing your gratitudes. The number of visitors from Malaysia have grown over the past week. Happy to see you here; I'm glad that this inn meets your needs. Of course, I'm glad to know that my friends from Canada and the U.S. also visit this inn, too.

Taking Care of Ourselves 

       I just got in. I spoke this evening on growing in our personal power and integrity versus whining. Afterwards, I spent time with friends who showed up to hear my talk.  The time in a cafe with them reminded me of my collegiate days. I sipped on steamed milk while taking part in an animated conversation with a woman that encompassed the subject of her unfaithful boyfriends, death, sociopathy and using verbal Aikido.

Responding, Not Reacting, Part I, Calmness in the Eye of an Emotional Storm ...................3/16/11

    The picture to the right  reminds us of the value of sheltering when facing life's storms.

    Recovery allows us do that when relating with angry, abusive people or any negative behavior.  This hap-pened yesterday to me.

       A critical part of personal growth can be participating with  Al-Anon Family Groups.  This resource provides emo-tional and mental support.  For more information, see the footnotes. 

       Surrendering boundaries hap-pens if  not care-ful. 

       To be intimi-dated, a natural reaction when rela-ting to an angry or manipulative indi-vidual.  Below re-veals my response when facing an agi-tated person yesterday.  

       I no longer please unpleasant people. 

       I don't bear the burden of another's misbehavior.  Nor do I submit to overbearing conditions.  For more about tak-ing care of ourselves, read this. 

       Yesterday, a humdinger of a day.  Lots of opportun-ities to become alarmed.  Relating with a volatile person does that. 

      With recovery, we notice our needs when relating with others.  For most of us, we did not respond this way as a kid.  Recovery helps us thrive and be emotionally strong during difficult cir-cumstances.

      Instead, we were taught the needs of others were more important than ours.  Not true.  As adults, we re-cognize this is a false belief.  

     Aware of the importance of noticing our behav-ior, thoughts, and feelings improves the quality of our lives.  When aware of our needs we can nurture them.  Having a healthy condition of our spirit and soul requires concentrated attention, being present.

"When we are aware of what is hap-    pening in the moment, we are no          longer lost in it."      Tarah Brach

      Our inner self lets us know if we neglect our needs.

      Happiness emerges when in touch with our emotions and wants and we require reciprocity, fairness, and balance when relating.  Considering the needs of others is essential for harmony. But we also take care of our needs, too.

        

                  Depression is our neglected psyche issuing a silent scream.  This negative, draining emotion informs us that we are not taking care of ourselves.  We are being a bad kitty.  Emotionally, our needs are not being met.

  

    While not depressed yes-terday, I yearned for tranquility. I lacked it.   I related with an out-of-control person.  

    Applying heal-thy principles permitted me to know emotional safety and calmness, even during the intense drama.  I'm listing them in today's gratitudes. 

 1.  I'm thankful it's best staying present when in a crisis.  It's better to respond.  This is way better than reacting. 

      When I react during an emotional storm, it's my loss.  I end up giving away big chunks of my values.  Trying to soothe the situation by giving in, is a bust.  Manipulators, angry or abusive others taste our vulnerability when we do this.  Bad idea.   

          This 's not my response now.  For more about dealing with Emotional Bullies, you might want to read this.  This link provides an excellent article: Words Do Hurt--Stop Bullying From Affecting Your Health. 
       

           Bullies are more than thugs who harass kids on school playgrounds.  They are not just those who oc-cupy the seamier parts of town.  They can be our adult siblings, spouse, boss, among others.  Yikes!

2.  As I get stronger, I am not rattled when "bad" things happen.  I don't let others determine my moods. 

3.  I'm grateful that---with practice---while enduring an-other person's emotional maelstrom, I can emotionally step aside, using emotional aikido. 

     I can pause, deciding my response.  This is what police, firefighters do.  Also true for those who work in psychiatric hospitals.  
     This is the best approach when facing a crisis.  Considering our options, asking, "What can I do to take care of the situation?"

4.  I'm thrilled that moments that years ago would have dis-turbed me can now be seen with humor.  I'm thankful for a viewpoint that sees through the prism of healthy principles.  This lens allows my joy to remain, even while enduring significant pressures. 

5.  I'm thankful for skills that allow me to thrive during moments that at one time overwhelmed me. 

     Yesterday, I detached, while remaining courteous, yet firm, towards a person who yelled at three different people, including the mailman (poor guy).  She had just smashed a flower pot, dirt, flowers and all, on the floor, smashing it to pieces, in her living room.

      If only she could have been a little more emotional. (I'm kidding.)

6.  I'm happy that, when witnessing this emotional melt-down, I was calm. 
     The muscles in my face were relaxed.  I spoke in a measured manner.  My heart rate, wasn't too elevated.  
      Of course adrenaline kicked in----I'm human.  During the drama, my options, I considered.  One of them was getting out of there, away from that person.

     It is good knowing I am not a helpless victim.  I have choices.  Doing what provided serenity, during an intense, un-pleasant mo-ment, was my priority.  

     After the episode settled down, I left.  Time elsewhere, enjoying hours free from emotional drama, doing something that nurtured me, was the tonic chosen.

Freedom
Not Letting Others Affect My Serenity or Joy 

         I'm fortunate that I don't allow others to determine my moods or define who I am.  That's being codependent.  For more about that, you might want to look at this. 

         When I need the applause of others to feel good about myself, I give them power over me. Not a good idea. (Cour-age to Change, Virginia Beach,  Al-Anon Family Groups, Inc., 1992, 9, Print) 

      I'm thankful that yesterday, when I had an opportunity to do spiritual weight lifting, I did.  For several reps, I calmly lifted the weight of a dramatic situation.  To-wards the emotionally intoxicated person, I was compassionate, yet detached.

        I've learned that pigeons do what pigeons do.  I've learned not to sit under a tree that has pigeons roosting in it.  I don't take a pigeon's behavior personally.  

       Angry people are caught up in their misery.  Many do not know how to express their needs.  Anger is a tragic expression of needs.  

       It either alienates, infuriates, or freezes those encoun-tering it.

     I'm glad every time I respond to abuse or drama, using healthy, compassionate, assertive princi-ples, I get strong-er.  It also gets easier, respond-ing from strength----not fear.  Also, acting this way in the future becomes more likely.

       It feels good, not being manipulated by anger---not caving into guilt, shame, blame, or fear.  When relating with others in a non-violent way, I'm placing principles above my personality.  Please see footnote 1. 
     

    My response yesterday, while in a maelstrom of someone else's emotional re-lapse is a huge change.  Abuse I endured as a child. Please see footnote 2.  My nature, before----and now, if I don't exercise the presence of mind which recovery from codependency offers----was passivity.  I'd either become frozen with fear or withdraw and isolate. Those were two ways of protecting myself. 

The fellow writhing in pain is suffering from
road rash: bits of stone are embedded in the
 flesh of his knee after falling off his bike.

       I once per-mitted abuse to shower upon me.  I felt I deserved it.  Now, I know that thought is an outright lie.  Once, I was a doormat.  Now, and yesterday, I got up off the floor. (Courage to Change, p. 361)

     Seeing myself emotionally maturing is gladdening.  Moving from being emotionally seven-years-old to that of a mature man is heartening.  That's "Progress, not perfec-tion."  And for that, I have an Attitude of Gratitude. 

How About You? 

What helps you to stay "centered" when you are pushed by the emotional storms of others? 

Footnote

1. Al-Anon Family Groups is an international organ-ization for friends and relatives of alcoholics, whether this person is actively drinking or  not. Click here to find a meeting near you. 

     It is in no way related to Alcoholics Anonymous.  This is an entirely separate organization, helping those who have been affected by the effects of alcohol in another. 

    Members learn how to deal with emotional abusers, less than pleasant bosses, intimidators, issues of control, per-fectionism, and other problem behavior characteristics often found where others are chemically dependent or emotionally repressed. Al-Anon Family Group (AFG) mem-bers learn to clean their side of the street, how to take care of themselves. 

    Even if a per-son doesn't relate with an alcoholic, attending may help that person recover from passivity, fear, self-loathing. Members learn healthy bound-aries are key for emotional health.  There are open meetings for those who want to learn more about this organization. 

2. "Looking within is essen-tial. We see the effects of another's drinking or abuse. For although we may have experienced difficulties and trauma in our formative years, it is actually the contin-uing reaction to these things that troubles our lives today. 

      We may have left the alcoholic [or abuser]. Be we may not have escaped the turmoil, guilt,  insecurity, rage, and fear we knew in our youth.  In fact, we may be suffocating in unhappy habits (or emotions), never realizing that another way, a spiritual way, could allow us to draw life-giving breaths of hope, friendship, and love. 

    "Awareness does not settle everything, nor does change happen overnight.  Spiritual growth takes  time. Making the "new" [our recovery from less than perfect circum-stances] a familiar and comfortable part of ourselves takes personal commitment and the support of others...to help us on our way."   From Survival to Recovery, p. 268.