Happiness is a Choice, Part II .............................. 7/16/11

In all the ages there has never been and never will be a man or woman just like you. You are unique
and have no double. Every life is a fresh thought from God to the world.  (Photographer's caption)

       I know you might think it's late. But another way of looking at this post, is that it's early. My day was satisfying, even in spite of encountering someone's unkindness. I met with someone I mentor, in the afternoon. A bit of fireworks, took place during our time together, but that's fine, it didn't shake me: it was an opportunity to practice emotional Aikido.

        I asked this individual to start thinking about doing community service. (That's not what caused the fireworks.)  It's time he does. He'll think about it, he said.  What he doesn't know is
that if he doesn't find some way of giving away what he's been receiving for the past few years, we will not continue to meet. 

      An interesting experience with someone else, happened later in the day when I dropped by to see a friend. This person is challenged on many fronts. For five-plus years, I've known him as a close friend. Lately, I've differed with this person.  I'm also not as available as I once was.

      He's experiencing difficulties at work. Registered mail from his employer, he received today. It ominously lay on his kitchen table, staring at both of us. Fearful he was, to open it.  I needed to leave.  He could call me, I said, if he wanted to talk;  I was his friend.  I let him know I cared about what he's going through. The answer shot back was not surprising, but unexpected, nonetheless. He declared  I wasn't his friend. I was advised to take care of myself, not worry about him.  That was a fine how do you do.

      The best thing to do, in such moments, I've found, is doing what I did next. Gathering my things to leave, I said, "thank you for your comments. They help me to understand you better."  No trace of sarcasm or anger in my voice or expressions. I left to pick up two women friends who went with me to visit others in Hayward, 18 miles away. Another friend from Los Altos, 30 miles away, rendezvoused with us there.

     The evening was delightful. I was glad being among friends.  Getting away from work and stressed out others was refreshing. Our conversation as a group was rich and fulfilling.Connecting with others strengthens my soul, that's always good.

     I like being with others who are authentic, kind and stay in the solution, when discussing their difficulties. Last night, it was like that. One friend was a crack up; I thanked God for Bob's humor: I needed to laugh as I did.

     My reaction to the time I had with my distraught friend? I'm thrilled I no longer allow others to determine my moods or define who I am. (For more on this click here.)

"When I need the applause of others to feel good about myself, I've given them power over me."   Courage to Change, p. 9

I am not responsible for another person's happiness, nor are they responsible for mine.  I know that no one else can control my emotions. No one can make me angry, sad, happy or anything else without me giving them permission to do so.  My feelings are my own.    Paths to Recovery, p. 13

      Have a fabulous weekend, everyone. Would it be possible for you to share your gratitudes? That would be great!

To read part one of this series, click here. 
Image: "Cumbria: Heavy Weather"  by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission