Good morning everyone!
It's a lovely outside. The promise of a lovely summer is today's reality. I'm luxuriating in California weather: it'll be in the 70's today. No humidity, a cool bay breeze making the day's weather fantastic. Meeting a new client today is something I look forward to, it's like a blind date.
I oversee a business meeting today. Sometimes they are contentious, an opportunity for me to practice grace and patience. Nine years working in a psych hospital, dealing with out-of-control moments, prepared me for occasions like these. Wish me luckResponding, Not Reacting
My middle son and I stayed up last night, baking a Devil's food cake. I like 'em tall. So, it's a double layered chocolate delight with crushed almond slivers spread on the sides. It's soul-satisfying spending in-depth time with a son.
At the beginning of the evening, we hit a rough patch, before we started the evening project. Empathy goes a long way in restoring frayed relationships. Such was case last night. Everyone enjoys being heard. 1 (See footnote)
Connecting to the feelings and the needs beneath our feelings, helps. When I understand what's going on within another person, their needs are more likely to be met. Hostility or defensiveness does not help, during tense moments. When the beast of my son's anger raised its head, we addressed the it's needs. We fed it. We didn't slay the critter. The creature became happy and went to sleep, satisfied.
Responding versus reacting, I've found works best. I've learned, that for every year I spend working on my character, I get one second of response time---when crises arise. This past April 3rd made it seven years since I've been applying new ways to respond to crises. Seven seconds of response time, is my lot. That's plenty of time.
I respond, not react; click here for more about this. It's been good thing, a relationship saver, a serenity saver and a joy producer. It helped, last night. Our evening could have ended poorly, with my son and I parting ways.
Fortunately. we reasoned and loved things out. He's a terrific young man. Bonding sometimes occurs when shoulders and hands touch, working together. Last night was such an opportunity. I'm indebted that it helps when we place principles above our personality.
As we baked, decorated and ate warm, moist cake, the night was also consumed with calmly enthusiastic dialog. We bonded. Having an adult son wanting to spend time with me warms the soul. Entrusting me with his feelings and thoughts is not something I take lightly. I'm a lucky guy.
So, My Gratitudes for Today:
(Yes, this is a chocolate color)
1. The weather is fabulous, the birds are chirping and I hear the buzz of lawnmowers hard at work this Summer day.
2. My son and I made memories last night that will last a lifetime. He encountered, once again, that what he says is more important than anything else, when we are together.
3. The smile that slowly lit upon his agitated face when he saw that I was emotionally available for him, along with my ears. He realized I cared.
4. I'm grateful for the difference seven seconds provides. It allowed me to respond and not react.
5. For the gift of a fatherhood. It provides me a deeper understanding of God's unconditional love for me. It is humbling knowing He loves me more than I cherish my sons. God delights when I open myself to Him. That's called prayer.
Related Post:
1. We even like hearing ourselves, listening to our soul speak to our heart. To do so, we have to learn to relax and make ourselves still. "Be still and know I am God." Psalms 46:10
Activity, school, work, projects, obligations all helped me focus outward. That way I didn't have to rest long enough to feel how frightful my...life was.
There is nothing wrong with working hard and producing results, but I was abusing these activities. They were socially acceptable ways to deny [listening to] my feelings. Both family and society supported my hiding behind them until, [I'm] beaten down and exhausted. Courage to Change, page 198
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