Wednesday, July 3

An Unusual Week 7/6/13

The sky reflects my mood  But, it is lovely, isn't it? 
This and That

     This week has been most unusual, in an unpleasant way, sorry to say. This inn was burglarized. Someone accessed this inn, erasing
my all-time favorite posting, "My Buddy." I noticed twice this month, when entering the inn that there was a message stating I had logged out at another location. I thought it was a person who was doing administrative work for me, who had done that.

     I was mistaken. The problem is that I don't know how to change my password. I'm trying to figure that out. (Let me know, if you know.)  Update: 7/5/13  Keith, who drops by here, helped me and I changed my password. Still, what once was on my Buddy of Mine tab, above, is gone.  I'll recreate it, when I've time. 

    The week has been different in that it's been hot, an uncommon occurrence for the Bay Area. We're spoiled. Typically the weather is moderate.  Adding to the week's unusual nature is that BART, the local train service, is on strike. I use BART.

    Without it, I'm putting in more miles than usual, while seeing clients outside of Alameda.  The heat is noticeable, as I lug more than twenty pounds with me, while cycling to and from work.

    The behavior of several clients has been unexpected and disappointing. I'm leaving it up to my Higher Power, to deal with that.  I know I'm powerless over others.

    In spite of it the peculiarity of this week, I'm pushing through.  Last night, I saw friends in Piedmont. For those not in the know, it was 6.4 miles uphill from the Island City.  But it was fun, flying----on my way home. The cool breeze felt great as I sped towards Alameda.

    Tomorrow is a big day for my nation.  I'm proud to be an American, even though I have differences with several of the government's values. I appreciate those who gave their last full measure of devotion to help create this nation.

1.  This week, I visited with a guest of this inn, who lives in another country, using Skype. It was our second time. Wow. Our interactions were in real time, positive, thoughtful and honest, as well as supportive. Friday, I have a session with a client who lives in another state, I'll be Skyping again.
2.   I'm enjoying correspondence with several guests. I have the best guests an innkeeper could have.
3.   I spent time this week with a fellow who found boundaries as startling, new, overwhelming, comforting and refreshing at the same time. He is also learning that, "Forgiveness does not mean forgetting; it is letting go of the hurt." (Courage to Change, p. 168.)
4.  I was with friends this evening. I wanted to share my thoughts, but didn't have the chance, we ran out of time. Afterwards, I visited with several who were there. We talked about not letting others define us---this includes our children----nor allowing others to motivate us by using guilt or shame. This is a hard thing to do, when we are diseased with codependency.
5.  Eight-hundred and sixty people dropped by today, fifteen hundred, in the first three days of July. Thank you for resting your heels in this inn of positivity. May you find rest, serenity, understanding and joy as you peruse the different topics covered here, along with the gratitudes shared.
6.  Last night, in Piedmont, I saw an old friend.

     We chatted, being honest, in a loving way.  We concluded our time in prayer. When done, tears of joy rolled down her face.

     What a privilege, having a loving community, that assists and lift me during stressful times. We were meant to be in healthy relationship with caring, discerning others. It was healing for my soul, spending time with this friend.

Okay, It's Your Turn
What are three gratitudes you have?  Let me hear yours. I love the community we share, when you do. 


Vanessa Higgins said...

Love you Pablo! Great talk!

I am grateful for a job where I can make fun educational videos. Who else is as lucky as me?

I am grateful that I have connections to so many insightful, good listening people that help me with talk therapy.

I am grateful to be away from my ex husband and his abusive behaviour.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Pablo I am sorry to hear that your account has been compromised. Here is a link on how to change your password. I hope this helps!

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

On this "hot as a firecracker" July 4th, I am grateful for;

1. A productive and meaningful mentor-discussion last night about "making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself;" specifically exploring how to better deal with repressed and/or inappropriately expressed anger.

2. A rich and moving circle-gathering with friends in a back-yard, ceiling-fan-cooled Alameda cottage. We shared our experience, strength and hope around "Humbly asking Our Higher Power; the God of our understanding, to remove our shortcomings." I shared about being triggered by #3 son, reacting to his rage-aholism, and how I need to work on that.

3. Picking fresh apricots in the cool of the early morning.

4. My wife spotting and plucking that one, plump if slightly withering, very early purple fig we could later share (with apricots) on our cereal.

5. Having a day off from work, and time for a long, much needed back-yard, soul-mate chat about, among other things, how I can better "cherish" her in private and in public.

6. Time to catch up on some volunteer and non-profit email communications re; upcoming events.

7. Volunteering to wash an uninviting accumulation of dishes, pot's and pans, that fell on my wife's dish-day today.

8. That our currently petulant #3 son could stop by unexpectedly just now to offer an initial, feeble if at least a first-step, apology for his recent acting-out. However, "Sorry did not do it, you did..." Beyond a cheap, convenient and unacceptable apology he will need to make amends; reflect on and admit what he did wrong, and figure out what he needs to do "to make it right." I will write him an old-fashioned letter with a few hints on how he can go about this.

Pablo said...


Thank you, glad we could connect, it was a delightful time, allowing me to know you better.

I'm thrilled to see your three gratitudes. Boy, does that make me happy! Please remember to dance, that's so good for you!

Pablo said...

Keith, thank you!

I was able to change my password, because of your help.

That makes me grateful.

Pablo said...

Dear Carl,

I'm impressed. Your desire to grow is motivating. I like how your life is getting richer, I've noticed this over over the past year and a half. So, what's your perspective on anger, now? What value do you see in it, if any?

What principle(s) were you able to take away, after meeting with friends on Wednesday?

What was gratifying about picking apricots; you have my curiosity. It's encouraging, reading your description of the soul-touching conversation you had with your wife. You must have felt good, after your time with her.

How does it feel, having your --voice---letting your son know what needs of yours were NOT met by his behavior? How are recovery principles helping to strengthen your relationships with others

A curious and concerned innkeeper

Carl H said...

Dear Pablo,

Thank you for your thoughtful response to my Thursday post.

1. I've learned that Anger is the "idiot light" on my emotional dash board, and that I need not be ashamed of my anger; its OK to be angry. Anger is not the problem, but rather how I respond/react in anger; how I express it. I need to be in touch with my feelings, but be thoughtful and wise in how I channel it for the good; for positive, healthy change.

2. My take-away from the Wednesday night meeting was that I can't do it alone. That I need God's help to acquire more "reaction time." Help to remove my shortcoming of knee-jerk, angry reaction; allowing myself to be triggered by a loved one who is acting out of their disease; their addiction.

3. Picking apricots is inspiring because we have had no apricots for two years, and now we have too many! Inspiring because it is sweet, delicious fruit freely given by God for our joy and nutrition; what a gift!

4. Finding my own voice with my adult sons feel great! I've begun the process of expressing my needs by re-establishing with him the healthy boundaries we, and he needs to adhere to for our, safety, security and serenity. He will visit no more until he can admit/own his transgressions, and make genuine amends.

With others I'm learning to say my no's as gently as my yes's, and that no can be a complete sentence. I'm also learning to share my observations, feelings around that, needs and make requests in ways that are sincere and not off-putting.

Theresa Elander said...

My gratitudes for this week.

I am grateful for some simple direction from a book that I am reading. Love God, ourselves, and others. Trust God, ourselves, and the process. Clear, very clear. I like that.

Self respect is a theme for me this week. I am feeling grateful, feeling that I am gathering more inner strength, substance and depth.

Also, a quote for this week that I am appreciating. "When I face adversity and deal with my problems or express my feelings, things have a chance to improve." Courage to Change, p 139. Yahoo.

Pablo said...

Dear Carl,

Thank you, for your answers. I wish more people knew what you're learning about anger.

I'm in agreement with you: connecting with God helps us to respond and not react. I'd also add that bonding with emotionally healthy others assists us, too. We learn from their wisdom and example. When caught up---emotionally---with an issue, we need the psychological distance our friends provide.

Having our voice, not only is satisfying, but we experience dignity, too. Expressing what's important to us is standing in our power, recovery and integrity. It is self-validating, which is always a good thing.

Pablo said...


In what new ways are you loving God and respecting yourself?

And, how have your expressed your feelings, recently?

Thank you, for dropping by, reading and commenting!

A curious innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.