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| When the last drop of rain has fallen, and the final note has drifted away/When the Earth ceases to turn and the last fire is burned/When the wind stops its ceaseless blowing, and the last wave has come into shore/When the sun’s called it a day and the stars have all floated away/When time is no longer tick- ing and the hourglass runs out of sand/His love remains, like an endless flame burning, God's love remains! (Avalon song ‘Love Remains’) |
It happened at an indoor sports arena that has a bar. It's the Bladium, in Alameda. It has rinks for hockey and lacrosse.
There are courts for basketball and volley-ball. Indoor rock climbing happens there, too. I went there to exercise my eyes.
There's a large screen TV in the restaurant.
I don't miss the contraption. I haven't had a TV in eight years. But, seeing my team play football is a sacred event.
You know where I live.
You guess correctly if you think I root for the team representing the City by the Bay. You probably can hear Tony Bennett singing in the background. I settled in.
I took in the game at the table closest to the large screen TV. There were others there, enjoying the contest. My team competed against the undefeated Detroit Lions.
A thrilling game it was. Not decided until the final seven min-utes. In the last quar-ter, my team's quarter-back threw a clutch touchdown pass.
The receiver barely flopped across the goal line, adding to the lead. With a few minutes remaining, the restau-rant owner changed the channel. He put on the Oakland Raiders game.
That is his team.
Seven years ago---without recovery---I was passive. I would give in to the owner's lack of consideration. I might have given a feeble protest.
You guess correctly if you think I root for the team representing the City by the Bay. You probably can hear Tony Bennett singing in the background. I settled in.
I took in the game at the table closest to the large screen TV. There were others there, enjoying the contest. My team competed against the undefeated Detroit Lions.
The receiver barely flopped across the goal line, adding to the lead. With a few minutes remaining, the restau-rant owner changed the channel. He put on the Oakland Raiders game.
That is his team.
Seven years ago---without recovery---I was passive. I would give in to the owner's lack of consideration. I might have given a feeble protest.
I would have reasoned it was his business. He could operate the TV any way he wanted. Today, with better self-esteem and now living with healthy boundaries, I stood my ground, speaking my truth.
I had been watching the game for two-and-a-half hours. Many in the room were actively involved with the football game from San Francisco. None in the crowded room were asked if they wanted to see a different game.
The owner changed channels because he wanted to.
I went to his wife. She worked behind the bar. I inquired about the change of games. She didn't know any-thing about it. "My husband is in the back, cooking," she said when I asked where he was.
I was hot, indignant. However, I took slow, deep breaths while with her. I spoke with a measured voice to Mrs. Restaurant Owner. I placed my palms down, releasing my anger (see this to better understand) and frustration as I spoke.
I waited for the proprietor-cook to appear.
Mr. Restaurant Owner emerged from the kitchen. The wife spoke to him in Spanish. They didn't know I understood that language.
I looked around as they communicated. I did not indicate I understood them. She spoke as my advocate.
Finally, he said, looking at me, "The TV is for customers."
Only a soda had I bought. He knew that. The cook-owner added, "I don't like the Niners."
I pointed to the tabled area, where the TV sat. "Nobody is watching the Oakland game. There were many people there before," I said.
Calmly, I looked into his eyes. Clint Eastwood was my mod-el. I mustered the most even voice possible.
Abruptly, he jerkily strode across the room towards the TV. He changed the channel to the Niners game. I sat down, thankful. Recovery teaches me to say what I mean, and mean what I say, but not to say it meanly.
Within minutes, a crowd from nowhere intently and boisterously watching the game.
They cheered on the San Francisco team as it earned their win. When the channel featured the Raiders, this crowd left. Included in the returning group were young, uniformed sailors rooting for the San Francisco team.
I had been watching the game for two-and-a-half hours. Many in the room were actively involved with the football game from San Francisco. None in the crowded room were asked if they wanted to see a different game.
The owner changed channels because he wanted to.
I was hot, indignant. However, I took slow, deep breaths while with her. I spoke with a measured voice to Mrs. Restaurant Owner. I placed my palms down, releasing my anger (see this to better understand) and frustration as I spoke.
I waited for the proprietor-cook to appear.
Mr. Restaurant Owner emerged from the kitchen. The wife spoke to him in Spanish. They didn't know I understood that language.
I looked around as they communicated. I did not indicate I understood them. She spoke as my advocate.
Finally, he said, looking at me, "The TV is for customers."
Only a soda had I bought. He knew that. The cook-owner added, "I don't like the Niners."
I pointed to the tabled area, where the TV sat. "Nobody is watching the Oakland game. There were many people there before," I said.
Abruptly, he jerkily strode across the room towards the TV. He changed the channel to the Niners game. I sat down, thankful. Recovery teaches me to say what I mean, and mean what I say, but not to say it meanly.
Within minutes, a crowd from nowhere intently and boisterously watching the game.
They cheered on the San Francisco team as it earned their win. When the channel featured the Raiders, this crowd left. Included in the returning group were young, uniformed sailors rooting for the San Francisco team.
They were groomed for combat, willing to lay their lives if necessary.
But they feared confronting the owner of the bar. Not a word did these sailors say. Sheepishly, they qui-etly, with their heads down, left the restaur-ant.
They allowed one person to overrule the desires of more than forty people.
Passively, without a word, these men in the naval service surrendered to the owner's whims who ignored the opinions of many. They did not resist the owner who insensitively changed the channel. Even though Mr. Restaurant Owner did so during the crucial remaining portion of the game.
Passively, without a word, these men in the naval service surrendered to the owner's whims who ignored the opinions of many. They did not resist the owner who insensitively changed the channel. Even though Mr. Restaurant Owner did so during the crucial remaining portion of the game.
His actions did not represent democracy for which these sailors are willing to sacrifice their lives.
A guy at the table behind me, witnessed my talk with Mr. Proprietor. He returned to see the final minutes played. He called out, "See what you did? You made a lot of people happy by talking with that guy."
My reflections about this day's events continues in the gratitudes:
We can kindly speak our truth.
2. We can be thankful for staying present when facing controver-sy. It is a good idea to take deep breaths, releasing our anger.
To God.
He can handle it. No, we don't get mad at God. We turn our nega-tive feelings over to Him.
We leave what troubles us into his loving care.
3. I'm glad I was considerate towards Mrs. Business Owner. Because I was, she influenced her husband. She spoke on my behalf.
4. When we make a request, like I did with the restaurant owner, we want to be careful to not needlessly offend others.
Gently, I approached Mr. Proprietor. I did this while sticking to my values. There's no need for harshness, when differing with others.
When expressing a different perspective, that can be hard for others to take. Adding discomfort, emphatically twisting the knife of our perceptions of what we think is right within the person we disagree with, is unkind and unne-cessary.
Nor is it effective.
It does not provide the emotional safety, courtesy, and harmony required for healthy relationships. I value St. Augustine's perspective:
5. When I watched my team play a week later, at the Bladium, I bought a com-plete meal. I gave a 35% tip. I got along superbly with Mr. and Mrs. Business Owner.
And my team won its sixth game in a row.
Oh yeah---the TV was turned on to the San Francisco Forty Niner football game, when I walked in.
A guy at the table behind me, witnessed my talk with Mr. Proprietor. He returned to see the final minutes played. He called out, "See what you did? You made a lot of people happy by talking with that guy."
My reflections about this day's events continues in the gratitudes:
Gratitudes for Today:
1. I'm thankful my character is still growing. Petulance is not necessary when circumstances aren't as we'd like. As adults, we can disagree, agreeably. We can kindly speak our truth.
To God.
He can handle it. No, we don't get mad at God. We turn our nega-tive feelings over to Him.
We leave what troubles us into his loving care.
3. I'm glad I was considerate towards Mrs. Business Owner. Because I was, she influenced her husband. She spoke on my behalf.
4. When we make a request, like I did with the restaurant owner, we want to be careful to not needlessly offend others.
Gently, I approached Mr. Proprietor. I did this while sticking to my values. There's no need for harshness, when differing with others.
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmud
Nor is it effective.
It does not provide the emotional safety, courtesy, and harmony required for healthy relationships. I value St. Augustine's perspective:
The truth has its own teeth. It is often uncomfortable, as it is. I honor another's dignity when I'm courteous while stating my case."The truth is like a lion. You do not have to defend it. Let it lose. it will defend itself."
5. When I watched my team play a week later, at the Bladium, I bought a com-plete meal. I gave a 35% tip. I got along superbly with Mr. and Mrs. Business Owner.
And my team won its sixth game in a row.
Oh yeah---the TV was turned on to the San Francisco Forty Niner football game, when I walked in.
Image: "Cumbria: Across Windmere" by Tim Blessed. all rights reserved, used by permission.
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