Emotional and Verbal Aikido 8/3/13

       How is everyone?  I'm happy you dropped by.  I wrote what follows April 27th, 2011.  I'm sharing it with those who not have dug around in the dusty boxes-----the archives of this inn.

      I've had a fantastic day, so far.  I delight in writing.  It's a big difference from what I do professionally: listening

Dealing With an Emotional Bully, Part V. Equanimity Through Expressing Boundaries & Accepting Characterological Warts ....................11/14/12

My Gratitudes:
1.  Today, I studied, wrote, prayed and meditated.  Ya ay!  Investing in

The Alternative to Surrendering Our Values: Emotional Aikido

    Good evening,

Did you enjoy your Sunday?  I did.  It's easy to let angry people intimidate us.

       Surrendering our values is easy to do during such moments. I appreciate having an opportunity to exercise Emotional and Verbal Aikido today. For more about that please read

One Second of Response Time for Every Year Invested in Personal Growth ..............................4/14/12

A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight
 on a closed flower. It may be the turning point for a struggling life.
Image: "Wetlands: Day Is Done" by Tim Blessed. (Caption by the photographer.)
All rights reserved, copyrighted photograph. Used by permission. 

       In Friday's post, "Emotional Aikido, A Great Way to Handle Stressful Moments With Others" Keith commented:

  "I find the concept of Verbal Aikido quite fascinating-thanks for introducing me. Also, I completely agree with the concept of detaching yourself emotionally while in adversarial scenarios-a sort of "emotional compartmentalization.: so-to-speak.”

      I'm giving this important subject---that can greatly contribute to our happiness---the attention it deserves. So,

Played an Intense Game of Verbal Tennis 1/23/12

Playing a Verbal Tennis Game 

With an Attorney

      A fascinating conversation with someone early Sunday was had by yours truly.  His face reddened and he raised his voice when I questioned him.  I tried mentioning something that made me uncomfortable on Friday night. He was there.

      His first volley in our dialog was intimidating.  Sarcasm, and vehement arguing was his next ploy.  But, I held my ground on the tennis court of our conversation.  Healthy principles and boundaries prevented me from slipping on the verbal playing court.  I made sure we stayed on topic, not swayed by the intensity of his response.

      When this fellow leaned into my space and raised his voice, I asked, "Are you getting agitated?  If so, we can talk another time."  I've learned it doesn't make sense to talk with someone when they're drunk.  I would be as foolish as them. Waiting for when we can talk coherently is preferred.  The same is true when confronted by a person who is emotionally intoxicated. 

      The question calmed him down.  His next move was recruiting someone else to join the fray.  That was fine.  It was fun; exercising adherence to my values and exercising my right as an adult to disagree. We also made progress.

       With the other person joining the fray, our conversation had me returning rallying shots from one player who was defensive and the intense questioning of the other, who was not, a doubles game with me not having a partner.  I had presence of mind, not reacting, but responding.  Being mindful during the verbal contest allowed me to be courteous while maintaining my integrity. 

      When he stated I was trying to make him do something, which was not my intention, I asked, "Can you tell me what I said that made you conclude that?" 

      He couldn't answer.  Exactly my point.  I never asked him to do anything. That was his assumption. 

      I told him, "I've learned to express my concerns and leave it at that. What a person chooses to do afterwards is their option." I'm not invested in how others respond.  (Courage to Change, p. 310)

     There is only one God and I am not Him.  I kept the focus on me, expressing my needs, trusting God for the results. 

How About You?
What are strategies do you use, when someone tries engaging you in an argument?

Emotional Safety: Using Verbal Aikido: Taking Care of Self (Not letting others trigger our vulnerabilities.) ..4/27/1

      How is everyone? I'm glad seeing visitors from Malaysia, Iran, Brazil, Russia and Singapore dropping by. Today, we have newcomers from Australia. Welcome!. I'd enjoy hearing your gratitudes. The number of visitors from Malaysia have grown over the past week. Happy to see you here; I'm glad that this inn meets your needs. Of course, I'm glad to know that my friends from Canada and the U.S. also visit this inn, too.

Taking Care of Ourselves 

       I just got in. I spoke this evening on growing in our personal power and integrity versus whining. Afterwards, I spent time with friends who showed up to hear my talk.  The time in a cafe with them reminded me of my collegiate days. I sipped on steamed milk while taking part in an animated conversation with a woman that encompassed the subject of her unfaithful boyfriends, death, sociopathy and using verbal Aikido.